Girls Night Out

I think I enjoyed one of the best ladies nights of my life last night. While the drink specials were incredibly cheap, the company I kept was spectacular. Two days ago I was invited to go see The Secretaries by one of my friends in the play. The Secretaries is a quirky play with a lot of dark humor and five very talented actresses, which is currently running at the Cleveland Public Theatre (CPT). Thursday night is “Pay What You Can” night and you can’t beat a ticket half off to a show at CPT, so I was game. The play kept my interest the whole way through, which if you know anything about me, is hard to do, and it also starred my favorite actress in Cleveland, Meg Chamberlain so my evening would have been great had it ended there.

Enter the Highland Tavern. This quaint little dive bar is located right where Cleveland and Lakewood meet, and on Thursday nights, they offer two for one drink specials for ladies night and karaoke. Last night I experienced karaoke like I never have before. Sitting at a table with the whole cast and much of the crew from the show, the five women I had just watched in a dark comedy stole another show last night with their voices. Song after song, they blew everyone away at the tavern. From Pink Floyd to Alanis Morisette to the Counting Crows and many more, they made each song extraordinary. I sat there amazed by the talent in Cleveland that too few people know about. (I also sat there thinking I can’t believe I watched American Idol last night and how watching these five women perform was better than any performance I had ever seen on that show.) For four hours, they sang song after song and I got to see two shows last night for the price of one. They were just an incredible group of women, not only vocally talented but hilarious and so supportive of one another.

If there is a point to this entry, aside from the drink specials at the Highland Tavern, it is that everyone should give themselves the opportunity to experience the local talent in Cleveland by venturing out to a theatre such as Near West or CPT or catching a show produced by the Charenton Theatre Company (shameless plug for Mindy). I have never been disappointed, which says a lot because I have a lot of trouble sitting still for longer than 15 minutes.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Two nights ago as I walked around my favorite neighborhood gas station looking for the perfect snack, I overheard a conversation which could be used for the next Verizon cell phone commercial. This woman, who had one of those hands-free pieces that made her look like she could have been working the drive-thru at the Wendy’s next door, was talking to someone about her 17-year old daughter:
“What do you mean she is over there?” … “She ain’t nothing but 17.”….“I am coming to get her right now.”….“Shit….can you hear me now? I can’t put my phone down over my ear cuz it messes up my hair….can you hear me now?” … “Dang, where’s her daddy at?”…“I am coming right now, I am waiting to get my sandwich made.”…. “I am at the gas station but I am coming right now to get her.” …“Can you hear me now…damn this phone…I can’t put the piece down cuz of my hair.”

This is the commercial which will probably never be shown but I would love to see the guy from Verizon walking through my neighborhood. I get the worst reception in this area and apparently I am not the only one.

Everything You Can Fit In This Blog For A Dollar

On Saturday my sister called to see if I wanted to go to a big rummage sale held at the Summit County Fairgrounds. While I was a little skeptical at first (I am not much of a rummager), I was soon reminded of the fact that I will be moving in a week and I may get lucky. Oh I got lucky alright but it had nothing to do with furniture.

One of the selling points my sister used to get me there was that we would only be there for the last hour, and during that last hour, we would be able to get some really cheap stuff they were willing to practically give away. What do I mean by cheap? Here is an example:
“Excuse me how much are these shoes?”
“I will give you a bag to fill for fifty cents.”
I picked up five pairs of cool shoes of the wingtip, suede and boot variety for fifty cents total. Ten cents a pair and two of the pairs were brand new. Other purchases included all the throw pillows I could get into a bag for a dollar and all of the pants and shirts I could get into a bag for a dollar. I am not much into shopping but when someone is handing me a bag to fill for a dollar, I turn into a different person at the mercy of the clock and all of the clothes in front of me. I got into a zone, a shopping zone and boy did it pay off. I ended up with five pairs of pants, two shirts, five pairs of shoes and two throw pillows for $2.50. I practically doubled my wardrobe in less than an hour.

