Making Spirits Bright

I went Christmas shopping last night and I hated it just as much as I remember. Everything about it irritates me: the crowds, the lines, all the annoying Christmas music and the vapid look on my face as I try to figure out what to buy. At one point I may have even started crying. It was rough, especially for someone who abhores shopping in the first place. So how do I make it better? Good beer. Usually I drink domestic beer at home, but last night I stopped and bought a six-pack of Warsteiner beer to make it all better, and the next time I go shopping, I will probably do the same. I think this may be why Christmastime is so expensive.

Wedding Party Professional

Last week it became official: My sister asked me to serve as her "best man" for her ceremony in June when she marries her girlfriend of nine years. This is such an honor, and I am so proud to have been chosen. On top of that, I don't know of anyone else who has gotten to serve as both a maid of honor and best man in the span of eighteen months. If you want to go back ever further, I was a flower girl twenty-five years ago for my aunt's wedding. If you, or anyone you know have gaps in your wedding party, I can obviously fill almost any of them.

This Whole Non-Smoking Thing Is Killing Me...

...or at least it was. Apparently word has not reached many fine establishments that there is a smoking ban in order. Last week I suffered through the ban in the bitter cold, which is best exemplified with a quote from a friend: "I felt worse after smoking four cigarettes outside than had I smoked a whole pack inside." It was rough going until last night when I frequented more than one bar, including one which uses cups as ashtrays, where I was able to smoke inside. So if you want to find me, you will have to go a little farther west (See: Lakewood). I am like the Carmen San Diego of Smoking in Cleveland.

In other news, the fantasy football gods slapped us a hard dose of irony last night. Last year we won our championship when Thomas Jones came through with a big game against Green Bay and gave us enough points to win our game. This year we were knocked out of the playoffs because Thomas Jones had another big game. This season however he played for our opponent and was not on our team. Alas the season is over.

(Insert moment of silence for fantasy football season here)

Black (Lung) Thursday

Bright Side Of The Smoking Ban

There really is a bright side to the smoking ban. My co-worker just opened my eyes to one of the few perks. The first major perk, which I already knew about, will be the amount of money I am going to save by not going out as much. I know that seems crazy, but it's true. I am going to go out a lot less, because, well I don't like to drink and not smoke. Also it gets cold in Ohio and I don't see myself standing outside of bars all winter. This brings me to the point my co-worker brought up. As many of you know, I am not prone to turning up my heat. I have been keeping my apartment at a balmy 52 degrees, and I am ok with this, but it does get a little chilly at night (see picture). My smart co-worker told me to think about how much warmer your apartment is going to be at the same temperature if you are standing outside smoking at night. This is true. I may even be able to lose the stocking hat.

Holiday Greetings From The Annex

Posted on msnbc.com this week:
“Are you really spreading holiday cheer with the annual letters?”

Then it got me thinking…

Holiday (censored) Letter From The Annex

Holiday Greetings from the Annex! It has been quite a year for us! In January we will be celebrating one year of existence, so I guess you could say it has been our best year yet.

Mark moved in at the beginning of January and things have been entertaining ever since. From xxxxxxxxxxxx to xxxxxxxxxxx, things have been a little wild at times, but we have all grown from our experiences. There were the times this year when xxxxxxxx happened, but thankfully everyone is still in one piece. It wouldn’t be a holiday letter if I didn’t mention xxxxxxxxxxx, so for those of you that remember that evening, thanks for the memories. Nonetheless, we have had a great time and we have grown a lot in the past year. We just wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday season.

Happy Holidays,
The Annex

Smoking Tour '06...Where Were You?

What a week...what a weekend! This past week was fabulous, minus the fact that my fantasty football team took a turn for the worse, but you can't win 'em all.

Apparently I am on my very own Smoking Tour '06. With only four days left, I have tried to stop and have a cigarette in as many establishments in Cleveland as possible. Actually this wasn't done on purpose, but by Saturday I realized that I have made stops over the past couple days at: The Winking Lizard, The Old Angle, Bounce, McNamara's, Touch Supper Club and Melted and I still have four more days. Four more days. Ugh. Ok, enough about the smoking ban.

This weekend I got to go see the live version of Rocky Horror Picture Show at Cleveland Public Theatre compliments of Mindy. I am not the biggest fan of the movie, but the play was done really well as everyone in the show actually stole the show. Afterwards there were drinks and yummy food from Halite with the cast. Saturday was an adventure as I went to my favorite annual party in Cleveland. This year was crazier than ever with what seemed like hundreds of people showing up to get down. The host goes all out by hiring a DJ and poker dealers while inviting a very funny diverse crowd. I always feel like I am in a movie when I attend because of all the interersting characters I encounter. Sunday was peaceful. The annex cooked steak and eggs due to the fact that The Old Angle wasn't open yet and then I fell asleep after the Browns scored their first touchdown and woke up in time to catch them win in overtime. It was perfect. I should do that more often.

Catch me if you can at your favorite smoking establishment this week.

Let The Smoking Memories Begin

As I walked into The Winking Lizard last night, I saw the saddest sign posted all over my favorite smoking establishment. Effective December 8, The Lizard will be smoke-free. While I know almost every bar/restaurant in Ohio is going in this direction, this one hurts the most. There was always something so special about the smoking section there. This is where you could watch 20 differenct large screen televisions, sit at the bar and ask about all the different draft beers, play pool, arcade bowl or play darts. In the non-smoking room, if you didn't get the right seat, you would have to squint to catch the game on the small mounted televsions in each corner. It was always so quiet in that weird little non-smoking room--like you were in a library or at someone's wake. The Winking Lizard made it cool to be a smoker and they made it a lot more fun as well. It was almost as if they were telling their customers: "Sure you can sit in non-smoking but you aren't going to have any fun."

As Liz and I sat there last night, we talked about how this was our favorite place to go and have a beer and cigarette. We even had a funny memory to illustrate the significance. When she and I came back from Massachusetts last year, after a vacation in a non-smoking state, the first thing we did after we got back from the airport was head to the Lizard for a beer and a smoke. While most people are exhausted from traveling or would rather go to their neighborhood bar, we missed smoking inside and we missed smoking inside at the Lizard. I can only imagine how I am going to feel after December 8. RIP best smoking section in Cleveland.

*The writer of this blog does not condone smoking

The Gasman Always Rings Once

As I was getting ready for work this morning, my doorbell rang. This almost never happens . In order to get to the door, I have to find my keys because I can't open my door without them, and then I have to run down the backsteps to the door. By the time I got down there, the person who rang the bell was gone. After I finished getting ready for work and walked out the door, there was that damn note from the gas company which said they missed me. I always miss this person and I think it is done on purpose. The gasman is my nemesis (think Jerry Seinfeld and Newman). After they rang the doorbell, they must have ran away because they didn't even wait one minute for me to come down the stairs. This is most concerning to me because I haven't turned my heat on, so I don't want them estimating based on past years. Yeah, I know. I am crazy on so many levels. Most of you know my issues with the gas company. Now I have one more.

My Hero

My brother is my hero. While he may not have rescued a kitten out of tree or saved small children from a burning building, he did do the following this weekend: Started partying in Columbus at 8 am and made it all the way through the game and then got up at 7:45 yesterday morning to drive back to Cleveland so he could start tailgating at 10:30 am and then came home and hung out with me after the game. Maybe he isn't your typical hero but he definitely deserves a shout-out for the work he did this weekend. The picture is a little fuzzy because the photographer had a lack of focus at the time.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

I have done some maintenance on the old blog and added some fun new features. If you scroll down on the right side of the page you will see a new category called "labels". I have categorized all of my entries so that you can look through particular categories. This is really more for my benefit, but I thought I would let you know.

On to the weekend...
Tomorrow is the Ohio State-Michigan game. It is the one day of the year when everyone in Ohio thinks they graduated from Ohio State and it cracks me up. My brother is going to Columbus for the game and I think he is crazy for doing that. You could not pay me enough to be south of Mansfield this weekend. On top of that I am looking forward to a fun weekend with family and friends and parties with both.

I Graduated!

I finally cashed in on my last birthday present and it was worth the wait! Last night I went to beer school at the Great Lakes Brewing Company. It was the coolest thing I think I have done in a long time and I recommend it to anyone in the Cleveland area. For the price of $15, you get to go on a tour of the brewing company, learn the history of the building and surrounding buildings, learn how beer is made, learn how they name their beers, taste their five main beers and then they give you a souveneir glass and an awesome t-shirt that lets everyone know you graduated from beer school. It might be one of my proudest moments and I am sure my parents are equally as proud.

