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I will be the first to admit I have been a bad blogger lately. The past three weeks have been crazy. I know I have let the blog go, but I received an e-mail this morning from a loyal reader which illustrated to me just how lazy I have actually become. The e-mail went like this:

Hey, How are you?
Just a note that might be of interest, I am pretty sick of seeing that same picture when I check for a new blog entry. Please add something so that horrible mug shot is not the first thing I see.
Possible blog entries: What happened at Camp Lieberth for the holiday? How is the “glass in the foot surgery” healing? Plans for winterization on the drafty home, which reminds me have you chosen your gas supplier for the winter? It’s time to check out the rates if you haven’t. Fantasy football?

I had to laugh out loud when I got this. I think my favorite part was the maternal questioning of whether or not I have chosen my gas supplier for the winter (thanks for the reminder Pam!). I have become so lazy my readers are giving me ideas for entries. At the risk of being post-modern, I do believe that is an entry in itself.

As for a life update: the summer party was a bittersweet success; my job has been out of control the past three weeks; I have decided to go back to school but I haven’t decided if I want another Master’s or just a graduate certificate or if I really want to go back to school at all (the idea of bettering myself is exciting but as I sit in Microeconomics for fours a night, I am second guessing my propensity to do so); the fantasy football draft was completed last night and as everyone else in my draft feels this morning, I think I have a winning team; I am looking forward to the fall weather and I had an incredible Labor Day weekend with friends and family. I promise to be a better blogger or at least respond to e-mails about what a poor blogger I have become.

Black Sheep

I checked my daily e-mail from Strickland headquarters and saw the following press release:

Columbus, Ohio – Roger Strickland, brother of Ohio gubernatorial candidate Congressman Ted Strickland, will visit the Allen County Fair in Lima Friday.

Has history taught democrats anything about letting their brothers blaze the campaign trail with them? Hopefully Roger Strickland will do a better job promoting his brother than Billy Carter and Roger Clinton (pictured).

East Versus West: Priorities

I may refuse to live east of the city, but for now on I will always go that direction for medical care in Cleveland. Normally I would go to Hillcrest Hospital in Mayfield for my emergency room care, but on Monday morning I decided to just walk the one block to Lutheran Hospital in Ohio City to get a small sliver of glass out of my heel. Four days later, I am regretting that decision.

One would think getting a small piece of glass out of my heel would be something that could be done in the emergency room. I watch enough cable programming to see almost anything can be done in the emergency room. What I found out is that the only thing that can be done in the emergency room at Lutheran is a lot of waiting and a lot of watching cable television. Ironic isn’t it? I spent five hours sitting there waiting to see a doctor. During that time, they took inconclusive x-rays and gave me a tetanus shot. The tetanus shot they gave me has now infected my right arm. My arm feels like it is on fire, though I am glad to say the swelling has finally started to go down after two nights of icing it. Nonetheless, the final verdict on the foot was that I would have to have surgery the next morning.

Tuesday morning I got ready for surgery by having a nurse try to find a place to put an IV into my hands. Three tries later both of my hands are bruised, but the anesthesia was definitely worth that small amount of pain. She kept telling me she always finds it on the first try and I was the exception. I guess that was reassuring for the next patient but it didn’t do a whole lot for my psyche as I headed into surgery. On my way in, my nurse asked me if I was related to the “Bainbridge Lieberths.” This was a good sign as I assumed she would never let anything happen to a “Bainbridge Lieberth” so I answered yes as quickly as possible. As I lay there, they showed me the piece of glass they took out, which I didn’t see but they swore they took it out, so I had no other choice but to believe them. It was like when they said the Tetanus shot would hurt for only a day or so, and they refrained from telling me my arm would swell up and make my bicep look like a tomato.

Two stitches later, my foot probably hurts the least of all my wounds. The bruising in my hands has turned a different color which I think is a good thing, and my arm doesn’t burn nearly as much as it has. My doctor who didn’t seem overly concerned said to come back to the emergency room next week if it was still swelled and burning. I have a feeling I will choose Hillcrest Hospital if that is the case. Not to mention the east side also has better Asian cuisine, so it is a good excuse to get some Thai food. Hmmm…better healthcare and better Thai food, perhaps I should consider a re-location. Nah, the bars are still better on the west side and in the end isn’t that all that really matters?

Meanwhile...One Tetanus Shot Later

I spent the day at Lutheran Hospital and apparently I will be spending tomorrow at Lutheran Hospital as well. It's funny how the smallest thing can turn into a big production. Long story short: broke a glass Saturday night, stepped on random piece of glass Sunday night, went to emergency room Monday morning and having surgery on my heel to remove remaining glass Tuesday morning. For those of you who read my blog on a daily basis, this incident did not involve a spider or a Swiffer Wet Jet through my living room window. I just wanted to make that clear.

Is This ESPN or Comedy Central?

Without ESPN.com, I wouldn't have had the following good laughs this morning:

1. Take a look at this picture of Maurice Clarett's car after his arrest yesterday morning. In his passenger seat you see two loaded guns, an empty bottle of top shelf vodka AND a lint brush. Apparently when you are driving around drinking straight from the bottle with two loaded guns and a bullet proof vest on you don't want cat hair and lint all over the place. I know where he is coming from on this one. I hate leaving the house with stuff on my clothes. You never know the impression this might make on a client or someone you are trying to gun down.

2.Then you have the sexual harrassment lawsuit against Isiah Thomas. The suit was filed by the former Vice President of Marketing for the New York Knicks, the team Thomas presides over. In the 12-page court document filed Wednesday, Thomas acknowledged he once touched Anucha Browne Sanders' shoulder, and may have even tried to kiss her on the cheek. But he insisted he did nothing wrong, reiterating his stance since the allegations were made public in January. He tried to kiss her on the cheek but he thinks that is okay. Since when is the workplace kiss on the cheek a normal practice?

Good times with our sports role models!

Bad Dream

For the past two weeks I have had the same damn dream. I wake up on a Sunday morning and it is the second week of football season. In both dreams I am initially excited because, well...it's football season, and then I stop and realize the season already started and I forgot to go to my fantasy football draft. Usually the realization I have missed my football draft is enough to wake me up, so the panic doesn't last that long. Nonetheless this can't be a good sign. Good thing my dad called last night to remind me the draft is September 5. Can't Wait! The OC Herons are back and ready to defend. Pictured: My dad and I opening the champagne after we won our fantasy football championship last year.

The New Strickland Shirt

Yesterday my new Ted Strickland shirt arrived. I am very excited about this particular item and it was made by a local who runs his own website. To get your own shirt please check out his site, Better Ted Than Red.

Best Week Ever

When I tell you my week started with Barbie in Fairytopia and ended with soccer moms, you may think that it was a quiet, family friendly week. Not quite. In honor of my favorite show ending for the season, I really did have THE BEST WEEK EVER.

If you read my last entry, you know last Monday night out with Barbie wasn’t all that family friendly but it sure was enlightening and the soccer game at the Wolstein Center turned out to be a lot more fun than we thought it was going to be. Couched in between these two events was a very long week of giving back to the community in my own very talented way: through eating and drinking. On Wednesday, my favorite watering hole, The Old Angle, hosted the Summer Restaurant Tour and gave 40% percent of the proceeds from that evening back to the Center. On Thursday, Union Station hosted Martini night and gave 60% of those proceeds back to the Center which turned me into quite the philanthropist. I don’t know if I necessarily recommend drinking and donating after this week. The reason for this recommendation is when it comes to the end of the evening and you ask yourself if you really want one more, you realize you are drinking for the cause and you have to have one more (and one more and one more after that…). Let’s just say I did my part last week.

Thankfully we took Friday night off to take out braids, my new favorite thing-that-I-do-every-three-months activity and Saturday evening did at least start out low-key. I felt like we were back in high school as we went out on a fun double-date that started at Johnny Mango and then headed to watch some soccer with free tickets won only a day earlier. I ended up enjoying the soccer much more than I thought I would because the original Cleveland Force legends played at halftime. I used to love the Force, so to see some of those players now was hilarious. After the game we decided to go somewhere we normally don't frequent and ironically enough we ended up in Ohio City. Touch Supper Club turned out to be the coolest place I hung out at all week with the DJ spinning for our table and the bartender impressing us with his talents. We finished that night off with a trip to Diana's, where a certain Cleveland blogger would agree their coffee actually puts you to sleep.

I do believe I will be taking this week off to recuperate and volunteer at the Center at night to get ready for the Summer Party. As if I didn’t already give enough last week…

By the way, the fun will be starting again on August 15 as Maria and I will be hosting the Summer Restaurant Tour at Momocho and don’t forget the Wing Thing on August 16 at the zoo to benefit Community Shares.

Apparently Barbie Can Sing As Well

It’s obvious I had a weird evening when the first thing I do upon arriving at work is Google the nationally touring play called Barbie Live! in Fairytopia. What was going to be a quick stop at Bounce last night for an appetizer or two, turned into a three-hour karaoke show put on by the performers of the nationally-touring play, Barbie Live! in Fairytopia.

