Fantasy Football Players Care About The Election Too!

For the sake of this blog, let's forget that I watch CNN 20 hours a day (My girlfriend thinks I have a serious problem, but I just call it Electionitis). Let's also forget that I could recite all four stump speeches that each candidate gives everyday (I have the scars to prove it my friends). What if I didn't follow everything going on in the current election like it was my job? Like many Americans who don't have the time or the patience to listen to every single thing being said and written about, I would most likely get my news from the periodicals that I normally read, such as ESPN The Magazine and one of my favorite writers, Rick Reilly. Reilly isn't a politcal commentator. He writes about real life and he does it really well. If I was an undecided voter without the knowledge of 20 hours of CNN a day, this story from Reilly last week would have helped me make my decision because when I am not watching CNN, I am obsessing over fantasy football (in case this is your first time to my blog, I really like fantasy football A LOT). With that in mind, you can imagine how excited I was to read this article written by Reilly about his fantasy football partner, Barack Obama (It's important to note that Reilly asked both candidates to play a week of fantasy football with him, but only Obama agreed to the challenge):

I have the absolute worst fantasy league football partner. Just try to get the guy to return a call. Or a text. You need a damn court order.

He's Barack Obama. And, yeah, I guess he's busy, but why was I the one who had to fly to Dayton, get frisked and have bomb dogs drool on my bags just so I could meet him getting off his tricked-out, chartered 757? He can't meet a guy halfway?

I asked each candidate to be my running mate for one week in a fantasy league, just to see what kind of president he'd make—how he'd handle decisions under pressure and balance a budget. (On ESPN.com's Gridiron Challenge, you get a mystical $50M to spend on a team.) Only Obama bit. We settled on the Week 6 games.

Still, you talk about bossy. I thought he'd let the professional sportswriter do most of the picking while the wonk occasionally looked up from some Pakistan brief and nodded. Yeah, not exactly. When I got on his campaign bus, all three flat screens were tuned to ESPN. Obama was sitting in a black leather swivel chair, reading the paper. "Hey, man, I'll be with you in a second," he said. "I'm poring over the latest economic news." It was the USA Today NFL stats page.

He is taller, grayer and quicker to laugh than I expected. Moves sort of like an athlete—cool and smooth. "Now, you're the expert," he began. "And I'll gladly be the junior partner in this, but I really think we should take Drew Brees. He could have a big week. Oakland's secondary is a wreck."

Ohhhh, so that's how it's going to be. "Well, I like Carson Palmer," I said. "He's due for a big week, plus he plays in Ohio and I figure that's a state you need, so …"

He looked at me like I'd stuck my elbow in his soup. "Man, this is more important than politics!" he insisted. "This is football!"

This is a man who could potentially audit me forever. We paid $7.3M for Brees.
He wanted Clinton Portis. I wanted Adrian Peterson. We took Portis ($6.6M). He wanted Brandon Marshall. I wanted Bernard Berrian. We took Marshall ($5.7M).
Doesn't work well with others. Check.

Have to admit, though, he knows his stuff. Turns out, he played a little. He was a tight end in ninth grade until a coach told him to "trample" an opponent's back. He gave up football for hoops. In 2004, when Mike Ditka considered running against him for Senate, Obama—remembering how Ditka let William Perry score a Super Bowl TD instead of Walter Payton—said that "anybody who would give the ball to Refrigerator Perry instead of Sweetness doesn't have very good judgment." Ditka didn't run. "Too bad," Obama says. "We were hoping he would."

Likes to bait Hall of Famers. Check.

It took us 30 minutes to pick nine slots. The man was into it. I said I'd need to talk to him the following week about how we did.

"Cool," he said. "How's Tuesday?"

"Sorry," I said. "Getting married Tuesday."

He looked stunned. "Who'd marry you?"

Wise guy. Check.

We wound up in a dark tunnel under Fifth Third Field in Dayton for a campaign event. He was telling me a story about throwing out a first pitch when suddenly I heard over the PA system, "… the next president of the United States, Barack Obama!" He looked at me, said "Gotta go!" and sprinted up some steps to a thunderclap of a roar.