One thing to keep in mind if you do the tour is that you should eat first. I was given this advice by someone who did it before me, so plans were made to go to the Flying Fig. Ironically, and this has never happened at the Fig before, it took our food too long to come out and we weren't able to eat. I am a beer drinker, so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal except for the fact that the beer tasting was more like a drinking contest. While they talk about their five main beers you are drinking each one in a plastic cup (imagine every keg party you have attended but with expensive, good beer). It only takes them about 20 minutes to talk about all the beers, so you have slammed five cups of strong beer in that short time. Hmmm...I wonder if that was why I liked it so much.

Reality Schmality

What a great weekend! The CAVS came back from 20 points down, the Browns beat a playoff contender, we had the second lowest points and we still won our fantasy football game and I won my first week of fantasy basketball. Yes, I came to the realization that fantasy football will not last forever and I will need something to take me through the summer. Therefore, I have decided to join a fantasy basketball league with co-workers (reason #213 why I love my job). Pretty soon everything in my life will just be one big fantasy and I will wake up in my fantasy apartment and go to my fantasy job and then go to fantasy Old Angle for fantasy drinks. Reality is overrated anyway.

Election Events

Here are my quick (and erratic) thoughts from the past couple of days:

The absentee scanning was interesting but relatively uneventful, though the accuracy worries me a little...actually it worries me a lot. I think we are still not quite where we should be in electronic voting. How is it possible we now have cars that parallel park themselves, yet we can't get electronic voting down? Did the computer engineering flunkies all get stuck with election duty?

I was thrilled Tuesday night with all the results and overall it was a great evening. I was, however, saddened Wednesday morning with election news from a close friend, so it was rather bittersweet. It was definitely stupid to not take the day after the election off, as I was up past 3 am trying to catch all the results. As far as the issues go…I wonder how much the passage of issue five (no smoking) is going to hurt issue 18 where cigarette taxes will go to the arts. Also, and I hope everyone saw this on the ballot for issue three, where they broke down the math for the gambling and it went like this: 55% back to the casinos and 35% back to education. Where does the other 10% go? This math made it a little fishy to me.

Overall I am excited about the blue political coup in this state and I hope it can last until the next big election in ’08. Barack Obama, anyone?

A Week Late, But Still Funny

Last week I found a great story about my alma mater on-line from Sports Illustrated. If you know anything about Ohio University, you know it hardly gets written about in major sports publications. However at my former school, Halloween was the biggest sport on campus. While most people think I went to Ohio University for this reason, it was really the former reason. As most students who graduated from Ohio University could tell you, we don't remember very many sporting events, but we could probably tell you about a very memorable Halloween we had there or the first time we got arrested which is usually one in the same.

I Just Voted And You Should Too!

In case you aren't aware of the voting procedures this fall, you have up until Saturday to go to your local board of elections to cast an early ballot. I just did it at lunch and it only took me ten minutes. What a relief it was to get that over with and not have to wait in line on election day.

The League of Women Voters actually has a great website with insight on all the candidates and issues. I found it to be a lot more functional than other sights I went to. My biggest fear about voting early was that I wouldn't get a sticker, but I was so damn excited to be casting my ballot, they actually gave me two.

Busy Busy Election Elf

I won't have much time to blog over the next week as I will be housesitting starting tomorrow. I have decided to take most of those days off of work because I hate commuting from the suburbs--it is pure torture! Even with the time off work, I will still be working as a dogsitter, catsitter, housesitter, fishsitter and next Monday night I am going to be a self-proclaimed "election elf."

Starting at 11:30 pm next Monday night until noon on election day I will be at the county board of elections scanning absentee ballots. That's right, I am going to be a part of the process! I had training last night and it is interesting to be behind the scenes to see how a bi-partisan America actually works. In this sense, a Democrat (that's me by the way) is teamed up with a Republican to scan ballots together. I will be sitting across from somebody I have completely conflicting views with for 12 hours trying to make small talk. Essentially it is the opposite of speed dating.

My Favorite Television Clip Of All Time

When I found this clip, I was ecstatic. My sister got me hooked on Laverne and Shirley when we used to own this clip on video cassette. I took it to college where I lost it, assuming it was never to be found again. Now I can own it forever thanks to YouTube.

Halloween Blog

It's odd that the more pressure you put on a holiday, the more stressful it is in the end. Take for example every New Years Eve I have ever had. However when you put no pressure on a holiday, it always turns out to be so much fun. Take for example Halloween this past weekend. A last minute costume with last minute plans turned out to be fabulous.

On Friday we stayed in and watched scary movies with Tim where laughter and funny quotes were rampant. On Saturday we found costumes at the last minute (that were quite cheap as well) and then accessorized as Lou and Lucy Lucipher (see photo). We traveled around and went to a fun party near Kamm's Corners and then made our way back to the near west side for Liz's party before heading off to the Garage Bar to hang out with good friends I hadn't seen in months. Daylight Savings Time kicked in and we stayed out later than expected that night. Though that isn't saying much considering we were actually thinking about staying in. See? No pressure=more fun.

Birthday Blog

This was one of the best birthdays ever. I have included some pics from my birthday weekend, which included: a crazy memory-filled Friday night with my parents and their friends at Pickwick and Frolic followed by after-dinner drinks at the Marriott; Staying up until the wee hours of the morning with my brother and Liz after seeing Joan Jett which was an incredible show; Partying with Mindy on Sunday with incredible seats at the Indigo Girls concert followed by drinks at the Old Angle. My friends and family are so incredible and I had such a blast over the past couple days. Pictured below: me with my cake first thing Sunday morning, Mindy and I Sunday before the show, Liz and I Saturday after the show, Joan Jett rocking out and sharing a birthday drink with my parents' friend at Pickwick and Frolic.

Ten Years In The Making

Tomorrow I will celebrate ten years of legally drinking, or as some people might call it: my 31st birthday. While it is not quite as exciting as turning 21, I am still looking forward to turning a year older and spending this weekend with friends, who have been more than generous with the birthday activities. Tonight I will be celebrating with Maria, who also happens to be sending me to beer school at The Great Lakes Brewing Company; Saturday I am going to see Joan Jett courtesy of Liz and on Sunday Mindy is treating me to the Indigo Girls concert. I am sure I will be putting the experience I have gained over the past ten years to good use this weekend.

These People Really Exist

This is Scary: Click on video in middle to view


To be freaked out even more, continue down to read the previous post.

Just In Time To Gross You Out For Halloween

Do you remember when John Mark Karr admitted to killing JonBenet Ramsey last month, but you knew he really didn't and wondered why the press bought into it? I am experiencing deja vu right now. Today the priest that former representative Mark Foley said molested him came forward just one day later to admit to all the charges. The gentleman in question, Anthony Merceica, is a 72-year old retired priest living in Malta. I hate to say I don't believe him, but I really don't. I think this is an out for Foley. I think the priest was made to come forward because somehow if Foley was molested then it would make everything a little better for his current situation, and of course for the Republican party. With the election looming, it seems like this is the only thing that matters right now. Forget the boys that Foley harassed. All of that is excused once Foley goes through the protocol of going to rehab, admitting he is gay and having the priest come forward that molested him. TRIFECTA! Each one of these steps gets him off the hook a little more. Actually the gay thing still makes him look like a sick monster (to the people that matter) and the only way to nullify that is to bring in somebody even sicker. These people are good, really good. No wonder they have won the last two presidential elections by a negative margin.

**While child molestation is the most heinous crime in the world and should never be blown off, it seems like that is exactly what this situation is trying to do: take the guilt off Foley and put it on someone else. It was extremely hard to write about not believing someone's claims regarding molestation, but in this situation, it just seems too easy to let Foley off the hook if the priest came forward. Not to mention, when in the history of all these Catholic church scandals has a priest come forward so willingly? Even if you think I am a big jerk for writing this, you should at least take a second to think about why this guy would come forward so quickly.

Why We Call It The Annex

According to Wikipedia, Annex is defined as: a building that is in addition to another building. When I was in college, the word was also used to define the smaller fraternity house, which housed all the people who couldn’t fit into the main house. As you know, my brother, who has the other apartment in my house, and I also call our house “The Annex.” Part of this definition comes from the fact that it is a building that is in addition to another building-that’s Camp Lieberth-but part of it comes from the fact that it does indeed seem like a fraternity house at times. Take this weekend for example.