Monday is karaoke night at Bounce. Usually this crowd consists of 10 people including the same two old men singing Better Midler songs, the two young guys who like to sing Kelly Clarkson and the woman who sings Johnny Cash. Every once in a while you might get a karaoke ringer or two, but what we witnessed last night was more like the Haley’s Comet of Kareoke at Bounce and we may never see anything like it again. After the first song, Proud Mary, included back up dancers, we realized we might not be sitting with the usual crowd. Sure enough as the evening went on, there were times we actually thought we were listening to the actual singer or even someone who sounded better than the actual singer. There wasn’t a bad singer in the bunch, though you could tell the pitch difference as they got drunker throughout the night. Or maybe you could just tell they were getting drunker because they started taking their shirts off.

We thought they might be from a local theatre but couldn’t place it. Finally I went up and asked the bartender who they were with and he said: “That Barbie show at Palace Theatre” In fact they weren’t local at all, they are currently on a national tour doing Barbie Live! in Fairytopia, a one-hour musical for kids. I for one am glad I got to see the evening show—I have a feeling it wasn’t anything like what they performed for the children. Look out Louisville, they are coming your way next.

Some Thoughts For The Week

I haven’t been the best at updating my blog lately, but it partially has been for good reason. On top of my usual laziness, I also took a little vacation out to Camp Lieberth for four days. Now that all of the grilled meat and vodka from my vacation has exited through my pores, I am finally able to update the ol’ blog. Here are my thoughts for the week:

Sunday will be the beginning of the 100-day mark for the Ohio gubernatorial election. I can’t not stress the importance of this election enough! Please go out and read up on the issues to see why this election will have such a huge impact, not only in the near future, but on Ohioans for years to come. I am going to do my part by mixing my fashion sense and my politics. If you know me at all, you know I like to wear t-shirts. Starting Sunday I am going to wear a Ted Strickland t-shirt in some form of another for the last 100 days leading up to the election. I am not going to wear the t-shirt to work but I will be putting it on in the evening or wearing it under things. Please do your part to help. Even if you aren’t going to help register voters or volunteer, at least get yourself registered to vote. Every little bit helps, especially when our President is helping to fund Ken Blackwell’s campaign against Strickland.

The Browns big signing on the offensive line went down with a knee injury today in practice. Most likely he will be out for the year. Is anyone surprised? Poor LeCharles Bentley. Someone should have told him about the Cleveland Curse.

Please check out the Summer Party being thrown by the Center on August 19 at the Ritz Carlton. It will be an incredible time, as always.

Is there anything better than fun childhood memories coming out of the blue? I had to drive my dad’s car last week and I couldn’t figure out how to turn the cd player off, so I found myself listening to Waylon Jennings. Next thing I know I am getting a little teary-eyed thinking about all the car trips we took when I was a kid and how much fun we had listening to those songs, even though I had no idea what half the lyrics meant. Funny that I haven’t heard those songs in years, but I still know every single word. The music made me want to keep on driving to Sunset Beach, NC where we used to vacation when I was younger.

My parent’s have a flyer hanging on their fridge that says: “The White Family Reunion” from my dad’s side of the family. Maria found it very funny. Enough said.

What Costs More?

It's time for a new game called: What costs more?

Let's start out with a simple one: one pound of turkey vs. two pounds of turkey at the deli. If you answered two pounds of turkey, you are correct.

How about this one: An oil change at Lube Stop or an oil change at Firestone. If you answered Firestone, you are correct.

Now the one I am currently working on: treating a spider bite or replacing the driver's side door on my car because as I was pulling out, I saw a spider, freaked out, opened my car door to get out, then realized I had to move my car out of the street (still freaking out thinking the spider is on me) and then slamming into the side of my house with my car door bending all the way back and cracking my door hinge off (you know that scene in Tommy Boy when the car door hits the gas tank...yeah it was like that) .

I will let you know the answer when I get my estimate, but I have a feeling it would have been more economical to just let the spider go.

Membership Doesn't Have Its Privileges

It’s about time I started putting my entertainment card to use. Last night I used it for the third time as we went to Pickwick and Frolic. This review is probably three years too late for most people, but I highly recommend the chipotle chicken and shrimp pasta and Maria’s plate was overflowing with the chicken chop dinner. The food was excellent for the price and the décor was fun to look at along with the nice ambiance, considering it was 10 pm on a Wednesday night in Cleveland we practically had the whole place to ourselves.

There is a whole world of people out there who discriminate against people like me. I remember when we went to Klucks and the waitress said to the table behind us: “I didn’t tell you those specials because I knew you would be using your entertainment card.” Also the server tends to look down on you when you say you have the card. They seem to think you barely scraped enough money to pay for the one entrée and you will never be able to afford to tip them as well. Most times I tend to overcompensate for this with appetizer, drinks and desert. In the end, I actually end up spending more money then I would have had I not used the card. If only people would understand how much their discriminatory looks and remarks affect people. Just because I have an entertainment card doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear all the specials or that the wait staff should look down on me. Am I not a human? If I am cut, do I not bleed and feel like everyone else?

The Oh in Obnoxious

We went to see The Oh in Ohio at Cedar Lee on Sunday and it was unsatisfying. If you aren’t familiar with the movie, it is about a husband (Paul Rudd) and wife (Parker Posey) who have sexual issues. They are joined in the cast by Mischa Barton, Liza Minelli, Danny Devito and Heather Graham. The movie had potential and the makings of a fun indie-comedy, but it was just obnoxious in some places, especially when it came to the location.

The movie was filmed in Cleveland, though Cleveland has nothing do with the plot and it could have been substituted for any city in America. The shots of the city are fun, but some of it is just too far-fetched to be believable. Some examples for your palate:

1. Posey drives over the Carnegie Bridge constantly only to end up at a house that would be in Strongsville
2. Every house on the street has a pool. Where exactly does that take place in Cleveland?
3. Barton plays a high school student. There are no high school students in Cleveland that look like that.
4. Barton asks Rudd to “give me a ride to Case Western Reserve University” Who says that? Nobody who lives here would ever call CASE by its full name. It was almost as if the university was paying her to accentuate every syllable so that researchers would get it right in their grants.
5. Barton worked in the biology lab at CASE which was housed in the Peter B. Lewis Building. Not sure when they moved the biology lab into the business school but again it was nice product placement for the school.
6. Posey sees her office and says: “Look the Terminal Tower! I work there.” Nobody in Cleveland would say that to someone else who lives in Cleveland. Unless it is 2:45 am, you have just left the bars and your best friend is holding you up.
7. Her office in the Terminal Tower is shown to be right in front of Browns Stadium in the movie. Must have been a weird camera angle because I don’t see how that is possible.
8. Rudd is a teacher in the Cleveland Public School System, yet the school he works for doesn’t resemble any schools in the Cleveland Public School System.
9. The bar scene took place in MODA. I find that to be obnoxious in itself.
10. Heather Graham played a lesbian who lives in Cleveland. I wonder if people are going to think all lesbians who live in Cleveland look like that. Now that would be cool.

It was nice to see Cleveland represented. Perhaps next time it will be represented accurately.

You May Want To Sit Down For This One...

I think I have lost that loving feeling for LeBron. While I realize it isn't all his fault, I find that I roll my eyes the more I hear his name lately and yesterday my eyes were opened to the bigger problem.

Last week my proud city was glued to the headlines to see if LeBron was going to sign an extension for the next five years. He was the only big-name star from the 2003 draft who didn't declare his intentions right away. Cleveland got nervous. And more nervous. Finally the news came through on Saturday he was going to re-sign. I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be. I didn't start jumping up and down. I just sat there and thought about the ramifications of our one-week-wait. The initial ramifications came to light yesterday when he said he was going to change the parameters of the offer, a first for a player in his position. Instead of five years, with an option out after four years, he is going to reduce both those by one year. This is his prerogative. The city of Cleveland and the Cavaliers would never say no to his requests. Even if he was reducing the offer by two years, they would agree. We have no other choice. We know this and so does he. In that sense I do partially blame him for my current state of frustration, but at the same time, I also blame the fans of Cleveland and the media.

If you need further proof of his magnitude, check out the headline from Sunday's Plain Dealer: "Cleveland Can Breathe Again...LeBron Agrees to Sign" In essence this headline insinuates this one player has a choke hold on the city. I don't disagree with that. I used to be one of those people, and let's not get too crazy here, I still love the guy but he is not the second coming (or even the first, third or fourth depending on your religious views).

