Stop The Season, I Want To Get Off.

I can't take it. I can't take the pressure of a Cleveland team being favored to win a championship. This is just too much for me to bare. When the Cleveland Cavaliers finished the over-drawn out NBA regular season with the best record, it was wonderful, but so bittersweet. I just wanted the season to end there. Hang up a banner and call them regular-season champs. Unfortunately that isn't the way it works in Cleveland. The expectation now is to win the championship and sweep through the even more over-drawn out NBA playoff season.

It's great to have expectations, but a championship has not been won in Cleveland for over 45 years. My generation has seen heartbreak after heartbreak. Cleveland is a city that has three major sports teams and a sad story to tell about each one. Now the CAVS enter the post-season with the expectation to win the championship. No problem. Well...maybe one problem: the Cavaliers are from Cleveland. I am just hoping nobody has told the players about this small glitch.

Enough Is Enough

I haven't blogged in two weeks. This means I have been holding in a lot of Sportygrrl frustration. I am frustrated by things happening in sports, politics, stupid holidays and stupid people in general. My stew of frustration consists of the following ingredients:

One cup of Leave Cleveland Alone. Forbes magazine named Cleveland the fourth most miserable city in the United States. You think we don't know we have problems? You think we don't know our weather sucks and that we haven't won a sports championship in over fifty years? You think we don't know LeBron James is going to be a free agent in two years? Yes, that was actually one of the reasons they gave for Cleveland being so miserable. If you are going to call us miserable at least talk about our housing and education problems. Compared to that, James is not making us miserable. This leads me to...

One cup of Stop Talking About LeBron James' Free Agency. Yes, he may leave Cleveland, but why do we have to keep talking about it? It isn't for two years. There is nothing the people of Cleveland can do to make this decision for him. It's his decision to make. Call me in 2010 and let me know where he is playing. Right now he is playing for the CAVS. End of story. This is really starting to make Cleveland look desperate. This leads me to...

One cup of Stop Making Cleveland Look Stupid. Hey Connie Schultz: I normally like what you have to write and say, BUT the next time you show up on my favorite nationally-televised talk show, The Rachel Maddow Show, to talk about Cleveland's housing problems, don't talk about the Animal Protection League. Instead of talking about homeless people and foreclosure issues, Schultz used her national moment in the sun to talk about all of the animals without homes in Cleveland due to foreclosures. That was a shame. This leads me to...

One cup of Stop Deconstructing The Stimulus Bill. Shame on those people in Congress that didn't think Family planning should be a part of this stimulus bill. Yes, tax cuts help the economy, but you know what else helps the economy? Less unplanned childbirths and information regarding contraceptives that is attainable for people in every economic class. On top of that, why is everyone up in arms over Obama saying this bill was imperative to pass? Wasn't it our last President (sorry...I can't remember his name) and his Treasury Secretary that said the country would be ruined if their bailout plan wasn't passed? Speaking of passing...

To finish up this stew, don't forget to add one cup of I Hate Valentine's Day. Do people even know what this holiday celebrates? Try reading this article to get a better perspective. If you have to pick one day out of the year to be extra nice to your significant other, than you probably shouldn't be together. How about showing them everyday that you actually like them? Please note I also feel the same way about St. Patricks Day. There should be a rule that you have some understanding of Irish history before you go out and get drunk and then puke on my street.

Speaking of drinking and puking on streets, I leave for Mardi Gras in nine days. I think I might need to get away for a couple days, what do you think?

Runner-Up Ingredients Included: Don't purposely have eight kids while on government assistance and Brett Favre should have retired two years ago.

Sports Socialism

If you are following the current landscape of the 2008 election, you would know that the new catch phrase is "Redistribution of Wealth," and it is being used against Barack Obama. This is a fun phrase that the GOP and Fox News like to use to scare people into believing this will be the first time in their life they will have to pay taxes, and that those taxes are going to go directly to a non-deserving population of people. They are even calling him a Socialist. To these people apparently a Socialist is someone who believes those at the bottom deserve a chance, and with that chance, a more competitive market place will occur at home and abroad. This is not Socialism, it's common sense. If you are a sports fan, you see this annually when your favorite team drafts a new player. To make this more relevant to Cleveland sports fans, I want to remind you of the 2002-2003 Cleveland Cavaliers.