I walked (stumbled) in on Friday night/Saturday morning and called my brother’s name out when I walked into the door, as we usually do when one of us is walking in that late. He was still up, and even though he said he was getting ready for bed, I got him to go back out and get more beer. After all it was only 2 am. Soon I was making homemade beef chow mein (I like to cook late at night) and we played Monopoly until 4am as we talked about sports, work, girls and other unrecognizable conversation pieces all while making up some weird dance. Are you starting to see the frat house correlation yet? It was such a blast that we spent most of the day Sunday drinking beers, watching football and talking about many of the same topics as I made a big Italian feast. I think we should re-name our house: Kappa Lambda Alpha for Kamp Lieberth Annex.

The best part about this fraternity is that we go on field trips: free hot dogs tonight at the Old Angle for Monday Night Football. I certainly can’t cook every night, or people might start to think I am the house mom.

In 1492 Some Jackass Sailed The Ocean Blue, And Did Very Bad Things, But At Least I Got A Day Off

This weekend went from a two-day weekend to a four-day weekend in the blink of an eye. I took Friday off from work with a sinus infection and Monday was a complete surprise. It wasn’t until I was watching SportsCenter on Sunday night when they mentioned Columbus Day that I realized I had Monday off as well. All the important things in life I have learned from watching ESPN.

The weekend was rather subdued. I didn’t go out once and cooked almost every night. I also rented out my services to family members. On Saturday I did all of Mark’s laundry (for a small fee) and on Sunday I helped my sister paint her house (no charge). Yesterday, after I called my job to verify we did indeed have the day off, I watched a movie, prepped my house for the winter, went for a walk around Ohio City, stopped at the market to buy ribs and spent the evening drinking good beer and cooking ribs. It was a great Columbus Day. Thank God for Manifest Destiny!

OC Doesn’t Stand For Ohio City 44113

Currently Sherrod Brown, the man who will hopefully unseat Mike DeWine in the upcoming senatorial election, is traveling around to visit Ohio campuses. I was excited when I heard about his college tour, but then I saw who was in his entourage. If you happen to make it to one of his stops (The Cleveland State/CWRU stop is October 7 at 5:30 outside the SEIU building on Payne and East 23rd), you will be greeted by Brown, his wife and Plain Dealer columnist Connie Schultz, Luke Perry and Adam Brody. Perry starred in Beverly Hills 90210 and Brody is from the popular teeny-bopper show The OC. While I think it is great to have big names on your tour, these two confuse me. What is the connection between these two actors and Ohio politics? Both of their shows were set in California with a demographic of teenage girls. My advice to Brown would be to drop these two for Michael Stanly and Drew Carey. It may increase your numbers in Cleveland instead of Southern California.

Will You Marry Me=asdkfl;i adfoisut;dkfa?

You may not know much about my sister and her girlfriend from reading my blog but they are some of the coolest people I have ever met. They are also my most loyal readers, so I definitely have to send a shout out to the newly engaged couple. This weekend, after nine years together, my sister finally popped the question. It has really renewed my faith in people to see them now after everything they have been through together and I am so happy for them! On Saturday night/Sunday morning I was attempting to put the card my sister gave Julie on here, but it was a little hard to reprint after Julie's birthday party which lasted until 3 am. I did attempt to start typing that night but when I went back to look at the draft, it didn't really do justice to the card. You just have to take my word on how beautiful the engagement was because if I had copied my draft from that morning, it would have looked like this to you (Funny how you lose site of the home keys after a little beer and whiskey):

Mydasdflkd, dasfkasdfit
adlkfdasi nvko dsaioie al;die woeruth
aodfiuasdfdsghoieqr;l adsofiuta;weoriuqwperi. jdaopsi! asdfodpupoa;.

I know that is beautiful in itself but I didn't want to take away from the actual card. Congratulations to Kathy Ann and Julie!

My Next T-Shirt

My birthday is in less than a month and I would probably wear an XL. To purchase this shirt for that special blogger in your life, please go to the Busted T-shirt website.

You Heard It Here First: The Browns Will Finish 13-3

I decided to do a litte prognosticating. What's the worst that could happen? If the Browns finish 13-3 and win out the rest of their games, I will look like a genius. If they don't, it will be the same disappointment it has been for the past seven years. So when the Browns pull off 13 straight wins, just remember you heard it here first. If not, and we have to suffer through another long season, the CAVS first game is November 1. I will predict right now that they go 79-3. Remember you heard it here first.

Just One More…

Sometimes saying “just one more” actually works out that way, but usually it translates into after I have just one more, I will most likely be ready for five more and this usually leads to a story you tell for the next week. Unfortunately Timmy Tim beat me to the punch for this blog idea yesterday which is ironic because when I left Tim Tuesday night, I was going to meet Mindy for “just one more” before retiring home after a long day.

On Tuesday after I finished my exam, I went out to dinner at Union Station with Maria, had a couple drinks with Tim and then got an invite to meet Mindy and Brent, who was in town from NYC, at Liquid. I have never been to Liquid but I have read about it on a certain other local blog and thought it might be fun. Not to mention, a night out with Brent always makes you feel like a rock star, even though I was only having “just one more”…ahem. I have never been a huge fan of the bars on West Sixth but this one had karaoke with a back-up band and that is always enough to hold my interest. I can’t remember the last time I went out with Brent and didn’t end up at a strip club, so the four of us soon found ourselves at Motion where “just one more” turned into the always famous five more. (Ironically the idea to go the strip club always seems to come from the gay boy and/or straight girl in the group.) After Motion we found our way back to the Ritz where Brent was staying. He gave us the green light on the mini fridge where I decided to have “just one more” while we waited on room service and a nice dinner wine-sure it was 2 am but we were still eating dinner so we needed a nice wine.

The best part of the “just one more” night is the turn of events. What started out as a nice quiet night with a Santa Fe Chicken Salad at Union Station ended up with shrimp cocktail and a stellar pinot grigio at the Ritz Carlton six hours later. Thanks for a great night Brent--I can’t wait until you come back into town in two weeks. Thankfully the next time will be on a weekend. “Just one more” Tuesdays are never a good idea!

Equate This!

I had my first microeconomics exam Tuesday night. It was an interesting experience considering the following: 1) I haven’t studied for a test in eight years 2) There were a lot of incredible football games on this weekend 3) I can’t sit still long enough to study and 4) I missed a very important night of class two weeks ago when I played hookey and went to my fantasy football draft instead. I actually did very well on the exam and I was happy with how I was able to learn the material, but I did miss one question which was about the Net National Product equation. Apparently he taught about that equation the night I was learning about another interesting equation: Peyton Manning + solid running backs + surprising numbers from wide receivers = an undefeated record so far in fantasy football. If the latter equation keeps working out, it will be the most economically rewarding for me.

I Know People Who Know People

Thanks to two of my friends I will be attending this event on Friday and this event on Saturday with free passes. Perhaps the people who know me best think I need a little more culture in my life and a little less fantasy football. Don’t worry dear readers, I will be in front of the television on Sunday.

I Don’t See Color, Just Ethnicity

Everyone and their mother is probably going to write about the new Survivor series today. I have never watched the show before, so I don’t think I could give an articulate review of the actual show, but this season’s concept is a little weird at best and disturbing at worst. If you aren’t familiar with the concept, the show is pitting Latinos, Whites, Blacks and Asians against one another at the beginning of the series. I watched last night, not because I wanted to but because I was forced to--it was on 12 different television sets at the restaurant where I was having dinner. Everyone was having a sidebar conversation regarding the show's implications and people began to take sides for different reasons, based on stereotypes or just plain hubris regarding their own race. Is this really healthy for our society to watch groups of people like this compete against one another? It seems to me that it could create more problems. For example, let’s just say HYPOTHETICALLY that an African-American/Latino woman asks her white girlfriend who she is cheering for? If the girlfriend is smart she quickly answers: The Asian team and changes the subject quickly.

The Weekend!

I am really looking forward to this weekend. Here is where that “going back to school thing” might get a little tricky. I have aspirations of studying supply and demand curves and catching up in my class, but the following may get into my way: The Tremont Art Walk tonight, quality girl time with Mindy on Saturday along with the Ohio State/Texas game. I also have tickets for the Browns’ season opener on Sunday, which is sure to include some early tailgating. Not to mention the first weekend of fantasy football action. This is similar to studying for my class where the supply of fun and exciting things to do may outweigh the demand of taking microeconomics.

Now Taking Requests...