I came home and washed my clothes and now they are like new. However I do believe you have to draw the line with certain items at a rummage sale. That point came for me when the announcer came on and said: “All the lingerie items you can fit in a bag for a dollar now going on in the lingerie department.” No Thanks.

Overheard At Damon's

I met my brother for lunch at Damon’s on Wednesday. As I was sitting there waiting for him to show up, these two gentlemen walk in and proceed to ask the bartender if their bills are itemized. If you are familiar with business reimbursements, you know companies do not reimburse for alcohol, so if you are going to drink at lunch, it is best to make sure your bill is not itemized. Luckily for these men, she said no and they proceeded to order “Jagr bombs” (shots of Jagrmeister) for lunch. As soon as he asked about the bill being itemized, I knew exactly where he was going with that question, so I almost couldn’t hold in the laughter when he ordered shots. Not your typical lunch drink even if you are having alcohol.

You Go Girl

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7914997/

Let's Do The Time Warp Again

I did it. I signed a lease for my apartment straight out of the seventies. I love it though, at least compared to everything else I have seen. I am excited to make it my own space. For those of you keeping score at home, this will be the first time I have ever lived on my own. I can’t wait to leave my clothes lying around, knowing they are mine all the while leaving my mess in the sink and know that it is only my mess. Not to mention I can make alterations to the place, so the wallpaper may be coming down if I don’t want to stick to that seventies theme.

The coolest aspect of this space is the landlord. She lives next door and is a 70-year resident of Ohio City, moving in to the house next to mine in 1935. She had her own stand at the West Side Market for 60 years and has the greatest stories to tell. Her whole family lives around me in different houses so I feel like I have become part of the family already. Hopefully I will be over her house for Sunday dinners in no time.

Not So Sweet Dreams

Last night I think I slept in the weirdest place in the world. Believe me I have crashed at some pretty shady places, and while this place wasn’t shady, it definitely takes the cake. Imagine if you will falling asleep with probes coming out of your head, legs, chest and face attached to a box, attached to a monitor, attached to a camera running into a room where someone is watching you sleep and marking your every movement.

Last night I drove out to beautiful Garfield Heights to do a sleep study to examine why in the world I snore so excessively. I arrived there at 8 pm, and as I turned into the parking lot I noticed it was blocked off with cones and barrels. I looked around and it didn’t seem there was any other way into the lot, so I got out of my car, moved the cones and drove in. As it turns out, there was another entrance, and they were none too pleased I moved their cones and barrels to get into the lot. Do I know how to make a good first impression or what? Let me just crash into your parking lot for my sleep study.

When I arrived they started wiring me up. I had wire running all over me. I felt like ET at the end of the movie when he is getting sick and needs to go back to his planet. Except there was no geranium and no Drew Barrymore in this scene, just me and some woman who I made small talk with as she applied snaps and wires to my face. She said I was mobile until bedtime as she connected me to a box, but for the next hour, until bedtime I read in a position which can only be described as advanced yoga.

When it was time to go to bed, I was connected to a wall in a ball of wires. If I didn’t have a sleeping disorder already, I was sure to have one now. I woke up three or four times with the weirdest expression on my face. I am sure it must have been funny to watch this all take place. Not to mention my legs got tangled in the wires so I was moving them around a lot. One of the things they observe is if you move your legs a lot. How was I not supposed to move my legs if they kept getting tangled? Probably the funniest moment for them had to be when I woke myself with my own small bodily (dis)function. I tried not to laugh and play it cool but it was hard to do. I was thinking, maybe they didn’t notice but then I remembered all the wires to monitor my every movement. My guess is that they probably did notice.

When I was woken up this morning at 6 am they asked me how I felt. I felt like how I normally feel at 6am—groggy. Apparently this isn’t a good thing either. I guess you have a sleep disorder if you don’t wake up feeling alive and alert. When the results come back from this thing in two weeks, I may have every sleep disorder in the book.