The 2002-2003 Cleveland Cavaliers stunk. They tied for the worst record in the league. Thankfully for the Socialist mentality of the NBA, and other major sports leagues, the worst teams in the league draft first. They do this to create a more competitive league by giving the worst teams a redistribution of wealth. That particular draft brought LeBron James to Cleveland and the rest is history. If the NBA didn't believe in fairness, then LeBron would have gone to the Los Angeles Lakers who won the championship the year before, and they would have continued to win championships year after year. This would have become boring, and fans would have stopped attending games for small market teams. This most likely would have ended up in a bailout for these small market teams and perhaps an emergency plan-maybe even a 700 billion dollar emergency plan-to help out these small market teams who never received the chance at a top draft pick. Even in my fantasy football league, the worst team gets the first shot at free agents every week. I almost called the Commissioner of my league this week to complain and call him a Socialist, but then I realized he was just being fair. Because of this Socialist fantasy football policy my last place team two weeks ago, has now won two games in a row, and we have HOPE that we can make the playoffs. We were given a chance to do something with our team, whether we did or not was up to us, but at least we had a chance.

If hope, fairness and chances are how the GOP is going to re-define socialism, then count me in because I am a small-market sports fan that loves fantasy football and loves this country. For now on, just call me Jo-Anne Six Pack, the Socialist.

Sportygrrl Election Homework: read this article from the New Yorker to see how much McCain actually AGREES with Obama AND Biden's policy and comments on taxation.
This excerpt is from the article:
During the 2000 campaign, on MSNBC’s “Hardball,” a young woman asked McCain why her father, a doctor, should be “penalized” by being “in a huge tax bracket.” McCain replied that “wealthy people can afford more” and that “the very wealthy, because they can afford tax lawyers and all kinds of loopholes, really don’t pay nearly as much as you think they do.” The exchange continued:
YOUNG WOMAN: Are we getting closer and closer to, like, socialism and stuff?. . .
MCCAIN: Here’s what I really believe: That when you reach a certain level of comfort, there’s nothing wrong with paying somewhat more.

Confessions Of A Lazy Cleveland Blogger

I will be the first to admit I have not been a good blogger this summer. For the one or two of you who have not given up on my blog, I am sorry, but there is justification for this. First I was distracted by that whole Ireland thing, then I started applying for other jobs and finally I realized it was summer in Cleveland. If you don't understand that last part, then you obviously live outside of northeast Ohio. Those of us in Cleveland realize we must try and fit twelve months worth of activities into four months of sunlight. It's not easy, but I have been trying to do this, which is why the blog has been suffering.

In the past ten days alone, I have traveled through most of Ohio going to bonfire parties in Wooster, pool parties in Rocky River and then spending three days last week at my alma mater, Ohio University for Ohio Brew Week. I finished last week off by attending the National Hamburger Festival in Akron Ohio. This weekend, I am looking forward to attending the Cool Cleveland Ingenuity Party, which is taking place downtown Cleveland during The Ingenuity Festival. Also coming up for those of you who like free outdoor theatre is a show called "Becomes You" which will be performed in Rockefeller Park this weekend and Edgewater Park next weekend.

If you live in Cleveland, you have to make up for the dreary winters and springs by spending as much time as possible outside during the summer. Otherwise I would be boring you with blogs everyday while sitting in the Winking Lizard finishing off my beer tour and eating wings all the time. Not that there is anything wrong with that: It's good to have hobbies.

The Bright Side Of The Cavs Losing

Yes, it was heartbreaking to watch the CAVS season end yesterday. Yes, I wish they were going up against the Pistons in a conference finals rematch from last year. However I have to look on the bright side of yesterday's loss and think: At least I won't be walking around Ireland the next two weeks trying to find a CAVS score. I have a feeling their games are not front page news over there.

Five days until Ireland!

Home Tour Sweet Home Tour

Looking for something cool to do in Cleveland this weekend? Even if you aren't, you should go to the Ohio City Home Tour. The tour highlights houses, condos and businesses in the Ohio City neighborhood. These kind people let you walk through their houses and businesses to view either the unique history or the modern touches they have added to the neighborhood. Its a great way to become more familiar with the near west side of Cleveland or just a good excuse to stop into The Old Angle for a pint.