I will be the first to admit I have been a bad blogger lately. The past three weeks have been crazy. I know I have let the blog go, but I received an e-mail this morning from a loyal reader which illustrated to me just how lazy I have actually become. The e-mail went like this:

Hey, How are you?
Just a note that might be of interest, I am pretty sick of seeing that same picture when I check for a new blog entry. Please add something so that horrible mug shot is not the first thing I see.
Possible blog entries: What happened at Camp Lieberth for the holiday? How is the “glass in the foot surgery” healing? Plans for winterization on the drafty home, which reminds me have you chosen your gas supplier for the winter? It’s time to check out the rates if you haven’t. Fantasy football?

I had to laugh out loud when I got this. I think my favorite part was the maternal questioning of whether or not I have chosen my gas supplier for the winter (thanks for the reminder Pam!). I have become so lazy my readers are giving me ideas for entries. At the risk of being post-modern, I do believe that is an entry in itself.

As for a life update: the summer party was a bittersweet success; my job has been out of control the past three weeks; I have decided to go back to school but I haven’t decided if I want another Master’s or just a graduate certificate or if I really want to go back to school at all (the idea of bettering myself is exciting but as I sit in Microeconomics for fours a night, I am second guessing my propensity to do so); the fantasy football draft was completed last night and as everyone else in my draft feels this morning, I think I have a winning team; I am looking forward to the fall weather and I had an incredible Labor Day weekend with friends and family. I promise to be a better blogger or at least respond to e-mails about what a poor blogger I have become.

Black Sheep

I checked my daily e-mail from Strickland headquarters and saw the following press release:

Columbus, Ohio – Roger Strickland, brother of Ohio gubernatorial candidate Congressman Ted Strickland, will visit the Allen County Fair in Lima Friday.

Has history taught democrats anything about letting their brothers blaze the campaign trail with them? Hopefully Roger Strickland will do a better job promoting his brother than Billy Carter and Roger Clinton (pictured).

East Versus West: Priorities

I may refuse to live east of the city, but for now on I will always go that direction for medical care in Cleveland. Normally I would go to Hillcrest Hospital in Mayfield for my emergency room care, but on Monday morning I decided to just walk the one block to Lutheran Hospital in Ohio City to get a small sliver of glass out of my heel. Four days later, I am regretting that decision.

One would think getting a small piece of glass out of my heel would be something that could be done in the emergency room. I watch enough cable programming to see almost anything can be done in the emergency room. What I found out is that the only thing that can be done in the emergency room at Lutheran is a lot of waiting and a lot of watching cable television. Ironic isn’t it? I spent five hours sitting there waiting to see a doctor. During that time, they took inconclusive x-rays and gave me a tetanus shot. The tetanus shot they gave me has now infected my right arm. My arm feels like it is on fire, though I am glad to say the swelling has finally started to go down after two nights of icing it. Nonetheless, the final verdict on the foot was that I would have to have surgery the next morning.

Tuesday morning I got ready for surgery by having a nurse try to find a place to put an IV into my hands. Three tries later both of my hands are bruised, but the anesthesia was definitely worth that small amount of pain. She kept telling me she always finds it on the first try and I was the exception. I guess that was reassuring for the next patient but it didn’t do a whole lot for my psyche as I headed into surgery. On my way in, my nurse asked me if I was related to the “Bainbridge Lieberths.” This was a good sign as I assumed she would never let anything happen to a “Bainbridge Lieberth” so I answered yes as quickly as possible. As I lay there, they showed me the piece of glass they took out, which I didn’t see but they swore they took it out, so I had no other choice but to believe them. It was like when they said the Tetanus shot would hurt for only a day or so, and they refrained from telling me my arm would swell up and make my bicep look like a tomato.

Two stitches later, my foot probably hurts the least of all my wounds. The bruising in my hands has turned a different color which I think is a good thing, and my arm doesn’t burn nearly as much as it has. My doctor who didn’t seem overly concerned said to come back to the emergency room next week if it was still swelled and burning. I have a feeling I will choose Hillcrest Hospital if that is the case. Not to mention the east side also has better Asian cuisine, so it is a good excuse to get some Thai food. Hmmm…better healthcare and better Thai food, perhaps I should consider a re-location. Nah, the bars are still better on the west side and in the end isn’t that all that really matters?

Meanwhile...One Tetanus Shot Later

I spent the day at Lutheran Hospital and apparently I will be spending tomorrow at Lutheran Hospital as well. It's funny how the smallest thing can turn into a big production. Long story short: broke a glass Saturday night, stepped on random piece of glass Sunday night, went to emergency room Monday morning and having surgery on my heel to remove remaining glass Tuesday morning. For those of you who read my blog on a daily basis, this incident did not involve a spider or a Swiffer Wet Jet through my living room window. I just wanted to make that clear.

Is This ESPN or Comedy Central?

Without ESPN.com, I wouldn't have had the following good laughs this morning:

1. Take a look at this picture of Maurice Clarett's car after his arrest yesterday morning. In his passenger seat you see two loaded guns, an empty bottle of top shelf vodka AND a lint brush. Apparently when you are driving around drinking straight from the bottle with two loaded guns and a bullet proof vest on you don't want cat hair and lint all over the place. I know where he is coming from on this one. I hate leaving the house with stuff on my clothes. You never know the impression this might make on a client or someone you are trying to gun down.

2.Then you have the sexual harrassment lawsuit against Isiah Thomas. The suit was filed by the former Vice President of Marketing for the New York Knicks, the team Thomas presides over. In the 12-page court document filed Wednesday, Thomas acknowledged he once touched Anucha Browne Sanders' shoulder, and may have even tried to kiss her on the cheek. But he insisted he did nothing wrong, reiterating his stance since the allegations were made public in January. He tried to kiss her on the cheek but he thinks that is okay. Since when is the workplace kiss on the cheek a normal practice?

Good times with our sports role models!

Bad Dream

For the past two weeks I have had the same damn dream. I wake up on a Sunday morning and it is the second week of football season. In both dreams I am initially excited because, well...it's football season, and then I stop and realize the season already started and I forgot to go to my fantasy football draft. Usually the realization I have missed my football draft is enough to wake me up, so the panic doesn't last that long. Nonetheless this can't be a good sign. Good thing my dad called last night to remind me the draft is September 5. Can't Wait! The OC Herons are back and ready to defend. Pictured: My dad and I opening the champagne after we won our fantasy football championship last year.

The New Strickland Shirt

Yesterday my new Ted Strickland shirt arrived. I am very excited about this particular item and it was made by a local who runs his own website. To get your own shirt please check out his site, Better Ted Than Red.

Best Week Ever

When I tell you my week started with Barbie in Fairytopia and ended with soccer moms, you may think that it was a quiet, family friendly week. Not quite. In honor of my favorite show ending for the season, I really did have THE BEST WEEK EVER.

If you read my last entry, you know last Monday night out with Barbie wasn’t all that family friendly but it sure was enlightening and the soccer game at the Wolstein Center turned out to be a lot more fun than we thought it was going to be. Couched in between these two events was a very long week of giving back to the community in my own very talented way: through eating and drinking. On Wednesday, my favorite watering hole, The Old Angle, hosted the Summer Restaurant Tour and gave 40% percent of the proceeds from that evening back to the Center. On Thursday, Union Station hosted Martini night and gave 60% of those proceeds back to the Center which turned me into quite the philanthropist. I don’t know if I necessarily recommend drinking and donating after this week. The reason for this recommendation is when it comes to the end of the evening and you ask yourself if you really want one more, you realize you are drinking for the cause and you have to have one more (and one more and one more after that…). Let’s just say I did my part last week.

Thankfully we took Friday night off to take out braids, my new favorite thing-that-I-do-every-three-months activity and Saturday evening did at least start out low-key. I felt like we were back in high school as we went out on a fun double-date that started at Johnny Mango and then headed to watch some soccer with free tickets won only a day earlier. I ended up enjoying the soccer much more than I thought I would because the original Cleveland Force legends played at halftime. I used to love the Force, so to see some of those players now was hilarious. After the game we decided to go somewhere we normally don't frequent and ironically enough we ended up in Ohio City. Touch Supper Club turned out to be the coolest place I hung out at all week with the DJ spinning for our table and the bartender impressing us with his talents. We finished that night off with a trip to Diana's, where a certain Cleveland blogger would agree their coffee actually puts you to sleep.

I do believe I will be taking this week off to recuperate and volunteer at the Center at night to get ready for the Summer Party. As if I didn’t already give enough last week…

By the way, the fun will be starting again on August 15 as Maria and I will be hosting the Summer Restaurant Tour at Momocho and don’t forget the Wing Thing on August 16 at the zoo to benefit Community Shares.