It was yesterday when it hit me most people may actually consider him the deity that is going to change this city around. I received e-mail after e-mail from people who were ecstatic about the signing. People who believe a championship will change Cleveland’s misfortunes around. People who think LeBron is going to change Cleveland by stepping on a hardwood floor. I had a woman in my office yesterday who relayed her current hardships and her monologue to me went like this: “It has been so difficult this year. I lost my job of 15 years, I had to move in with my son and help raise his kids because he can’t find work either. The school system here is failing my grandchildren and things keep getting more and more depressing. Last week I lost two family members and things have just been really hard and I don’t know where to turn. I was starting to lose faith in Cleveland until yesterday.” I then asked, “what happened yesterday?” She replied by simply saying “LeBron decided to re-sign”. I know this is a hopeful point for her but I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. It made me want to scream out to all these witnesses: Is he going to watch your kids while you look for a job or even while you are working your job, is he going to put more money into the schools, stock your fridge or pay your bills? More triple doubles does not mean more jobs unless you happen to be one of his best friends from high school. Even if he does bring us a championship, what exactly will that mean for the city? Please correct me if I am wrong, but I don’t think Detroit’s economy had a boom after the Pistons won the championship in 2004. Our fans, like so many fans in working class cities, are blind to sports success. We are starved but it isn’t for a sports championship, it is for a thriving community. What I hope is that the people of this city actually know the power for change rests in their hands and not in the hands of a 21-year old who calls Cleveland his “hood”. Believe in Cleveland but don’t believe that LeBron is going to change Cleveland simply by staying here.

Sportygrrl=Sportygrill

The harder you work for something, the better it tastes. If that is the case then our meal last night tasted like the best meal I have ever eaten.

Maria and I had all our shopping done by 4, the likes of which consisted of hot dogs, bratwurst, burgers, steak, shrimp, salads and the ingredients for the now infamous beer margaritas. Tim said he would be over and add to our meat buffet with his boneless pork spare ribs topped off with Hoisan sauce for an asian flair. We were about to have the best barbeque three people could ever throw, however the barbeque gods were not on the same page with us.

With all our meat prepped and marinated, I went downstairs to light the grill. Except the grill didn’t want to light. There was a tiny little light but it went out. Earlier in the day I actually thought about how much propane gas I had. What are the chances I would run out on July 4th for our big barbeque? Sure enough I was out of propane. Time and the holiday were not on our side. We had to move and we had to move fast, except we didn’t know where to move to. I have never filled my propane tank in Cleveland before and the chances anything was still open were slim and none, yet we all jumped in my car and started driving west. 7:50, 7:55, 8:00, 8:05…time was running out. I pull into Home Depot where all the lights were out and the employees were walking to their cars. They told us if we drove down to the other door and begged we might get lucky. So we sped down there and saw a woman manning the propane tanks. As we were getting closer we rolled down all the windows and started yelling, “propane, propane, propane, we need propane.” She said if we hurried we could get a tank and she asked us where our empty tank was. Everyone turned to me and I said: “I didn’t know I was supposed to bring the old tank.” The woman looked at me like I was crazy and explained the price difference to be about $40 between turning in your old tank or just getting a new tank. We had a decision to make and we had to make it fast. Maria stepped up to the plate and literally took charge. When we went in to pay for it, they didn’t even know how to ring up a new tank because who would be stupid enough to spend that much money on a propane tank? My fellow readers please understand that when you have over seven pounds of meat marinating in your fridge on the fourth of July, you have to make rash decisions.

As we drove back to my house, with a full tank of propane gas in the trunk, it was almost like being in a video game. We could hear illegal fireworks going off on the streets around us and we all joked about the dangers of toting around all this gas on the fourth of July. Yet we were relentless. I got out of the car, switched tanks and went to turn the grill on. Click, click, nothing. Hmmm…click, click, nothing. Not only had we run out of gas, my ignition had gone out as well. Normally I would just throw a match into the grill, but my grill can’t be that simple. There is no bottom and we couldn’t find the “match hole.” Not to mention Tim and I aren’t the bravest people in the world when it comes to throwing a match into propane fumes. I got on the phone with my father and over the next 20 minutes I talked to all three of my brothers as well for some advice. Conversations that went like this: “Ok David this used to be your grill…think where the match hole is. Can you imagine how you use to manually light this grill?” No luck. Tim and I tried everything. We waved fired around the whole grill, made small torches out of paper to stick in every possible hole, checked all the burners, checked the gas and did the same thing over and over again. Finally, sweaty and gross from frustration and humidity, we took a couple minutes to let the grill rest and decided to give it one more try and this time it worked. FIRE! You know that scene in Castaway when Tom Hanks is so frustrated from not being able to make fire and then when he does it he is so excited? Yeah, it was like that.

We started grilling at 9:30. There I was standing in the dark with my neighbors smoky fireworks surrounding me but I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I could hardly see my meat or that I could hardly breathe. I turned on my grilling sixth sense and went to work (see picture above of the darkness/smoke surrounding the steak and pork). Tim and I spent the next hour outside grilling bratwurst, burgers, steak, asian pork and hotdogs and we savored every minute of it along with a lot of cold beer and beer margaritas which we have decided will be our new signature drink. If you want the recipe, let me know because it was awesome and didn’t take nearly as long to make as the meat if you factor in the trip to Home Depot and the hour spent praying to my grill before we actually got it to light. I hope everyone had as much fun on Independence Day as we did!

A Prayer

Please stop the fighting in the Gaza Strip; Please end the war in Iraq; Please restore New Orleans to it’s once beautiful and glorious form; Please end South Dakota’s ban on abortion; Please don’t let the Federal Marriage Amendment pass; Please don’t let Ken Blackwell get elected as the next Ohio governor, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, please, please let Jordan Farmar (point guard, UCLA) be available for the CAVS tonight with the 25th pick in the 2006 NBA draft.

It’s hard to believe my girlfriend finds my politics flippant.

Want To Get Rid Of Me? Here's How:

Help send the Wild Plum troupe to New York July 13-July 16 to perfrom Marla's Devotion, written by Linda Eisenstein and starring Denise Astorino and Maria Miranda. Props and some back stage management done by yours truly. So what can you do? That’s a great question! Attend the show for our benefit this weekend and do your part to help get us there to participate in the Fresh Fruit Festival. You have four different days to attend, so I don’t want to hear any excuses!

How To Prove You Aren't Homophobic

Chicago White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen called an ESPN columnist a fag yesterday. When other reporters went to the Major League Baseball office asking for a suspension of the manager, Guillen tried to justify his comments. He said that in his native Venezuela, that word is not a reference to a person's sexuality, but to his courage. He also said he has gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago.

I think he may have developed a prototype checksheet for homophobia with his remarkable list of accomplishments. I challenge anyone to see if they can beat out Ozzie Guillen to prove who is less homophobic.
Please check if any of these apply to you:

Do you have gay friends? Add two points if you are on a first name basis.
Have you attended a WNBA game in the past three years? Add two points if you went with a lesbian.
Have you gone to a Madonna Concert? Add two points if you think this shouldn't be on the list
Do you plan on attending the Gay Games in Chicago? Add 25 points if you plan on participating.

Good Luck!

The M stands for MORON

They say you should never meet your heroes. What this normally means is your perception of them can become diminished if they aren’t who you thought they would be. This rule also applies to me, but in the sense that I become a big moron and say stupid things, and something else about restraining orders but we don’t have to go into that part…ahem.

You always imagine how the encounter will go by envisioning what you will say or how you will act and then when the time comes, you totally flake out and become a bumbling neurotic moron. That is what happened to me on Saturday.

First a little background: Alix Olson is an incredible spoken-word artist. The first time I heard her perform, I could hardly move as I was mesmerized by her energy and her presence. I have driven far and wide to see her perform live, and three years ago I got the chance to actually meet her. Let’s call this encounter Moron moment number one (MMNO). MMNO occurred at a festival after she finished one of her performances. I went up to her like everyone else at that performance and told her the same thing everyone else before me had probably told her: “You are incredible thanks for inspiring me to write and express myself.” She thanked me and I probably should have walked away, but instead I froze up and just stood there with this blank look on my face. When I realized what had happened, I just ran away. Unfortunately the festival lasted two more days and I would walk by her and feel so stupid, hoping she would just forget about that very awkward and spastic conversation. Maybe she did, but I think I reminded her Saturday of that weird encounter.

On Saturday, I received a phone call from Maria. When I picked up, she told me somebody wanted to talk to me. Alix Olson got on the phone (I know...isn't that so cool!!) and the conversation went like this:
Alix: Michele?
Me: Yes? Who is this?
Alix: It’s Alix Olson.
Me: Really? Oh my god, I thought you were touring somewhere else this weekend.
Alix: No I am in Cleveland with Pam.
Me: Oh really because I could have sworn you were in California or something (Do you see how dumb I am? Why would I question her on her whereabouts when she is clearly in Cleveland, Ohio using Maria’s phone-let’s refer to this as Moron moment number two: MMNT)
Alix: No I am here and you should bring beer too.
Me: I am sorry… what did you just say?
Alix: Here. You should be here too. (Ok this is where I thought she said I should bring some beer, so I had to ask again because that didn’t make sense to me either. Good thing I got that clarified.)
Me: Oh ok
Alix: Well it was nice talking to you
Me: Actually we met before. I don't know if you remember. (Why in the world did I say that to her? Did I actually want her to remember that awkward conversation we had?)
Alix: Oh? Well I can’t really see you because we are on the phone.
Me: Oh yeah. (Did I think she would remember my voice or something? We can just label that MMNThree)
Alix: Well it was nice talking to you
Me: Ok well it was really cool to talk to you too. Thanks for getting on the phone and for being so cool with your fans. Maybe I will come up and see you. Are you going to perform…Hello? (She had hung up at the end of her last sentence, but I didn’t realize it).