Happy Birthday To Me (6 Months From Now)

I was partially joking when I told Julie I wanted to go the Monday Night Football game between the Cleveland Browns and the New York Giants on October 13, 2008. By partially joking I meant it in that way when you hope someone takes you seriously, and if they don't, you can just say: "What? I was just joking-I would never really ask for something like that for my birthday six months away from now." Thankfully she took me seriously. Today I got my birthday wish six months in advance when she purchased this view for that evening:

Browns Sign Clinton and Obama

You can't go anywhere in Northeast Ohio without seeing Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. I mean this literally. In past elections, the Ohio primary took place so late that the candidates for each party had already been decided (see: John McCain). This year both Obama and Clinton can't seem to get out of Ohio. Just yesterday Obama was down the road at Valley Forge High School as Hillary was a little farther east in Youngstown before she came to Akron this afternoon. She will be holding a rally at Cleveland State University tonight. They will both be back in Cleveland next Monday and Tuesday before the election. This 2008 primary is really starting to overshadow the Browns' Free Agent signings-so much so that I am beginning to think the Browns signed both Clinton and Obama. Can you even imagine? Let's Try:

CLEVELAND - The Browns made two signings today to shore up both their secondary and receiving corps by signing strong safety Hillary Clinton and slot receiver Barack Obama. Both players were signed to four-year contracts with the option for four more years, though no money is guaranteed for either player.

Clinton, a strong safety out of Wellesly College, has promised to defend the long bomb against defenders. Her services will come in handy as the Browns secondary only had 17 interceptions last year and is one of the youngest in the league. Clinton has been tauted as one of the most fiery veterans available, but has never been seen as a team player. "I don't care if people like me," Clinton said. "My coaches know I can get the job done and I am here to do that."

Obama, a slot reciever out of Columbia University, has promised to prove his critics around the league wrong who say he is too young to start. He has yet to show much in his first three years, but the Browns were willing to take a chance on him based on scouting reports. "I really think I can surprise some people at this level," Obama said. "I have fought through adversity before."

Browns fans seem torn on this decision by General Manager Phil Savage. It seems that 51 percent of the fans are happy, 47 percent of the fans are unhappy and two percent of the fans are undecided. Season ticket holder Dennis Kucinch* had this to say: "I am really disappointed they didn't at least try me out for the team. I might be little, but I really know how to fake people out."

*The writer of this blog is hopeful people will vote Dennis Kucinich out next Tuesday. Please consider voting for Joe Cimperman!

Reality Resembling Fantasy Is Good For Cleveland

If you are anything like me, and luckily for you, you probably are not, then I know you are as excited as I am about the Cleveland Browns free agent signings and off-season trades. In the past, Browns fans have had very little to look forward to. When it came to free agents, we got the best of the washed up 30 something crowd that any fan could hope for. Not anymore. Apparently when you fail to make the playoffs on the last game of the season due to the lackluster play of Derek Anderson (who I really really really wish the team would trade for draft picks), the team thinks they should try to get better in the off-season. Low and behold, only two days into free-agency, the Browns have traded for two defensive lineman who are in their prime and yesterday they signed a wide receiver my dad and I have owned on one of our fantasy football teams in the past. This was a nice indication of how far management has come considering they are almost on par with The OC Herons when it comes to football drafts and free-agent pickups.

Leap Night!

When was the last time you celebrated Leap Night, which falls every four years on February 29th? If you said, four years ago, then good for you, but for many people including myself, I have never seen this as an opportunity to go out and celebrate. Until now! This is where Pop-Up City comes in handy. Pop-Up City creates events around Cleveland in vacant areas of the city, to showcase not only the city, but the people who like to spend time and money in this city (we are an under-appreciated people).

This Friday, Pop-Up City is creating Leap Night 2008. According to the webiste, Leap Night will turn a vacant lot in The Flats into a Winter Wonderland while featuring a snow and ice installation, a winter forest complete with costume bears, music, bonfires, performances by SAFMOD, Cleveland’s multi-media performance ensemble, an ice skating rink, a snowboard ramp and rail jam competition, an outdoor Rock BandTM video game competition, a snowsuit fashion show, and food and drink vendors. I personally never miss an opportunity for a good snowsuit fashion show and either should you. Come out and support Pop-Up City and Leap Night 2008.

Free Stadium Mustard When You Meet Your Deductible

Two years ago my brother and I had a contest to see who could name the most sports stadiums that aren't named after corporations. (Yes we can make a competition out of anything.) The first stadium we both mentioned was Jacobs Field-the field our very own Cleveland Indians play on every summer. Next time we become sports dorks and decide to have this competition, Jacobs Field will no longer be on that list.