Apparently Barbie Can Sing As Well

It’s obvious I had a weird evening when the first thing I do upon arriving at work is Google the nationally touring play called Barbie Live! in Fairytopia. What was going to be a quick stop at Bounce last night for an appetizer or two, turned into a three-hour karaoke show put on by the performers of the nationally-touring play, Barbie Live! in Fairytopia.

Monday is karaoke night at Bounce. Usually this crowd consists of 10 people including the same two old men singing Better Midler songs, the two young guys who like to sing Kelly Clarkson and the woman who sings Johnny Cash. Every once in a while you might get a karaoke ringer or two, but what we witnessed last night was more like the Haley’s Comet of Kareoke at Bounce and we may never see anything like it again. After the first song, Proud Mary, included back up dancers, we realized we might not be sitting with the usual crowd. Sure enough as the evening went on, there were times we actually thought we were listening to the actual singer or even someone who sounded better than the actual singer. There wasn’t a bad singer in the bunch, though you could tell the pitch difference as they got drunker throughout the night. Or maybe you could just tell they were getting drunker because they started taking their shirts off.

We thought they might be from a local theatre but couldn’t place it. Finally I went up and asked the bartender who they were with and he said: “That Barbie show at Palace Theatre” In fact they weren’t local at all, they are currently on a national tour doing Barbie Live! in Fairytopia, a one-hour musical for kids. I for one am glad I got to see the evening show—I have a feeling it wasn’t anything like what they performed for the children. Look out Louisville, they are coming your way next.

Some Thoughts For The Week

I haven’t been the best at updating my blog lately, but it partially has been for good reason. On top of my usual laziness, I also took a little vacation out to Camp Lieberth for four days. Now that all of the grilled meat and vodka from my vacation has exited through my pores, I am finally able to update the ol’ blog. Here are my thoughts for the week:

Sunday will be the beginning of the 100-day mark for the Ohio gubernatorial election. I can’t not stress the importance of this election enough! Please go out and read up on the issues to see why this election will have such a huge impact, not only in the near future, but on Ohioans for years to come. I am going to do my part by mixing my fashion sense and my politics. If you know me at all, you know I like to wear t-shirts. Starting Sunday I am going to wear a Ted Strickland t-shirt in some form of another for the last 100 days leading up to the election. I am not going to wear the t-shirt to work but I will be putting it on in the evening or wearing it under things. Please do your part to help. Even if you aren’t going to help register voters or volunteer, at least get yourself registered to vote. Every little bit helps, especially when our President is helping to fund Ken Blackwell’s campaign against Strickland.

The Browns big signing on the offensive line went down with a knee injury today in practice. Most likely he will be out for the year. Is anyone surprised? Poor LeCharles Bentley. Someone should have told him about the Cleveland Curse.

Please check out the Summer Party being thrown by the Center on August 19 at the Ritz Carlton. It will be an incredible time, as always.

Is there anything better than fun childhood memories coming out of the blue? I had to drive my dad’s car last week and I couldn’t figure out how to turn the cd player off, so I found myself listening to Waylon Jennings. Next thing I know I am getting a little teary-eyed thinking about all the car trips we took when I was a kid and how much fun we had listening to those songs, even though I had no idea what half the lyrics meant. Funny that I haven’t heard those songs in years, but I still know every single word. The music made me want to keep on driving to Sunset Beach, NC where we used to vacation when I was younger.

My parent’s have a flyer hanging on their fridge that says: “The White Family Reunion” from my dad’s side of the family. Maria found it very funny. Enough said.

What Costs More?

It's time for a new game called: What costs more?

Let's start out with a simple one: one pound of turkey vs. two pounds of turkey at the deli. If you answered two pounds of turkey, you are correct.

How about this one: An oil change at Lube Stop or an oil change at Firestone. If you answered Firestone, you are correct.

Now the one I am currently working on: treating a spider bite or replacing the driver's side door on my car because as I was pulling out, I saw a spider, freaked out, opened my car door to get out, then realized I had to move my car out of the street (still freaking out thinking the spider is on me) and then slamming into the side of my house with my car door bending all the way back and cracking my door hinge off (you know that scene in Tommy Boy when the car door hits the gas tank...yeah it was like that) .

I will let you know the answer when I get my estimate, but I have a feeling it would have been more economical to just let the spider go.

Membership Doesn't Have Its Privileges

It’s about time I started putting my entertainment card to use. Last night I used it for the third time as we went to Pickwick and Frolic. This review is probably three years too late for most people, but I highly recommend the chipotle chicken and shrimp pasta and Maria’s plate was overflowing with the chicken chop dinner. The food was excellent for the price and the décor was fun to look at along with the nice ambiance, considering it was 10 pm on a Wednesday night in Cleveland we practically had the whole place to ourselves.

There is a whole world of people out there who discriminate against people like me. I remember when we went to Klucks and the waitress said to the table behind us: “I didn’t tell you those specials because I knew you would be using your entertainment card.” Also the server tends to look down on you when you say you have the card. They seem to think you barely scraped enough money to pay for the one entrée and you will never be able to afford to tip them as well. Most times I tend to overcompensate for this with appetizer, drinks and desert. In the end, I actually end up spending more money then I would have had I not used the card. If only people would understand how much their discriminatory looks and remarks affect people. Just because I have an entertainment card doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear all the specials or that the wait staff should look down on me. Am I not a human? If I am cut, do I not bleed and feel like everyone else?

The Oh in Obnoxious

We went to see The Oh in Ohio at Cedar Lee on Sunday and it was unsatisfying. If you aren’t familiar with the movie, it is about a husband (Paul Rudd) and wife (Parker Posey) who have sexual issues. They are joined in the cast by Mischa Barton, Liza Minelli, Danny Devito and Heather Graham. The movie had potential and the makings of a fun indie-comedy, but it was just obnoxious in some places, especially when it came to the location.

The movie was filmed in Cleveland, though Cleveland has nothing do with the plot and it could have been substituted for any city in America. The shots of the city are fun, but some of it is just too far-fetched to be believable. Some examples for your palate:

1. Posey drives over the Carnegie Bridge constantly only to end up at a house that would be in Strongsville
2. Every house on the street has a pool. Where exactly does that take place in Cleveland?
3. Barton plays a high school student. There are no high school students in Cleveland that look like that.
4. Barton asks Rudd to “give me a ride to Case Western Reserve University” Who says that? Nobody who lives here would ever call CASE by its full name. It was almost as if the university was paying her to accentuate every syllable so that researchers would get it right in their grants.
5. Barton worked in the biology lab at CASE which was housed in the Peter B. Lewis Building. Not sure when they moved the biology lab into the business school but again it was nice product placement for the school.
6. Posey sees her office and says: “Look the Terminal Tower! I work there.” Nobody in Cleveland would say that to someone else who lives in Cleveland. Unless it is 2:45 am, you have just left the bars and your best friend is holding you up.
7. Her office in the Terminal Tower is shown to be right in front of Browns Stadium in the movie. Must have been a weird camera angle because I don’t see how that is possible.
8. Rudd is a teacher in the Cleveland Public School System, yet the school he works for doesn’t resemble any schools in the Cleveland Public School System.
9. The bar scene took place in MODA. I find that to be obnoxious in itself.
10. Heather Graham played a lesbian who lives in Cleveland. I wonder if people are going to think all lesbians who live in Cleveland look like that. Now that would be cool.

It was nice to see Cleveland represented. Perhaps next time it will be represented accurately.

You May Want To Sit Down For This One...

I think I have lost that loving feeling for LeBron. While I realize it isn't all his fault, I find that I roll my eyes the more I hear his name lately and yesterday my eyes were opened to the bigger problem.

Last week my proud city was glued to the headlines to see if LeBron was going to sign an extension for the next five years. He was the only big-name star from the 2003 draft who didn't declare his intentions right away. Cleveland got nervous. And more nervous. Finally the news came through on Saturday he was going to re-sign. I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be. I didn't start jumping up and down. I just sat there and thought about the ramifications of our one-week-wait. The initial ramifications came to light yesterday when he said he was going to change the parameters of the offer, a first for a player in his position. Instead of five years, with an option out after four years, he is going to reduce both those by one year. This is his prerogative. The city of Cleveland and the Cavaliers would never say no to his requests. Even if he was reducing the offer by two years, they would agree. We have no other choice. We know this and so does he. In that sense I do partially blame him for my current state of frustration, but at the same time, I also blame the fans of Cleveland and the media.