Damn That Rachel Ray

Oh, I may just be addicted. Addicted to Rachel Ray and her 30 minute meals on the Food Network. I love this show and it has inspired me to cook and create my own new dishes. In the past week I have made homemade chicken noodle soup, a big hearty vegetable and sausage lasagna and last night I made baby back ribs with red smashed potatoes prepared with garlic and herb cream cheese and baked barbeque sauce.

I can’t cook my meals in 30 minutes but let’s not kid ourselves, there is no way these meals can really be done in 30 minutes. She obviously cheats a little bit because everything is ready to go at the beginning of the show. My meals definitely take a lot longer than that. I tried to be a short order cook when I was in college and I couldn’t do it. I am just too damn slow and too easily distracted. Speaking of taking my time in the kitchen, it usually takes me two hours to make ribs and this weekend it took 24 hours.

On Saturday night I had planned on staying in, cooking ribs and going to bed early because I had to get up at 7 am on Sunday for work. Right after I finished boiling the ribs, there was a knock on the door and two of our friends showed up and then an hour later two more friends showed, and then an hour later another friend showed up. Next thing I know I am finding Tupperware for my ribs and potatoes as we are heading out to “the beer store” (as Karen called it) for a night of adventures that finally ended at 2:30 in the morning. The ribs actually turned out pretty well after sitting in the fridge all night, so that may be part of my new recipe. It will go something like this:

Boil ribs for 45 minutes in beer and water
Have friends come over and start drinking beer
Decide to go out and play air hockey
Put ribs in fridge over night
Pull ribs out 24 hours later and bake with sauce for 45 minutes
(This recipe calls for at least three friends)


Speaking of sauce, I made my own homemade sauce this weekend and it was great. I have been playing with a lot of different ingredients and I think I have found that one special ingredient: merlot. If all else fails, go with merlot. I find this helps with many situations in general, not just with cooking.

Tonight On A Very Special Extreme Home Makeover

Damn this show! Every Sunday I get hooked on Extreme Home Makeover and without fail, I am in tears by the end of the first hour. I feel like a masochist every time I watch it. If you don't watch this show already, stay away!

If you aren't familiar with the show, let me give you a little synopsis: The show finds the saddest story they can possibly find. For example, some recent shows included storylines such as the teenage boy taking care of his poor deaf parents and autistic/deaf brother, or the mother with breast cancer raising three girls with HIV, or last nights tear-jerker where this young couple had their whole life ahead of them with three young boys under the age of four and the mother dies of Leukemia on her 29th birthday. Her last wish is to have the husband keep their little house and remodel it like they both planned, so she can always be with them. Then the show completely builds them a dream house worth millions with everything they put into it and all the gifts given to the family. By the end of the show everyone is crying. You have the family, you have the designers and then there I am, bawling like a baby. I am such a sucker for this sappy crap.

First Name Basis

Last evening I gave my brother a taste of all the near west side has to offer. After having dinner and drinks at the Old Angle, we headed east down Abbey and had a drink at the Duck Island Club and from there I decided to show him Tremont. I wanted him to get an impression of what Tremont was about so I took him to the Lava Lounge for something funky, then to the Tree House for that quintessential Tremont feel and then finally on to the Lincoln Park Pub to catch the San Antonio/Seattle game. He has been talking about moving over to the area so I decided to show him how much fun the near west can be.

While we were talking I told him I don’t have as much to write about now that I am in the “off-season.” He turned to me and said “be like Jerry—write a blog about nothing.” I don’t know when my brother and Jerry Seinfeld developed a relationship on a first-name basis but I think it is funny. My brother makes me laugh and I love hanging out with him.

