Birthday Month

My birthday isn't until October 21st, but I received two gifts early this year, so I well be able to celebrate the whole month. Next Monday Julie is taking me to the Browns Monday Night Football game against the New York Giants, and yesterday my gift arrived from my parents, who will be out of town for my birthday. Waiting for me when I got home from work was this gem: I wanted something to work out with while I was watching television or on the computer, or just feeling too lazy to go to the gym. You can put it anywhere and just pedal or work on your arms while you are doing other things like drinking beer for instance. I love to multi-task.

It was a tough decision because I almost asked for this chair that I saw on the Ellen Degeneres show. Believe me, this video is worth watching.

Two Weeks Is Too Long

The past two weeks have flown by full of events and failed thoughts of blogging. To catch everyone up I got a new car, though it will never take the place of Ruby. I have to give a lot of thanks to my parents for their incredible bargaining ways as I am now driving a 2007 Hyundai Sonata. I also had to go to North Carolina for family business this past week. If only I had enough words and space to blog about the family events and craziness. Unfortunately you will have to wait to read Julie's book entitled: Does Crazy Sleep? which is sure to be made into a major motion picture or at least a Lifetime movie of the week sometime soon. I hear Meredith Baxter Birney is already auditioning for the part of crazy.

As for the next two weeks-I can't be more excited! This is my favorite time of year because of the NCAA basketball tournament (Selection Sunday is only two days away or 56 hours from now) and the Cleveland International Film Festival , which will also be going on over the next two weeks. This year I am actually lucky enough to have someone in my life to pull me away from basketball to see some movies and get me out of the house, or bar as the case may be. Do not fear, I have already taken March 15th and 16th off of work for the first two days of the tournament like I do every year. I am just glad those games don't fall on St. Patricks Day like they did the past two years. My boss always thought I was taking the days off to drink beer and go to the parade. When any normal person would know I was taking the days off to drink beer and watch basketball. I am obviously working with amateurs here.

A Week Late, But Still Funny

Last week I found a great story about my alma mater on-line from Sports Illustrated. If you know anything about Ohio University, you know it hardly gets written about in major sports publications. However at my former school, Halloween was the biggest sport on campus. While most people think I went to Ohio University for this reason, it was really the former reason. As most students who graduated from Ohio University could tell you, we don't remember very many sporting events, but we could probably tell you about a very memorable Halloween we had there or the first time we got arrested which is usually one in the same.

Bad Dream

For the past two weeks I have had the same damn dream. I wake up on a Sunday morning and it is the second week of football season. In both dreams I am initially excited because, well...it's football season, and then I stop and realize the season already started and I forgot to go to my fantasy football draft. Usually the realization I have missed my football draft is enough to wake me up, so the panic doesn't last that long. Nonetheless this can't be a good sign. Good thing my dad called last night to remind me the draft is September 5. Can't Wait! The OC Herons are back and ready to defend. Pictured: My dad and I opening the champagne after we won our fantasy football championship last year.

Genetics

People tell me all the time I look like my mother. I inherited her nose and her eyes. I also inherited her wit and smartass personality. There is one thing, however I got from my father which may top all of those traits. I grill like my dad.

When I say I grill like my dad, I don’t just mean the way the meat tastes, I am including all of my mannerisms as well. From the way I marinade the meat, to the way I keep walking into the house yelling “ten more minutes” (when I actually have no idea how long it will really be because I time the meat on whether or not I need another beer), to they way I clean my plate after I throw the meat on the grill, to the way I talk to myself while I am grilling, to the way I believe you can grill out no matter the weather (snowing, raining, sunny, hail storms, etc…), to the way I think beer and cigarettes are as crucial as the tongs, I am truly my father’s daughter.

I think this all hit me last night when I walked into my apartment and yelled “ten more minutes”. The weird part was that I was the only one home.

The Best

This past Christmas was hands down the best Christmas I have ever had. Christmas morning was so much fun with my family and my gifts were more than I could have ever imagined. I can’t thank my parents enough for the time and effort they put into making it such an incredible day. Thanks!