If you need further proof of his magnitude, check out the headline from Sunday's Plain Dealer: "Cleveland Can Breathe Again...LeBron Agrees to Sign" In essence this headline insinuates this one player has a choke hold on the city. I don't disagree with that. I used to be one of those people, and let's not get too crazy here, I still love the guy but he is not the second coming (or even the first, third or fourth depending on your religious views).

It was yesterday when it hit me most people may actually consider him the deity that is going to change this city around. I received e-mail after e-mail from people who were ecstatic about the signing. People who believe a championship will change Cleveland’s misfortunes around. People who think LeBron is going to change Cleveland by stepping on a hardwood floor. I had a woman in my office yesterday who relayed her current hardships and her monologue to me went like this: “It has been so difficult this year. I lost my job of 15 years, I had to move in with my son and help raise his kids because he can’t find work either. The school system here is failing my grandchildren and things keep getting more and more depressing. Last week I lost two family members and things have just been really hard and I don’t know where to turn. I was starting to lose faith in Cleveland until yesterday.” I then asked, “what happened yesterday?” She replied by simply saying “LeBron decided to re-sign”. I know this is a hopeful point for her but I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. It made me want to scream out to all these witnesses: Is he going to watch your kids while you look for a job or even while you are working your job, is he going to put more money into the schools, stock your fridge or pay your bills? More triple doubles does not mean more jobs unless you happen to be one of his best friends from high school. Even if he does bring us a championship, what exactly will that mean for the city? Please correct me if I am wrong, but I don’t think Detroit’s economy had a boom after the Pistons won the championship in 2004. Our fans, like so many fans in working class cities, are blind to sports success. We are starved but it isn’t for a sports championship, it is for a thriving community. What I hope is that the people of this city actually know the power for change rests in their hands and not in the hands of a 21-year old who calls Cleveland his “hood”. Believe in Cleveland but don’t believe that LeBron is going to change Cleveland simply by staying here.

Sportygrrl=Sportygrill

The harder you work for something, the better it tastes. If that is the case then our meal last night tasted like the best meal I have ever eaten.

Maria and I had all our shopping done by 4, the likes of which consisted of hot dogs, bratwurst, burgers, steak, shrimp, salads and the ingredients for the now infamous beer margaritas. Tim said he would be over and add to our meat buffet with his boneless pork spare ribs topped off with Hoisan sauce for an asian flair. We were about to have the best barbeque three people could ever throw, however the barbeque gods were not on the same page with us.

With all our meat prepped and marinated, I went downstairs to light the grill. Except the grill didn’t want to light. There was a tiny little light but it went out. Earlier in the day I actually thought about how much propane gas I had. What are the chances I would run out on July 4th for our big barbeque? Sure enough I was out of propane. Time and the holiday were not on our side. We had to move and we had to move fast, except we didn’t know where to move to. I have never filled my propane tank in Cleveland before and the chances anything was still open were slim and none, yet we all jumped in my car and started driving west. 7:50, 7:55, 8:00, 8:05…time was running out. I pull into Home Depot where all the lights were out and the employees were walking to their cars. They told us if we drove down to the other door and begged we might get lucky. So we sped down there and saw a woman manning the propane tanks. As we were getting closer we rolled down all the windows and started yelling, “propane, propane, propane, we need propane.” She said if we hurried we could get a tank and she asked us where our empty tank was. Everyone turned to me and I said: “I didn’t know I was supposed to bring the old tank.” The woman looked at me like I was crazy and explained the price difference to be about $40 between turning in your old tank or just getting a new tank. We had a decision to make and we had to make it fast. Maria stepped up to the plate and literally took charge. When we went in to pay for it, they didn’t even know how to ring up a new tank because who would be stupid enough to spend that much money on a propane tank? My fellow readers please understand that when you have over seven pounds of meat marinating in your fridge on the fourth of July, you have to make rash decisions.

As we drove back to my house, with a full tank of propane gas in the trunk, it was almost like being in a video game. We could hear illegal fireworks going off on the streets around us and we all joked about the dangers of toting around all this gas on the fourth of July. Yet we were relentless. I got out of the car, switched tanks and went to turn the grill on. Click, click, nothing. Hmmm…click, click, nothing. Not only had we run out of gas, my ignition had gone out as well. Normally I would just throw a match into the grill, but my grill can’t be that simple. There is no bottom and we couldn’t find the “match hole.” Not to mention Tim and I aren’t the bravest people in the world when it comes to throwing a match into propane fumes. I got on the phone with my father and over the next 20 minutes I talked to all three of my brothers as well for some advice. Conversations that went like this: “Ok David this used to be your grill…think where the match hole is. Can you imagine how you use to manually light this grill?” No luck. Tim and I tried everything. We waved fired around the whole grill, made small torches out of paper to stick in every possible hole, checked all the burners, checked the gas and did the same thing over and over again. Finally, sweaty and gross from frustration and humidity, we took a couple minutes to let the grill rest and decided to give it one more try and this time it worked. FIRE! You know that scene in Castaway when Tom Hanks is so frustrated from not being able to make fire and then when he does it he is so excited? Yeah, it was like that.

We started grilling at 9:30. There I was standing in the dark with my neighbors smoky fireworks surrounding me but I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I could hardly see my meat or that I could hardly breathe. I turned on my grilling sixth sense and went to work (see picture above of the darkness/smoke surrounding the steak and pork). Tim and I spent the next hour outside grilling bratwurst, burgers, steak, asian pork and hotdogs and we savored every minute of it along with a lot of cold beer and beer margaritas which we have decided will be our new signature drink. If you want the recipe, let me know because it was awesome and didn’t take nearly as long to make as the meat if you factor in the trip to Home Depot and the hour spent praying to my grill before we actually got it to light. I hope everyone had as much fun on Independence Day as we did!

A Prayer

Please stop the fighting in the Gaza Strip; Please end the war in Iraq; Please restore New Orleans to it’s once beautiful and glorious form; Please end South Dakota’s ban on abortion; Please don’t let the Federal Marriage Amendment pass; Please don’t let Ken Blackwell get elected as the next Ohio governor, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, please, please let Jordan Farmar (point guard, UCLA) be available for the CAVS tonight with the 25th pick in the 2006 NBA draft.

It’s hard to believe my girlfriend finds my politics flippant.

Want To Get Rid Of Me? Here's How:

Help send the Wild Plum troupe to New York July 13-July 16 to perfrom Marla's Devotion, written by Linda Eisenstein and starring Denise Astorino and Maria Miranda. Props and some back stage management done by yours truly. So what can you do? That’s a great question! Attend the show for our benefit this weekend and do your part to help get us there to participate in the Fresh Fruit Festival. You have four different days to attend, so I don’t want to hear any excuses!

How To Prove You Aren't Homophobic

Chicago White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen called an ESPN columnist a fag yesterday. When other reporters went to the Major League Baseball office asking for a suspension of the manager, Guillen tried to justify his comments. He said that in his native Venezuela, that word is not a reference to a person's sexuality, but to his courage. He also said he has gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago.

I think he may have developed a prototype checksheet for homophobia with his remarkable list of accomplishments. I challenge anyone to see if they can beat out Ozzie Guillen to prove who is less homophobic.
Please check if any of these apply to you:

Do you have gay friends? Add two points if you are on a first name basis.
Have you attended a WNBA game in the past three years? Add two points if you went with a lesbian.
Have you gone to a Madonna Concert? Add two points if you think this shouldn't be on the list
Do you plan on attending the Gay Games in Chicago? Add 25 points if you plan on participating.

Good Luck!

The M stands for MORON

They say you should never meet your heroes. What this normally means is your perception of them can become diminished if they aren’t who you thought they would be. This rule also applies to me, but in the sense that I become a big moron and say stupid things, and something else about restraining orders but we don’t have to go into that part…ahem.

You always imagine how the encounter will go by envisioning what you will say or how you will act and then when the time comes, you totally flake out and become a bumbling neurotic moron. That is what happened to me on Saturday.

First a little background: Alix Olson is an incredible spoken-word artist. The first time I heard her perform, I could hardly move as I was mesmerized by her energy and her presence. I have driven far and wide to see her perform live, and three years ago I got the chance to actually meet her. Let’s call this encounter Moron moment number one (MMNO). MMNO occurred at a festival after she finished one of her performances. I went up to her like everyone else at that performance and told her the same thing everyone else before me had probably told her: “You are incredible thanks for inspiring me to write and express myself.” She thanked me and I probably should have walked away, but instead I froze up and just stood there with this blank look on my face. When I realized what had happened, I just ran away. Unfortunately the festival lasted two more days and I would walk by her and feel so stupid, hoping she would just forget about that very awkward and spastic conversation. Maybe she did, but I think I reminded her Saturday of that weird encounter.

