Home Tour Sweet Home Tour

Looking for something cool to do in Cleveland this weekend? Even if you aren't, you should go to the Ohio City Home Tour. The tour highlights houses, condos and businesses in the Ohio City neighborhood. These kind people let you walk through their houses and businesses to view either the unique history or the modern touches they have added to the neighborhood. Its a great way to become more familiar with the near west side of Cleveland or just a good excuse to stop into The Old Angle for a pint.

Pub Crawl Slideshow

I was told some people were unable to see the pics I tried to post last week from my pub crawl. I decided to go ahead and add the slide show so that you could see all the revelry up close. Enjoy and have a great Thanksgiving weekend.

One Night In The City+One Night In The Country=Day Of Relaxation

This weekend had a little bit of everything. I spent Friday night in Cleveland enjoying the company of old friends while I spent Saturday night in the backwoods of Wooster enjoying the company of new friends. Sunday was spent recuperating from both these events.

On Friday we met friends at The Garage Bar. My friend Alison won a free happy hour, which entitled her to free drinks from 5 pm-9 pm, while her friends were allowed a free drink, though many of us had more than one drink. The Happy Hour lasted much longer than expected as Mindy came up and met us for more drinks after Happy Hour ended. We finished the evening off with dinner and drinks at the Old Angle. We got the wings, and because I was so hungry and a little intoxicated, I would have to rate the wings with five wings out of four, though they most likely should have a three-wing rating.

On Saturday we got up and went canoeing down in Canal Fulton and became one with nature, or at least ran into a lot of nature with our poor rowing. After canoeing we headed to a country home located on 27 acres out in Wooster. We spent the night cooking out, drinking beer out of a can and sitting around a bonfire. It was a true country night.

On Sunday I walked into my house and vegged out on my couch for most of the day. In the apartment below me, my brother was doing the same thing. Now that we are all rested up, I am taking Mark to his first Taco Tuesday tonight at Lincoln Park Pub. It is a rite of passage if you live on the west side of town. After tonight his life will no longer be the same, or at least he will now know where to get cheap tacos and drink cheap mexican beer. Same difference.

Cleveland's Great, But It's Time For A Vacation!

This past weekend I tried two new experiences that made me realize how much I love living in Cleveland. On Saturday we went to the roller derby. If you get the chance I highly recommend catching a bout next month in North Olmsted. (Technically if its taking place in North Olmsted, I guess its really Cleveland+) This experience is the most fun you can have at an indoor soccer complex drinking beer out of a can watching women skate around in circles trying to knock each other down. On Sunday we decided to take a more sophisticated approach to the city as we walked around my neighborhood and did the Ohio City Home Tour.

While I love the summertime in Cleveland, it is time for a small break, so I will be spending this Memorial Day Weekend in Toronto. Tomorrow at this time I will be laying out on the sandy beaches of Toronto breathing in the fresh air coming off of Lake Ontario. Wait...thats not right. Tomorrow at this time I will be at the duty free buying cheap bottles of my favorite vodka. Either way, I am looking forward to getting away for a couple days. A full update should be expected upon my return. Have a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day Weekend!

I Graduated!

I finally cashed in on my last birthday present and it was worth the wait! Last night I went to beer school at the Great Lakes Brewing Company. It was the coolest thing I think I have done in a long time and I recommend it to anyone in the Cleveland area. For the price of $15, you get to go on a tour of the brewing company, learn the history of the building and surrounding buildings, learn how beer is made, learn how they name their beers, taste their five main beers and then they give you a souveneir glass and an awesome t-shirt that lets everyone know you graduated from beer school. It might be one of my proudest moments and I am sure my parents are equally as proud.

One thing to keep in mind if you do the tour is that you should eat first. I was given this advice by someone who did it before me, so plans were made to go to the Flying Fig. Ironically, and this has never happened at the Fig before, it took our food too long to come out and we weren't able to eat. I am a beer drinker, so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal except for the fact that the beer tasting was more like a drinking contest. While they talk about their five main beers you are drinking each one in a plastic cup (imagine every keg party you have attended but with expensive, good beer). It only takes them about 20 minutes to talk about all the beers, so you have slammed five cups of strong beer in that short time. Hmmm...I wonder if that was why I liked it so much.

