The Gasman Always Rings Once

As I was getting ready for work this morning, my doorbell rang. This almost never happens . In order to get to the door, I have to find my keys because I can't open my door without them, and then I have to run down the backsteps to the door. By the time I got down there, the person who rang the bell was gone. After I finished getting ready for work and walked out the door, there was that damn note from the gas company which said they missed me. I always miss this person and I think it is done on purpose. The gasman is my nemesis (think Jerry Seinfeld and Newman). After they rang the doorbell, they must have ran away because they didn't even wait one minute for me to come down the stairs. This is most concerning to me because I haven't turned my heat on, so I don't want them estimating based on past years. Yeah, I know. I am crazy on so many levels. Most of you know my issues with the gas company. Now I have one more.

Walk Softly And Carry A Big Swiffer

This morning the biggest wasp/bee/roach with wings was inside my house trying to get out of my living room window. If you know anything about me at all, you know I went running and screaming out of the room to find Maria to kill it. The following conversations then took place:

Maria: Can you get me a broom
Me: Well my broom is pretty thin. I will be right back.
(I leave and enter room with both my broom and my swiffer)
Maria: What am I going to do with your swiffer?
Me: You can use it as a spear (as I hold it out straight and demonstrate how a swiffer can be used as a spear)
Maria: I don’t have the dexterity for that-give me the broom.
Me: Well how would you use the broom then if you don’t have the dexterity?
Maria: I use the waving and batting method.
Me: Oh ok.
(At this point I leave the room and let her do her thing. I hear her swatting at the wall, my fireplace, the wall again and then finally I hear a big crash….)
Maria: I think we are going to have to buy you a new window.
Me: Did you kill it?
Maria: No but the window broke.
Me: I knew you should have used the swiffer.
Maria: Yes the swiffer as spear approach probably would have only put a hole through your wall.

The Censored Nutshell

This is the fourth time I have tried to start a blog entry this week. The past ten days have been a whirlwind with so many interesting anecdotes to share. However I have been incredibly busy at work and sitting down to take the time and reflect has been almost impossible. I have to censor some of what has been going on the past ten days or so as to not offend anyone such as parents, close friends, acquaintances or anybody else who reads this blog on a regular basis.

Two weekends ago was Mark’s first official weekend in the big city. We made the most of it on Saturday night by sitting behind the Milwaukee Bucks bench with our upgraded seats at the CAVS game. After the game we xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx and the next thing I know we are walking home across the Detroit/Superior bridge Sunday morning.

That weekend served as a springboard into a fun week of unplanned festivities, which included my brother and I bonding at Target and fun late-night phone calls from Meg in Chicago with CAVS updates, whether I wanted them or not. On Wednesday my water went out at my apartment (thankfully it wasn’t my fault) and a friend let me stay at her apartment while she was out of town. Unfortunately she doesn’t have a television because xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx so I had to find something to do to keep myself entertained. I realized that evening it is no small coincidence Richard Dean Anderson who played TV’s MacGyver and I went to the same college (for those of you at home who don’t know: we both went to Ohio University). I now consider myself the MacGyver of the kitchen as I made a fun chicken dish with what was available to me. It’s amazing what you can do with a little curry paste and a spice rack.

Friday I thought I was going to stay in and just relax but I ended up meeting Mindy at Ohio City’s best Happy Hour. Once home I was feeling restless, so I xxxxxxxxxxxxxx and now there is this crazy hole in my ceiling which is going to be impossible to explain. The weekend was filled with a lot of poker, an incredibly fun wedding shower (how often do you hear that?), football with my brother, a fun party in Lakewood followed by an intriguing after hours and chocolate mint martinis. Monday I celebrated the holiday in style by xxxxxxxxxxxxxx and I am still shaking my head at that one.