On Saturday, I received a phone call from Maria. When I picked up, she told me somebody wanted to talk to me. Alix Olson got on the phone (I know...isn't that so cool!!) and the conversation went like this:
Alix: Michele?
Me: Yes? Who is this?
Alix: It’s Alix Olson.
Me: Really? Oh my god, I thought you were touring somewhere else this weekend.
Alix: No I am in Cleveland with Pam.
Me: Oh really because I could have sworn you were in California or something (Do you see how dumb I am? Why would I question her on her whereabouts when she is clearly in Cleveland, Ohio using Maria’s phone-let’s refer to this as Moron moment number two: MMNT)
Alix: No I am here and you should bring beer too.
Me: I am sorry… what did you just say?
Alix: Here. You should be here too. (Ok this is where I thought she said I should bring some beer, so I had to ask again because that didn’t make sense to me either. Good thing I got that clarified.)
Me: Oh ok
Alix: Well it was nice talking to you
Me: Actually we met before. I don't know if you remember. (Why in the world did I say that to her? Did I actually want her to remember that awkward conversation we had?)
Alix: Oh? Well I can’t really see you because we are on the phone.
Me: Oh yeah. (Did I think she would remember my voice or something? We can just label that MMNThree)
Alix: Well it was nice talking to you
Me: Ok well it was really cool to talk to you too. Thanks for getting on the phone and for being so cool with your fans. Maybe I will come up and see you. Are you going to perform…Hello? (She had hung up at the end of her last sentence, but I didn’t realize it).

Not only should I never meet my heroes, apparently I shouldn’t even talk to them on the phone.

Weekly Sports Fun

Its time to play everyone’s favorite game: Sports Idiot of the Week. This week’s contestants are Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers and JJ Redick, NBA hopeful and former guard for the Duke Blue Devils. It looked like Roethlisberger was a shoe-in for the award on Monday morning, but Redick made a valiant effort to trump him late Monday night. Let’s take a look at each case.

Monday morning Roethlisberger was hit by an oncoming car while riding his motorcycle. This is not what puts him in contention for the award. What made him look like the sure winner was the fact that last summer he went on record to say he would not wear a motorcycle helmet unless the state of Pennsylvania made him do so. Today he sits in the hospital with a fractured jaw, broken nose, a cut on the back of his head and several missing teeth. Ironically he only hurt the parts of his body which would have been covered by a helmet. (For the record, season-ending injuries from a motorcycle accident only happen if you play for a Cleveland football team. See: Kellen Winslow)

While it looked like Big Ben would have walked away with the award after having his remarks come back to haunt him, JJ Redick took it from his grasp. Redick, everyone’s All-American, found a way to out-do him. On Monday night he was charged with a DWI. This does not make him an idiot. What makes him an idiot is how he got caught (and if you know me at all, you know I have very little room to judge as far as stupid arrests go). Redick saw a police sobriety check-point and decided to do an illegal u-turn to avoid going through it. I have to wonder if the illegal u-turn to avoid a sobriety check-point has actually ever worked for anyone. He deserves credit for giving it the old college try by doing something else illegal to avoid the checkpoint. Surely this wouldn’t draw any more attention on him, would it? For this reason and for the simple fact he has taken publicity from the Duke lacrosse scandal, he takes home the award this week.

Tune in next week as we prepare for the NBA draft by chronicling all the failed drafts of your favorite Cleveland teams. Your hosts for the program will be Tim Couch and Trajon Langdon.

Genetics

People tell me all the time I look like my mother. I inherited her nose and her eyes. I also inherited her wit and smartass personality. There is one thing, however I got from my father which may top all of those traits. I grill like my dad.

When I say I grill like my dad, I don’t just mean the way the meat tastes, I am including all of my mannerisms as well. From the way I marinade the meat, to the way I keep walking into the house yelling “ten more minutes” (when I actually have no idea how long it will really be because I time the meat on whether or not I need another beer), to they way I clean my plate after I throw the meat on the grill, to the way I talk to myself while I am grilling, to the way I believe you can grill out no matter the weather (snowing, raining, sunny, hail storms, etc…), to the way I think beer and cigarettes are as crucial as the tongs, I am truly my father’s daughter.

I think this all hit me last night when I walked into my apartment and yelled “ten more minutes”. The weird part was that I was the only one home.

You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up

I have a friend who is a lesbian carpet salesperson. While I could just stop there and the humor level would still be quite high, I must share some of her anecdotes.

We went out to dinner last night and I inquired about how her gender affects her job. I asked her if she ever gets weird looks when she goes to houses because they don’t expect a woman in her early thirties to be selling carpet. She told me people who have scheduled appointments for their home will literally hold their door, stare out their peephole and still ask her who she is and what she is doing at their house. These same people, the ones who actually scheduled the appointment to look at carpet samples, look at her like she must be going door-to-door for something else even though she is standing there dressed up holding carpet samples. She said it is almost like they are hoping for an older gross guy to come into their house and try to sell them carpet.

Fortunately for my friend, the gender bias seems to go both ways. She said she walked into a woman’s home and the woman turned to her and said: “Thank God you are a woman. I am going through a bad divorce and I am not in the mood to talk to a man right now.” For the record, she made the sale on that one.

My Lucky Day

Do people really fall for these pop-up images? I decided to see what the asterisk actually meant and clicked on terms and conditions:

PinkLaptop4Free.com reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to change its Terms & Conditions at any time, for any reason, without notice. We also reserve the right, in our sole discretion, to change the methods through which free items are earned. This may include, but is not limited to, increasing the number of friends you have to refer or adding more steps to confirm that you have a legitimate account. We may also add or remove any product listed as an incentive at any time. If we replace a product, the new product may not be of equal value. Please check these Terms of Use periodically for changes. Your use of the Site following any such modification constitutes your agreement to follow and be bound by the Terms of Use as modified. The last date these Terms of Use were revised is set forth below. If you breach any of these Terms of Use your right to use this Site will terminate automatically.

Wouldn't it be great if we could all go by those terms and conditions: Things are subject to change at any time, for any reason, without notice.

Re-Route

For those of you checking my blog for the re-cap of Tim's party, I realized I could not top the synopsis that had already been sent out by my favorite event planner. If you are curious, you can get all the juicy details on Tim's blog. Pictured at Right (courtesy of Tim): Mindy and I during the festivities.

Sportygrrl In The Conservatory With The Lead Pipe

Perhaps you have heard of a little game called Clue by Parker Brothers. The popular game has been around for over 50 years, but I forgot just how fun it was until yesterday. On a late-evening board game hunt, Clue was picked up along with Life at the local K-Mart. The only problem is we need more people to play with us. Clue is a little rudimentary with only two people. I propose the Cleveland Clue Club (The New Tri-C). Anyone want to join us? What would be even better would be a game of Clue based on our fine city. I would like to make a guess: Frank Jackson at The Q with a rolled-up Plain Dealer.
*Make sure you utilize the secret passageway from University Circle to Tremont before heading back downtown to make your guess.

RIP Memorial Day Weekend

I had an incredible Memorial Day Weekend and decided to take Tuesday off as well to make it a four-day weekend. The weekend was full of a lot of fun events and the chance to catch up with people I haven’t been able to hang out with in a while. I spent this past weekend playing poker, hanging out at the Open Air Market , relaxing at Lava Lounge , eating at Mekong River , enjoying a short stint at the Metroparks , exhausting myself at Dave and Busters and finishing the weekend at Geauga Lake . That’s right…my brother and I spent Tuesday at Geauga Lake, along with about 1000 high school students. We actually fit in with the high school students at one point when we considered buying one of those keychains with our picture together from the roller coaster. Thankfully we realized just how queer that would be, even at half off the regular price. We even made up for that fact on the next ride and sat a seat apart just to erase any doubt we weren’t that dorky. Good thing we stayed away from the air-brushed tee-shirts.

While waiting in line for what we both agreed was the best ride at the park, X-Flight , I remarked on how unbelievable it is that people would wait up to an hour on the weekends just to ride this roller coaster. It was at this point when I told Mark they should change the name of the ride to Prom Night for the simple fact that you pay a lot of money to wait a very long time for 30 seconds of exhilaration. He agreed.