Sadly, Jacobs Field is now going to be called Progressive Field. When I first heard this I really hoped it had something to do with the changing political landscape in Cleveland. This was not the case. Peter Jacobs, Cleveland's richest man and the founder of Progressive Insurance, has bought the naming rights to Jacobs Field. Jacobs, who has his name on half the builings on the East side of the city, has now decided to move downtown. The whole thing is a little depressing like most sell-outs, and is enough to make me want to leave the country. Luckily, I got my passport yesterday, which makes that possible.

The Browns Score! CRASH!

Yesterday my brother Mark was the responsible one. You may want to read that last sentence again before I go on. Ok...now that you are all caught up, Mark is the responsible one. This is because he was the only one able to drive home yesterday after we spent four hours at the Blue Moose Eatery watching every football game possible on the NFL ticket. We left the bar before the Browns game was over even though it looked like they had the game won. However on the drive home and two onside kicks later by the Jets, the game was still not over. It was at this point that I got out of my car and watched Mark park my car ahead of his car on the street. Unfortunately, it was also at this point that Jamal Lewis scored the game-winning touchdown for the Browns. As my brother listened to Jim Donovan's excited voice do play-by-play on the score, he accidentally slammed his foot on the gas and backed up into his own car. At this point his alarm starts going off on his car. While there was very minimal damage for either car, it did create quite a commotion. I guess that was just Mark's way of celebrating. Let me reiterate, he is the responsible one in this story.

The Curse Of Cleveland Is Over

Just in case fans of Clevleand have not heard yet, the curse is over. We finally won the big one! This past Sunday on the Food Network's "The Next Iron Chef," Michael Symon, owner of two Cleveland restaurants, Lola and Lolita won the battle to become the next Iron Chef on "Iron Chef America." If you don't watch the Food Network or have never heard of Iron Chef America, this may mean very little to you. However, if you like Cleveland as much as I do, you have to at least appreciate the prominence this brings to the city.

Most people who live downtown know that Symon owns two of the coolest eating joints around. Origianally located in Tremont, Lola is now located downtown and Lolita has taken the Tremont location. While the food is phenomonal at both these locations, Lolita has one of the coolest happy hours around. Where else can you get happy hour prices from 10 pm until close on Friday AND Saturday nights that include items from the award-winning menu and drink specials. This weekend I went to the Food and Wine show in Cleveland and Symon was listed under "local celebrity chef." Next year when I go to this show, I will be excited to see his name under "national celebrity chef." Now if only the Browns can win the big one, and by that I mean...beating the Steelers!

Come One, Come All...

...To my Ohio City Pub Crawl. Join me this Saturday as I bar hop through Ohio City for the last time before moving to Old Brooklyn (that's Cleveland not Parma by the way). We will be leaving the Old Angle at 6:30 pm and stopping at seven or eight bars (weather permitting) before coming back to the Old Angle to finish the night. There will also be t-shirts designed by Tim for a very small price to wear along the way to make it worth your while. I hope to see you there!

Not Only Was He White, He Was Also Chubby

As you many know by now there was a school shooting in Cleveland yesterday approximately one mile from my job. When I first heard about the shootings, I couldn't get over the fact that this shooting took place in an urban high school. These kinds of school shootings don't happen in the big city. They happen in the rich suburbs. With all the footage shown, one was made to believe that the shooter was black, which shocked the hell out of me because these kind of shootings aren't done by black kids. They are done by crazy white kids. As I watched more and more footage, I still was in shock...until this morning when Julie sent me these pictures and I saw that he was indeed a white student. A very messed up kid if you read over this page and believe that it is really him, though apparently that is not his real picture. I know it's not his real picture becasuse of this future pulitzer prize-winning journalism that gave me more insight into this kid's mind courtesy of cleveland.com: "Asa, who was 14-years-old and is known to have argued with fellow students over religion, was a chubby teen."

Witness The Backlash

In case you haven't heard, Lebron James wore a New York Yankees hat to last night's playoff game between the Cleveland Indians and the Yankees. I do believe my love affair with this man is over. His cockiness has exceeded all bounds especially when it comes to supporting the people and town that support him. The more I think about it, the more infuriated I get about the whole thing. This might blow over by the CAVS first game on November 15, but it feels like this Cleveland sports fan has been slapped in the face. When someone brought it up this morning in my office, I promptly got up and ripped down my LeBron poster, balled it up and threw it away (pictured).