Afterward, while signing books, he asked if I thought we'd win. "Win?" I said. "There's like a gazillion teams in this thing!"

He glared a hole in me. "You think we're just messing around?"

Then Sunday came. Man, did he get lucky. The guys he made us choose—Brees and Portis—went nuts. The guys I wanted, not so much. We finished 32,190th for the week. But wait! That put us in the 81.2 percentile, which means we beat four out of five teams!

Of course, he already knew. Because, like so many Americans, he was checking the fantasy stats all day, even while he was supposed to be prepping for his final debate. He e-mailed to say he wished he had followed my advice on Berrian (who smoked Marshall), but he was "pumped up" about our numbers. And he congratulated the newlyweds.

I e-mailed back and said that if he wins this election, the ambassadorship to Tahiti would make a nice wedding present.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

If Labor Day weekend is officially the last weekend of summer, then my summer went out with a bang. I started the weekend out by researching my German ancestors at the Cuyahoga County Oktoberfest. When I say research, I really mean sampling a lot of beer and eating a lot of schnitzel and potatoe pancakes. The next day we headed to Buffalo to research the National Buffalo Wing Festival. In this case, when I say research, I really mean sampling wings from all over the country, drinking beer in a baseball stadium infield, finding cool bars all over the city and staying out until 4 am enjoying the suprisingly exciting Buffalo nightlife. We made it home the next day thirty minutes late for a party that WE were throwing. Luckily there was only one person there waiting for the hosts to arrive.

On top of all of this...IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON! I have waited patiently (not really) for the past seven months for football season to start again. With two fantasy teams ready to go, I am looking forward for the regular season to kick off tonight. I initially wanted to change my one team name to "The Sarah Palins," but I thought that might be too extreme. I don't want my team to come off as too conservative or inexperienced.

Along with all of these great experiences and two weeks of political convention drinking games that we have invented (Someone says "Change" and everyone has to drink), there is one more big event I am looking forward to, which will officially bring in the Fall. On September 13, the biggest gala in Cleveland, Pandemonium 08, will be taking place at Cleveland Public Theatre (CPT). This fundraising extravaganza includes live entertainment all night outside and inside the theatre along with free food, beer and wine stations set up all over the CPT campus. Last night I found my dream outfit for this event at a thrift store. The only problem is the shirt is a little snug. I am now about to begin my Nine-Day Pandemonium Diet of Champions. Ironically my diet doesn't include schnitzel, potato pancakes, wings or beer. I wonder if those things have anything to do with my shirt being snug.

**For those of you paying attention, my diet includes not drinking beer for the first weekend of football. That's how much I like this shirt I bought.

Reality Resembling Fantasy Is Good For Cleveland

If you are anything like me, and luckily for you, you probably are not, then I know you are as excited as I am about the Cleveland Browns free agent signings and off-season trades. In the past, Browns fans have had very little to look forward to. When it came to free agents, we got the best of the washed up 30 something crowd that any fan could hope for. Not anymore. Apparently when you fail to make the playoffs on the last game of the season due to the lackluster play of Derek Anderson (who I really really really wish the team would trade for draft picks), the team thinks they should try to get better in the off-season. Low and behold, only two days into free-agency, the Browns have traded for two defensive lineman who are in their prime and yesterday they signed a wide receiver my dad and I have owned on one of our fantasy football teams in the past. This was a nice indication of how far management has come considering they are almost on par with The OC Herons when it comes to football drafts and free-agent pickups.

Pride Won Out Over Money...Barely!

Early Sunday it became obvious that my father and I were going to lose in our fantasy football league (the league with the big payout). Actually lose is too nice of a word-we got crushed. I still had one chance left to make it into a championship game in my other league (the league with the small payout, but a lot of pride was at stake). It came down to the last minute of the Monday Night Football Game, but I won my semi-final game in my other league (the pride league) by ONE point to make it to the championship game. If you read this previous blog entry, you would know my leagues and my teams came down to pride or money last weekend. Obviously pride won out, except for one small thing: I still have a championship game to play, and I have to play it against my Julie, the Fantasy Football First-Timer. Let me say one more thing: Her team is good, really really good. Yesterday my co-worker, and blog-reader Bill said the following thing: "It would really suck to lose to your significant other in something that you really loved, and something they were only doing to entertain you." That pretty much sums up what I am feeling right now. Thanks for the insight Bill!