The two of us have finally developed one of those mature (we will use that term loosely) brother/sister we are all grown up now relationships, where we talk about real things. We have always been close, as we are only 18 months apart, but I consider him to be one of my best friends not just my little brother anymore. When we were growing up we were inseparable but we grew apart in high school and while we went to the same college, I hardly ever saw him. After school we both went our separate ways and did our own thing and I had no idea how much I missed him during those times. I am so thankful to be able to hang out with him now like we do even though he always ends up wearing my clothes to work the next day after crashing at my place. I suppose that’s what big sisters are for.

I want to congratulate my best friend in the world for buying her first house last night. Not only did she buy her first house, she negotiated the deal herself and got the price she wanted. In the words of my mother who also happens to be a real estate agent, “Impressive.”

So Much For My Biological Clock

The past three months have included a lot of thoughts of motherhood and the ability to have and raise a child. I have been talking about the joys and possibilities of being the stay-at-home PTA mom who brings the ice cream every week to school functions. I actually scared a couple of my friends with these serious thoughts considering less than a year ago I was anti-child.

The ability to actually have a child is now the farthest thing from my mind. The last three days have erased any of those feelings. In what can only be described as intense stomach and back pains cured only by Milk of Magnesia, I have now decided against having a child. I never want to go through what I have gone through this last week again. That includes any kind of pain where it feels like an alien is inside my body.

I am such a huge baby myself that the thought of having and raising another human being is simply out of the question. I can barely take care of my cat and from what I have seen and read, I do believe there is slightly more maintenance involved in rearing a human being compared to a cat.

The Mother of all Mothers

What a beautiful weekend, with great weather and great people. On Friday night we hung out with our girls on their porch before taking a walk down to the Tic-Tock Tavern, an indescribable little bar in Cleveland where you can eat and drink for a total bill of $15. Saturday was spent looking at a ton of apartments in Ohio City, Duck Island and Tremont. The day was filled with “wows” and “whoas” considering you never know what you are going to encounter in these parts. I had my homemade chicken soup cooking up the whole day waiting to be eaten with an evening of Nip/Tuck episodes as we finished up the first season.

Sunday was an incredible Mother’s Day. It was so much fun spending the day with my family and then meeting up with Mindy’s family somewhere in the middle of the day to celebrate Mindy’s birthday before I headed back to my mother’s house for Texas Hold Em. There is never a dull moment hanging out with Mindy’s parents as her dad tells the best stories in the world. A sentence such as: “Did I ever tell you about the time your uncle passed up on buying the Kentucky Derby winner?” seems commonplace whenever you find yourself on her parent’s deck.

It was a day of laughs and great weather ended by an evening of Hold ‘Em where I took the last pot with pocket nines and drove home last night with an extra $50 dollars in my pocket. Not only did I take my family’s money, I also picked up some new DVDs from my mother’s Beijing connection. I took home the third season of Six Feet Under, which doesn’t technically come out until May 17th. I also picked up the first season of Nip/Tuck to own as we have been using the services of Netflix to get our fix of the show. DVDs from China and gambling: what else can you ask for at a family event? Can’t wait for Father’s Day!

Maybe I will do a better job on my Father's Day card. Sorry you didn't love your Mother's Day card as much as I did mom. When I saw a card that read "The Mother of all Mothers" I had just had to buy it.

Can I Really Be This Big of a Snob?

I went to look at an apartment last night and it had everything I wanted. Well, almost everything I wanted. First let me start with the pros of renting this place. The apartment is huge, almost 800 square feet for one person. It is the whole second floor of an old Ohio City home, so it has a lot of character including an old fireplace, a ton of woodwork and bay windows with benches. The landlord was a really cool, down to earth guy who doesn’t care about my impending credit problems. He has lived on this small street for over forty years, and he and his brothers own half the older homes on the street. As a matter of fact after I saw the place last night we all ended up going out for drinks. If that isn’t a good sign, I don’t know what is. Other positive things include the fact it has a free washer and dryer, security system, private off-street parking, a nice yard, central air conditioning, an old claw tub, a nice porch and the biggest thing of all: the rent. This place is so cheap. This place is so cheap I still can’t believe what I would be paying in rent to live in the area I want to live in with many of the amenities I wanted.