Not only should I never meet my heroes, apparently I shouldn’t even talk to them on the phone.

Weekly Sports Fun

Its time to play everyone’s favorite game: Sports Idiot of the Week. This week’s contestants are Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers and JJ Redick, NBA hopeful and former guard for the Duke Blue Devils. It looked like Roethlisberger was a shoe-in for the award on Monday morning, but Redick made a valiant effort to trump him late Monday night. Let’s take a look at each case.

Monday morning Roethlisberger was hit by an oncoming car while riding his motorcycle. This is not what puts him in contention for the award. What made him look like the sure winner was the fact that last summer he went on record to say he would not wear a motorcycle helmet unless the state of Pennsylvania made him do so. Today he sits in the hospital with a fractured jaw, broken nose, a cut on the back of his head and several missing teeth. Ironically he only hurt the parts of his body which would have been covered by a helmet. (For the record, season-ending injuries from a motorcycle accident only happen if you play for a Cleveland football team. See: Kellen Winslow)

While it looked like Big Ben would have walked away with the award after having his remarks come back to haunt him, JJ Redick took it from his grasp. Redick, everyone’s All-American, found a way to out-do him. On Monday night he was charged with a DWI. This does not make him an idiot. What makes him an idiot is how he got caught (and if you know me at all, you know I have very little room to judge as far as stupid arrests go). Redick saw a police sobriety check-point and decided to do an illegal u-turn to avoid going through it. I have to wonder if the illegal u-turn to avoid a sobriety check-point has actually ever worked for anyone. He deserves credit for giving it the old college try by doing something else illegal to avoid the checkpoint. Surely this wouldn’t draw any more attention on him, would it? For this reason and for the simple fact he has taken publicity from the Duke lacrosse scandal, he takes home the award this week.

Tune in next week as we prepare for the NBA draft by chronicling all the failed drafts of your favorite Cleveland teams. Your hosts for the program will be Tim Couch and Trajon Langdon.

Genetics

People tell me all the time I look like my mother. I inherited her nose and her eyes. I also inherited her wit and smartass personality. There is one thing, however I got from my father which may top all of those traits. I grill like my dad.

When I say I grill like my dad, I don’t just mean the way the meat tastes, I am including all of my mannerisms as well. From the way I marinade the meat, to the way I keep walking into the house yelling “ten more minutes” (when I actually have no idea how long it will really be because I time the meat on whether or not I need another beer), to they way I clean my plate after I throw the meat on the grill, to the way I talk to myself while I am grilling, to the way I believe you can grill out no matter the weather (snowing, raining, sunny, hail storms, etc…), to the way I think beer and cigarettes are as crucial as the tongs, I am truly my father’s daughter.

I think this all hit me last night when I walked into my apartment and yelled “ten more minutes”. The weird part was that I was the only one home.

You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up

I have a friend who is a lesbian carpet salesperson. While I could just stop there and the humor level would still be quite high, I must share some of her anecdotes.

We went out to dinner last night and I inquired about how her gender affects her job. I asked her if she ever gets weird looks when she goes to houses because they don’t expect a woman in her early thirties to be selling carpet. She told me people who have scheduled appointments for their home will literally hold their door, stare out their peephole and still ask her who she is and what she is doing at their house. These same people, the ones who actually scheduled the appointment to look at carpet samples, look at her like she must be going door-to-door for something else even though she is standing there dressed up holding carpet samples. She said it is almost like they are hoping for an older gross guy to come into their house and try to sell them carpet.

Fortunately for my friend, the gender bias seems to go both ways. She said she walked into a woman’s home and the woman turned to her and said: “Thank God you are a woman. I am going through a bad divorce and I am not in the mood to talk to a man right now.” For the record, she made the sale on that one.

My Lucky Day

Do people really fall for these pop-up images? I decided to see what the asterisk actually meant and clicked on terms and conditions:

PinkLaptop4Free.com reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to change its Terms & Conditions at any time, for any reason, without notice. We also reserve the right, in our sole discretion, to change the methods through which free items are earned. This may include, but is not limited to, increasing the number of friends you have to refer or adding more steps to confirm that you have a legitimate account. We may also add or remove any product listed as an incentive at any time. If we replace a product, the new product may not be of equal value. Please check these Terms of Use periodically for changes. Your use of the Site following any such modification constitutes your agreement to follow and be bound by the Terms of Use as modified. The last date these Terms of Use were revised is set forth below. If you breach any of these Terms of Use your right to use this Site will terminate automatically.

Wouldn't it be great if we could all go by those terms and conditions: Things are subject to change at any time, for any reason, without notice.

Re-Route

For those of you checking my blog for the re-cap of Tim's party, I realized I could not top the synopsis that had already been sent out by my favorite event planner. If you are curious, you can get all the juicy details on Tim's blog. Pictured at Right (courtesy of Tim): Mindy and I during the festivities.

Sportygrrl In The Conservatory With The Lead Pipe

Perhaps you have heard of a little game called Clue by Parker Brothers. The popular game has been around for over 50 years, but I forgot just how fun it was until yesterday. On a late-evening board game hunt, Clue was picked up along with Life at the local K-Mart. The only problem is we need more people to play with us. Clue is a little rudimentary with only two people. I propose the Cleveland Clue Club (The New Tri-C). Anyone want to join us? What would be even better would be a game of Clue based on our fine city. I would like to make a guess: Frank Jackson at The Q with a rolled-up Plain Dealer.
*Make sure you utilize the secret passageway from University Circle to Tremont before heading back downtown to make your guess.

RIP Memorial Day Weekend

I had an incredible Memorial Day Weekend and decided to take Tuesday off as well to make it a four-day weekend. The weekend was full of a lot of fun events and the chance to catch up with people I haven’t been able to hang out with in a while. I spent this past weekend playing poker, hanging out at the Open Air Market , relaxing at Lava Lounge , eating at Mekong River , enjoying a short stint at the Metroparks , exhausting myself at Dave and Busters and finishing the weekend at Geauga Lake . That’s right…my brother and I spent Tuesday at Geauga Lake, along with about 1000 high school students. We actually fit in with the high school students at one point when we considered buying one of those keychains with our picture together from the roller coaster. Thankfully we realized just how queer that would be, even at half off the regular price. We even made up for that fact on the next ride and sat a seat apart just to erase any doubt we weren’t that dorky. Good thing we stayed away from the air-brushed tee-shirts.

While waiting in line for what we both agreed was the best ride at the park, X-Flight , I remarked on how unbelievable it is that people would wait up to an hour on the weekends just to ride this roller coaster. It was at this point when I told Mark they should change the name of the ride to Prom Night for the simple fact that you pay a lot of money to wait a very long time for 30 seconds of exhilaration. He agreed.

Walk Softly And Carry A Big Swiffer

This morning the biggest wasp/bee/roach with wings was inside my house trying to get out of my living room window. If you know anything about me at all, you know I went running and screaming out of the room to find Maria to kill it. The following conversations then took place:

Maria: Can you get me a broom
Me: Well my broom is pretty thin. I will be right back.
(I leave and enter room with both my broom and my swiffer)
Maria: What am I going to do with your swiffer?
Me: You can use it as a spear (as I hold it out straight and demonstrate how a swiffer can be used as a spear)
Maria: I don’t have the dexterity for that-give me the broom.
Me: Well how would you use the broom then if you don’t have the dexterity?
Maria: I use the waving and batting method.
Me: Oh ok.
(At this point I leave the room and let her do her thing. I hear her swatting at the wall, my fireplace, the wall again and then finally I hear a big crash….)
Maria: I think we are going to have to buy you a new window.
Me: Did you kill it?
Maria: No but the window broke.
Me: I knew you should have used the swiffer.
Maria: Yes the swiffer as spear approach probably would have only put a hole through your wall.

Weekend Warriors

How many miles can you put on your car without leaving northeast Ohio? I felt like Neil Zurcher doing a one-tank trip this weekend as I ventured to the east side on Friday night and the very very east side on Saturday. On Friday after work I traveled to and got lost on the east side of Cleveland over by Monticello and Noble. As you can tell by the neon green line, which indicates my traveling patterns Friday night, I did not use the same route on the way home. Nonetheless the end result got us to the most amazing hair and beauty supply store I have ever seen. I am sure you never thought you would hear those words come out of my mouth, but the look of awe on my face said it all (which makes the fact that someone asked me if I worked there even more amazing).When it was all said and done, I am glad I got lost and took a different route back because I was introduced to my traveling companion's stomping grounds as a child and teenager. It was a lot of fun to share those memories with her.