This Is How I Roll

Sunday was so beautiful outside it would have been a sin to stay in all day watching football and drinking beer. Instead of doing my normal Sunday routine, Julie and I headed out on a 25-mile biking adventure through Lakewood, Rocky River, North Olmstead, Strongsville, Middleburg Heights and Parma. Part of the plan was to stop at the Nature Center in North Olmsted, because it is along our route, and I have heard great things about the view. On this particular day the center was hosting a settlers celebration/fall festival, so along with the view we also got to enjoy banjo music and fresh apple cider made right before our eyes. As we headed through Strongsville we stopped and enjoyed the picnic we had packed before finishing the final leg of our trip through Parma. We got home just in time for the Browns game AND THEN I was able to watch football and drink beer. I have included pictures to show how beautiful these trails are throughout the West and South side of Cleveland.

Goodbye Frye!

Early reports this morning from my friend Staci, a very reliable source, say that the Browns have traded quarterback Charlie Frye to the Seattle Seahawks for a sixth round pick. Keep in mind she told me this two hours before it was reported on cleveland.com. Apparently I have contacts that rival Deepthroat from the Watergate Era.

My only question now is: Why does he get to leave? After his performance on Sunday he should be made to stay here and watch every game this season just like the rest of us. After playing the worst game of his life, he is now on a playoff team. The only logical reason I could think of is that because he is from Ohio, they found the farthest destination they possibly could as punishment.

Public Service Announcement

I got an e-mail with the following DUI checkpoints in Cleveland for the rest of the summer. I have decided to post them because you can never be too careful. The one on Friday, August 31st on West 25th is only a block from my house. I was thinking of bringing a lawn chair and heckling people. Perhaps I will even go to each one and make t-shirts like a concert tour. Nonetheless, drive safely Clevelanders!

Friday, August 24:
1. Mayfield / I-271 - The briefing will begin at 10 p.m. at the South Euclid sobriety checkpoint at 4130 Mayfield Road; five police departments will be working the detail.--
2. Euclid Ave. - The briefing will begin at 11 p.m. on E. 185th at Neff; three police departments will be working the detail.Saturday, August 25--
3. Columbia Road - The briefing will begin at 11 p.m. at the Olmsted Falls sobriety checkpoint on Columbia Road one mile south of I-480; eight police departments will be working the detail.--
4. Lorain / I-90 - The briefing will begin at 10 p.m. on Lorain at W. 150th; five police departments will be working the detail.Friday,

Friday, August 31:
1. Royalton Road - The briefing will begin at 10 p.m. at the North Royalton sobriety checkpoint on Royalton Road at Abbey; five police departments will be working the detail.--
2. US 42 / SR 3 - The briefing will begin at 11 p.m. at W. 25th at Franklin; five police departments will be working the detail.

Saturday, September 1:
1. Mayfield Road / I-271 - The briefing will begin at 10 p.m. at the Lyndhurst sobriety checkpoint on Mayfield Road.; five police departments will be working the detail.--
2. E. 185th / SR 2 / Euclid Ave. - The briefing will begin at 11 p.m. at the Euclid sobriety checkpoint (location TBD); two police departments will be working the detail.

Bad Religion

Yesterday I participated in an Ohio City Biking Scavenger Hunt. To say I was excited about this event puts it mildly. I have been biking almost 45 miles a week this summer, and on top of that I live in Ohio City, so I thought I had a good chance to win the $100 dollar prize. I even bought a new bike helmet to wear for the event.

We got our list of things to find five minutes before we took off and then the race was on. Things started out well as we captured the Franklin Castle on our camera phones, and then we were on our way to Church Street to captue the St. Johns Episcopal Church followed by a bed and breakfast, the Glass Blowing store, a mansion and made our way to Monroe Street to get a picture of the cemetary. We biked quickly back to the finishing point and realized we were the first ones there. As I showed my pictures for proof, I quickly realized my picture of the church didn't save. I immediately jumped back on my bike and went as fast as I could for a mile and a half to get another picture of the church. I made it back completely out of breath and found out that we had finished in second place. Instead of collecting the money prize, I found myself holding a ten dollar gift certificate to a local coffee shop. I was in disbelief. I have since found the humor in the fact that the one picture that didn't save was a picture of a church on a Sunday morning. I wonder if this was a sign that I should get to church more often.