RIP Memorial Day Weekend

I had an incredible Memorial Day Weekend and decided to take Tuesday off as well to make it a four-day weekend. The weekend was full of a lot of fun events and the chance to catch up with people I haven’t been able to hang out with in a while. I spent this past weekend playing poker, hanging out at the Open Air Market , relaxing at Lava Lounge , eating at Mekong River , enjoying a short stint at the Metroparks , exhausting myself at Dave and Busters and finishing the weekend at Geauga Lake . That’s right…my brother and I spent Tuesday at Geauga Lake, along with about 1000 high school students. We actually fit in with the high school students at one point when we considered buying one of those keychains with our picture together from the roller coaster. Thankfully we realized just how queer that would be, even at half off the regular price. We even made up for that fact on the next ride and sat a seat apart just to erase any doubt we weren’t that dorky. Good thing we stayed away from the air-brushed tee-shirts.

While waiting in line for what we both agreed was the best ride at the park, X-Flight , I remarked on how unbelievable it is that people would wait up to an hour on the weekends just to ride this roller coaster. It was at this point when I told Mark they should change the name of the ride to Prom Night for the simple fact that you pay a lot of money to wait a very long time for 30 seconds of exhilaration. He agreed.

Table For Two…Er… Make That Three

Last night Liz and I went to the Flying Fig to enjoy the incredibly cheap and delicious happy hour they serve in the lounge. We thought it would just be the two of us meeting to catch up, but we had an unexpected guest.

As we were sitting there enjoying a pre-dinner drink and talking, a woman came out from the back of the restaurant area and sat down at the table right next to us. (When I say table next to us, I actually mean the table only about a foot away. It is one of those setups where the person at the table next to you is closer than the person sitting across from you.) As she sat down, she looked familiar but I couldn’t place where I knew her. I also noticed she was crying hysterically as she sat her glass of red wine down and kept smoking her cigarette. At this point we let her use our ashtray when we noticed she was just ashing on the table and laughing hysterically but then would start crying again. It made things a little uncomfortable as we tried to carry on our conversation. Actually the point when things got really uncomfortable and weird was when she asked me to buy her a Bud Light. I looked at the full glass of wine in front of her with a confused look on my face and then I realized where I knew her from. She was the homeless woman who hangs out by the West Side Market. As I was putting two and two together, the bartender came up and took the glass of wine from her and said: “you have to stop stealing people’s drinks.” Yet he didn’t kick her out and when he walked away, she proceeded to light the wrong end of her cigarette. Instead of putting the cigarette out, she tried to smoke the wrong end while holding a big burning flame, and telling everyone at the bar to turn around and mind their own business.

When our food came, she moved over closer to us to see what we had ordered and commented on our food. At this point the smell from her clothes was more than I could stand. I motioned for the waiter and he came over and asked us if everything was ok. We looked at him and wondered if he actually thought this woman was with us and told him that in fact she was making us a little uncomfortable. The manager then tried to remove the woman but she wasn’t going quietly. She finally agreed to leave but still kept asking for a Bud Light. The whole experience was surreal: from the way she stole somebody’s full glass of wine and acted like it was hers, to the bartender taking it away from her, to her refusing to leave. After she left, Liz and I wondered out loud if the bartender just added some more wine to the glass and gave it back to the customer. They don’t call it the cheapest happy hour in Ohio City for nothing.

Page 39

I have referenced page 39 of the Free Times 50 times in the past 24 hours. The reason? It is on that page where it was officially revealed The Fulton is going to close at the end of this month. I wish I could say it is all just a bad dream but it’s true. I am about to lose one of my favorite watering holes (I can only imagine how Mindy feels about this…).

Last night in honor of it’s last month, Tim, Liz and I went up to The Fulton and started swapping memories. I have only been going to The Fulton for the past three years but in that short time, there are so many funny adventures that either began there or ended there for myself and my friends.

My favorite story about The Fulton is from before I even really knew what it was. When I lived on the east side, I knew very little about Cleveland and the near west side. I was a typical suburbanite. When I wanted to find Mindy I usually got lost going to her house in that crazy Ohio City neighborhood. I would stop and ask for directions, but instead of asking where her street was, I would ask: “How do you get to the Fulton?” More times than not, if I needed Mindy, I knew I would find her there. She turned me on to this incredible bar and it is actually one of the reasons I chose to stay in Ohio City this summer. My criteria when looking for apartments was: close to downtown and friends and able to walk home from the Fulton.

We questioned our wait staff last night. Hell we even questioned the wait staff at the Flying Fig about it. Apparently everyone involved in the sale is happy with the decision. For a moment this made me feel better. But just for a moment.

