I May Be The Only Person You Will Ever Meet That...

spent their Fantasy Football winnings on a maid of honor dress.

The Best

This past Christmas was hands down the best Christmas I have ever had. Christmas morning was so much fun with my family and my gifts were more than I could have ever imagined. I can’t thank my parents enough for the time and effort they put into making it such an incredible day. Thanks!

Not only did I get more than I expected on Christmas morning, somehow my dad and I pulled out the Fantasy Football Championship on Christmas Night. In a game we didn’t think we had a shot at going into this weekend, we won by eight points thanks to Thomas Jones who will now always be my favorite football player. Down by 13 points with one player left, Jones had to run for 100 yards and score a touchdown for us. He finished the game with 105 yards and a touchdown. Jubilation ensued throughout the house as my father and I popped the bubbly to celebrate.

I must admit this hasn’t been my luckiest year personally, but when it comes to sports I am on a roll. I won both my NCAA bracket and my fantasy football league. How many 30-year-old women can boast of that achievement?

Happy Holidays

To everyone who reads my blog, Happy Holidays! Remember the Holidays should not be a time for stress. Look at me, I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping yet and I have less than 48 hours. The vicodin I got for my foot last week has really been a nice help both with the pain and with the stress.

The Big Ticket

As many of you know, my fantasy football team is in the playoffs. This makes for a very exciting weekend of action especially with so many great games on this past weekend. My father, brother and I were all excited to see what game CBS would be airing on Sunday, knowing there were some good options and we would have our 1 pm slot open for once because the Browns weren’t on until 4 pm. Upon waking on Sunday my father informed me as I informed my brother when he woke that CBS would be showing the San Francisco/Jacksonville game. The look of devastation appeared on all of our faces. For those of you not familiar with football, watching this game compared to our other options would be like ordering a burger when you can get a steak for the same price.

So we searched high and low for whatever bar or restaurant in the area might have the Sunday NFL ticket because for whatever reason Adelphia doesn’t offer it at my parent’s house. (Yet you can get the hockey package which makes absolutely no sense!) After calling around and then driving around, we ended up at the Winking Lizard on Miles Road along with 100 other people who seemed distraught by CBS’s selection. Wow!

There we were watching all the games, on 10 televisions right in front of us, right at the same time. What could be better? I will never be able to watch a regular game again. I am that spoiled.

Have A Righteous Christmas

Why do all the cool catalogs arrive at my door on December 20, just five days before Christmas? This just doesn’t seem fair. Last night I got my Righteous Babe Records catalog and there are so many cool things I want for Christmas. I understand I do not need these things, but I certainly do want them. It is ironic because I have had Ani lyrics running through my head the past couple days from Dilate:

So I’ll walk the plank
And I’ll jump with a smile
If I’m gonna go down
I’m gonna to do it in style
And you won’t see me surrender
You won’t hear me confess
Because you’ve left me with nothing
But I’ve worked with less

Such a fine holiday jingle for this time of year.

Is There A Podiatrist In The House?

Remember that fall I took three weeks ago to celebrate Thanksgiving weekend?Apparently some injuries decided to wait before materializing. Last week my right foot began to swell up and throb with pain. I had no idea what was happening. I made an appointment with a podiatrist and found out today the ramifications from that fall were a lot worse then originally suspected.

Before I let you know what happened, I have to share the irony of the doctor I chose. When I made my appointment through my insurance company earlier this week they told me the name of the doctor. She just happened to be the one who threw that crazy party two weeks ago. However because she was already passed out when I got there, she never saw me and didn’t recognize me this morning. When she was telling me about her house today, I so wanted to say: “Yeah I know I was there dancing with some crazy black men two weeks ago smoking in your kitchen and drinking your top shelf liquor.” Instead, I just sat there without saying anything.

As for my foot, I have Plantar Fascitis, Peroneal Tendonitis and Capsulitis. In essence my ligaments and tendons are all messed up. I now have to spend the next six weeks wearing a brace and going to physical therapy. I should sue the owners of that house where I fell. On second thought, Christmas is coming up and I should probably not bring any lawsuits against my parents.

Hope You Were Hungry Enough To Eat Those Words

Last week my father received an e-mail from our closest competition in our fantasy football league. The e-mail congratulated my father on a great season and went on to say how the two oldest guys in the league were beating all the younger guys. My dad thanked him for the e-mail and told him the following: My daughter is the brains of our team. He replied back with the following: Tell your daughter to stay in the kitchen where she belongs next week.

Next week has come and gone and we defeated this gentleman handedly this past weekend to take the overall points lead into the playoffs next week. So now I must ask him: Who belongs in the kitchen now?

All The Sudden, I Love Commercials

On Sunday, I stopped in my tracks and couldn't stop staring at my television screen. Could it really be possible? Four different versions of LeBron? Check it out for yourself if you haven't seen it by clicking on the above link.

Operation Bridesmaid Dress

When I send Mindy a text message saying: "All shaved up and ready to go!" it can only mean one thing: we are about to go dress shopping. While no dress was purchased on Saturday, there was a lot of progress made with styles and colors. Hopefully the next time out will not be quite as painful. Perhaps painful is too harsh a word. Awkward would best describe my shopping experience on Saturday. It was like whole a new world out there in the dress department.

Some quick notes from the experience:
When asked for your dress size, 36/30 is not the correct response.

The holiday help working for a very small commission is crazy. Apparently she didn’t realize it took twenty minutes for me to get in and out of these things and she kept coming back to see how things were going.

The husbands felt for me. As Mindy came back to see how things were going, I jokingly said: “I hope you realize I am missing the Texas/Duke game for this.” When they heard this, they also seemed to realize they were missing the same game. However when they looked up at me and saw me in whatever dress I was in, they seemed to be saying to themselves: We may be missing the game as well but at least we aren’t in there trying on dresses.

Another interesting note is that a 14W is going to fit you the same as a 22P. This confused me even more.

After an hour, we were ready for a drink.

I also found out, you are not only shopping for a dress because in order to complete the ensemble, you must also have new shoes and perhaps even some jewelry.

This is going to be a long five weeks.

Good Show, Great Bathroom

The Gwen Stefani concert last night was a lot of fun and even better than I thought it would be. She played all her hits and probably had ten different costume changes with a great light show and a fun dancing troupe following her around the stage. The crowd had a lot of teenagers but thankfully I didn’t have to interact with any of them as the loge I was sitting in was adult only. While I enjoyed the show immensely, the best part had to be the bathroom.

If you have spent a night drinking with me, you know I tend to go to the bathroom a lot. Some of my friends even call me “TB” short for Tiny Bladder. Because of this issue, sometimes it is a pain to go to large events and venues if I am drinking beer because of the lines. This was not the case last night. Our tickets were loge tickets so we shared a clean bathroom located right by the bar which was conveniently located right behind our seats. No lines and the bathrooms were clean. I was in and out of there in no time and I actually got to enjoy the show. This was probably the most time I have actually spent in my seat at a concert or sporting event in years because I didn’t have to wait in line.

I think my opinion of the show is a little biased because I had such a great experience in the loge. When people ask me about the performance, they look at me weird when I first talk about the bathrooms instead of the costume changes and set list.

First Time

We all remember our first time for those monumental events in our life. Our first day of school, first kiss, first job and so on. One of those monumental events in my life was the first time I heard Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani.

I will never forget that night back in March when a Drag Queen at Bounce ran onto the stage in a cheerleading outfit to the craziest song I had ever heard. Everybody went crazy and I had no choice but to start singing along myself. Before I knew it, I was sitting in my car at numerous stoplights spelling out the word bananas.

Tonight I will get to see that song performed live and I couldn’t be more excited. Two months ago I read a review of one of her shows by Dooce, my favorite blogger. The description alone has enticed me enough to want to see this for my own eyes:
“Her set was nothing short of brilliant, full of lights and costume changes and displays of superhuman energy. She had a few shaky vocal moments, but she was singing and running at the same time.”

The past two months I have been begging people at radio stations for tickets and telling my friends if they get tickets, that I would love to go. Yesterday my boss walks in and hands me free tickets in a loge. I can't wait! Look for my own review in tomorrow's blog.

They Don’t Call It Maid Of Honor For Nothing

Many of you know my best friend is getting married next month. What you may not know is that I am the maid of honor and all the bridesmaids rolled into one as both my friends will only have one attendant. I can pretty much guarantee this will probably be my first and only time as a maid of honor and I am both honored and a little scared.

The honor part is obvious. Mindy is my best friend and we have been through everything together over the past ten years. When she asked me to do this (actually I think she told me I was doing it but that is neither here nor there), I looked at her like a deer in headlights. Maid of honor is definitely not one of those roles I ever imagined myself in one day. I have now realized what an incredible experience this will be. It is one of those things I would like to someday put on my resume. I imagine future conversations would go something like this: “I look familiar? Perhaps you have seen some of my work as Mindy’s Maid of Honor back in ’06?”

The maid part has also become obvious. The engagement party is the least of my worries as there are apparently many duties the day of the event. I have been informed I will be holding flowers, both mine and hers and I will also be pulling up a bustle to the train of a dress. Before last night I didn’t even know what a bustle was and now I will be attaching one. This position has become very educational for me as you can see. I will also be wearing a dress of my own for the event. For those of you who don’t know me very well, I haven’t worn a dress since my high school prom so this should be quite a sight. She did promise me I wouldn’t look like a complete moron. However, I think I should break the news to her that I will look like a moron in any dress she chooses.

Mindy thanks for choosing me to be your maid of honor. I know in some cultures (like Cleveland’s east suburbs) women fight to their death for this position. I also want you to know I would not put a dress on for just anyone.