I don’t know if it is just coincidental or not but ever since Mark has moved in downstairs things have been pretty constant. It has been so much fun though having my best friend right down stairs to drink beers with and watch sports with anytime. Not only do I have cable on-demand it is like I also have drinking buddy and sports fan on-demand as well. Life is good and not just because of the funny pact I made with Mindy Friday night which entailed me xxxxxxxxxxxxx for a couple weeks. I will keep you updated.

Just Your Typical Night Of River Raid Until Three In The Morning

Last night I might have seen the most incredible national championship game of my lifetime. Normally this would be the best part of my evening. However the game was overshadowed by my new Christmas present from one of my best friends. Last night Liz came over and brought me the new Atari game system. The game system is almost half the size of the original and has 40 games (with all the original graphics) in the memory. After the game we debated about setting it up, but couldn’t help ourselves. This morning I am feeling the effects of staying up that late with my new toy, but it was worth it to get to play River Raid and Pitfall. I had no idea how much I missed those crazy sound effects from 1982.

So That Is What My Doorbell Sounds Like

At about 10:30 pm I heard my doorbell for the first time ever. I sat there stunned for a second unaware of what the noise could possibly be. Then I realized it must be my doorbell for the back door. As I walked downstairs I could not imagine who would be stopping by at this time of night. (Okay, okay, that last part is a lie I have some crazy friends who stop by whenever they want to, but I thought it would add some suspense to the story.) I pulled back the curtains and began talking to a woman I had never seen before through my window as if one of us was in prison. The conversation went a little like this:

Me: Yes?
Strange woman at my door: That vacuum out in your trash…that work?
Me: Uh…vacuum in my trash? Oh, my neighbor is moving he must have thrown it away.
Strange woman at my door: Cuz uh I don’t want to be carrying no vacuum home and not have it work.
Me: I understand that would be a real hassle. Sorry I can’t help you.
Strange woman at my door: Is your neighbor home? Maybe I can talk to him.
Me: Sorry he isn’t around.
Strange woman at my door: Shit. Well, thanks anyway.
Me: Okay, have a good night.

She didn’t end up taking the vacuum. I guess the chance of it actually working wasn’t enough to overtake the struggle to haul it down the street.

Seems Like Forever

I have taken a little break from the blog the past week, but now I am back after my crazy week from hell. This past week has included a lot of moving, both moving out and moving on but I think I am back to my old self.

Moving has got to be one of the most stressful things to do. Lucky for me I had some great help and some great laughs. I felt like I was in a comedy of errors last week as my brother had to help me move wearing golf shoes and tube socks with shorts (quite a look), most of my furniture took a beating in my new tiny door ways and I found out that Alison and Karen are the beat couch movers this side of the Mississippi. To everyone who helped me, thank you very much. Many thanks to Mindy who brought a certain someone over to concoct a pulley to bring my treadmill down the stairs—quite a sight to see.

I am starting to feel more and more at home in my new place. I love my new claw tub and the other night I was so tired the only thing I wanted to do was take a bath. I turned my radio on for a little background noise but when the commercials on the radio were over I realized I had put on Delilah doing Lovelight songs on Soft Rock 102.1. I was too lazy and too tired to get up and put something else on the radio. I heard dedication after dedication and just sat there thinking: “I might actually be in hell.”

My house became complete on Saturday when the cable guy showed up with HBO and a digital video recorder. Mindy said I actually sounded like the commercial when I called her to say: “It actually stops and pauses live tv!” I am going to be entertained for hours, which is good because this is the first time I have ever lived on my own so there is a little bit of an adjustment to make.

I have actually found out living alone doesn’t mean you have to be alone. I had a great first weekend that involved going to see Star Wars at a matinee with some friends I haven’t seen in a while and then meeting my couch movers, Alison and Karen for Happy Hour and some incredible Karaoke performed by Karen. (I have never heard Bon Jovi sound so good.) Then last night as I was about to grill up some dogs for myself, I got a couple phone calls and I was instantly joined by five other people who brought even more food over along with folding chairs and a table and voila! we had an impromptu outdoor grill party. The best part is when the party is over, everyone goes home and I get to hang out by myself pausing and recording live tv. Life is good.