There Are Some Things Money Can't Buy

Cigarettes: $4.00

Our original bill at the Fulton: $38.00

Our bill after I told Mindy to let the bartender know Happy Hour was still in effect: $17.00

My new blazer from Unique Thrift: $6.00

Having to buy a pair of jeans so I could go over the $12.00 limit to use my card at the thrift store: $6.00

Finding the perfect blazer for my role as Chip in tonight’s skit: Priceless

Laughing for ninety minutes straight about anything and everything with Mindy, who I haven’t hung out with in weeks: Priceless

Sharing a Middle Eastern beef dish with Mohammed and Jimmy at the little store where I buy my cigarettes when I asked what smelled so good behind the counter: Priceless

Making a friend forget about her troubles, even for just a moment, with an incredible joke that only works when I have been drinking so I can talk really loud with an Asian accent: Priceless

Hearing a middle-aged guy in Ohio City say his mom just took him out for the best birthday steak dinner in the area and then when the bartender asks where at, he replies “The Longhorn at Ridge Park in Parma, ever heard of it?”: Priceless (This guy was creepy because he kept reading the birthday card his mother had given him over and over again.)

Just your run-of-the-mill typical Thursday night in Ohio City.

So That Is What My Doorbell Sounds Like

At about 10:30 pm I heard my doorbell for the first time ever. I sat there stunned for a second unaware of what the noise could possibly be. Then I realized it must be my doorbell for the back door. As I walked downstairs I could not imagine who would be stopping by at this time of night. (Okay, okay, that last part is a lie I have some crazy friends who stop by whenever they want to, but I thought it would add some suspense to the story.) I pulled back the curtains and began talking to a woman I had never seen before through my window as if one of us was in prison. The conversation went a little like this:

Me: Yes?
Strange woman at my door: That vacuum out in your trash…that work?
Me: Uh…vacuum in my trash? Oh, my neighbor is moving he must have thrown it away.
Strange woman at my door: Cuz uh I don’t want to be carrying no vacuum home and not have it work.
Me: I understand that would be a real hassle. Sorry I can’t help you.
Strange woman at my door: Is your neighbor home? Maybe I can talk to him.
Me: Sorry he isn’t around.
Strange woman at my door: Shit. Well, thanks anyway.
Me: Okay, have a good night.

She didn’t end up taking the vacuum. I guess the chance of it actually working wasn’t enough to overtake the struggle to haul it down the street.

He Does It All

Last night at my favorite ghetto gas station, the owner put up a new sign in front of the plastic shield you have to slide your money under. The sign, written in marker, said: Notary Public. This is the equivalent of someone saying, "well, Jose said it was cool, so it must be cool." Only now Jose has a stamp.

Weekend Recap

The weekend flew by so fast. I got to spend Friday night with some incredible people at the Old Angle. I never wanted the night to end. Fortunately it lasted into the morning hours leaving me with some incredible memories.

I had to work Saturday morning, which left me tired in combination from the night before so it was a pretty early night. A housewarming party for two of my best friends capped off an incredible day where I fell asleep on my couch listening to Alix Olson by 11:30.

Sunday I got to partake in one of my new favorite adventures: Sharing my weekend adventures with Mindy at Talkies, a cinematic coffee shop in Ohio City. I am addicted to her laptop with WiFi so we chat and get on-line and chat some more. Because I didn’t get to see her this weekend, we had some great stories to share. We add a whole new element to the term “coffee talk” and I feel bad for the people around us who have to sit through our constant laughter. The afternoon brought a trip out to Camp Lieberth where I was joined by a first-timer to the compound. You haven’t paddle-boated until you have paddle-boated with a dog at the helm.

After paddle-boating, I got down to business as my dad and I went over our fantasy football draft. I am sure thirty years ago when my dad first held his princess, he probably never envisioned us strategizing over running backs and quarterbacks, preparing for our live draft next Tuesday night. My mom is so proud. Ahem.

If You Ignore Sexual Harassment, Is It Still Sexual Harassment?

Last night I had an interesting experience inside my favorite little ghetto gas station. I try not to throw the word ghetto around loosely, but in this case, it really fits. This is a gas station I have driven away from on more than one occasion because I was pretty sure they were being held up inside. Nonetheless, it’s close and the cashier is a nice guy who likes to talk sports with me. His cousin from Brooklyn on the other hand is a little much.

His cousin hasn’t been around since football season when we used to talk almost every other day about the comings and goings of the NFL. I thought he was a little crass to other people, but he never said anything weird to me, so I didn’t really care. Last night he may have crossed the line, but I ignored him, so it doesn’t really count, right?