Say It Aint So

Just wanted to share my thoughts on the season the Indianapolis Colts are having. I have real issues with the fact Tony Dungy is willing to sit his star players and save them for the playoffs instead of letting the team go 16-0. He believes the Super Bowl is more important than an undefeated season. I beg to differ with him.

I was born in 1975 but you better believe the ’72 Dolphins is part of my vernacular. Everybody remembers the teams that go undefeated. However I would have to think for a moment about who won the Super Bowl ten years ago, or even five years ago for that matter. On the other hand, I can name all the star players and the coach from the ’72 Dolphins team. Dungy needs to realize if he wants to go down in history, he needs to win out in the regular season. The ’85 Bears are remembered not for winning the Super Bowl but for the one loss they suffered during their season. I don’t want this to be the fate of the Colts as well.

I will admit this is a little self-serving. My team has a solid shot at winning my fantasy football league this year. However, without the top players from the Colts defense and Edgerrin James, I don’t have a chance in hell. Please consider the little people out there when make your decision Coach Dungy.

Tis The Season

What an interesting weekend of holiday parties in the greater Lakewood area. Saturday night I set out with three other friends to toast the season with many other friends and some interesting new people we encountered.

The two parties we went to could not have been more different which is what I think made the evening so intriguing. As a short synopsis here is the difference between the two parties. At the first party, there was college football on, I learned some new anatomical words such as perineum (which I later referred to as Pangea) and watched a fish eat a live mouse and then spit it back out two hours later.

The second party was unlike anything I have ever seen before. I told my friends this party was going to be spectacular, but I think they still were hesitant until we entered. As you entered the house you could look in three directions. If you looked left, you saw a professional DJ choreographing a dance floor, which even Karen was initially a little intimidated by at first glance. To the right was a card room with professional dealers and poker and black jack tables set up. This party was a hilarious combination of MODA and the Nickel. If you looked straight ahead there was a bar set up with forty bottles of top shelf liquor. We arrived at 1 am and the party was still going quite strong for a couple hours. The best part though is that the host had passed out long before we got there. This always cracks me up.

So between the mouse-eating fish, the continent of Pangea and a hip hop dance party with some crazy queer people thrown in for kicks, the evening was quite adventurous.

Always The Bridesmaid, Never The Bride

Congratulations to my best friend in the world for her engagement earlier this week. I have never been happier for anyone. As a matter of fact, I screamed like a girl when she told me. I never really understood the concept of marriage before this week. I know that sounds crazy but marriage is just an institution that I thought would have been phased out at the turn of the century…last century that is. However this whole incident has got me thinking a lot more about it.

Why would people want to go through all that just to show their love to each other? It isn’t like somebody loves you more once you are married, compared to the day before you were married so what is the big deal? I think I have been hanging around the wrong people and watching the wrong television shows. It always seemed to me people put so much emphasis on getting married and living the perfect life that they never stopped to think about what it should really mean. Marriage isn’t about the wedding and all the flashiness that goes with planning the big day. I personally find all of that to be rather shallow. After watching my two friends the past two years, I know what the big deal is. It is the commitment. It is the idea that the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, wants to spend the rest of their life with you and they want to start right now.

All the sudden, it seems funny to me the government doesn’t allow this right to a certain segment of the population. I mean really, what does the government know about love, honor and respect anyway? I am not saying I am going to go lobby congress on gay marriage or anything, but I do want to say in the relationships I have been involved in, the idea of commitment has a whole lot more to do with love and respect than whether or not one should choose chicken or beef as an entrée during the reception.

I have digressed. This post is to congratulate my best friend. I have known you for so long and I have never seen you as happy and in love. It is great to see two people who truly love each other commit to one another like the two of you have. HOWEVER, if I lose my Ohio City drinking buddy over this union, I am going to be a little upset.

All-Inclusive

I had only planned on spending one maybe two nights at my parents’ house this Thanksgiving Weekend. However after my fall, I ended up staying four days and four nights. That’s right, it was like I won a vacation: All inclusive four day-four night stay at Camp Lieberth including the following amenities:

All you can eat Thanksgiving leftovers; any DVD you can possibly imagine; all sports, all the time on your choice of four different televisions; unlimited internet access, hot tub usage and pain killers; euchre tournament on Saturday and filet mignon served on Sunday during NFL Primetime. Sorry lake will be closed for the winter.

Even though I felt like crap all weekend, it obviously could have been under worse conditions.

Strange but true fact of the day: Four different people I have lived with and would consider some of my best friends over the past ten years, turn 30 this week.

How Sick Am I?

I will be missing my third party of the weekend tonight. I still haven’t left my parents house and I haven’t changed my clothes in three days. (If you are yet to read my last entry you may want to go back because it will give you a little insight into the following information.)

On Wednesday I was told I had a sinus infection. No biggie. I get them all the time. What I don’t do all the time is fall down a flight of stairs and crush my nose where my sinuses happen to be housed. With the swelling, I have been unable to blow my nose or cough up anything in my body. Good times. Things are looking better though, today I was able to raise my arm above my head for the first time in three days. That was very exciting. Nonetheless it has been very hard to fight this sinus infection and I feel so gross. I haven’t been able to sleep in three nights, even with the muscle relaxers my mother has given me.

Yes my mother has proven to be a regular nurse-in-training through this whole ordeal. When I woke her up to help with the blood, she immediately handed me a box of frozen pizza rolls for my face, frozen broccoli for my knee and some darvocet for the pain. Who needs the Cleveland Clinic when you have Camp Lieberth?

Thanksgiving Eve

With visions of turkey dancing in her head, I woke my mom up at 3:30 am on Thanksgiving with the following question: “Mom, what do you use to get blood out of your carpet?” Her response, as you can imagine, went something like this: “Huh? Blood? Huh?”

Apparently I woke up in the middle of the night to turn the heat down, or at least I think that is why I woke up, and ended up taking a nosedive down their stairs right into the dining room. I cut my lip and nose on the banister as I fell to the bottom and there was blood everywhere. How nobody woke up is beyond me. I remember laying there at the bottom thinking: “Wow, give these people a couple drinks and some Chinese food and they can sleep through anything.”

The whole right side of my body is hurting today as I hit my knee and elbow against the wall so hard my pajamas ripped. My parents and I laughed reliving the story this morning when my mom told us to quiet down so we wouldn’t wake my brother up. However, I believe if he slept through that dainty fall of mine, he could probably sleep through anything.

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

What a great weekend! I shared some great moments with some great people and most importantly, my theatrical debut was a success. Wild Plum put on an incredible show this weekend at Asterisk Gallery and I have to believe my own personal success was inspired by the movie Dirty Dancing.

On Friday Mindy sent me some lines from Dirty Dancing and then on Saturday before my second show, Dirty Dancing was on television so I watched it for inspiration. Watching Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze helped motivate me to perform at my best and reminded me of the roles Maria and I would be playing later in the evening (ahem). (Yes, it’s true-this is one of my favorite movies. I even went to the concert involving all the soundtrack artists back in 1990. Anybody really scared by this revelation?)

Best line from the weekend was provided by Alison when I asked her what hat I should wear to a party. (I needed to wear a hat because my hair was all slicked down and I didn’t have time to change from my greasy salesman persona hair to my regular hair after my show.) I don’t own many hats so from the two choices I showed her, she said:
“Well that all depends, do you want to look like you are about to build a snowman or do you want to look like you are driving a train?”

Runner-up line: “Oh, you were right! He does look like a lesbian.”

I also realized how incredibly lucky I am this weekend. For the past two months, my friends and I have found a way to get together every weekend for some sort of celebration whether it was a birthday party, Halloween party, art opening or holiday party. I can’t think of any other time in my life when I had so many great people surrounding me. Next weekend one of my best friends will turn thirty. Guess we will probably have to celebrate that as well.

Honk, Honk

Today I had to go to van training at work. Today’s session entailed us sitting in a classroom for two hours getting lectured by a retired driver’s education teacher. We all remember what our driver’s education teacher was like, now imagine that person twenty years older as they say this to you:

“Safety precautions include using your horn. I am the kind of driver that likes to use my horn when needed. I guess you could call me a horny driver.”

True story.

There Are Some Things Money Can't Buy

Cigarettes: $4.00

Our original bill at the Fulton: $38.00

Our bill after I told Mindy to let the bartender know Happy Hour was still in effect: $17.00

My new blazer from Unique Thrift: $6.00

Having to buy a pair of jeans so I could go over the $12.00 limit to use my card at the thrift store: $6.00

Finding the perfect blazer for my role as Chip in tonight’s skit: Priceless

Laughing for ninety minutes straight about anything and everything with Mindy, who I haven’t hung out with in weeks: Priceless

Sharing a Middle Eastern beef dish with Mohammed and Jimmy at the little store where I buy my cigarettes when I asked what smelled so good behind the counter: Priceless

Making a friend forget about her troubles, even for just a moment, with an incredible joke that only works when I have been drinking so I can talk really loud with an Asian accent: Priceless

Hearing a middle-aged guy in Ohio City say his mom just took him out for the best birthday steak dinner in the area and then when the bartender asks where at, he replies “The Longhorn at Ridge Park in Parma, ever heard of it?”: Priceless (This guy was creepy because he kept reading the birthday card his mother had given him over and over again.)

Just your run-of-the-mill typical Thursday night in Ohio City.

Maybe I Am Not So Crazy

Earlier this month, I had an entry which described my refusal to turn on the heat. I thought I was being so vigialant. I was so proud of myself, but I also wrote the article when it was still 55 degrees outside. Last night I broke down. As my apartment went below 50 degrees, I had to turn on my heat. I couldn't take it anymore. I could no longer move in my bed because I was wearing so many layers of clothes. I got up out of bed, set my heat to 60 degrees and fell asleep with dollar signs running through my head. However it was nice to feel my feet when I got out of bed this morning.