Walk Softly And Carry A Big Swiffer

This morning the biggest wasp/bee/roach with wings was inside my house trying to get out of my living room window. If you know anything about me at all, you know I went running and screaming out of the room to find Maria to kill it. The following conversations then took place:

Maria: Can you get me a broom
Me: Well my broom is pretty thin. I will be right back.
(I leave and enter room with both my broom and my swiffer)
Maria: What am I going to do with your swiffer?
Me: You can use it as a spear (as I hold it out straight and demonstrate how a swiffer can be used as a spear)
Maria: I don’t have the dexterity for that-give me the broom.
Me: Well how would you use the broom then if you don’t have the dexterity?
Maria: I use the waving and batting method.
Me: Oh ok.
(At this point I leave the room and let her do her thing. I hear her swatting at the wall, my fireplace, the wall again and then finally I hear a big crash….)
Maria: I think we are going to have to buy you a new window.
Me: Did you kill it?
Maria: No but the window broke.
Me: I knew you should have used the swiffer.
Maria: Yes the swiffer as spear approach probably would have only put a hole through your wall.

Weekend Warriors

How many miles can you put on your car without leaving northeast Ohio? I felt like Neil Zurcher doing a one-tank trip this weekend as I ventured to the east side on Friday night and the very very east side on Saturday. On Friday after work I traveled to and got lost on the east side of Cleveland over by Monticello and Noble. As you can tell by the neon green line, which indicates my traveling patterns Friday night, I did not use the same route on the way home. Nonetheless the end result got us to the most amazing hair and beauty supply store I have ever seen. I am sure you never thought you would hear those words come out of my mouth, but the look of awe on my face said it all (which makes the fact that someone asked me if I worked there even more amazing).When it was all said and done, I am glad I got lost and took a different route back because I was introduced to my traveling companion's stomping grounds as a child and teenager. It was a lot of fun to share those memories with her.

On Saturday our travels, as indicated by the blue line, took us Southeast. We first headed to Tallmadge for the spring rummage sale at the Summit County Fairgrounds. After sifting through what I actually can wear, I ended up getting two nice shirts, two pairs of boots and a cool salmon-colored blazer for $2. After our Tallmadge adventure we headed north to Shalersville and on to Mantua to get an up-close look at my roots. It is definitely something you have to see to believe and a far cry from Camp Lieberth where we made a pit stop on the way home. All in all we got new hair, new clothes and a new appreciation for where we came from in just two days. No wonder we were so exhausted this weekend. I would like to see Neil Zurcher top that!

World Politics For Dummies

I am trying to break down a current political situation (you know the one where Venezuela offended America so America decided not to sell Venzuela arms anymore even though America would still export oil from Venezuela and then Venezuela and America both decided to become even tighter with Libya, even though it made very little sense for America to do so while Venezuela decided to start giving Iran the F16s America had sold to them even though America is rumored to be going into battle with Iran) into layman’s terms so we can see how childish world leaders can be. I decided to use a high school analogy to make it easier to understand.

One day after lunch, the most popular girl in school, Mary decided she was no longer going to be friends with Veronica because she heard Veronica was talking about her behind her back. Apparently Veronica had been calling Mary evil and telling people she won’t always be popular because people will see her true colors after graduation. Instead of being friends with Veronica, Mary decided to befriend Libby. None of the popular kids really understood why Mary would want to be friends with Libby. Libby was always kind of an outcast and had caused a lot of trouble for Mary back in elementary school.

Meanwhile Veronica also decided to become even better friends with Libby which began to confuse Libby even more. Libby went along with it but discussed with her friend Ira how weird it is that she had these friends all the sudden. Ira agreed and confided in Libby that Veronica was giving Ira all of Mary’s old clothes and letters. Both girls got even more nervous as they remembered how Mary had stabbed other people in the back but then come back to be friends with them after feeling guilty about what she had done. Mary was a little weird in the fact that she would break couples up but then help them get back together. Nobody really trusted Mary. She had gotten herself in some weird situations and nobody can really believe what happened between her and her best friend from the cheerleading squad, Francis. Francis didn’t agree with Mary about how to perform a cheer and Mary refused to talk to her ever again.

Join us next week to see how Mary handles her new friends, if Veronica’s comments about Mary will come true after graduation and to see if Ira fits into the clothes Veronica has passed on to her.

In this particular piece the characters are played by the following countries:
Mary=America
Veronica=Venezuela
Libby=Libya
Ira=Iran
Francis=France

Can I Get A Witness?

I had such high hopes for my blog today. I wanted to write about how the United States was working against Venuzuela, or how Thomas Paine would be rolling over in his grave if he saw how this country was being run today, or even touch upon the thought that if we took the resources we are using to build a wall to keep immigrants out and used it to build a wall to keep New Orleans alive, we would be living in a much better place. This was all before last night’s game.

The CAVS’ victory last night was the biggest win in Cleveland sports since the Indians won the pennant in 1997. It is quite sad when the biggest sports victory in the past ten years doesn’t even win the series, just evens it up. However we have been dealing with sports futility for so long we will take just about anything, especially a win that denies Rasheed Wallace his victory guarantee. Yesterday Scoop Jackson of ESPN wrote an article about how losing this series to Detroit will be one of the best things that could happen to LeBron and the CAVS, and how Michael Jordan had to lose to the Pistons before he could go onto greatness. He mentioned that in the end, this will all be worth the wait. Maybe, just maybe we won’t have to wait until after this year to see how far he can take this team.

Hold 'Em Karma

Texas Hold Em is both a game of chance and a game of skill. I have now found out there is another variable determining the outcome of this poker game: karma. Yesterday right before one of my family members sat down to play Hold 'Em, they said the following two statements:

"I don't think we should rebuild New Orleans" and the scary but true...
"I am voting for Blackwell in November"

Less than five minutes into the game, they went all in and lost to my three queens. How appropriate.

Lost In Translation

Funny how last Wednesday I posted three different times and now I haven’t posted once in eight days. Alas, the life of a lazy, ADHD procrastinating blogger. Bare with me on this entry, I have eight days of thoughts.

I have to start with last Wednesday night. Mark got tickets to the CAVS playoff game against Washington and I couldn’t turn that playoff offer down. We called a cab from the Old Angle and waited and waited for what was supposed to be a six-minute guaranteed pick-up. Fifteen minutes later, a limo pulls up and the bartender tells us our cab is ready. We found out the company uses their limos when they run out of cabs. Whatever the reason, we looked pretty foolish getting out of a limo in front of the “The Q” in cargo pants, t-shirts and flip flops while handing the guy seven dollars. The game was a lot of fun, but in my case fun translates into spending most of my time in the smoking area outside the arena or in line for a beer, so I guess I should say it seemed like the people I saw in those two places thought the game was fun. We watched the end of the game at Nick's Sports Bar where we actually met the rest of our party before the game started. Nick's is a place I recommend to anyone going to the Jake or Q before the game. It has a huge collection of characters, none of which can be topped by one of my brother’s best friends, Foley. Foley sells his t-shirts there and even gets the men in business suits to pound on the bar and do CAVS cheers. It is amazing to watch. You can find him outside of most major sports venues selling his witty shirts-look for his latest Indians design: Sizemore Does Matter.

My weekend was highlighted by two first communion parties: one on Saturday and one on Sunday. If you are keeping score at home, this means I have attended three different first communion celebrations and one Easter Vigil over the past couple weeks (which totally makes up for me using the Lord’s name in vain 17 times last month). In my family First Communion party actually translates into Texas Hold Em tournaments and sporting events on the television. This actually describes most holidays in my family whether you are showing up with a Christmas gift or a first communion card, the outcome is usually going to be the same: you are going to watch a game, drink a little beer and lose $20 to your family playing Hold Em. That’s what I call family values.

The big event this week was the celebration of Mindy’s 31st birthday. Apparently let’s just stay in and keep it low-key translates into pissing contests outside some random house in Tremont and playing cards with my brother until 2 am. It was one of those nights when we realized how classless we can be at times and high-fived to the fact that there are actually people in our lives who still want to love us anyway. At least we, no wait, at least Mindy cleans up well.

I am looking forward to taking it easy this weekend with a Mother’s Day celebration at Camp Lieberth. Translation: Beer and Texas Hold Em.

Giving Back

The Ohio University Alumni Association is setting the trend. Why contact and bother your alumni donors when you can just pretend their information has been stolen? I for one will be happier without all the calls and unneccesary mail.

Mommy's Little Helpers

This picture on the cleveland.com website today shows the new voting machines in Westlake. I think it also shows what might be wrong with voting in Ohio: Parents are now letting their kids vote for them. Wonder if she is thinking: "Issues? Why would I care about any of the issues? C'mon kids...hurry up. My SUV is outside running and it costs me $95 to fill the tank up!"