The conversation went a little something like this:
Him: “Hey baby where you been, I haven’t seen you in months. I have been missing you so bad.”
Me: “I need a pack of parliament lights and ten dollars of gas.”
Him: “I know you were missing me.”
Me: “Did you guys see the home run show Bobby Abreu just put on at the home run derby?”
Him: “I wake up every night thinking about you.”
Me: “The guy hit 24 home runs in the first round alone--nobody has ever even passed 15 in that round.”
Him: “Sometimes when I wake up my sheets are so wet…”
Me: “You guys getting ready for the football season?”
Him: “I know you will be going out with me by the time football season rolls around.”
Me: “I am really looking forward to my fantasy draft this year. It seems like forever since the Super Bowl was played.”
Him: “You know you got me so hot right now.”
Me: “It was good to see you guys. Take care.”

Maybe it was sexual harassment, maybe it wasn’t. I was trying not to pay attention.

I Haven't Watched SportsCenter in 5 Days

SportsCenter is one of those shows on ESPN which is on morning noon and night. Usually I catch it during all three of those time slots during the day and on average I probably watch it close to 30 times a week. I realized today I have not seen a single sports highlight in five days. This is an indication things are going well in my life. Very well.

I have been hanging out with a lot of different people the past couple weeks and doing a lot of fun things in my neighborhood and all around Cleveland. In essence I have been making the most of this much-anticipated summer. This past weekend was incredible. On Saturday I attended a really fun birthday party which started at the Lava Lounge and ended at the Garage Bar. I like the Garage Bar because they play Billy Squire and I have come to the conclusion you can never really have enough Billy Squire in your life. Not to mention I can walk there. I have a special place in my heart for bars I can walk to.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to congratulate two of the greatest people I know for getting their house this weekend. Chrissy and Tina congratulations on your 30-year commitment together. I am sure it will fly by.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Two nights ago as I walked around my favorite neighborhood gas station looking for the perfect snack, I overheard a conversation which could be used for the next Verizon cell phone commercial. This woman, who had one of those hands-free pieces that made her look like she could have been working the drive-thru at the Wendy’s next door, was talking to someone about her 17-year old daughter:
“What do you mean she is over there?” … “She ain’t nothing but 17.”….“I am coming to get her right now.”….“Shit….can you hear me now? I can’t put my phone down over my ear cuz it messes up my hair….can you hear me now?” … “Dang, where’s her daddy at?”…“I am coming right now, I am waiting to get my sandwich made.”…. “I am at the gas station but I am coming right now to get her.” …“Can you hear me now…damn this phone…I can’t put the piece down cuz of my hair.”

This is the commercial which will probably never be shown but I would love to see the guy from Verizon walking through my neighborhood. I get the worst reception in this area and apparently I am not the only one.

First Name Basis

Last evening I gave my brother a taste of all the near west side has to offer. After having dinner and drinks at the Old Angle, we headed east down Abbey and had a drink at the Duck Island Club and from there I decided to show him Tremont. I wanted him to get an impression of what Tremont was about so I took him to the Lava Lounge for something funky, then to the Tree House for that quintessential Tremont feel and then finally on to the Lincoln Park Pub to catch the San Antonio/Seattle game. He has been talking about moving over to the area so I decided to show him how much fun the near west can be.

While we were talking I told him I don’t have as much to write about now that I am in the “off-season.” He turned to me and said “be like Jerry—write a blog about nothing.” I don’t know when my brother and Jerry Seinfeld developed a relationship on a first-name basis but I think it is funny. My brother makes me laugh and I love hanging out with him.

The two of us have finally developed one of those mature (we will use that term loosely) brother/sister we are all grown up now relationships, where we talk about real things. We have always been close, as we are only 18 months apart, but I consider him to be one of my best friends not just my little brother anymore. When we were growing up we were inseparable but we grew apart in high school and while we went to the same college, I hardly ever saw him. After school we both went our separate ways and did our own thing and I had no idea how much I missed him during those times. I am so thankful to be able to hang out with him now like we do even though he always ends up wearing my clothes to work the next day after crashing at my place. I suppose that’s what big sisters are for.

I want to congratulate my best friend in the world for buying her first house last night. Not only did she buy her first house, she negotiated the deal herself and got the price she wanted. In the words of my mother who also happens to be a real estate agent, “Impressive.”

You Got A Husband?