'Tis The Season

It's that time of year again. I am making last-minute preparations, checking my lists twice and planning parties. Of course I can only be talking about one thing: Fantasy Football Playoffs have begun. This year I was in two leagues for the first time, and this year I am lucky enough to have made it to the semi-finals in both my leagues. As much fun and excitement that it has been to be in two leagues at one time, it has also been quite a headache: twice as much research and twice as many decisions. I know! My life is so hard! The most stressful thing (if you can call anything with the word "fantasy" in it stressful) is that many weeks I face players in one league that I have on my team in another league. I will be facing this very situation this weekend. My father and I have a chance to win a lot of money with Adrian Peterson, Edgerrin James and Joey Galloway this weekend in our semi-final game. In my other league, my opponent has these same players and the opportunity to win bragging rights in Cleveland for the next year. I am torn on money versus pride this week. Talk about stressful. I would rather try to find a parking space at the mall on Christmas Eve. Speaking of Christmas...isn't that coming up sometime soon as well?

Fantasy Football Trumps Wings

Last week I went out for wings and beer to celebrate losing thirty pounds. I love irony like that. Last night, however I decided to make a healthier "wing" to calm my wing craving. I grilled turkey breasts and threw them in a homemade wing sauce I created, which was extra spicy and extra garlicy-better than any sauce I have had eating out and less fattening as well. I still had a beer with them because you can't completely cut yourself off from the whole wing experience. While the "wings" were healthy and the sauce was mouth-watering, they didn't have the full wing crunch that you get with fried things-go figure. I would have to give myself three and a quarter wings out of four for last night's healthy wing dinner.

As many of you may know, I have a certain penchant for fantasy football, and with my draft being tomorrow night, I am getting excited. While eating "wings" last night, Julie asked me how fantasy football works. You can imagine how my eyes lit up when someone actually wanted me to describe one of my favorite passions. As I started talking about the draft process and how everyone chooses their players, I actually pushed my wings aside so I could use my hands to talk. At this point, she said: "Whoa! Fantasy football must be pretty serious if you are pushing your wings aside." For those of you scoring at home: I do love wings (of any variety), but I love fantasy football more.

Writers Block

Every year about this time, I get writers block. It isn't that I don't have things to write about-this past week alone I have kept myself busy with biking, going to Pride, Father's Day activities, dogwalks through the Metroparks and a fun night downtown, including dinner at Fat Fish Blue. There is something about this time of year, where I just don't get motivated to write. I think it is because it is my "off-season." As a sports fan, June through August is my off-season because there is very little going on in the world of sports to write about. I am not a big baseball fan, so I will watch what the CAVS do in the off-season to improve, but other than that I am sports-free for the next couple months, or so I thought... I checked my e-mail this morning and got this message: "Your Fantasy Football League is ready for 2007." So much for the off-season.

This Whole Non-Smoking Thing Is Killing Me...

...or at least it was. Apparently word has not reached many fine establishments that there is a smoking ban in order. Last week I suffered through the ban in the bitter cold, which is best exemplified with a quote from a friend: "I felt worse after smoking four cigarettes outside than had I smoked a whole pack inside." It was rough going until last night when I frequented more than one bar, including one which uses cups as ashtrays, where I was able to smoke inside. So if you want to find me, you will have to go a little farther west (See: Lakewood). I am like the Carmen San Diego of Smoking in Cleveland.

In other news, the fantasy football gods slapped us a hard dose of irony last night. Last year we won our championship when Thomas Jones came through with a big game against Green Bay and gave us enough points to win our game. This year we were knocked out of the playoffs because Thomas Jones had another big game. This season however he played for our opponent and was not on our team. Alas the season is over.