Short-Lived Love Affair

This won't last very long, but I love that today is the first snowfall of the year. There has always been something so romantic about seeing the flakes again after almost seven months. Makes me want to cuddle up in front of my gaudy seventies fireplace (even though it doesn't work) with a glass of brandy (even though I don't drink brandy). Hard to believe it has been seven months since it has snowed considering the winter always seems like it lasts year-round here in Cleveland. However, for the moment I am glad to see it. The wind conditions I could do without though.

Who Knew?

I learned so much the past couple days!

Who knew the Tremont Art Walk doesn’t have to include walking at all and that it should really be renamed the Tremont Art Drink?

Who knew if someone is cheap enough to flash someone for money, they are cheap enough to take a check instead of cash?

Who knew Macaroni and Cheese is best served after midnight?

Who knew the Rocky River Kiwanis pancake breakfast would include a piano solo?

Who knew watching sports without knowing the score could be so damn frustrating?

Who knew Lebron James would become the youngest player to score 4,000 points in an NBA career? (Ok, ok I actually knew that one would happen.)

Who knew staying in on Saturday and being in bed by 10 pm could be just as enjoyable as being with your friends on Friday night?

Who knew the CAVS could actually play defense?

Who knew Mindy would make my life a living hell this week and laugh uncontrollably when I tell her what she is doing to me?

Who knew our fantasy football team would blow everyone away with the following receiving corps: Roy Williams, Dennis Northcutt and Antwaan Randle El?

Who knew if you asked for a case of wine: half red, half white, the Market on Professor would give you all pink (rose) wine?

What an enlightening weekend!

On The Run

If you need to find me this weekend or next weekend, I will be on the run in Tremont. Wild Plum is presenting Exile on Professor Avenue with a celebration of visual and performing arts. The visual pieces will be displayed starting November 11 for the Tremont Art Walk and the performance pieces will be running November 18-19 at Asterisk Gallery. This entry includes a shameless plug as I will actually be acting in one of the performance pieces. If you get a chance, check out the free (donations always accepted) and incredibly entertaining artistic endeavors put on by the fabulous people at Wild Plum.

A New Product On The Market

As I was watching television last night, I saw that Downey fabric softener has come out with a new line that smells like Fabreeze. I laughed out loud. If you know me at all, you know why I laughed out loud. If you don’t know how dumb I can be, let me tell you a little story.

Last year I was washing my clothes when my brother came running down the stairs and looked at my bottle of fabric softener and started laughing. I asked him what was so funny and he proceeded to tell me how one of his fraternity brothers used Downey to wash his clothes when they were in college. I didn’t get the joke. I said: I don’t get it, that is all I use on my clothes. He lost it and ran upstairs to tell my parents I only use fabric softener to wash my clothes. I told them I have been using it for the past six months because it is cheaper than the other brands. Nobody knew what to say, so they all just laughed. Apparently fabric softener is a supplement to laundry detergent and should never ever be used as laundry detergent. Mindy put it best when she said, “In essence you have been fabreezing your clothes for the last six months.”

I guess I should have realized why my clothes had those weird blue marks on them, yet no stains ever really came out. The one good thing was that my clothes had never been softer or smelled better than they did for those six months. I can only imagine how good they would have smelled if I would have used the new Downey Fabreeze.

Addendum

Last week I wrote about my blog being a litmus test for funny as in people saying, “You have to write about this in your blog.” However, I forgot to mention it also measures how many reputations could be ruined with one simple entry. This can be illustrated by the fact that when my brother tells me a story, he usually prefaces it with, “Please don’t ever write about this in your blog.”

More TV Troubles

The craziest thing happened yesterday. Without warning the picture on my television screen was magnified so I can no longer see the top and bottom of my screen. Does anyone know what would make a television do this? Let me just explain why this is so important to me. Last night as I tried to watch the Marshall/Southern Miss game on ESPN the commentators were talking about how close the game was. I no longer can see the score in the top of the screen, so I had no idea exactly how close the game was. ALSO, I can no longer see the scoring updates at the bottom of my screen. Not to my mention when I try to watch regular television (because I don’t really count sports as regular television) all the heads are stretched out and look deformed. Please send help ASAP because the CAVS game starts at 7:00 tonight.

Opening Night

I woke up this morning and I had that “Christmas Morning” feeling in my stomach. It’s opening night for the new-look Cavaliers and I am so excited. If only my new LeBron jersey was considered business casual, I could have worn it to work today to commemorate the opening of the season.

A Halloween Memory

I got a funny phone message from my dad earlier this week. It went something like this:
“Hey did you see only 40 people got arrested at Ohio University last weekend compared to 445 at the University of Wisconsin? What is going on there? Ohio University must not be such a big party school anymore.” There are several reasons why this statistic intrigues my father.

First, my dad, like myself is an alum of Ohio University. He seems to hold as much pride in the party school image as all of his children who went after him. Second, in some publication at some point this year Ohio University was named the second biggest party school in the country behind Wisconsin. My dad also left me a message regarding this ranking when it occurred. Third, during my first Halloween at Ohio University, I was arrested. For some reason, I think my dad (and maybe even my mom) were actually proud of me when this happened.

It’s true I was arrested at my first Halloween in college. The first time (ahem) I was arrested was Halloween 1994 in Athens, Ohio. I was walking down the street as a clown minding my own business when a volunteer cop swooped out of nowhere and threw handcuffs on me. Apparently the open container, which I forgot was in my hand, was against the law. I tried to explain it was part of my costume, but it didn’t work. I was number 14 that night out of 437 people who got arrested. Apparently I couldn’t wait until after I had a good time to get arrested that evening. No…I need to get arrested right away at 7 pm when most people haven’t even left their house yet.

There I was in my blown-out clown costume: the big rainbow hair my mom bought me to wear for this very occasion, clown nose and clown clothes being led away to the local jail. The arrest itself was a joke. I had to walk around with the number 14 around my neck and the lackey who arrested me got to have his picture taken with me. They also tried to fit as many people into these tiny cells as possible.

I was the first of eight girls thrown into my cell that night. One by one they were all led in for various alcohol-related reasons. And one by one they all said the same thing: “My dad is going to kill me!” When I was finally released on bail five hours later and headed back to the party with my friends (what do you expect, it was still early?), I turned to my friends and said: “My parents are going to laugh so hard!” As a matter of fact, my parents were actually upset I didn’t tell them earlier so they could have told all their friends.

I bet none of those girls’ dads called them this weekend with that statistic. Thanks for the information dad.

Blog Material?

One funny thing about having a blog is when people do or say stuff around me, I tend to hear the following things:
“Are you going to write about that in your blog?”
“Is that blog material?”
“You should totally write about that in your blog tomorrow.”

It makes me laugh when people say this and it also serves as my new litmus test for funny. It has gotten to the point when people don’t say that after something funny happens, I want to say: “What? You don’t think that would be funny enough to go on my blog?”

So That Is What My Doorbell Sounds Like

At about 10:30 pm I heard my doorbell for the first time ever. I sat there stunned for a second unaware of what the noise could possibly be. Then I realized it must be my doorbell for the back door. As I walked downstairs I could not imagine who would be stopping by at this time of night. (Okay, okay, that last part is a lie I have some crazy friends who stop by whenever they want to, but I thought it would add some suspense to the story.) I pulled back the curtains and began talking to a woman I had never seen before through my window as if one of us was in prison. The conversation went a little like this:

Me: Yes?
Strange woman at my door: That vacuum out in your trash…that work?
Me: Uh…vacuum in my trash? Oh, my neighbor is moving he must have thrown it away.
Strange woman at my door: Cuz uh I don’t want to be carrying no vacuum home and not have it work.
Me: I understand that would be a real hassle. Sorry I can’t help you.
Strange woman at my door: Is your neighbor home? Maybe I can talk to him.
Me: Sorry he isn’t around.
Strange woman at my door: Shit. Well, thanks anyway.
Me: Okay, have a good night.

She didn’t end up taking the vacuum. I guess the chance of it actually working wasn’t enough to overtake the struggle to haul it down the street.

Just In Case You Weren’t Sure I Was Crazy

I am so against paying the high heating costs this winter that I am going to refuse to turn my heat on until the last possible second. My gas company has already tried to put me on the budget payment plan, but I won't do it. I refuse to think I am going to spend more than $50 on heat per month. As a matter of fact, just to show them (because I think they might be watching me) how far I am from turning on my heat, I still have my windows open. As if I am saying, “See? Look at how warm I am in my apartment. I will never need your stinking heat! Never!”

I must admit it is starting to get really cold in my apartment. Last night I had to wear a ski cap in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner, but I will remain vigilant.

I Got Me A Library Card

Tuesday I walked into my neighborhood library and got a library card. I haven’t had a library card in 15 years and I forgot the magic and power of owning one. When she handed me the card I said, “So I can just borrow whatever I want and return it in three weeks?” She looked at me like I was from a different planet.

Because my library is located in an urban setting there are just as my cds as there are books which I found to be funny. Not quite as funny as the woman in front of me in line who was taking out twenty cds at a time. She practically cleaned out the hip hop section. I also grabbed a couple cds on my way out. It appears I was the first borrower of the Melissa Etheridge cd, Lucky. Go Figure.

Speaking of Melissa Etheridge…It appears there is a new spokeswoman for Olivia Cruise Lines. Yes, Sheryl Swoopes, the most dominant women’s basketball player of all time, has come out of the closet. I must admit I was initially shocked. Then I started thinking about the consequences behind this action and the reason for doing it. Apparently she has been with her partner for over eight years, so why do it now? I hate to say it, but my first thought was money. I started wondering if the CEO of Nike had something to do with this? Was he about to introduce the Nike Dyke Basketball Shoe? Then I found out today where the money was coming from. Olivia Cruise Lines has signed Swoopes on as a spokesperson. So here is the question I have to wonder to myself: Would she have done this without guaranteed money? Knowing she was most likely going to lose current marketing opportunities, did she wait until another opportunity came along to be honest with everyone? While, I am excited she did it, I can’t help but wonder if she did it for the right reasons.