Not only did I get more than I expected on Christmas morning, somehow my dad and I pulled out the Fantasy Football Championship on Christmas Night. In a game we didn’t think we had a shot at going into this weekend, we won by eight points thanks to Thomas Jones who will now always be my favorite football player. Down by 13 points with one player left, Jones had to run for 100 yards and score a touchdown for us. He finished the game with 105 yards and a touchdown. Jubilation ensued throughout the house as my father and I popped the bubbly to celebrate.

I must admit this hasn’t been my luckiest year personally, but when it comes to sports I am on a roll. I won both my NCAA bracket and my fantasy football league. How many 30-year-old women can boast of that achievement?

The Big Ticket

As many of you know, my fantasy football team is in the playoffs. This makes for a very exciting weekend of action especially with so many great games on this past weekend. My father, brother and I were all excited to see what game CBS would be airing on Sunday, knowing there were some good options and we would have our 1 pm slot open for once because the Browns weren’t on until 4 pm. Upon waking on Sunday my father informed me as I informed my brother when he woke that CBS would be showing the San Francisco/Jacksonville game. The look of devastation appeared on all of our faces. For those of you not familiar with football, watching this game compared to our other options would be like ordering a burger when you can get a steak for the same price.

So we searched high and low for whatever bar or restaurant in the area might have the Sunday NFL ticket because for whatever reason Adelphia doesn’t offer it at my parent’s house. (Yet you can get the hockey package which makes absolutely no sense!) After calling around and then driving around, we ended up at the Winking Lizard on Miles Road along with 100 other people who seemed distraught by CBS’s selection. Wow!

There we were watching all the games, on 10 televisions right in front of us, right at the same time. What could be better? I will never be able to watch a regular game again. I am that spoiled.

Hope You Were Hungry Enough To Eat Those Words

Last week my father received an e-mail from our closest competition in our fantasy football league. The e-mail congratulated my father on a great season and went on to say how the two oldest guys in the league were beating all the younger guys. My dad thanked him for the e-mail and told him the following: My daughter is the brains of our team. He replied back with the following: Tell your daughter to stay in the kitchen where she belongs next week.

Next week has come and gone and we defeated this gentleman handedly this past weekend to take the overall points lead into the playoffs next week. So now I must ask him: Who belongs in the kitchen now?

How Sick Am I?

I will be missing my third party of the weekend tonight. I still haven’t left my parents house and I haven’t changed my clothes in three days. (If you are yet to read my last entry you may want to go back because it will give you a little insight into the following information.)

On Wednesday I was told I had a sinus infection. No biggie. I get them all the time. What I don’t do all the time is fall down a flight of stairs and crush my nose where my sinuses happen to be housed. With the swelling, I have been unable to blow my nose or cough up anything in my body. Good times. Things are looking better though, today I was able to raise my arm above my head for the first time in three days. That was very exciting. Nonetheless it has been very hard to fight this sinus infection and I feel so gross. I haven’t been able to sleep in three nights, even with the muscle relaxers my mother has given me.

Yes my mother has proven to be a regular nurse-in-training through this whole ordeal. When I woke her up to help with the blood, she immediately handed me a box of frozen pizza rolls for my face, frozen broccoli for my knee and some darvocet for the pain. Who needs the Cleveland Clinic when you have Camp Lieberth?

Thanksgiving Eve

With visions of turkey dancing in her head, I woke my mom up at 3:30 am on Thanksgiving with the following question: “Mom, what do you use to get blood out of your carpet?” Her response, as you can imagine, went something like this: “Huh? Blood? Huh?”

Apparently I woke up in the middle of the night to turn the heat down, or at least I think that is why I woke up, and ended up taking a nosedive down their stairs right into the dining room. I cut my lip and nose on the banister as I fell to the bottom and there was blood everywhere. How nobody woke up is beyond me. I remember laying there at the bottom thinking: “Wow, give these people a couple drinks and some Chinese food and they can sleep through anything.”