Yesterday we were made speechless. As we were standing out on our porch, a man in his early fifties, dressed in khakis and a polo shirt came around the corner and asked both of us at the same time: "Uh...hi, you got a husband?" We both answered: "Uh.....No" We had no idea what to say. Who asks that? He then went on to say he was looking for help to clean up Ohio City and then he kept on walking. If he coudn't have somebody's husband to help he couldn't have anyone apparently. This is the second day in a row we have had a freak on our street. Unfortunately I think this one lived near us and wasn't just passing through to pee like the gentleman from the night before.

Indecent Exposure

It was a tough decision this morning when it came time to decide what to write about from the weekend. After all we were practically held hostage inside my friend’s apartment by some psycho until the police came on Friday night. Not to mention my sister’s party on Saturday when my nephew accidentally pushed my mother in to the fifty degree lake. I could also talk about how I have a new favorite show, Nip/Tuck, which held my interest almost all day Sunday thanks to Netflix. I could also mention the CAVS on this Monday morning as I watched them practically push themselves out of the playoffs yesterday against Detroit’s second team. The event that takes the cake from this weekend though happened to us last night around midnight right in front of our house.

Before I tell this story, I would like to make it known we live on one of the nicest streets in Ohio City—residential and historical homes frequented by people who tour take tours on Lolly the Trolley. However, last night our street was frequented by some fraternity boy in a red Ford Explorer. We were standing out on the porch when his car pulled up and stopped abruptly in the middle of the street, halfway between our house and our neighbor’s house. His car was still running in the middle of the road when he stepped out. At this point we weren’t exactly sure what he was doing until we saw the steam coming off the pavement and noticed he was peeing right there in front of us. He had no idea he was being watched from such a close range so we weren’t sure if we should continue our conversation or just stand still. We stood still trying not to laugh until he got back in his car and drove off down the road. Who does that? Don’t get me wrong, I have pulled my car over to the side of the road but never have I seen anyone just stop in the middle of the road with their car running to relieve themselves. This is another one of those perks shared by men: they think they can pee anywhere anytime and they usually can. Lucky bastards.

VACATION COUNTDOWN: Three more days

I have to mention Nip/Tuck again. What a great show. If you haven’t seen it, watch it. No matter who you are, it has something for everyone and the writing is incredible, filled with irony and dark humor. It currently runs on FX on cable but I would recommend renting it on DVD.

Okay, okay, I have to mention the CAVS too. They have gone 10-20 in their last thirty games and are about to be bounced out of the playoffs. If you have an All-Star Center and one the best players in the game running your offense, you should at least be one of the top eight teams in the Eastern Conference. Part of me just wants this season to end now and get it out of the way. If we do make the playoffs, it is going to be torture watching the CAVS play Miami.

What the Heck am I Eating?

On Sunday my parents came up to Ohio City for lunch. They wanted something simple like a burger but unfortunately Sunday afternoons and Monday evenings are a hard time to get something fun to eat in Ohio City. I wanted to take them to the Old Angle but it wasn’t open yet and the Flying Fig was closed. This left me with Heck’s.

For those of you not familiar with Heck’s, people drive into Ohio City just to get a burger at this place. As we walked there, my mother noticed I only lived a block away and she asked if I went there all the time. I said actually we don’t really care for the place and contrary to popular belief, it’s the third best burger on the block. Every year, the annual awards come out for best burger in Cleveland and every year Heck’s wins this award. Is this one of those awards that just keeps going to the same place because of the name and how long the restaurant has been there? To get the best burger in Ohio City, you must go to the Flying Fig for happy hour (Tuesday through Thursday until 7:30). The burger there is incomparable. A very healthy serving of beef, cooked exactly the way you want it, topped with a mound of blue cheese, sitting on top of bacon and carmelized onions. During happy hour, this burger is less than five dollars and worth every single penny. Can’t make it to the Flying Fig in time for happy hour? Walk down to the Old Angle. A very similar burger, sans the bacon. We have walked through snow and freezing rain for this burger when we had plenty of food at our house. . Can’t make it to these three places? Then I would personally recommend the hot dog stand on Randall and Lorain but Heck’s is always a viable choice as well.

Speaking of burgers….when did McDonalds become party food and brain food? They advertised their McDonalds fish sandwich as brain food this morning. “Studying late? Get some brain food with the fish filet at McDonalds.” This doesn’t make me chuckle as much as the guys who go out and get Chicken McNuggets for their rockin party. If I walked into a party and saw McNuggets, I would do a double take especially if they also had quarter pounders as an appetizer like the other commercial. If there is one thing I feel like doing after eating a quarter pounder, its gotta be dancing and mingling, though usually I just lay down with a stomach ache.