What They Really Mean

I got sucked into the Hurricane Wilma coverage on the Weather Channel this week. There are a couple reasons this storm was of particular interest to me. First of all, I used to live in Southwest Florida and I still know people in the area, so I felt personally vested in the coverage. The second reason is because I find the weather men and women who cover the storm to be hilarious.

The people who get stuck standing out in this weather create some great comedy for me. One of my personal favorites is the guy they keep going back to every 15 minutes for eight hours. In this particular case, the gentleman was in Fort Myers and he started out by saying, “As you can see no rain here, this area might get bypassed by the storm.” What he was really saying was, “This is the most boring gig I have ever had.” Cut to an hour later with him saying, “As you can see just a little rain here, I think the damage will be minimal.” However he really wanted to say, “How many more times can I keep saying the same thing over and over again?” Cut to three hours later with the guy hanging on to whatever he can find with his coat flapping in his face as palm trees fly by, “As you can see the wind is starting to pick up. It looks like the storm may indeed hit this area.” What he really meant by this is: “I am currently standing in the middle of a hurricane and if I remain calm I may eventually get an anchor position where I don’t have to stand out in this crappy weather anymore doing updates every 15 minutes for people who can clearly see what is going on behind me.”

I also like it when they try to create drama for us because that is just as funny. My favorite quote of the day was the weather correspondent who was clinging to a gate on a pier in the Keys during the middle of the storm when he said, “I am going to have to get off this gate because it does indeed look like it is going to blow off this pier.” Now it is easier to read into what he really meant. He was actually saying, “I am going to have to get off this gate because it does indeed look like it is going to blow off this pier.”

Dionysus Would Have Been Proud

Had a great birthday party Friday night and was able to stop stressing when the guests started to arrive. I must admit people were taking bets early on as to when my head would implode. Alas, I am unscathed as the party was a success. Perhaps the best part of the party was the recap the next day as everyone lay around a little hungover with their own personal stories of the night to share. I have found a good recipe for birthday party success includes sangria, a hot dog buffet, great friends, family and lots of alcohol.

As for the most important part…I made a birthday wish for the first time in my life. I mean I have faked them before, and I have also just thought of the craziest stuff because I never took them seriously. This time I decided to follow-through with the gesture and finally put some thought and feeling into the whole ordeal. Then I started thinking…What is up with the birthday wish anyway? I did a little research and found that in ancient times, people prayed over the flames of an open fire. They believed the smoke carried their thoughts up to the gods (in my case *Dionysus). Hopefully he was listening Friday night.

*Dionysus=the god of wine, represents not only the intoxicating power of wine, but also its social and beneficent influences.

Happy 30th Birthday To Me!

The day has finally arrived. I am officially thirty years old. Unlike most people, I have been looking forward to turning thirty. It makes me feel more refined. Twenty-nine always seemed like such an immature age. And if you know anything about me, you know I am nothing if not refined and mature.

I look back on my twenties and I can’t stop smiling. The past ten years have been filled with so many firsts and so many good times. Tonight many of the people who have made the past ten years so special will be joining me. We will not only be celebrating my birthday, but also enduring friendships. At this time in my life I feel so lucky. I am surrounded by some of the best people in the world. I can’t wait to see what the next ten years holds for me.

A special birthday shout-out to my parents for not only bringing me into this world thirty years ago, but for letting me celebrate my birthday in style at their house.

I Won't Lie

It was me. I was the one walking across the street this morning who tripped right in the middle of the intersection. I tried to play it off but there is no way to be cool when you land right in front of a bus stop. So if you saw me, I won’t deny it. Perhaps the best part would be the look on my face as I was going down: complete disbelief. As much as it hurt (mostly my pride), I would love to see it on film, so I might have to check with the city to see if they caught it on the crosswalk cameras.

Send More Candles

My blog is currently down as I will be at the Cleveland Clinic holding vigil for Lebron James after he spent his second night in the hospital last night due to a chest strain. Don’t worry his restraining order against me is for 100 yards so you can find me across the street at the Key Bank on Euclid Avenue.

He Does It All

Last night at my favorite ghetto gas station, the owner put up a new sign in front of the plastic shield you have to slide your money under. The sign, written in marker, said: Notary Public. This is the equivalent of someone saying, "well, Jose said it was cool, so it must be cool." Only now Jose has a stamp.

Damn Those Three-Day Weekends

I left the Browns game when the score was 10-6 on Sunday with Chicago up. Enough said.

This makes perfect sense in my life as I had a three-day weekend. Nothing ever goes right for me on three-day weekends. Memorial Day weekend, Labor Day weekend and now Columbus Day weekend have been the worst three weekends of the year for me. I don’t think I was meant to have more than two days off a week. With that much time off, things are bound to go horribly awry. My next three-day weekend? My thirtieth birthday at the end of October. Let’s hope things go a little better.

Not all was lost this weekend. I did get new furniture, the Yankees got knocked out of the playoffs and I heard the funniest story of my life thanks to my brother. A story that still makes me laugh out loud, and would make the movie the Aristocrats seem like good family fun.

One last note on the subject of disappointing…Liz Phair is performing at Boo Bash for Q104. Is this the ultimate sign of selling-out for her? When I was in college, she hardly toured and now she is going to do the main stage of the poppiest radio station in town. I thought it was bad enough when she did Lilith Fair, but Boo Bash? When her last album came out, I defended her. I don’t think I can do it anymore.

Overheard At Ladies Night

“I would really like to be naked in public by the time I am 25 because after that I am going to have to settle down.”

-Random woman at the bar

Weekend Recap

What an interesting weekend. I don’t know if a synopsis will do it justice, but I will try. Friday I laughed non-stop for five hours in front of a bonfire with people I had no idea how much I missed. Saturday I literally rolled out of bed and stumbled to the West Side Market for produce and pasta salad only to see the worst play I have ever seen later that night. (When you start cringing after the opening monologue, you know it is going to be bad.) Sunday brought a new toy from Verizon, which I played with for most of the day, then onto a friend’s birthday party at a bar I have always been afraid to go into which was followed by late-night mussels compliments of Mindy. Just your typical run-of-the-mill weekend.

A Preview Of Bills To Come

I woke up this morning to my whole apartment rattling. I knew my windows were old but I guess I had no idea just how old and worn they actually were. I should not be able to feel a breeze ten feet away when my windows are closed. It isn’t just my windows though where I can feel the breeze. The wind was actually coming through the walls and my bathroom ceiling. I am going to have to take the window plastic people use to cover their windows and cover not only my windows but the whole apartment this winter or my heating bills are going to be astronomical. That will surely add a nice modern look to my seventies apartment.

Information You Can Only Get From A Student Newspaper

I can’t help it. This made me laugh out loud.

“Proceeds from both the university Pagan change drive and the Muslim Student Association bake sale are being funneled directly to Katrina survivors.”

Race Against Time

On Sunday my television went down. I could only see a blue screen. The one thing I look forward to all weekend is watching football all day on Sunday and time was not on my side as it was already 12:30 and kickoff was in thirty minutes. I started to panic. My first instinct was to call the cable company to make sure they got my check. They did. Now I am really in trouble. The woman at the cable company tried to walk me through all the possible problems. As she started to hear the panic in my voice, she began to sound more like a 911 operator. Finally she figured out it was the television. When my electricity went out on Friday, my television reverted back to channel 2 and it has to be on channel 4. This change can only be made with a remote control, which I do not have. She told me to go to Wal-Mart but I didn’t have the time. Finally I remembered the little television I have in my back room. I ran and grabbed that television and unplugged my digital cable box and plugged in my regular cable wires. I missed the first two drives of the Browns game, but in the end, I was just fine watching football on my 13-inch monitor. TV + Football=Happy.

It's Official

It’s officially Fall and to commemorate the new season, I fell twice this week. My first trip was at Edgewater Park in front of this large family trying to pass me on the sidewalk. I went down and I went down hard. They seemed concerned but they kept moving. The person I was with tried to look concerned but she couldn’t stop laughing. Last night I went down again. Right off my barstool when my companion jokingly gave me a push. Again I went down and even harder this time. This time people actually rushed to make sure I was okay and not foaming at the mouth after hitting my head twice on the way down. I am fine, but I do have a nice knot on my head this morning. This is a rough season.

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Outfit Spotted on Abbey Avenue

You just can't beat the fashion of the Near West Side. Two days ago around lunchtime I saw what can only be described as a "smart outfit." A woman pushing her cart across the street was wearing long johns with floral boxers over them, a sweater, a sweater vest and goggles. She reminded me a little of the red baron.

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My Favorite New Toy

Is there anything more fun for a grown woman to play with than a secret decoder ring that only your best friends have access to? This thing really has me distracted. Funny thing is, my dad just called me at work to discuss business (fantasy football) and he asked if I was busy. I said, “nope, just playing with my new decoder ring.” I don’t think he knew quite how to react.

No Respect

What started out as a respectable Friday evening with a nice dinner in Tremont and an art opening somehow ended up with me crawling out of a minivan with only a mattress in the back at 4 a.m. Don’t worry the minivan belonged to a friend and the mattress, well I am still not sure what that was doing in the back. It was one of those nights when you say, “Oh okay but just one drink. I don’t want it to be a late night.” This is the curse of death. Soon all your friends are showing up at the Garage Bar as you close the place down and head to breakfast. This brings me to the point of this blog entry, though not in a very succinct manner I might add.

