Enough Is Enough

I haven't blogged in two weeks. This means I have been holding in a lot of Sportygrrl frustration. I am frustrated by things happening in sports, politics, stupid holidays and stupid people in general. My stew of frustration consists of the following ingredients:

One cup of Leave Cleveland Alone. Forbes magazine named Cleveland the fourth most miserable city in the United States. You think we don't know we have problems? You think we don't know our weather sucks and that we haven't won a sports championship in over fifty years? You think we don't know LeBron James is going to be a free agent in two years? Yes, that was actually one of the reasons they gave for Cleveland being so miserable. If you are going to call us miserable at least talk about our housing and education problems. Compared to that, James is not making us miserable. This leads me to...

One cup of Stop Talking About LeBron James' Free Agency. Yes, he may leave Cleveland, but why do we have to keep talking about it? It isn't for two years. There is nothing the people of Cleveland can do to make this decision for him. It's his decision to make. Call me in 2010 and let me know where he is playing. Right now he is playing for the CAVS. End of story. This is really starting to make Cleveland look desperate. This leads me to...

One cup of Stop Making Cleveland Look Stupid. Hey Connie Schultz: I normally like what you have to write and say, BUT the next time you show up on my favorite nationally-televised talk show, The Rachel Maddow Show, to talk about Cleveland's housing problems, don't talk about the Animal Protection League. Instead of talking about homeless people and foreclosure issues, Schultz used her national moment in the sun to talk about all of the animals without homes in Cleveland due to foreclosures. That was a shame. This leads me to...

One cup of Stop Deconstructing The Stimulus Bill. Shame on those people in Congress that didn't think Family planning should be a part of this stimulus bill. Yes, tax cuts help the economy, but you know what else helps the economy? Less unplanned childbirths and information regarding contraceptives that is attainable for people in every economic class. On top of that, why is everyone up in arms over Obama saying this bill was imperative to pass? Wasn't it our last President (sorry...I can't remember his name) and his Treasury Secretary that said the country would be ruined if their bailout plan wasn't passed? Speaking of passing...

To finish up this stew, don't forget to add one cup of I Hate Valentine's Day. Do people even know what this holiday celebrates? Try reading this article to get a better perspective. If you have to pick one day out of the year to be extra nice to your significant other, than you probably shouldn't be together. How about showing them everyday that you actually like them? Please note I also feel the same way about St. Patricks Day. There should be a rule that you have some understanding of Irish history before you go out and get drunk and then puke on my street.

Speaking of drinking and puking on streets, I leave for Mardi Gras in nine days. I think I might need to get away for a couple days, what do you think?

Runner-Up Ingredients Included: Don't purposely have eight kids while on government assistance and Brett Favre should have retired two years ago.

This Whole Non-Smoking Thing Is Killing Me...

...or at least it was. Apparently word has not reached many fine establishments that there is a smoking ban in order. Last week I suffered through the ban in the bitter cold, which is best exemplified with a quote from a friend: "I felt worse after smoking four cigarettes outside than had I smoked a whole pack inside." It was rough going until last night when I frequented more than one bar, including one which uses cups as ashtrays, where I was able to smoke inside. So if you want to find me, you will have to go a little farther west (See: Lakewood). I am like the Carmen San Diego of Smoking in Cleveland.

In other news, the fantasy football gods slapped us a hard dose of irony last night. Last year we won our championship when Thomas Jones came through with a big game against Green Bay and gave us enough points to win our game. This year we were knocked out of the playoffs because Thomas Jones had another big game. This season however he played for our opponent and was not on our team. Alas the season is over.

(Insert moment of silence for fantasy football season here)

Now Taking Requests...

I will be the first to admit I have been a bad blogger lately. The past three weeks have been crazy. I know I have let the blog go, but I received an e-mail this morning from a loyal reader which illustrated to me just how lazy I have actually become. The e-mail went like this:

Hey, How are you?
Just a note that might be of interest, I am pretty sick of seeing that same picture when I check for a new blog entry. Please add something so that horrible mug shot is not the first thing I see.
Possible blog entries: What happened at Camp Lieberth for the holiday? How is the “glass in the foot surgery” healing? Plans for winterization on the drafty home, which reminds me have you chosen your gas supplier for the winter? It’s time to check out the rates if you haven’t. Fantasy football?

I had to laugh out loud when I got this. I think my favorite part was the maternal questioning of whether or not I have chosen my gas supplier for the winter (thanks for the reminder Pam!). I have become so lazy my readers are giving me ideas for entries. At the risk of being post-modern, I do believe that is an entry in itself.

As for a life update: the summer party was a bittersweet success; my job has been out of control the past three weeks; I have decided to go back to school but I haven’t decided if I want another Master’s or just a graduate certificate or if I really want to go back to school at all (the idea of bettering myself is exciting but as I sit in Microeconomics for fours a night, I am second guessing my propensity to do so); the fantasy football draft was completed last night and as everyone else in my draft feels this morning, I think I have a winning team; I am looking forward to the fall weather and I had an incredible Labor Day weekend with friends and family. I promise to be a better blogger or at least respond to e-mails about what a poor blogger I have become.

The Oh in Obnoxious

We went to see The Oh in Ohio at Cedar Lee on Sunday and it was unsatisfying. If you aren’t familiar with the movie, it is about a husband (Paul Rudd) and wife (Parker Posey) who have sexual issues. They are joined in the cast by Mischa Barton, Liza Minelli, Danny Devito and Heather Graham. The movie had potential and the makings of a fun indie-comedy, but it was just obnoxious in some places, especially when it came to the location.