On Saturday our travels, as indicated by the blue line, took us Southeast. We first headed to Tallmadge for the spring rummage sale at the Summit County Fairgrounds. After sifting through what I actually can wear, I ended up getting two nice shirts, two pairs of boots and a cool salmon-colored blazer for $2. After our Tallmadge adventure we headed north to Shalersville and on to Mantua to get an up-close look at my roots. It is definitely something you have to see to believe and a far cry from Camp Lieberth where we made a pit stop on the way home. All in all we got new hair, new clothes and a new appreciation for where we came from in just two days. No wonder we were so exhausted this weekend. I would like to see Neil Zurcher top that!

World Politics For Dummies

I am trying to break down a current political situation (you know the one where Venezuela offended America so America decided not to sell Venzuela arms anymore even though America would still export oil from Venezuela and then Venezuela and America both decided to become even tighter with Libya, even though it made very little sense for America to do so while Venezuela decided to start giving Iran the F16s America had sold to them even though America is rumored to be going into battle with Iran) into layman’s terms so we can see how childish world leaders can be. I decided to use a high school analogy to make it easier to understand.

One day after lunch, the most popular girl in school, Mary decided she was no longer going to be friends with Veronica because she heard Veronica was talking about her behind her back. Apparently Veronica had been calling Mary evil and telling people she won’t always be popular because people will see her true colors after graduation. Instead of being friends with Veronica, Mary decided to befriend Libby. None of the popular kids really understood why Mary would want to be friends with Libby. Libby was always kind of an outcast and had caused a lot of trouble for Mary back in elementary school.

Meanwhile Veronica also decided to become even better friends with Libby which began to confuse Libby even more. Libby went along with it but discussed with her friend Ira how weird it is that she had these friends all the sudden. Ira agreed and confided in Libby that Veronica was giving Ira all of Mary’s old clothes and letters. Both girls got even more nervous as they remembered how Mary had stabbed other people in the back but then come back to be friends with them after feeling guilty about what she had done. Mary was a little weird in the fact that she would break couples up but then help them get back together. Nobody really trusted Mary. She had gotten herself in some weird situations and nobody can really believe what happened between her and her best friend from the cheerleading squad, Francis. Francis didn’t agree with Mary about how to perform a cheer and Mary refused to talk to her ever again.

Join us next week to see how Mary handles her new friends, if Veronica’s comments about Mary will come true after graduation and to see if Ira fits into the clothes Veronica has passed on to her.

In this particular piece the characters are played by the following countries:
Mary=America
Veronica=Venezuela
Libby=Libya
Ira=Iran
Francis=France

Can I Get A Witness?

I had such high hopes for my blog today. I wanted to write about how the United States was working against Venuzuela, or how Thomas Paine would be rolling over in his grave if he saw how this country was being run today, or even touch upon the thought that if we took the resources we are using to build a wall to keep immigrants out and used it to build a wall to keep New Orleans alive, we would be living in a much better place. This was all before last night’s game.

The CAVS’ victory last night was the biggest win in Cleveland sports since the Indians won the pennant in 1997. It is quite sad when the biggest sports victory in the past ten years doesn’t even win the series, just evens it up. However we have been dealing with sports futility for so long we will take just about anything, especially a win that denies Rasheed Wallace his victory guarantee. Yesterday Scoop Jackson of ESPN wrote an article about how losing this series to Detroit will be one of the best things that could happen to LeBron and the CAVS, and how Michael Jordan had to lose to the Pistons before he could go onto greatness. He mentioned that in the end, this will all be worth the wait. Maybe, just maybe we won’t have to wait until after this year to see how far he can take this team.

Hold 'Em Karma

Texas Hold Em is both a game of chance and a game of skill. I have now found out there is another variable determining the outcome of this poker game: karma. Yesterday right before one of my family members sat down to play Hold 'Em, they said the following two statements:

"I don't think we should rebuild New Orleans" and the scary but true...
"I am voting for Blackwell in November"

Less than five minutes into the game, they went all in and lost to my three queens. How appropriate.

Lost In Translation

Funny how last Wednesday I posted three different times and now I haven’t posted once in eight days. Alas, the life of a lazy, ADHD procrastinating blogger. Bare with me on this entry, I have eight days of thoughts.

I have to start with last Wednesday night. Mark got tickets to the CAVS playoff game against Washington and I couldn’t turn that playoff offer down. We called a cab from the Old Angle and waited and waited for what was supposed to be a six-minute guaranteed pick-up. Fifteen minutes later, a limo pulls up and the bartender tells us our cab is ready. We found out the company uses their limos when they run out of cabs. Whatever the reason, we looked pretty foolish getting out of a limo in front of the “The Q” in cargo pants, t-shirts and flip flops while handing the guy seven dollars. The game was a lot of fun, but in my case fun translates into spending most of my time in the smoking area outside the arena or in line for a beer, so I guess I should say it seemed like the people I saw in those two places thought the game was fun. We watched the end of the game at Nick's Sports Bar where we actually met the rest of our party before the game started. Nick's is a place I recommend to anyone going to the Jake or Q before the game. It has a huge collection of characters, none of which can be topped by one of my brother’s best friends, Foley. Foley sells his t-shirts there and even gets the men in business suits to pound on the bar and do CAVS cheers. It is amazing to watch. You can find him outside of most major sports venues selling his witty shirts-look for his latest Indians design: Sizemore Does Matter.

My weekend was highlighted by two first communion parties: one on Saturday and one on Sunday. If you are keeping score at home, this means I have attended three different first communion celebrations and one Easter Vigil over the past couple weeks (which totally makes up for me using the Lord’s name in vain 17 times last month). In my family First Communion party actually translates into Texas Hold Em tournaments and sporting events on the television. This actually describes most holidays in my family whether you are showing up with a Christmas gift or a first communion card, the outcome is usually going to be the same: you are going to watch a game, drink a little beer and lose $20 to your family playing Hold Em. That’s what I call family values.

The big event this week was the celebration of Mindy’s 31st birthday. Apparently let’s just stay in and keep it low-key translates into pissing contests outside some random house in Tremont and playing cards with my brother until 2 am. It was one of those nights when we realized how classless we can be at times and high-fived to the fact that there are actually people in our lives who still want to love us anyway. At least we, no wait, at least Mindy cleans up well.

I am looking forward to taking it easy this weekend with a Mother’s Day celebration at Camp Lieberth. Translation: Beer and Texas Hold Em.

Giving Back

The Ohio University Alumni Association is setting the trend. Why contact and bother your alumni donors when you can just pretend their information has been stolen? I for one will be happier without all the calls and unneccesary mail.

Mommy's Little Helpers

This picture on the cleveland.com website today shows the new voting machines in Westlake. I think it also shows what might be wrong with voting in Ohio: Parents are now letting their kids vote for them. Wonder if she is thinking: "Issues? Why would I care about any of the issues? C'mon kids...hurry up. My SUV is outside running and it costs me $95 to fill the tank up!"

Isn't This Supposed To Be A Football Town?

Last Friday while at a bar on the East Side (don’t ask), I saw people cheering and high fiving. The place was going crazy when LeBron drove down the lane and scored the winning basket. I wanted to share this experience with people I talked to this weekend because I thought it was an anomaly. The weird thing is when I shared my experience, three different people told me the same thing back. I heard a story about a bar going crazy in Rocky River, The Flats and Lakewood. What the hell is going on in this town? People are coming together over a team that plays a sport inside? It makes me think back to when LeBron got drafted and said he wanted to stay here and make it fun to be a sports fan again because he lived through all the heartbreaks we did (i.e. the fumble, the drive, the shot, Charles Nagy as a closer…). In a time when players and fans are becoming more and more disconnected, it is nice to have somebody who grew up in the area now winning games in Cleveland. While none of us will ever be able to relate to a 21-year old man worth hundreds of millions of dollars, it is good to know that at one point in his life he knew how hard it was to be a Cleveland sports fan too.

CRINGE

I know I said in my last post I wasn't going to write about Craig Albert, the Geauga County Commissioner trying to run for governor, but I HAVE to. I HAVE to make sure the people who live in Geauga County who read my blog know just how crazy their county commissioner is. I HAVE to warn you, the contents of this article may make you phyisically ill so make sure you haven't just eaten. If you don't think you can read the full article, and believe me it is hard to do, let me just tempt you with this beautiful passage regarding his idea of sterilization for welfare mothers:

"Albert insists he is not a racist. He says he has the same contempt for deadbeat white Appalachians."

I find this sentence so intriguing because he is assuming the only white people who cheat the welfare system are from Appalachia. I wonder if he considers Chardon and Thompson, two townships in his own county, Appalachia.

The L stands for Lazy

When it comes to updating this blog, I have been very lazy the past week. I could have been writing about the fun film festival I attended last week, or the midnight grilling of burgers and hot dogs on Sunday, or the Rainbow Wrangler benefit and a little woman named MO, or walking in the rain, or the hilarious recital of a green bean casserole recipe over the phone from my mother (“the ratio is whatever you want it to be”), or the incredible game LeBron had on Saturday night only to be followed up by one of his worst performances, or the crazy Geauga County Commissioner who thinks welfare moms should be sterilized (how embarrassing to be from that county!) or perhaps even the satisfying feeling of Spring cleaning.