Let's Do The Time Warp Again

I did it. I signed a lease for my apartment straight out of the seventies. I love it though, at least compared to everything else I have seen. I am excited to make it my own space. For those of you keeping score at home, this will be the first time I have ever lived on my own. I can’t wait to leave my clothes lying around, knowing they are mine all the while leaving my mess in the sink and know that it is only my mess. Not to mention I can make alterations to the place, so the wallpaper may be coming down if I don’t want to stick to that seventies theme.

The coolest aspect of this space is the landlord. She lives next door and is a 70-year resident of Ohio City, moving in to the house next to mine in 1935. She had her own stand at the West Side Market for 60 years and has the greatest stories to tell. Her whole family lives around me in different houses so I feel like I have become part of the family already. Hopefully I will be over her house for Sunday dinners in no time.

Can I Really Be This Big of a Snob?

I went to look at an apartment last night and it had everything I wanted. Well, almost everything I wanted. First let me start with the pros of renting this place. The apartment is huge, almost 800 square feet for one person. It is the whole second floor of an old Ohio City home, so it has a lot of character including an old fireplace, a ton of woodwork and bay windows with benches. The landlord was a really cool, down to earth guy who doesn’t care about my impending credit problems. He has lived on this small street for over forty years, and he and his brothers own half the older homes on the street. As a matter of fact after I saw the place last night we all ended up going out for drinks. If that isn’t a good sign, I don’t know what is. Other positive things include the fact it has a free washer and dryer, security system, private off-street parking, a nice yard, central air conditioning, an old claw tub, a nice porch and the biggest thing of all: the rent. This place is so cheap. This place is so cheap I still can’t believe what I would be paying in rent to live in the area I want to live in with many of the amenities I wanted.

So what’s the problem? Well, it hasn’t been updated in over thirty years, so when you enter the front door it feels like you have traveled back to the seventies. Some of the things, such as the wallpaper are fixable, but there is one thing really holding me back on this deal. In the living room and dining room there is carpeting which really stands out. The carpet is in great shape--it just happens to be bright lime green. I don’t know if I could live with bright lime green carpeting. However, with all of the great things about this place I might have to suck it up and go with the green. I almost feel like I would be crazy to not jump at the chance to rent this place but right now I am going through a mild snobby moment. I know my other options in the area are half the size, more money, no washer or dryer, no central air, no yard and no off-street parking. I might just have to keep reading that last sentence over and over again every time I think of the carpeting. That should be enough to get me through this small quandary.

A Room of all Trades

On Saturday, Liz walked in the door with a big box. A big box that contained one of those fun 9-in-1 game tables. The 9-in-1 is a table used for cards, chess, checkers, backgammon, shuffleboard, bowling, fusbol, ping pong and air hockey. Our spare bedroom is almost ready to challenge Dave and Busters with this fun new addition along with the vintage Atari 2600, the Nintendo 64 and the magnetic dart board all housed in that room. Not to mention the treadmill. We had such high hopes for our spare room, a second living room of sorts. However, it is looking like that room will be turning into: an office, a tv room, an art room, a work-out room, a game room and the cat's room (also this is the room where Liz has agreed to hang some of my movie and sports posters that I am not ready to part with at the moment--posters she doesn't want anywhere near our living room and dining room). Back to the 9-in-1 table, so far it is a blast but it is a little small for the two of us. It is only four feet in length, so ping pong proved to be a little frustrating at first and my arm usually reaches over the halfway mark in air hockey. However, it is a great way to relieve pent up frustration. Forget counseling, every couple should own one of these tables. I see a lot of future arguments being handled over the noise of our air hockey fan and the sound of the little white ball from the ping pong and fusbol tables. Here is yet another use for that spare room: therapeutic and counseling room.