The movie was filmed in Cleveland, though Cleveland has nothing do with the plot and it could have been substituted for any city in America. The shots of the city are fun, but some of it is just too far-fetched to be believable. Some examples for your palate:

1. Posey drives over the Carnegie Bridge constantly only to end up at a house that would be in Strongsville
2. Every house on the street has a pool. Where exactly does that take place in Cleveland?
3. Barton plays a high school student. There are no high school students in Cleveland that look like that.
4. Barton asks Rudd to “give me a ride to Case Western Reserve University” Who says that? Nobody who lives here would ever call CASE by its full name. It was almost as if the university was paying her to accentuate every syllable so that researchers would get it right in their grants.
5. Barton worked in the biology lab at CASE which was housed in the Peter B. Lewis Building. Not sure when they moved the biology lab into the business school but again it was nice product placement for the school.
6. Posey sees her office and says: “Look the Terminal Tower! I work there.” Nobody in Cleveland would say that to someone else who lives in Cleveland. Unless it is 2:45 am, you have just left the bars and your best friend is holding you up.
7. Her office in the Terminal Tower is shown to be right in front of Browns Stadium in the movie. Must have been a weird camera angle because I don’t see how that is possible.
8. Rudd is a teacher in the Cleveland Public School System, yet the school he works for doesn’t resemble any schools in the Cleveland Public School System.
9. The bar scene took place in MODA. I find that to be obnoxious in itself.
10. Heather Graham played a lesbian who lives in Cleveland. I wonder if people are going to think all lesbians who live in Cleveland look like that. Now that would be cool.

It was nice to see Cleveland represented. Perhaps next time it will be represented accurately.

How To Prove You Aren't Homophobic

Chicago White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen called an ESPN columnist a fag yesterday. When other reporters went to the Major League Baseball office asking for a suspension of the manager, Guillen tried to justify his comments. He said that in his native Venezuela, that word is not a reference to a person's sexuality, but to his courage. He also said he has gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago.

I think he may have developed a prototype checksheet for homophobia with his remarkable list of accomplishments. I challenge anyone to see if they can beat out Ozzie Guillen to prove who is less homophobic.
Please check if any of these apply to you:

Do you have gay friends? Add two points if you are on a first name basis.
Have you attended a WNBA game in the past three years? Add two points if you went with a lesbian.
Have you gone to a Madonna Concert? Add two points if you think this shouldn't be on the list
Do you plan on attending the Gay Games in Chicago? Add 25 points if you plan on participating.

Good Luck!

My Lucky Day

Do people really fall for these pop-up images? I decided to see what the asterisk actually meant and clicked on terms and conditions:

PinkLaptop4Free.com reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to change its Terms & Conditions at any time, for any reason, without notice. We also reserve the right, in our sole discretion, to change the methods through which free items are earned. This may include, but is not limited to, increasing the number of friends you have to refer or adding more steps to confirm that you have a legitimate account. We may also add or remove any product listed as an incentive at any time. If we replace a product, the new product may not be of equal value. Please check these Terms of Use periodically for changes. Your use of the Site following any such modification constitutes your agreement to follow and be bound by the Terms of Use as modified. The last date these Terms of Use were revised is set forth below. If you breach any of these Terms of Use your right to use this Site will terminate automatically.

Wouldn't it be great if we could all go by those terms and conditions: Things are subject to change at any time, for any reason, without notice.

Wouldn't It Make More Sense If...

...Fat Tuesday fell on a Friday and Good Friday fell on a Tuesday? Wonder who I could talk to about changing this.

Irony

Seems the more blogworthy things that happen in my life lately, the less I update my blog. The past two weeks have been filled with birthday goodness for friends (Chrissy and Shannon at Chrissy’s 1976 birthday party pictured), happy hours, a lot of laughs, a reunion with the Old Angle and Tim (also pictured), my first romantic Super Bowl (something had to liven that game up), finding out I am the only person who “pops and locks” from only the waist up and an incredible brunch with the ladies from Hard Hatted Women. Ever since I won Pitfall three weeks ago, things have really fallen into place in my life. Coincidence? I think not.

I Would Hardly Call This UrgentCare

Why do they call it UrgentCare when you have to wait for over 90 minutes with only three people in the waiting room? On Tuesday I was lucky enough to get the chance to visit my local UrgentCare due to a throat and ear problem which kept me in all weekend (see previous entry). There I was sandwiched in between the 85-year old woman in town from Florida who fell at Avon Commons and the gentleman who fell down and hurt his ribs who won the award for stupidest question asked at an UrgentCare: While filling out his paperwork, he asked his wife if he had a maiden name. She was nice enough to answer him with a straight face.

For over an hour we all sat there staring at each other wondering if there were actually doctors behind those magical doors. The doors we all kept staring at, hoping somebody, anybody would walk out and call our names. It really is the most amazing feeling in the world when you finally hear your name. (I would compare it to winning the lottery but I have never won the lottery so I guess I will compare it to winning the spelling bee in third grade.) However, once you head toward the back and think you have made it to the promise land, your wait is not over. Oh they will patronize you and ask you questions and tell you the doctor will be right in, but this is never the case. Once in the back, I waited another thirty minutes to see a doctor, who spent two minutes examining me.