On Friday night at 3 a.m., I witnessed the worst job in the world. A job I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy: working the third shift at a 24-hour diner. How horrible would this be? Your work consists of waiting on drunk people after the bars close as they order the weirdest combinations of food, ordering in slurs and passing out by the time the food comes. Of course everyone at my table was sober and none of these things happened to anyone I was with (ahem), but it was quite a sight to see around the restaurant. You would have to be the biggest masochist in the world to take this job. On Saturday morning Mindy described this job as, “Hell on Earth.” I would have to agree with her.

What an interesting ten hours Friday night turned out to be. I went from ordering a respectable dinner at South Side in Tremont to ordering saurkraut balls at a 24-hour diner, only to have my friend drop us off out of the back of her minivan at the crack of dawn. Seriously, next time, just one drink.

Back On The Circuit

After taking 24 small pills in a matter of four days (they don’t call it the “power pack” for nothing), my health is almost back to normal. In return this means my life is almost back to normal. I am now back to work and, most importantly, back out on the streets of Ohio City. Minus a brief stop in the flats last night for dinner at Rock Bottom (huge mistake!), I was able to meet up with some people I haven’t seen in weeks to catch up and enjoy some much-needed laughter. Nothing like making up for lost time.

Stronger Than Anthrax

Remember the Anthrax craze four years ago when everyone was trying to get their hands on Cipro because it was the only thing that could fight Anthrax? I know where people can get some now. I was just taken off Cipro because it isn't strong enough to fight whatever is going on in my body. A drug they refer to as the "power pack" is my new drug of choice. They still aren't sure what is wrong with me yet, but whatever it is, it must be stronger than anthrax. If you get any mail from me in the next couple weeks, you may want to have it examined first.

I Love Vicodin and Other Random Sunday Morning Thoughts

Let me just start this entry out by saying, I am sick. I don’t think I have ever felt this sick for so long in my life. Yesterday I got to spend the afternoon and part of the evening in the Emergency Room. I now have prescriptions for Vicodin and Cipro, which don’t really seem to be helping me as I can no longer swallow or talk and drool has become the new problem of the day. Let me tell you, good times all around. There is nothing like grinding up vicodin with a spoon to make you feel like a total junkie first thing Sunday morning. It isn’t all bleak though, there are some good things happening:

-Football starts for real today. I am so excited as this may very well be my favorite day of the year. As soon as I hear Chris Berman and Tom Jackson’s voice on ESPN’s Sunday Morning Countdown, I know I will get goose bumps and I don’t think they will be related to my fever and the mass amount of pills I am taking. The best part is I am supposed to lie down on the couch all day and watch football. I really have no other choice. Ahem.

-Speaking of pills. I have found there is an inverse relationship between the amount of drugs you take and your accountability. It is so nice now when I put my foot in mouth to just say: “Whoops, that’s the Vicodin talking—you know I don’t really feel that way.”

-Not being able to swallow food has really been a nice and easy way to diet these past couple days.

-Trying to have a conversation with anyone is like playing a game show, so there is the built-in entertainment factor at work as well.

Feel free to call or write. I am looking for anything to cheer me up today. I do have to warn you if you call, you won’t be able to understand a thing I am saying and I will blame most things on the Vicodin.

Rx

A conversation Friday night with my friend Alison went something like this:

A: Well if you can't come out, what are you going to do?
M: Drink some whiskey
A: That can't be good for you
M: No! I heard it helps with throat and ear infections.
A: Conveniently enought that is what you have.
M: I know. Didn't that work out well for me?

I Would Hardly Call This UrgentCare

Why do they call it UrgentCare when you have to wait for over 90 minutes with only three people in the waiting room? On Tuesday I was lucky enough to get the chance to visit my local UrgentCare due to a throat and ear problem which kept me in all weekend (see previous entry). There I was sandwiched in between the 85-year old woman in town from Florida who fell at Avon Commons and the gentleman who fell down and hurt his ribs who won the award for stupidest question asked at an UrgentCare: While filling out his paperwork, he asked his wife if he had a maiden name. She was nice enough to answer him with a straight face.

For over an hour we all sat there staring at each other wondering if there were actually doctors behind those magical doors. The doors we all kept staring at, hoping somebody, anybody would walk out and call our names. It really is the most amazing feeling in the world when you finally hear your name. (I would compare it to winning the lottery but I have never won the lottery so I guess I will compare it to winning the spelling bee in third grade.) However, once you head toward the back and think you have made it to the promise land, your wait is not over. Oh they will patronize you and ask you questions and tell you the doctor will be right in, but this is never the case. Once in the back, I waited another thirty minutes to see a doctor, who spent two minutes examining me.

Initial Signs of the Apocalypse

Labor Day Weekend. I was in bed by 11 pm on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Not to mention I am wearing my "Aren't You Glad It's Friday" underwear on Monday. Get your canned goods and small children and take shelter.

Sometimes I Forget About This Blog

It's true. Sometimes I forget I have a blog and share my daily comings and goings. Then out of the blue I will be sitting at a family barbeque talking about how well I have been eating lately when my family reminds me I just had chili dogs and chili cheese fries at lunch with my co-worker last week. I look surprised until they quote my blog. Foiled again.

Happy Holidays

I am looking forward to this three day weekend. Not just because I love three day weekends, but because it is my first Labor Day where I actually deserve a Labor Day Holiday. After this past week of crazy anecdotal stories provided from my job, I am ready for a little rest, relaxation and barbeque.

Power Lunch

I just had the best work lunch ever as I introduced a co-worker to Ohio City’s finest hot dog diner. We took our four dogs with everything and chili cheese fries to Lincoln Park and had a work picnic. It is so hard to go back to work after a picnic with the weather like this, especially after two dogs with everything and chili cheese fries sitting in your stomach.

The Great Lake Provokes Intriguing Questions

As I was walking around in Edgewater Park last night after work, I was asked the following question: "What do you have that Emily Dickinson doesn't?" This may be the best question anyone has ever asked me. I still don't have an answer. I might have to do a little more research on that one, but I can think of a few key things offhand.

Weekend Recap

The weekend flew by so fast. I got to spend Friday night with some incredible people at the Old Angle. I never wanted the night to end. Fortunately it lasted into the morning hours leaving me with some incredible memories.

I had to work Saturday morning, which left me tired in combination from the night before so it was a pretty early night. A housewarming party for two of my best friends capped off an incredible day where I fell asleep on my couch listening to Alix Olson by 11:30.

Sunday I got to partake in one of my new favorite adventures: Sharing my weekend adventures with Mindy at Talkies, a cinematic coffee shop in Ohio City. I am addicted to her laptop with WiFi so we chat and get on-line and chat some more. Because I didn’t get to see her this weekend, we had some great stories to share. We add a whole new element to the term “coffee talk” and I feel bad for the people around us who have to sit through our constant laughter. The afternoon brought a trip out to Camp Lieberth where I was joined by a first-timer to the compound. You haven’t paddle-boated until you have paddle-boated with a dog at the helm.

After paddle-boating, I got down to business as my dad and I went over our fantasy football draft. I am sure thirty years ago when my dad first held his princess, he probably never envisioned us strategizing over running backs and quarterbacks, preparing for our live draft next Tuesday night. My mom is so proud. Ahem.

And She Wasn't Even Wearing All Black

I had someone walk into my office to say they needed to get a form and they went "on the line" to get get it, but they didn't have access. For those of you keeping score at home, when she said "on the line" she meant on-line. Though in my mind I made it analagous to Johnny Cash singing "Walk the Line." It was much more interesting that way.

The Apocalypse

Last night I turned off Monday Night Football and picked up a book. Okay, okay, so it is only the pre-season, but still this kind of stuff doesn't happen everyday, so mark the date. By the way, David Sedaris is a genius. I could read his stuff all night and that is exactly what I did!

Finally!

After all the money I have spent at my favorite watering hole, The Old Angle, my money will finally be going to something worthwhile there. This Wednesday The Summer Restaurant Tour will be coming to the Old Angle and forty percent of everyone's bill will be going to The Center. Please join me and my friends as we drink and eat in honor of a place that gives so much to the city of Cleveland.

I Am Alive

For those of you who have called and e-mailed, I am alive. Actually I feel more alive than I have in a long time. I turned my television off last week and haven't really turned it back on since. My life is currently better than anything I could see on the big screen. As a matter of fact my life currently feels like a movie. I am measuring time by frames per second instead hours and days.

The cast of characters in my life has supplied enough comedy (and a little bit of drama) to last a lifetime. Because of my PG-13 blog, I can not share many of those moments, but know I would love to write down everything Tim said to me the other night because he is just that funny.

The setting for this movie has had me all over Cleveland the past couple weeks. Nights spent out in Ohio City, Lakewood, Tremont, the Feast and downtown at work have made me so thankful to be back in the city after my hiatus in the suburbs.

The one thing I am enjoying the most right now is the soundtrack to my life. I have been without a true stereo for over a year, so last Sunday I broke down and got a new one. Over the last week I have listened to every cd I own. My solo dance parties have included the likes of Ani, Ember Swift, Tori Amos, Sinead, Bitch and Animal, Melissa Ferrick, G. Love, The Deftones, Missy Elliott, Alix Olson, Le Tigre, Belly and many more. I had no idea how much I missed my music.

Your heroine even loves working again. I finally have a job that keeps my attention. The people I help on a daily basis are some of the most interesting supporting characters I have ever met. It is such an amazing change compared to my last position. As you can tell from my lack of blogging, I never get a chance to get on the internet for personal reasons anymore. (Whereas I used to spend more than half my time on-line at my old position.) I thought I would miss it, but I don't.

Don’t get me wrong, I will definitely turn my tv back on tomorrow for the series finale of Six Feet Under. I feel like I am actually going to be losing a part of me as I watch the show come to an end. However, my life without television and the internet is much more exciting. I have finally tuned into myself.