The whole right side of my body is hurting today as I hit my knee and elbow against the wall so hard my pajamas ripped. My parents and I laughed reliving the story this morning when my mom told us to quiet down so we wouldn’t wake my brother up. However, I believe if he slept through that dainty fall of mine, he could probably sleep through anything.

A Halloween Memory

I got a funny phone message from my dad earlier this week. It went something like this:
“Hey did you see only 40 people got arrested at Ohio University last weekend compared to 445 at the University of Wisconsin? What is going on there? Ohio University must not be such a big party school anymore.” There are several reasons why this statistic intrigues my father.

First, my dad, like myself is an alum of Ohio University. He seems to hold as much pride in the party school image as all of his children who went after him. Second, in some publication at some point this year Ohio University was named the second biggest party school in the country behind Wisconsin. My dad also left me a message regarding this ranking when it occurred. Third, during my first Halloween at Ohio University, I was arrested. For some reason, I think my dad (and maybe even my mom) were actually proud of me when this happened.

It’s true I was arrested at my first Halloween in college. The first time (ahem) I was arrested was Halloween 1994 in Athens, Ohio. I was walking down the street as a clown minding my own business when a volunteer cop swooped out of nowhere and threw handcuffs on me. Apparently the open container, which I forgot was in my hand, was against the law. I tried to explain it was part of my costume, but it didn’t work. I was number 14 that night out of 437 people who got arrested. Apparently I couldn’t wait until after I had a good time to get arrested that evening. No…I need to get arrested right away at 7 pm when most people haven’t even left their house yet.

There I was in my blown-out clown costume: the big rainbow hair my mom bought me to wear for this very occasion, clown nose and clown clothes being led away to the local jail. The arrest itself was a joke. I had to walk around with the number 14 around my neck and the lackey who arrested me got to have his picture taken with me. They also tried to fit as many people into these tiny cells as possible.

I was the first of eight girls thrown into my cell that night. One by one they were all led in for various alcohol-related reasons. And one by one they all said the same thing: “My dad is going to kill me!” When I was finally released on bail five hours later and headed back to the party with my friends (what do you expect, it was still early?), I turned to my friends and said: “My parents are going to laugh so hard!” As a matter of fact, my parents were actually upset I didn’t tell them earlier so they could have told all their friends.

I bet none of those girls’ dads called them this weekend with that statistic. Thanks for the information dad.

My Favorite New Toy

Is there anything more fun for a grown woman to play with than a secret decoder ring that only your best friends have access to? This thing really has me distracted. Funny thing is, my dad just called me at work to discuss business (fantasy football) and he asked if I was busy. I said, “nope, just playing with my new decoder ring.” I don’t think he knew quite how to react.

Down and Out at the Dollar Store

I hit a new low yesterday at Dollar USA. I am poor, even more so than I usually am which is pretty sad. When you are poor, what do you do? You drive to your parents house and give them your sad story so they will take you to places like Dollar USA in Bainbridge, Ohio.

To me the dollar store is intriguing because everything is one dollar. Making this even better last night was that Seasons in the Sun was playing on the radio. The whole thing was surreal as I walked around picking out extension cords and hangers singing the lyrics to this song. As we headed to the cashier, a look of horror ran across my face when I saw that somebody from high school was working as a cashier. Here I am an almost 30-year old able-bodied human being and then here is my mom saying: “Okay put your stuff up there on the counter so I can pay for it.” In my head, these thoughts were passing through: Please don’t recognize me. Please don’t realize my mom has to buy me a noodle strainer and hangers at the age of 30. Please don’t look up and notice I was the one who beat you out for that shortstop position 12 years ago. Just keep moving the line and don’t look up because I think that would be so awkward.