It seems that everyday something happens to me and I say: “I should blog that”. Obviously my intentions are good but my follow-through needs a little work. To perpetuate my lazy blogging, I picked one of those crazy lists to fill out and post. I never thought I would do one of these but then when I started thinking back over the questions, it brought up so many fun memories and so many hard choices. Perhaps it will do the same for you if you haven’t already seen this list published somewhere (which means this is your first time on the internet because everyone posts this list, so if this is true: welcome and remember the back arrow will take you to the last page you visited.) Sure this blog has been handy for revealing my arrest stories, my love for LeBron and Tim Marshall and my encounters in Ohio City but if you don’t know my six favorite songs, do you really know me at all? I think not…


Six jobs I have had in my life:
-Wrapped beef jerky and cheese at a small market for my very first job ever
-Laminated maps in a factory
-Worked in sports information for five years
-Mystery Shopper
-Human Resources in Florida
-Admissions Counselor

Six movies I would watch over and over:
-Pretty Woman
-Tommy Boy
-Reality Bites
-Best In Show
-Thelma and Louise
-Dirty Dancing
(Wow this list makes me look not so smart. I just want everyone to know if it was seven movies, I would also pick Pride and Prejudice. Ahem.)

Six places I have lived:
-Cuyahoga Falls, OH
-Streetsboro, OH
-The Old Angle
-Athens, OH
-Cape Coral, FL
-Cleveland, OH

Six TV shows I love to watch:
-Seinfeld
-The Daily Show
-Six Feet Under (I still love the repeats)
-Sportscenter (in a weird way where I can watch the same episode six times in a row on any given morning)
-Girlfriends
-Best Week Ever

Six Songs I would listen to over and over:
-Sentimental Lady-Fleetwood Mac
-Baby Can I Hold You-Tracy Chapman
-The Weakness in Me-Melissa Etheridge version
-Deceptacon-Le Tigre
-Underneath Your Clothes-Shakira
-Emperor’s New Clothes-Sinead O’Connor

Six Musicians/Musical Groups I love:
-Ani DiFranco
-Fleetwood Mac
-Dance Hall Crashers
-Le Tigre
-Alix Olson
-Liz Phair

Six places I have been on vacation:
-Sunset Beach, NC
-Chicago, IL
-Key West, FL
-The Old Angle
-New York City
-Cape Cod

Six websites I visit daily:
-espn.com
-myspace.com
-mindy’s blog
-timmy’s blog
-msnbc.com
-cleveland.com

Six of my favorite foods:
-Any meal served at the Lobster Pot in Cape Cod
-Anything my dad grills
-The flank steak at the Old Angle
-Garlic Chicken dinner at Lemon Grass
-Chicken Wings
-Soup, Soup and Soup

Six places I would rather be right now:
-Provincetown
-Chrissy and Tina’s backyard in the fall
-Alison and Karen’s backyard in the summer
-Driving the Pacific Coast Highway
-Tucked away in my bed watching bad television
-The Old Angle

It's A Miracle

After three long months, Meg finally got her Polaroid pictures from Mindy’s bachelorette party and wedding on-line! The pictures provide an interesting behind-the-scenes look that a professional photographer might not ever be able to capture, or want to for that matter. Enjoy!

Easter Weekend Shout-Outs

Gotta send my Easter Weekend Shout outs to: Lounge Kitty for the campy entertainment, Tina, Chrissy, Shannon, Liz, Mindy, Ed and Judith for a night of fun at Prosperity, my server at George’s for bringing me two cokes at one time the next morning after seeing my look of dehydration, the cashier at Target for trying not to laugh at me, Pastor Bob and all the Pindells for teaching me what Easter is truly all about, DeNeitra for telling me to pull out my procession candle during Easter Vigil, the cashier at CVS who marked everything 50 percent off right before I did my Easter shopping, Hallmark for making the perfect card, the Lieberth kids for a fun and enjoyable Easter dinner, the lamb that sacrificed it’s life so we could enjoy said Easter dinner even more and of course to Maria who helped make this entire weekend spectacular (well except for the lamb part…she didn’t have anything to do with that.).

Choose Your Own Blog Adventure Part I

I wonder how many times I have started my blog with the following: I planned on making it an early night last night. As a matter of fact, Tim and I specifically talked about leaving after the opening act at the Beachland Ballroom and calling it a night around ten or so. Flash forward to Mindy and I posing in front of a convertible cabriolet outside of Cocktails and Tim and I splitting a City Place 21-piece shrimp basket dinner (with soup and salad included) and a chicken wrap at 1 am.

Apparently our communication was off on more than one occasion. We talked about meeting at my place between 6:30 and 7 so we could grab a bite before the show started at 9. As 7 came and went, I assumed Tim was just running late. Perhaps to put this into better perspective, it is important to note that Tim has no cell phone right now and I have no door bell on the front door of my apartment where I live on the second floor. At about 7:20 I hear a loud knock on the downstairs door. Finally! Tim has arrived. The following conversation then took place:
Me: How long have you been standing down here?
Tim: Oh maybe 15 minutes
Me: 15 minutes! I am so sorry
Tim: Yeah, I got here around 6:15…what time is it now?
Me: Uh…you have been standing out here for an hour?
Tim: I guess so. Does your landlord live across the street?
Me: No that is her sister…why?
Tim: Well she has been staring at me.
Me: You have been standing out here for an hour on my porch, I am glad she has been staring at you. Ah well…ready for dinner?
Tim: Sure

Off to the Old Angle we went where my palate was quenched with the incomparable flank steak (a slight difference from the evening’s next meal at a 24-hour diner). From the Old Angle, we headed to the Beachland Ballroom. Even though we asked for directions at the Angle, we still managed to get lost on our way, which has become our pattern. The last time we went together we got lost as well. We always seem to have the same conversation as soon as we realize we are lost.
Me: Well you know I am not really from Cleveland. I grew up almost 30 minutes from here.
Tim: Oh I know. You know I am not really from Cleveland and I have only lived here for five years.
Me: See? It isn’t such a big deal that we get lost every time we come to this venue that we have probably been to 20 times combined.
Tim: Definitely.
I still don’t think I know the right way to get there. If I was giving someone directions, I would tell them to skip the actual exit, get off at the next exit, get back on the highway, get back off at the original exit and take a right.

To find out more about the show and the rest of the evening’s activities, you need to check out Tim's blog followed by a quick stop at Mindy's blog to see how the evening ended. If you feel comfortable only knowing this much about my evening, you will want to stop here.

Have You Read The Latest Tim?

At the risk of giving one of my friends a huge ego, I must indeed stroke his ego for just one moment. When I get to work, I have a system of doing things. Upon my arrival, I: log on, check personal e-mail, read ESPN.com, check myspace.com, get on instant messenger, talk to co-workers, log on to work databases and read work-related e-mail. Sure my priorities are a little off, but we are slow this time of year so I have time to catch up with friends and personal interests on the internet. I must now add a new activity in between ESPN.com and myspace.com. I now check Tim’s blog each and every morning.

Tim started his blog only a couple weeks ago but it has quickly become one of my favorite reads in the morning. I am not alone. Brewed Fresh Daily, the who’s who of Cleveland blogs has also picked him up on several occasions. This morning after reading his latest post and feeling just a little smarter for doing so, I called Mindy and said: “Have you read the latest Tim?” She replied with: “A little but I will call you back to discuss when I get more time.”

I feel as if his blog has replaced the op-ed pieces I encounter but don’t feel connected to. I am grateful he has found the time to actually put his name and effort into this new creative vehicle. By writing this piece I feel like a stuffy old aristocrat discussing a piece of art but his work is that good. If you haven’t had the chance to read the latest Tim, you simply must find the time dahlings!

Why You May Not See Me Ever Again (or at least until the end of April)

On Friday night I hooked up cable in my bedroom. This in essence would be the kiss of death for my social life. Now I can just wake up and turn on ESPN or whatever marathon show they may be showing on VH1, BET, Style or E!. Instead of writing about my adventures out and about in Cleveland, I will most likely just be commenting on television. To make matters worse, April is Take-Out Month at Johnny Mango, my local eatery. So in between shows, I run down the street and get 10 percent off on some of my favorite foods.

I would like to take this moment to introduce my new segment on this blog: What show did I get hooked on this weekend? This weekend I was introduced to College Hill on BET. This show is like a Real World Reality show but it takes place at a Historically Black College or University. It is definitely worth a few laughs, though that may have been the mimosa making me laugh as well. Hey… I said I was going to be hanging out in my bedroom, I didn’t say I still wasn’t going to be classy and have a good time.