Also, I learned a very important lesson last week. Don't ever play softball without a mitt!

Weekend Recap

Baby Showers: Not my forte. Three hours of baby gifts is not how I ever want to spend a Saturday in August again.

Le Tigre: I could watch them perform every night and never get tired. Imagine Divo and Bananarama having musically gifted punk daughters.

Camp Lieberth: Always a Sunday afternoon pleasure. The past two Sundays have been spent sitting on my parents dock reading trashy magazines and navigating through the lake on a Styrofoam noodle.

One more interesting thing to note from the weekend: I have a borderline stalker who works at Heinens. Every time my friend and I go in there, she follows us around the store and acts like she is working when clearly she does not work in every department of the store at the same time. She runs from the deli, to the freezer section and then up to the cash registers and opens her register just for us. I know she has a million things she wants to say considering she couldn’t wait to tell me how much she loves Angelina Jolie in an awkward 19-year-old girl kinda way. I am probably the first person she has ever seen in there she felt like she could relate to. There aren’t a whole lot of women who look like me, especially on Sunday when I was sporting a faux hawk, shopping in the Heinens of Aurora right next to the Barrington Golf Community. I do feel for her. I hope she is able to find somebody to stalk after I leave--just like I had to do when I was her age growing up in the suburbs on the east side, following around women who looked like I do now thinking they could somehow lead me to the Promise Land.

TGIF Part Three

Three weeks are now in the books at the new position. I wish I had a little more to show for it, but I am getting there. The big progression this week included: REVERSE SHADOWING. Day by day they are giving me a little more power, though still supervised power.

Looking ahead to the weekend: I am so excited to see some friends from college I haven't seen in years on Saturday afternoon and then Saturday night will be all about Le Tigre. I can not see this band enough. I am so excited! I will really enjoy the paradox of a baby shower and radical lesbian musicians rocking Peabodys.

Life In The Burbs

Life in the suburbs is something I am trying to get used to. Thankfully I only have to do it for two more weeks. After last night I am afraid I am becoming too acclimated to my new lifestyle. As a testament to this, I can only share my adventures after leaving work yesterday in the big city.

On my way home I sat through rush hour traffic for the first time in two years. I forgot the frustrations encountered on both 77 South and 480 East on a daily basis. Once I was home, I spent a half hour watering plants I wouldn’t even be able to name. After playing with the dog, I was off to Babies R Us. Let me say that last part one more time: I was off to Babies R Us.

My best friend from college is having a baby shower this Saturday and I decided to torture myself by trying to find things on her registry. What a daunting task. We gave up on the registry after finding one thing and went our own route with the gift. I figure any baby gift will be great as long as you throw in a bottle of wine which I plan to do. After going through a baby registry, there is only way place to eat: Ruby Tuesdays. (As you may remember, in there it is always Tuesday.) A typical suburban entrée featuring sirloin and the salad bar ensued.

Once home, the dog was walked and I was in bed right around 10:30. Living out there wears me out. It is like a job. I have to get up an hour earlier and then fight the traffic into the city only to have to fight it on the way home as well, only to get home to chores I couldn’t imagine having in the OC. I sure do miss my city lifestyle.

How To Make Me Laugh Out Loud

Call me on a Sunday morning and when I don't answer, leave a message that says: "Oh you must be at church."

Six Feet Under

I don’t know if I am going to be able to make it through the last couple episodes. Last night was a little bit of a tear jerker. To one of my favorite television characters of all time, rest in peace.

TGIF Part Two

Two weeks down at my new job. I still feel like an invalid at the end of this week as well but at least now I know what I don’t know. Last week, I just walked around like a zombie completely ignorant to everything around me.

One thing I know is that I am really bad at being trained. If only I could pay attention for longer than one minute, perhaps I could get a better handle on things. I try to be an active listener, but it just doesn’t work for me. I see their lips start moving and then five minutes later, they say: “In a nutshell that is how that works, any questions?” This is when my question should be, “Yes, what did you just say again? I am sorry I started thinking about traffic patterns in Cleveland and drifted off.” Instead I just say, “Nope, I think I got it. Thanks.”

That Moment

There is that moment when you realize you have made the right decision to switch jobs. The moment when you say to yourself, “this was the right decision and I am so excited about this move in my life!” That moment came to me this morning.

I was sitting in my office talking to two of my co-workers when one of them noticed my Ani DiFranco sticker. The conversation soon turned to Bitch and Animal and the woman who asked me if I had ever heard of them was so excited when I said I had. I revealed, with a little hesitation, I have Bitch autograph my chest whenever I see them perform. She turned to me and said: “Me too!” That was the moment I knew I had made the right decision to switch jobs. Who cares about the promotion, the raise and the self-fulfillment this job will bring me at the end of the day when I am working with someone who also gets a little tipsy and has Bitch sign her chest.

The very best part about the whole conversation was I would never have expected him to ask me about Ani DiFranco when I first met him, and I most certainly would never have expected her to pull out a picture of Bitch from her desk when I first met her.

Thought For The Day

My boss gave us this quote this morning:

"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are--you aren't."
-Margaret Thatcher

Hopefully he wasn't trying to say something about me with this thought.

By the way, he is hilarious! To keep things light, he quotes lines from "Mommy Dearest"--what else could you ask for in a boss?

TGIF

Finally! It is finally Friday. The last day of my first work week at my new job and I couldn't be more excited. Don't get me wrong, I love the job, but I am so exhausted from the amount of intake I have done over the past five days. I can't wait to not be the "new girl" anymore. Last night I was actually in bed asleep by 9:15. However, I did have to get up at 10 for Being Bobby Brown on Bravo and then go back to bed. If you get a chance, you have to catch this show!

The New Blog Entries

This job is going to have me running all over, all the time. I love that. My blog will suffer. Many posts are going to look like today's:

New job is so great, can't wait to tell everyone about it. Running around like crazy. Rumor has it LeBron is going to have his own reality show on MTV.

Thank You

I may have hated a lot of aspects of my current job, but I really loved some of the people I worked with over the past three years. Tomorrow is my last day and as I look back, it will be my co-workers (not all of them, believe me) that I will miss the most. I wish I could take some people with me in my new professional adventures but I guess this is part of growing up and moving on (it seems like I have been doing a lot of that lately).

There are a couple of people that saved my ass on a weekly basis but who made me laugh on a daily basis. You know who you are! If you are reading this which I am assume you are because there are only three people in my office with this blog address, than I want to say thank you. Tomorrow I will tell a bunch of different people how much I will miss them and what a difference they have made in my life, but to the few of you I bonded with beyond work issues, who got my stupid jokes, who knew exactly what I was thinking before I said it and who looked out for me so often, from the bottom of my heart, Thank You!

Thank you for all of the real conversations we had. Thank you for making it fun to be in this office. Thank you for helping me with the boring little tasks I could never complete due to my attention span. Thank you for laughing with me when nobody else knew what I was talking about. Thank you for going along with all the stupid things I did. There aren’t enough words to describe how much I will miss you. We have become like family and I will never forget you.

If You Ignore Sexual Harassment, Is It Still Sexual Harassment?

Last night I had an interesting experience inside my favorite little ghetto gas station. I try not to throw the word ghetto around loosely, but in this case, it really fits. This is a gas station I have driven away from on more than one occasion because I was pretty sure they were being held up inside. Nonetheless, it’s close and the cashier is a nice guy who likes to talk sports with me. His cousin from Brooklyn on the other hand is a little much.

His cousin hasn’t been around since football season when we used to talk almost every other day about the comings and goings of the NFL. I thought he was a little crass to other people, but he never said anything weird to me, so I didn’t really care. Last night he may have crossed the line, but I ignored him, so it doesn’t really count, right?

The conversation went a little something like this:
Him: “Hey baby where you been, I haven’t seen you in months. I have been missing you so bad.”
Me: “I need a pack of parliament lights and ten dollars of gas.”
Him: “I know you were missing me.”
Me: “Did you guys see the home run show Bobby Abreu just put on at the home run derby?”
Him: “I wake up every night thinking about you.”
Me: “The guy hit 24 home runs in the first round alone--nobody has ever even passed 15 in that round.”
Him: “Sometimes when I wake up my sheets are so wet…”
Me: “You guys getting ready for the football season?”
Him: “I know you will be going out with me by the time football season rolls around.”
Me: “I am really looking forward to my fantasy draft this year. It seems like forever since the Super Bowl was played.”
Him: “You know you got me so hot right now.”
Me: “It was good to see you guys. Take care.”

Maybe it was sexual harassment, maybe it wasn’t. I was trying not to pay attention.

She's Back

After months and months, Aquamego has gotten her act together and has started updating her blog again. Oh how I have missed the windy city stories from my old roomie. This is one of my favorite blogs in the world because she is such an incredible writer and her perspective is so unique. Welcome back, I missed you!

Irony

The ironic part about wrapping up my job is that this is the most work I have done in the three years I have been in this position.

More irony...the CAVS desperately need a shooting guard with range and they sign Larry Hughes.

The gang at the garage last weekend

Impromptu dance parties are the best

Birthday Dance Party, Who Knew?

Thanks to the best public relations practitioner in Cleveland I was able to get some pictures uploaded to my blog from a birthday party last week. Lately things always seem to end up as an impromptu dance party and this event was no different. Karen and I decided to break it down right by the door. Those poor people.

It's Not Just A Meal, It's An Adventure

Last Wednesday I had an amazing dinner. A dinner not enough people in Cleveland know about which is so unfortunate. Yes, this entry is six days after the fact, but this just illustrates how pleased I was for it to keep my attention this long.