(Insert moment of silence for fantasy football season here)

Reality Schmality

What a great weekend! The CAVS came back from 20 points down, the Browns beat a playoff contender, we had the second lowest points and we still won our fantasy football game and I won my first week of fantasy basketball. Yes, I came to the realization that fantasy football will not last forever and I will need something to take me through the summer. Therefore, I have decided to join a fantasy basketball league with co-workers (reason #213 why I love my job). Pretty soon everything in my life will just be one big fantasy and I will wake up in my fantasy apartment and go to my fantasy job and then go to fantasy Old Angle for fantasy drinks. Reality is overrated anyway.

My Next T-Shirt

My birthday is in less than a month and I would probably wear an XL. To purchase this shirt for that special blogger in your life, please go to the Busted T-shirt website.

Equate This!

I had my first microeconomics exam Tuesday night. It was an interesting experience considering the following: 1) I haven’t studied for a test in eight years 2) There were a lot of incredible football games on this weekend 3) I can’t sit still long enough to study and 4) I missed a very important night of class two weeks ago when I played hookey and went to my fantasy football draft instead. I actually did very well on the exam and I was happy with how I was able to learn the material, but I did miss one question which was about the Net National Product equation. Apparently he taught about that equation the night I was learning about another interesting equation: Peyton Manning + solid running backs + surprising numbers from wide receivers = an undefeated record so far in fantasy football. If the latter equation keeps working out, it will be the most economically rewarding for me.

The Weekend!

I am really looking forward to this weekend. Here is where that “going back to school thing” might get a little tricky. I have aspirations of studying supply and demand curves and catching up in my class, but the following may get into my way: The Tremont Art Walk tonight, quality girl time with Mindy on Saturday along with the Ohio State/Texas game. I also have tickets for the Browns’ season opener on Sunday, which is sure to include some early tailgating. Not to mention the first weekend of fantasy football action. This is similar to studying for my class where the supply of fun and exciting things to do may outweigh the demand of taking microeconomics.

Now Taking Requests...

I will be the first to admit I have been a bad blogger lately. The past three weeks have been crazy. I know I have let the blog go, but I received an e-mail this morning from a loyal reader which illustrated to me just how lazy I have actually become. The e-mail went like this:

Hey, How are you?
Just a note that might be of interest, I am pretty sick of seeing that same picture when I check for a new blog entry. Please add something so that horrible mug shot is not the first thing I see.
Possible blog entries: What happened at Camp Lieberth for the holiday? How is the “glass in the foot surgery” healing? Plans for winterization on the drafty home, which reminds me have you chosen your gas supplier for the winter? It’s time to check out the rates if you haven’t. Fantasy football?

I had to laugh out loud when I got this. I think my favorite part was the maternal questioning of whether or not I have chosen my gas supplier for the winter (thanks for the reminder Pam!). I have become so lazy my readers are giving me ideas for entries. At the risk of being post-modern, I do believe that is an entry in itself.

As for a life update: the summer party was a bittersweet success; my job has been out of control the past three weeks; I have decided to go back to school but I haven’t decided if I want another Master’s or just a graduate certificate or if I really want to go back to school at all (the idea of bettering myself is exciting but as I sit in Microeconomics for fours a night, I am second guessing my propensity to do so); the fantasy football draft was completed last night and as everyone else in my draft feels this morning, I think I have a winning team; I am looking forward to the fall weather and I had an incredible Labor Day weekend with friends and family. I promise to be a better blogger or at least respond to e-mails about what a poor blogger I have become.

Bad Dream

For the past two weeks I have had the same damn dream. I wake up on a Sunday morning and it is the second week of football season. In both dreams I am initially excited because, well...it's football season, and then I stop and realize the season already started and I forgot to go to my fantasy football draft. Usually the realization I have missed my football draft is enough to wake me up, so the panic doesn't last that long. Nonetheless this can't be a good sign. Good thing my dad called last night to remind me the draft is September 5. Can't Wait! The OC Herons are back and ready to defend. Pictured: My dad and I opening the champagne after we won our fantasy football championship last year.