Two Letters

Dear Rembrandt,
Kudos to your advertising agency for catching my attention the other night in between spins on the Wheel of Fortune. How could I not look up when I heard the following: “Do you like to smoke? Do you like to drink red wine? Do you like to drink coffee in the morning? Well if you do, we have the teeth whitener for you!” It is so nice to see advertisers reaching out to my target audience. You just don’t see enough companies reaching out to all three of these categories at once. Thank you Rembrandt for making me feel accepted in society.

Dear Sportscasters,
I am getting tired of all the sportscasters who are blowing their own horns because they picked Florida to win last night. None of the so-called experts even picked two of the final four teams this year. So you finally got one right. You had a fifty percent shot at picking the winner and Florida has been dominating the whole tournament. Congratulations. Somebody should take a cue from Jay Bilas who was humble enough last night to joke he picked UConn at the beginning of the tournament and he is sticking with his selection. It is not the job of sportscasters to jump on bandwagons and pat themselves on the back for picking teams correctly. That is the fan’s job. Your job is to be objective. Next year why even bother with all your pre-tournament analysis? Just wait until the championship game and make a pick so you can prove your expertise.

Sincerely Yours,
Sportygrrl

Table For Two…Er… Make That Three

Last night Liz and I went to the Flying Fig to enjoy the incredibly cheap and delicious happy hour they serve in the lounge. We thought it would just be the two of us meeting to catch up, but we had an unexpected guest.

As we were sitting there enjoying a pre-dinner drink and talking, a woman came out from the back of the restaurant area and sat down at the table right next to us. (When I say table next to us, I actually mean the table only about a foot away. It is one of those setups where the person at the table next to you is closer than the person sitting across from you.) As she sat down, she looked familiar but I couldn’t place where I knew her. I also noticed she was crying hysterically as she sat her glass of red wine down and kept smoking her cigarette. At this point we let her use our ashtray when we noticed she was just ashing on the table and laughing hysterically but then would start crying again. It made things a little uncomfortable as we tried to carry on our conversation. Actually the point when things got really uncomfortable and weird was when she asked me to buy her a Bud Light. I looked at the full glass of wine in front of her with a confused look on my face and then I realized where I knew her from. She was the homeless woman who hangs out by the West Side Market. As I was putting two and two together, the bartender came up and took the glass of wine from her and said: “you have to stop stealing people’s drinks.” Yet he didn’t kick her out and when he walked away, she proceeded to light the wrong end of her cigarette. Instead of putting the cigarette out, she tried to smoke the wrong end while holding a big burning flame, and telling everyone at the bar to turn around and mind their own business.

When our food came, she moved over closer to us to see what we had ordered and commented on our food. At this point the smell from her clothes was more than I could stand. I motioned for the waiter and he came over and asked us if everything was ok. We looked at him and wondered if he actually thought this woman was with us and told him that in fact she was making us a little uncomfortable. The manager then tried to remove the woman but she wasn’t going quietly. She finally agreed to leave but still kept asking for a Bud Light. The whole experience was surreal: from the way she stole somebody’s full glass of wine and acted like it was hers, to the bartender taking it away from her, to her refusing to leave. After she left, Liz and I wondered out loud if the bartender just added some more wine to the glass and gave it back to the customer. They don’t call it the cheapest happy hour in Ohio City for nothing.

Growing Up Lieberth

Since I last posted to this blog, I have been enlightened in several different ways and I feel a whole lot smarter because of it. Let’s review…

Last Thursday I was part of a pilgrimage to Wayne State University to see Soul Latina. The article from the student newspaper describes it a lot better than I ever could, but I want to say it opened my eyes up to a lot of things I have never experienced. Let this also serve as a shameless plug for my girlfriend who is incredibly talented and proved it by writing one of the monologues on this national tour.

Speaking of things I have never experienced, on Friday I helped Maria take her braids out. It was enlightening to say the least. I spent most of the next evening explaining the process to my brother Mark who found it equally as amazing. There are just so many things you don’t experience growing up Lieberth*, which serves as a euphemism for white with a European heritage.

However the most important thing I learned over the past week had to be that no matter how much time you spend on your brackets, you are most likely going to lose. This is exactly what happened to me this year. Not that it would have really mattered because if you actually have all four of these teams in your Final Four, and your aren’t an alum of George Mason, than you are most likely a freak of nature and I don’t feel so bad.

I guess I just collapsed under the pressure of winning my bracket last year and trying to defend my crown. Oh well, at least I am smarter in other ways now. Life isn’t all about sports, right? I guess that would be the one thing you would experience growing up Lieberth*.

*Also used as an adjective by Mindy to describe weird and sporty behavior, such as "You are going to go to the game and act all Lieberth, aren't you?"

Back From Vacation

I am officially back to work from my vacation and what a vacation it was. Without ever leaving the city limits, I had a fantastic five-day weekend. Most of my time was spent watching basketball, but I was able to find some time in between to spend St. Patricks Day with family and friends at the Fulton and Bounce, go bowling with some crazy kids on Saturday and catch up with my parents on Sunday at the Old Angle.

It really is my favorite sports weekend of the year. How can you beat 48 games in four days? My brother asked me if I caught some of the games when I picked him up from the airport on Monday and I answered: “I think I watched somewhere around 44 games.” How I missed the other four games is beyond me. By the way, and I know this doesn’t really count because I have three different brackets, but I did pick Wichita State to beat George Mason in the Sweet 16 this weekend in one of my brackets. The over/under on that happening had to be about one percent, so I was feeling a little smug Sunday night, which also happened to be the night Tim introduced us to the buffet at Cocktails, so it might have been hard to tell why I was smiling.

All in all my vacation can be summed up in three words: velcro bowling shoes (pictured and worn by Maria Saturday night).

One Year Anniversary

Last night Karen, Alison and I celebrated our anniversary. I met them the Tuesday before the tournament last year and my life was forever changed when we started talking brackets and job positions. We found out we should have met on several different occasions but for whatever reason we met that night and I ended up winning $325 and two incredible friends!

Karen remarked on how it has been one crazy year together and that is a small understatement. As I look back over my blog, I see them everywhere and I realize how important their friendship has been to me. Without really knowing me, they helped me through a really rough part of my life and now I can’t help but laugh when I look back on the last year and think of: trespassing air hockey games, moving fiascos, impromptu dance parties, Journey, karaoke, long walks back from Corky’s, happy hours at Cronies, birthday parties, Halloween parties, the Literary, housewarming parties, holiday parties with huge fish and frog wine openers, listening to music and laughing in their backyard, wrestling around bonfires, Browns game adventures, New Year’s fun and so many more memories that will last a lifetime.

If the two of you are reading this, I don’t know if I can express enough how incredible it is to have people like you in my life. Every time I have needed your support, you have given it unconditionally and I just don’t know what I would have done without you this past year. I have actually thought about writing this on a couple of different occasions but it seems the most appropriate this morning after we spent last evening filling out brackets and laughing.

March Madness

This is how I am going to look for the next three days until I turn in all my brackets. I will be trying to figure out how George Washington was seeded so low and if they actually have a chance to beat Duke. Of course in my other bracket I have UNC-Wilmington beating GW. This is why it is always good to be in at least three or four different groups. In one you might look like an idiot but in the other you might look like a hoops genius. Looking forward to my two favorite days in sports: this Thursday and Friday with 12 hours of basketball action. And my boss thought I took these days off for St. Patrick's Day.

Red State. Blue Voter. I Tried.

Top Story From msnbc.com

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11759590/

Is anybody really surprised by this article? I remember Election Night 2004 and it still haunts me a little bit people didn’t see this coming. On this particular evening I found myself in the flats surrounded by a bunch of Republicans. It was scary but I felt cocky that evening. I felt sure of the election results so in a small way I wanted to be there. I wanted to see the look on their faces as the results flashed across the television. In the end though, I was the one who had to run out of the building. It was almost surreal to see people my age cheer for Bush after he won Florida. I looked around and felt like I saw my generation cheering against my own generation. I couldn’t believe it. I went home and sat glued in front of my television hoping against hope that it was all a big mistake. Surely Ohio would prevail as a blue state. It didn’t happen and today I look around and wonder how many of those people would have changed their votes if only they had known then what seemed so obvious to many of us.

I hate to say it but I feel if 9/11 would never have happened, Bush would not have won a second term. That day put so much fear into this country. Fear makes people do irrational things. His political life was saved that day and since then, so many lives have been lost. Perhaps his quote from August 2004 sums it up best:

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people and neither do we.”

How To Turn Me Into A Girly Girl

Sitting on my desk is this lovely arrangement of flowers. They were delivered to me today at work. Did you catch that last part? I got flowers delivered to me at my job. I never understood what the big deal was until today. I became the girliest girl ever when I started smelling them and touching them and walking them by everyone. The best part, however was who they were from. I am still smiling hours after the fact.