I went to OPA! last Wednesday for the Greek Fest and I was very impressed with the final result. My dinner companion and I stopped at Dave’s to pick up a bottle of wine and then carried our bottle across the street to OPA! where they gladly let us bring in our own wine for a $5 fee. Considering what a nice bottle of wine can cost you at dinner, this is an incredible deal. We couldn’t decide between the Cabernet Sauvignon or the Zinfandel—luckily for us Coppola makes a nice mixture of the two.

Our next pleasant surprise came when we entered the restaurant and found we practically had the small intimate environment all to ourselves, which means we also had the waiter all to ourselves to explain everything we were about to eat. And did we ever eat. The fest starts you off with an appetizer platter consisting of spanakpita, stuffed calamari, feta, olives, pickled vegetables and stuffed grape leaves. It was a very exciting and interactive dish to share as we tasted and discussed everything in front of us. Once we were done with that, we both were presented with large greek tomato salads which also included capers, onion, green peppers, feta and a greek vinaigrette dressing. Following the salad, you are introduced to your entrees: pastitsio, lamb kabobs, stuffed chicken and the braised vegetable of the day. It was all so very good but the chicken won my prize of the night. It was an “airline” chicken, which our waiter had to explain to us, stuffed with pastourma (a Greek version of prosciutto) and kasseri (Greek cheese). To top off this dinner, the desserts included baklava w/ouzo ice cream and coffee. Because of the food coma I was about to fall into, we actually got to take our dessert to go.

For a fun dinner for two, you can not beat the quality and the quantity of food you get at OPA! on Wednesday nights at the Greek Fest. Your palate, stomach and wallet will all thank you for the experience. (To add even more class to this experience I highly recommend following this lovely dinner with body shots at The Grid for ladies night, but that's just me.)

I Got A New Job

It is true. I actually got a job offer last week which I accepted and I now I am crazy busy for the next two weeks. As a matter of fact, I took a real job where I actually will have to pay attention and do real work, so hopefully this will not be the end of my blog. I might just have to get me a computer.

Jaded But There's Still Hope

Yesterday I was hoping Danny Ferry would make a trade with the Bucks and I got my wish. Well not exactly. A second round pick in the 2006 draft wasn’t what I was hoping for, but at least we got rid of Jiri Welsch and freed up cap room for free agents this summer. Welsch is a great example of why Jim Paxson is no longer the general manager of the Cavaliers. Paxson, who must not believe in keeping first round picks to build a team around, or any draft picks for that matter, acquired Welsch by giving up a first round pick in 2007. The best Ferry could get for him was a second round pick next year. As jaded as I feel about the job Paxson did as general manager, I realize it is now time for the CAVS to get down to business. The free-agent period starts Friday and this is when Ferry needs to put that degree from Duke to use. If the CAVS don’t bring in at least one All-Star this summer, I might have to sell my LeBron bobblehead doll and give up all hope on the up-coming season.

The Little Things

I don’t normally do things like this, but today I am feeling inspired. I feel inspired to write about the little things that have won my heart over. It probably comes as no surprise to those of you who frequent this blog that flowers and jewelry don’t do it for me. I like the little things that make me stop in my tracks. Things like: Using the word residual when referring to your lip gloss, buying me a shot at the bar when some random guy is buying you one so I don’t feel left out, describing the things I do which I consider girly as utilitarian, offering to let me smoke in your apartment even though you are a non-smoker, going on-line to see what the main “notes” are in my cologne because you like the way it smells so much (and then explain to me what “notes” are), sitting through the NBA draft with my brother and I even though you have to get up at 5 am, having as much fun hanging out with my friends as I do and so many more things that make me smile on a daily basis.

Happy birthday to the person in my life who does the little things.

Poor Danny Ferry

If Danny Ferry felt the pressure from the fans of Cleveland in 1989 when he arrived here in a trade for Ron Harper, I can only imagine how he is feeling today. Less than two days on the job as the General Manager of the Cleveland Cavaliers and he has to manage a draft in which Jim Paxson left him with no draft picks in a town that relishes draft day parties. You could say Clevelanders have high expectations. I personally expect nothing less than for Ferry to be able to trade Desagana Diop to the Milwaukee Bucks for Michael Redd and the number one pick in tonight’s draft, but perhaps that is asking a little too much.

I Haven't Watched SportsCenter in 5 Days

SportsCenter is one of those shows on ESPN which is on morning noon and night. Usually I catch it during all three of those time slots during the day and on average I probably watch it close to 30 times a week. I realized today I have not seen a single sports highlight in five days. This is an indication things are going well in my life. Very well.

I have been hanging out with a lot of different people the past couple weeks and doing a lot of fun things in my neighborhood and all around Cleveland. In essence I have been making the most of this much-anticipated summer. This past weekend was incredible. On Saturday I attended a really fun birthday party which started at the Lava Lounge and ended at the Garage Bar. I like the Garage Bar because they play Billy Squire and I have come to the conclusion you can never really have enough Billy Squire in your life. Not to mention I can walk there. I have a special place in my heart for bars I can walk to.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to congratulate two of the greatest people I know for getting their house this weekend. Chrissy and Tina congratulations on your 30-year commitment together. I am sure it will fly by.

How Stupid Can You Be?

I read this story and knew right away I had to share it with everyone I know. I love stupid people.

In other news, I wanted to thank everyone who came out to see me perform last night at Loganberry Books. I had a fabulous time and felt truly honored to share the stage with the incredibly talented Mary Miller. Many thanks also to Wild Plum for producing the show last night.

Wired

Last night I was sitting outside enjoying a wonderful evening with a friend talking about the people who come in and out of our lives when we seem to need them the most. She turned to me and said we are all like the telephone and electric wires running above our heads. Sometimes our lines cross and we give each other energy and other times our lines run away from one another but that energy is always there…somewhere. Over the past couple weeks I have been reminded of how people have entered my life at certain times and why I needed them then (or now) as opposed to any other time in my life.

Last week I was having lunch with someone who has become a really good friend of mine over the past couple months and we realized we were at the same party together two years ago. For whatever reason, we were not introduced. When we finally did get the chance to meet in March, the timing couldn’t have been better and I appreciate her friendship so much more now than I would have two years ago.

Saturday I was sitting in a grandstand watching a friend of mine perform with her band. As I looked around I saw ten people scattered about in different groups. Ten people I used to hang out with every week like clockwork, acting crazy and being silly and creating a bond that will last forever. Now however we have all gone our own way. It was probably the first time we have all been together in over a year. It was great to see each other and feel that energy again, but it was also amazing to see how much we have all grown in the past two years. We all needed each other at one point and we took that energy and grew with it.

On that same day I was sitting next to someone I have been hanging out with a lot lately. Someone I met almost ten years ago, but only began talking to over the past month. Someone who has brought an incredible amount of energy into my life when I didn’t even know I needed it.

I think about my best friend and how I have known her since high school. How much our relationship has changed and evolved and how we always seemed to re-connect when we needed it the most. There would be years we would hardly even talk and then months at a time where we would spend every second together. Now I can’t imagine my life without the energy she brings to it.

Think about the people in your life. Why did they come into your life when they did? Is their energy still there even if they are not? I feel incredibly lucky and blessed when I think about the people who have come into my life when I needed them the most, even though I may not have known it at the time. Our wires will always be crossed.

Dating Rhetoric of the New Millennium

How times have changed. It used to be you went out on a date and your friends would ask: “Where did you go?” “Did you have fun?” “Are you going to see them again?” After talking about someone I am seeing, my best friend turned to me Wednesday night and asked: “Have you ‘Googled’ her yet?” For those of you unfamiliar with this term, it isn’t something dirty (please my parents read this blog, you think I am going to write about sex here…sheesh.). To “Google” someone means you put their name in a search engine on the internet and then see where and why their name comes up on the information super highway. I must admit I am a “googler” but I have even “googled” myself a time or two. Now there’s something you don’t hear everyday.

To The Guy Last Night Who…

…asked the cashier at the gas station who was going to win the San Antonio/Detroit basketball game (and then gave me a dirty look and told me I didn’t know what I was talking about when I answered Detroit would come out strong and take their first game at home because I knew the cashier had no idea what you were talking about), don’t think just because I am a woman, I can’t hold my own in a conversation about sports. Let me know if you have any other questions.

Let's Make A Match

There is something weird about match.com. When they send me my new matches they also send me my own profile and say I am 96% compatible with myself. What is that about? Not that I would ever buy into this gimmicky dating internet site, but I did fill out a profile a couple months ago when I was bored at work to see people I know who have profiles in the database. Now they send me these people everyday who they feel I would be compatible with. Considering some of the people they have sent me, I would have to agree with them and choose me as well.

Here's Johnny...

I had this great blog entry I was going to do about what an incredible weekend I had in my neighborhood and how much I love Ohio City and my best friend Mindy and spending time with new people and just living life to the fullest, however this was all put on the backburner. Why? Someone in my office just told me I reminded them of Johnny Appleseed and it is really hard to top that.

Down and Out at the Dollar Store

I hit a new low yesterday at Dollar USA. I am poor, even more so than I usually am which is pretty sad. When you are poor, what do you do? You drive to your parents house and give them your sad story so they will take you to places like Dollar USA in Bainbridge, Ohio.

To me the dollar store is intriguing because everything is one dollar. Making this even better last night was that Seasons in the Sun was playing on the radio. The whole thing was surreal as I walked around picking out extension cords and hangers singing the lyrics to this song. As we headed to the cashier, a look of horror ran across my face when I saw that somebody from high school was working as a cashier. Here I am an almost 30-year old able-bodied human being and then here is my mom saying: “Okay put your stuff up there on the counter so I can pay for it.” In my head, these thoughts were passing through: Please don’t recognize me. Please don’t realize my mom has to buy me a noodle strainer and hangers at the age of 30. Please don’t look up and notice I was the one who beat you out for that shortstop position 12 years ago. Just keep moving the line and don’t look up because I think that would be so awkward.