In A Nutshell

The past three days have been a whirlwind which can only be described as:
Going out way too late Friday night, The CAVS winning a big one, my brother moving below me to create the Camp Lieberth Annex in Ohio City, the quintessential New Year’s celebration with all the fixings, a Browns win to finish the season, a New Year’s meal fit for royalty, a late night drive for Christmas Ale, the purchase of my dress for the big wedding, seeing Brokeback Mountain which is oscar-worthy on so many levels, more fantasy football winnings and a big Fiesta win for the Buckeyes. It was such a fabulous weekend. I didn’t want to see it end. I hope everyone had a Happy New Year!

I May Be The Only Person You Will Ever Meet That...

spent their Fantasy Football winnings on a maid of honor dress.

The Best

This past Christmas was hands down the best Christmas I have ever had. Christmas morning was so much fun with my family and my gifts were more than I could have ever imagined. I can’t thank my parents enough for the time and effort they put into making it such an incredible day. Thanks!

Not only did I get more than I expected on Christmas morning, somehow my dad and I pulled out the Fantasy Football Championship on Christmas Night. In a game we didn’t think we had a shot at going into this weekend, we won by eight points thanks to Thomas Jones who will now always be my favorite football player. Down by 13 points with one player left, Jones had to run for 100 yards and score a touchdown for us. He finished the game with 105 yards and a touchdown. Jubilation ensued throughout the house as my father and I popped the bubbly to celebrate.

I must admit this hasn’t been my luckiest year personally, but when it comes to sports I am on a roll. I won both my NCAA bracket and my fantasy football league. How many 30-year-old women can boast of that achievement?

The Big Ticket

As many of you know, my fantasy football team is in the playoffs. This makes for a very exciting weekend of action especially with so many great games on this past weekend. My father, brother and I were all excited to see what game CBS would be airing on Sunday, knowing there were some good options and we would have our 1 pm slot open for once because the Browns weren’t on until 4 pm. Upon waking on Sunday my father informed me as I informed my brother when he woke that CBS would be showing the San Francisco/Jacksonville game. The look of devastation appeared on all of our faces. For those of you not familiar with football, watching this game compared to our other options would be like ordering a burger when you can get a steak for the same price.

So we searched high and low for whatever bar or restaurant in the area might have the Sunday NFL ticket because for whatever reason Adelphia doesn’t offer it at my parent’s house. (Yet you can get the hockey package which makes absolutely no sense!) After calling around and then driving around, we ended up at the Winking Lizard on Miles Road along with 100 other people who seemed distraught by CBS’s selection. Wow!

There we were watching all the games, on 10 televisions right in front of us, right at the same time. What could be better? I will never be able to watch a regular game again. I am that spoiled.

Hope You Were Hungry Enough To Eat Those Words

Last week my father received an e-mail from our closest competition in our fantasy football league. The e-mail congratulated my father on a great season and went on to say how the two oldest guys in the league were beating all the younger guys. My dad thanked him for the e-mail and told him the following: My daughter is the brains of our team. He replied back with the following: Tell your daughter to stay in the kitchen where she belongs next week.

Next week has come and gone and we defeated this gentleman handedly this past weekend to take the overall points lead into the playoffs next week. So now I must ask him: Who belongs in the kitchen now?

Say It Aint So

Just wanted to share my thoughts on the season the Indianapolis Colts are having. I have real issues with the fact Tony Dungy is willing to sit his star players and save them for the playoffs instead of letting the team go 16-0. He believes the Super Bowl is more important than an undefeated season. I beg to differ with him.

I was born in 1975 but you better believe the ’72 Dolphins is part of my vernacular. Everybody remembers the teams that go undefeated. However I would have to think for a moment about who won the Super Bowl ten years ago, or even five years ago for that matter. On the other hand, I can name all the star players and the coach from the ’72 Dolphins team. Dungy needs to realize if he wants to go down in history, he needs to win out in the regular season. The ’85 Bears are remembered not for winning the Super Bowl but for the one loss they suffered during their season. I don’t want this to be the fate of the Colts as well.

I will admit this is a little self-serving. My team has a solid shot at winning my fantasy football league this year. However, without the top players from the Colts defense and Edgerrin James, I don’t have a chance in hell. Please consider the little people out there when make your decision Coach Dungy.