V for Vindication

Damon Jones was brought up on sexual assault charges earlier this week. Is anyone surprised? The back-up point guard for the CAVS is one of the cockiest men I have ever seen in sports. Unfortunately it is very easy for me to see him taking advantage of somebody who has less power than he does. Here is a man who claims he is the best shooter in the world; who turned on the fans of Cleveland before the All-Star break of his first season here and who uses the media and his coach against one another whenever it seems appropriate for him to do so. When these charges were released, he had one thing to say: “I will be vindicated.” Vindicated? Could he be a bigger martyr?

When I asked my co-worker Bill if he had heard about the charges, his remark was: “Sadly it isn’t surprising.” This just illustrates how low this man has fallen. When people aren’t surprised you have been brought up on sexual assault charges with no prior record, you apparently have much larger issues you may want to work on. If the charges are dropped, he needs to realize he is not above anyone or the law. Only then Mr. Jones will you deserve some sort of vindication.

Feel Free To Add A Caption...

Went bowling Sunday and took some pics with the always useful camera phone. My initial reaction was to get rid of this picture because it is so unflattering (and also because it is evidence that I broke our lane.) However, it sure does open the window to some fun captions. I will add two and if anyone else wants to, go ahead...

1. I don't know why I would get mad at my girlfriend for saying I have some Chris Farley attributes. Apparently she saw something I didn't.

2. I told you I have spent time in the gutter.

Just When I Thought My People Wouldn’t Make Me Look Like A Big Freaking Moron

On Sunday my girlfriend and I decided to make use of my Entertainment Book by going to get dinner at Klucks. (Those of you in the Kent and Bainbridge area should imagine a more vintage version of Henry Wehners. For those of you unfamiliar with it in Cleveland, you have most likely passed it a million times without realizing it because it’s located right on West 117th and Detroit.) I had been craving seafood and I have always been intrigued by this weird non-descript building, so I thought we could give it a chance. Though Maria was a little hesitant about getting seafood at a German restaurant named Klucks.

Once inside, it is hard to say what you might notice first. The unusual amount of mounted fish initially caught my eye, but the tacky nautical decorations, the big picture of Jesus above the front door and the amount of people taking advantage of the Early Bird Specials of schnitzel and fried shrimp are also hard to miss. As we walked in I guess you could say we stuck out as much as the mounted fish on the wall. I am going to go out on a limb and say this restaurant does not see a lot of interracial couples. Yet there we were as I was trying to show her how people of Eastern European descent eat their meals (in several courses with lots of bread) and she was trying not to notice she was the only black person who had probably ever eaten there.

Things actually went fairly well throughout the meal. The food was good, though smaller portions than what you might get at a similar restaurant, and our waitress was incredibly friendly. She seemed grateful to be serving people younger than 55. At one point I may have seen her mouth the words “help me” as if she was trapped in a scary movie, but that might have just been my imagination. Maria even made a joke about having my 31st birthday party at this joint. (It’s never too early to start planning a birthday party around schnitzel.) As you can see, the dinner seemed to be a success.

My people seemed to be behaving themselves. Nobody stared for longer than a minute and everyone seemed to be minding their own business. As we were finishing up, I noticed an older gentleman approaching us with a pamphlet in his hand. As I saw him skipping every other table of people and heading straight for us, I felt my heart drop. I may have even said a small prayer before he laid his playbill from the theatre down in front of us. He never took his eyes off of Maria as he said, “I don’t know if you have seen this play showing at the Cleveland Play House but I think you would really enjoy it. It is reminiscent of Rosa Parks but the woman in this play is from New York.” We were so close to leaving unscathed. He asked her to read over the program and then return it to him before we left. This was followed by the following quote: “I noticed your gypsy earrings when I walked in.” We kicked each other under the table as every word came out of his mouth.

We returned the program to this gentleman and he proceeded to give us his business card and phone number. Apparently he works for a large non-profit and considers himself an ambassador for Rosa Parks. For some reason, this made the whole thing that much worse. As we left, we noticed his wife must have been in the bathroom while this incident was taking place because there was a drink sitting in front of another chair. I made the remark that when she came back, she jokingly said something along the lines of: “you didn’t do anything stupid or embarrassing while I was gone, did you?”

This gentleman reminded me of a man my mother and I ran into last year at this time. Maybe it is the weather. Mom if you are reading this, it was a very similar feeling as our experience in the Chagrin Valley Little Theatre. Just that look of disbelief you can’t get off your face while you wonder if you are on candid camera.

Page 39

I have referenced page 39 of the Free Times 50 times in the past 24 hours. The reason? It is on that page where it was officially revealed The Fulton is going to close at the end of this month. I wish I could say it is all just a bad dream but it’s true. I am about to lose one of my favorite watering holes (I can only imagine how Mindy feels about this…).

Last night in honor of it’s last month, Tim, Liz and I went up to The Fulton and started swapping memories. I have only been going to The Fulton for the past three years but in that short time, there are so many funny adventures that either began there or ended there for myself and my friends.

My favorite story about The Fulton is from before I even really knew what it was. When I lived on the east side, I knew very little about Cleveland and the near west side. I was a typical suburbanite. When I wanted to find Mindy I usually got lost going to her house in that crazy Ohio City neighborhood. I would stop and ask for directions, but instead of asking where her street was, I would ask: “How do you get to the Fulton?” More times than not, if I needed Mindy, I knew I would find her there. She turned me on to this incredible bar and it is actually one of the reasons I chose to stay in Ohio City this summer. My criteria when looking for apartments was: close to downtown and friends and able to walk home from the Fulton.

We questioned our wait staff last night. Hell we even questioned the wait staff at the Flying Fig about it. Apparently everyone involved in the sale is happy with the decision. For a moment this made me feel better. But just for a moment.

Tell Me I Am Not The Only One

I hope I am not the only moron who has stopped somebody to tell them they have a smudge on their forehead today. I always forget about Ash Wednesday. For those of you keeping score at home, I think my last two entries illustrate how hard Lent is for me to comprehend.

Wouldn't It Make More Sense If...

...Fat Tuesday fell on a Friday and Good Friday fell on a Tuesday? Wonder who I could talk to about changing this.

Bet You Got Tired Of Looking At My Valentine’s Day Dinner Picture

Yes, I know it has been too long. It has been almost two weeks since my last blog entry. I am alive and well. Very well as a matter of fact. Again I have to go with the theory that the more blog-worthy things happening in your life, the less likely you are to write in your blog. As I said to Mindy, it is hard to find a point in the past two weeks to focus on when everything has been so good for me. She then replied: “especially when two weeks for you equal the life experience of 3 months for most people!”

The past 14 days have included the following in no particular order: a great evening of theatre at CPT, two evenings of vagina monologues at The Grid, which means I have most likely reached my quota for the next couple years (mixed reviews on the show, though the Angry Vagina definitely stole the spotlight both evenings), tacos, margaritas, martinis, karaoke that rocked a whole bar, an evening at the Lava Lounge, a bedroom dance party with friends reminiscent of college, my role of corset fastener (which may be one of my favorite roles of all-time), brunch with my brother, a late-night rendition of 80’s love ballads belted out before falling asleep and much overdue time spent with Tim. All of these moments were spent with my girl who makes me feel like I am the only person in the room even when we are surrounded by a bunch of people. This in turn makes all of these moments so much better. Like I said before, things are good right now. Very, very good. I promise to check in more often. At least now you don’t have to look at that Beef Florentine picture anymore.

All I Want For Valentines Day Is A New Oven

Had a great Valentine's Day but it would have been better if I didn't have an oven circa 1972. I decided to put a fun meal together consisting of beef florentine, stuffed mushrooms, rice pilaf and green beans with almonds (pictured), however the meat turned out to be tougher than expected. This would be due to the fact that 200-350 degrees on my oven is pretty much the same temperature so it is hard to gauge meat tenderness. For now on, I am only going to eat meat I can throw on my grill, whether it is supposed to be cooked that way or not.

The Year In Review

On Tuesday my blog celebrated one year of existence which made me realize why I really have this thing in the first place. This blog has allowed me to go back and laugh at myself this year. And what a year it has been.

From my first entry, my love of LeBron, meeting a pro football player, my favorite burger, finding my religion, swimming in public, basketball winnings, funny memories with my mom, finding my apartment, shopping with my sister, reflecting on friendships, my new job, spending time in the suburbs, Fall evenings out with friends, my 30th birthday, enlightening moments, my Thanksgiving fall, Christmas, maid of honor duties, the wedding and a fun-filled first weekend of the new year, including a confetti-filled New Year's Eve.

It has been a great twelve months. Thanks for sharing these moments with me, either in person or through my blog.

Irony

Seems the more blogworthy things that happen in my life lately, the less I update my blog. The past two weeks have been filled with birthday goodness for friends (Chrissy and Shannon at Chrissy’s 1976 birthday party pictured), happy hours, a lot of laughs, a reunion with the Old Angle and Tim (also pictured), my first romantic Super Bowl (something had to liven that game up), finding out I am the only person who “pops and locks” from only the waist up and an incredible brunch with the ladies from Hard Hatted Women. Ever since I won Pitfall three weeks ago, things have really fallen into place in my life. Coincidence? I think not.