She never looked up or at least she didn’t let on that she looked up or noticed me. In general running into this girl would be awkward. Running into her while my mom is buying me $8 worth of stuff for my new apartment, was really awkward for me. Maybe I am just a big snob but yesterday was one of those low moments I would like to forget. Someday when I am where I want to be, I will look back and remember this moment as one of those moments of inspiration. Thanks for the stuff Mom!

The Funniest Thing I Have Seen In A Long Time

On Friday I went to karaoke and saw something I hope I can do justice to because it was so hilarious. The gentleman sitting in front of us headed up to the stage when the screen showed the song he had chosen and the following four words never seemed quite as funny to me as they did on a karaoke screen: We Are The World. That’s right he sang this song and he was great. He had us rolling off our chairs he was so damn funny--though his wife looked a little embarrassed. He tried to do every single voice in that ensemble and I think he managed all but one. His take on Bruce Springsteen and Cyndi Lauper put me over the edge but Stevie Wonder definitely took the cake. He sang some other classic songs, but I will never forget the first time I heard We Are The World at a karaoke bar.

I Do Love Me Some TV

Why I Have HBO

Ahhh…Six Feet Under. I missed you so. After almost a year, my favorite show is back on television and I couldn’t be more thrilled. While the last two seasons have been mediocre, it looks as though Alan Ball is going to redeem himself with great visuals and some intriguing caricatures of the characters I have grown to love. I really enjoyed last night’s episode but I don’t know if that was because I missed it so much and was just so excited to see it again. They threw a lot together in a one-hour span and I wonder if the writers will be able to keep up the pace of making every actor the lead actor or let things falter like they did last season.

Why I Have Cable

After Six Feet Under I was able to catch the end of the Detroit/Miami game and I was surprised it was so close. I was cheering for Miami but I knew it was going to be tough for the Heat to hang with the defending champs in a game 7. The Finals will be intriguing: it may be one of the best series of all time yet get the lowest ratings of all time (San Antonio and Detroit are not exactly a marketer’s dream). I said San Antonio was going all the way a couple of weeks ago and I am sticking with that prognosis.

Seems Like Forever

I have taken a little break from the blog the past week, but now I am back after my crazy week from hell. This past week has included a lot of moving, both moving out and moving on but I think I am back to my old self.

Moving has got to be one of the most stressful things to do. Lucky for me I had some great help and some great laughs. I felt like I was in a comedy of errors last week as my brother had to help me move wearing golf shoes and tube socks with shorts (quite a look), most of my furniture took a beating in my new tiny door ways and I found out that Alison and Karen are the beat couch movers this side of the Mississippi. To everyone who helped me, thank you very much. Many thanks to Mindy who brought a certain someone over to concoct a pulley to bring my treadmill down the stairs—quite a sight to see.

I am starting to feel more and more at home in my new place. I love my new claw tub and the other night I was so tired the only thing I wanted to do was take a bath. I turned my radio on for a little background noise but when the commercials on the radio were over I realized I had put on Delilah doing Lovelight songs on Soft Rock 102.1. I was too lazy and too tired to get up and put something else on the radio. I heard dedication after dedication and just sat there thinking: “I might actually be in hell.”

My house became complete on Saturday when the cable guy showed up with HBO and a digital video recorder. Mindy said I actually sounded like the commercial when I called her to say: “It actually stops and pauses live tv!” I am going to be entertained for hours, which is good because this is the first time I have ever lived on my own so there is a little bit of an adjustment to make.

I have actually found out living alone doesn’t mean you have to be alone. I had a great first weekend that involved going to see Star Wars at a matinee with some friends I haven’t seen in a while and then meeting my couch movers, Alison and Karen for Happy Hour and some incredible Karaoke performed by Karen. (I have never heard Bon Jovi sound so good.) Then last night as I was about to grill up some dogs for myself, I got a couple phone calls and I was instantly joined by five other people who brought even more food over along with folding chairs and a table and voila! we had an impromptu outdoor grill party. The best part is when the party is over, everyone goes home and I get to hang out by myself pausing and recording live tv. Life is good.

Girls Night Out

I think I enjoyed one of the best ladies nights of my life last night. While the drink specials were incredibly cheap, the company I kept was spectacular. Two days ago I was invited to go see The Secretaries by one of my friends in the play. The Secretaries is a quirky play with a lot of dark humor and five very talented actresses, which is currently running at the Cleveland Public Theatre (CPT). Thursday night is “Pay What You Can” night and you can’t beat a ticket half off to a show at CPT, so I was game. The play kept my interest the whole way through, which if you know anything about me, is hard to do, and it also starred my favorite actress in Cleveland, Meg Chamberlain so my evening would have been great had it ended there.

Enter the Highland Tavern. This quaint little dive bar is located right where Cleveland and Lakewood meet, and on Thursday nights, they offer two for one drink specials for ladies night and karaoke. Last night I experienced karaoke like I never have before. Sitting at a table with the whole cast and much of the crew from the show, the five women I had just watched in a dark comedy stole another show last night with their voices. Song after song, they blew everyone away at the tavern. From Pink Floyd to Alanis Morisette to the Counting Crows and many more, they made each song extraordinary. I sat there amazed by the talent in Cleveland that too few people know about. (I also sat there thinking I can’t believe I watched American Idol last night and how watching these five women perform was better than any performance I had ever seen on that show.) For four hours, they sang song after song and I got to see two shows last night for the price of one. They were just an incredible group of women, not only vocally talented but hilarious and so supportive of one another.

If there is a point to this entry, aside from the drink specials at the Highland Tavern, it is that everyone should give themselves the opportunity to experience the local talent in Cleveland by venturing out to a theatre such as Near West or CPT or catching a show produced by the Charenton Theatre Company (shameless plug for Mindy). I have never been disappointed, which says a lot because I have a lot of trouble sitting still for longer than 15 minutes.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Two nights ago as I walked around my favorite neighborhood gas station looking for the perfect snack, I overheard a conversation which could be used for the next Verizon cell phone commercial. This woman, who had one of those hands-free pieces that made her look like she could have been working the drive-thru at the Wendy’s next door, was talking to someone about her 17-year old daughter:
“What do you mean she is over there?” … “She ain’t nothing but 17.”….“I am coming to get her right now.”….“Shit….can you hear me now? I can’t put my phone down over my ear cuz it messes up my hair….can you hear me now?” … “Dang, where’s her daddy at?”…“I am coming right now, I am waiting to get my sandwich made.”…. “I am at the gas station but I am coming right now to get her.” …“Can you hear me now…damn this phone…I can’t put the piece down cuz of my hair.”

This is the commercial which will probably never be shown but I would love to see the guy from Verizon walking through my neighborhood. I get the worst reception in this area and apparently I am not the only one.

Everything You Can Fit In This Blog For A Dollar

On Saturday my sister called to see if I wanted to go to a big rummage sale held at the Summit County Fairgrounds. While I was a little skeptical at first (I am not much of a rummager), I was soon reminded of the fact that I will be moving in a week and I may get lucky. Oh I got lucky alright but it had nothing to do with furniture.

One of the selling points my sister used to get me there was that we would only be there for the last hour, and during that last hour, we would be able to get some really cheap stuff they were willing to practically give away. What do I mean by cheap? Here is an example:
“Excuse me how much are these shoes?”
“I will give you a bag to fill for fifty cents.”
I picked up five pairs of cool shoes of the wingtip, suede and boot variety for fifty cents total. Ten cents a pair and two of the pairs were brand new. Other purchases included all the throw pillows I could get into a bag for a dollar and all of the pants and shirts I could get into a bag for a dollar. I am not much into shopping but when someone is handing me a bag to fill for a dollar, I turn into a different person at the mercy of the clock and all of the clothes in front of me. I got into a zone, a shopping zone and boy did it pay off. I ended up with five pairs of pants, two shirts, five pairs of shoes and two throw pillows for $2.50. I practically doubled my wardrobe in less than an hour.

I came home and washed my clothes and now they are like new. However I do believe you have to draw the line with certain items at a rummage sale. That point came for me when the announcer came on and said: “All the lingerie items you can fit in a bag for a dollar now going on in the lingerie department.” No Thanks.

Overheard At Damon's

I met my brother for lunch at Damon’s on Wednesday. As I was sitting there waiting for him to show up, these two gentlemen walk in and proceed to ask the bartender if their bills are itemized. If you are familiar with business reimbursements, you know companies do not reimburse for alcohol, so if you are going to drink at lunch, it is best to make sure your bill is not itemized. Luckily for these men, she said no and they proceeded to order “Jagr bombs” (shots of Jagrmeister) for lunch. As soon as he asked about the bill being itemized, I knew exactly where he was going with that question, so I almost couldn’t hold in the laughter when he ordered shots. Not your typical lunch drink even if you are having alcohol.

You Go Girl

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7914997/

Let's Do The Time Warp Again

I did it. I signed a lease for my apartment straight out of the seventies. I love it though, at least compared to everything else I have seen. I am excited to make it my own space. For those of you keeping score at home, this will be the first time I have ever lived on my own. I can’t wait to leave my clothes lying around, knowing they are mine all the while leaving my mess in the sink and know that it is only my mess. Not to mention I can make alterations to the place, so the wallpaper may be coming down if I don’t want to stick to that seventies theme.

The coolest aspect of this space is the landlord. She lives next door and is a 70-year resident of Ohio City, moving in to the house next to mine in 1935. She had her own stand at the West Side Market for 60 years and has the greatest stories to tell. Her whole family lives around me in different houses so I feel like I have become part of the family already. Hopefully I will be over her house for Sunday dinners in no time.