She never looked up or at least she didn’t let on that she looked up or noticed me. In general running into this girl would be awkward. Running into her while my mom is buying me $8 worth of stuff for my new apartment, was really awkward for me. Maybe I am just a big snob but yesterday was one of those low moments I would like to forget. Someday when I am where I want to be, I will look back and remember this moment as one of those moments of inspiration. Thanks for the stuff Mom!

The Mother of all Mothers

What a beautiful weekend, with great weather and great people. On Friday night we hung out with our girls on their porch before taking a walk down to the Tic-Tock Tavern, an indescribable little bar in Cleveland where you can eat and drink for a total bill of $15. Saturday was spent looking at a ton of apartments in Ohio City, Duck Island and Tremont. The day was filled with “wows” and “whoas” considering you never know what you are going to encounter in these parts. I had my homemade chicken soup cooking up the whole day waiting to be eaten with an evening of Nip/Tuck episodes as we finished up the first season.

Sunday was an incredible Mother’s Day. It was so much fun spending the day with my family and then meeting up with Mindy’s family somewhere in the middle of the day to celebrate Mindy’s birthday before I headed back to my mother’s house for Texas Hold Em. There is never a dull moment hanging out with Mindy’s parents as her dad tells the best stories in the world. A sentence such as: “Did I ever tell you about the time your uncle passed up on buying the Kentucky Derby winner?” seems commonplace whenever you find yourself on her parent’s deck.

It was a day of laughs and great weather ended by an evening of Hold ‘Em where I took the last pot with pocket nines and drove home last night with an extra $50 dollars in my pocket. Not only did I take my family’s money, I also picked up some new DVDs from my mother’s Beijing connection. I took home the third season of Six Feet Under, which doesn’t technically come out until May 17th. I also picked up the first season of Nip/Tuck to own as we have been using the services of Netflix to get our fix of the show. DVDs from China and gambling: what else can you ask for at a family event? Can’t wait for Father’s Day!

Maybe I will do a better job on my Father's Day card. Sorry you didn't love your Mother's Day card as much as I did mom. When I saw a card that read "The Mother of all Mothers" I had just had to buy it.

Handicap Accessibility at the Chagrin Valley Little Theatre

On Saturday my mother and I went to see the closing night of Mindy’s play, The Smell of the Kill, at the Chagrin Valley Little Theatre. We were treated to much more entertainment than we ever could have imagined. The play itself was incredible, but there was also something that happened in the audience which only a few select people were lucky enough to witness, and for those of us who saw it, we will never be the same. (I only hope I can do this story justice.)

My mother and I had seats in the last row with very little room between us and the wall of the theatre. The usher thought this space between the last row and the wall would be a good place to stick a woman who had come in a wheelchair. As the two talked, the woman in the wheelchair began to reveal how hard it is for her to get around and see plays anymore because her legs hurt so much and it is hard to make the drive. She also went on to say she was left behind at the last play she attended when the lights went out in the theatre after the play ended. The woman performing the usher duties let her know nothing bad would happen at this theatre and the drive would be worth her while. She also assured her she would be back to get her after the show so she wouldn’t be left alone again.

Before the play began the man running sound and lights needed to get around the woman in the wheelchair and head up the ladder to the control panel, which was on the other side of this woman. There was no way to get around her but to go around the rows, yet he seemed stumped until everyone in my row looked at him and said: “you have to go around.” If you are keeping score at home, this is stupid man number one.

Let me introduce you to stupid man number two. Mid-way through the play the gentleman in front of us decides to get up. He is only one seat in from the aisle, yet instead of telling the man next to him to move, he decides he is going to go around. Everyone in the back row knows this is not going to be a good idea, yet we watch him, knowing that he is going to have to turn around once he gets to the ladder. We all sit there in amazement as this man, most likely in his early sixties, squeezes his body around the ladder between the wall and our last row. Now we are all feeling sorry for the guy because he worked so hard to get around the ladder only to encounter a woman in a wheelchair blocking his way out. As he walks closer to her, I hear something that I will never forget in my life. I hear him whisper to the woman “Can I climb over you?” At this moment the four people in my row turn around in horror and watch him straddling this poor woman, face-to-face in the wheelchair with one leg over her and the other leg stuck. Finally after grabbing onto her head and her wheelchair he made it over. Take a moment to visualize what I just wrote—this man practically molested this old woman stuck in a wheelchair because he could not figure out a better way to get around her. It is scary yet true.

He came back and decided not to go back the way he came and just take another seat. What a smart guy. He actually ended up sitting in our row, and when he sat down he smiled at all of us because we could not stop staring at him in disbelief. Why he didn’t ask the man sitting next to him to move is still beyond me. Let me reiterate this man was only one seat in from the aisle yet he decided to go all the way around and commit this heinous act of stupidity. I felt so sorry for this poor woman who was already hesitant to venture out due to the pain in her legs and the fact she had been left behind in a theatre before. Apparently being left behind in a dark theatre isn’t all that bad after what happened to her at this theatre. If I were her, I would ask for some free tickets and a better seat next time.

Its Time to Start the Music, Its Time to Start the Show

Last week Liz rolled over, pulled me close to her and and said...Can we get the Muppets from Netflix? The Muppets from Netflix. What a novel idea. I haven't seen an episode of the Muppets in over twenty years. On Saturday the dvd arrived with episodes starring Steve Martin, Carol Burnett and Gilda Radner (what a great combination).

We decided to watch it together Saturday evening when Liz came home from work. In honor of the big event, I decided to run out and buy food for the Muppets viewing that evening. When I was a kid my parents would give my brother and I a bowl of ice cream or some sort of dessert surprise, sit us down in front of the television and let us watch the Muppets on Saturday night. In honor of this tradition I bought everything we would need for sundaes that evening. The toffee ice cream with bananas and Reeses hard shell to top it off was a fun accompaniment to the show. As soon as I saw Scooter run into Steve Martin's dressing room with the theme song following, I got goose bumps and immediatley remembered how much I used to love this show.

I began to think about how lucky I was to have a show like this around when I was a child and I think everyone in my age group should go out and rent the Muppets. It's great to remember the things that made you laugh as a child and also to finally get the jokes that made your parents laugh as well. The best part was waking up early Sunday morning, making two more sundaes and watching the next episode together. The Muppets is pure goodness and I am pretty sure all the world's problems would be solved if everyone would just sit down together and watch the "Dance Marathon" episode starring Carol Burnett.

Countdown to Selection Sunday: Six More Days.
Congratulations to my brother Mark who said Illinois would lose before next Sunday night.

Happy Birthday Dad! We actually don't look a whole lot different than we did 25 years ago.

"You Let Your Parents Read Your Blog?!?"

A student in the office where I work was surprised that I let my parents read my blog. Why not, I thought. I am very close with my family and my blog is a great way to keep in touch and express myself in terms that may not always seem to fit in at family functions. I know my dad enjoys the articles (sounds like I am describing him reading Playboy or something….no seriously he actually reads it for the articles). He is the reason I started watching sports in the first place, so in a way this blog is sort of the fruits of his own work as well. I think my mom likes keeping tabs on my life. The other day I got a phone message from my mom saying: “I know you are there, I saw you just posted to your blog.” It’s definitely a new generation of family dialogue taking place and I love the fact my family is reading what I am writing. Plus its not like they are going to ground me for anything I write about on here. At least I hope not.

In other news, the new diet is going really well. I have been sticking to my goals. I must admit the temptations are there but my willpower is really coming through hard and strong. I have more energy and I feel a lot better. It’s just good to have that first day in the books. Seriously its been about a week now and I am looking forward to seeing how this goes. I must take a moment to say goodbye to some good friends: cheesecake, that new beer I just found that I really liked a lot (Dos Equis Lager), the Market Fresh Sandwich at Arbys, Blue Cheese, Coke, The burger at both the Flying Fig and the Old Angle, wings, Ohio City Pizza and fried food. Now I can still eat these things on my new diet just not all in the same day like I used to do.