So what’s the problem? Well, it hasn’t been updated in over thirty years, so when you enter the front door it feels like you have traveled back to the seventies. Some of the things, such as the wallpaper are fixable, but there is one thing really holding me back on this deal. In the living room and dining room there is carpeting which really stands out. The carpet is in great shape--it just happens to be bright lime green. I don’t know if I could live with bright lime green carpeting. However, with all of the great things about this place I might have to suck it up and go with the green. I almost feel like I would be crazy to not jump at the chance to rent this place but right now I am going through a mild snobby moment. I know my other options in the area are half the size, more money, no washer or dryer, no central air, no yard and no off-street parking. I might just have to keep reading that last sentence over and over again every time I think of the carpeting. That should be enough to get me through this small quandary.

Random Sports Thoughts

I haven’t really talked about sports in awhile due to my vacation, so I thought I would throw around a couple of random thoughts.

I think it is par for the course Kellen Winslow suffered external and internal injuries on Sunday due to a motorcycle accident. This was the first pick the Browns ever made I was truly excited about and now his career is in jeopardy after playing a total of two games for the team. Good Luck Braylon Edwards you have a lot of first round demons to overcome for Cleveland.

I am enjoying the fact the Yankees are still below .500 and now have to maneuver their lineup to find some wins. I would love to see the Orioles, or even the Blue Jays, but most likely the Orioles, come out of the AL East this year. I am tired of the Red Sox and Yankees vying for the top spot.

Dan Gilbert really has his work cut out for him this off-season. This will be the busiest off-season the CAVS have ever had, or at least it should be. I personally like the rumor that LeBron James said he would want to play for Nate McMillan. McMillan has done an incredible job in Seattle this year along with a player I would love to see playing alongside James next year, Ray Allen. We will actually see how much power James has over the team this summer and how much power Gilbert is willing to give him.

I was not surprised to see how far Aaron Rodgers fell in the NFL draft. I am still in shock he was in the Green Room for the draft in the first place. With only six players invited to sit back there, it should have been obvious he was going to fall hard if San Francisco didn’t take him. Carnell Williams should have been in there to spare everyone a lot of embarrassment. Also I was curious to see what would have happened had Rodgers fallen past Green Bay and been on the board for Washington. All along, the Redskins claimed they liked Jason Campbell better than Alex Smith and Rogers, but I wonder what would have happened if they would have had to decide between Rodgers and Campbell. I guess we will never know.

Have you seen Stump the Schwab on ESPN? This guy is incredible. He sits there and answers sports questions as if he is reading out of an Almanac. I have never seen anything like it. I am looking forward to ESPN’s new show Teammates. It looks like the Newlywed Game for sports figures. I just hope Bob Eubanks won’t be on there using the word “whoopie”.

Something tells me the Oklahoma baseball coach who was forced to resign after describing one of his black players by saying “There’s no nigger in him” didn’t write his own resignation letter. It is ironic when people are so completely ignorant, or at least ignorant enough to make that comment to two different reporters at two different times, and then they can go on to use language like: “I deeply regret that I carelessly used language that is clearly contrary to the basic values of our university. Those words also created an impression contrary to my own personal values and my respect for all people.” Yeah, sure he wrote that statement.

A Taste of Something Nauti

In the never-ending search for something new and different, we tried the Nauti Mermaid down on West 6th Street for the first time last night. I must say I was surprsied by the quality of the seafood and also by the price range. After just coming back from the East Coast I was not expecting to be impressed, however this place is worth a try. They have great daily specials and the quality of seafood you would expect to find closer to the ocean, not the lake. Also West 6th street isn't that bad during the week as there were only four of us in the restaurant last night with plenty of parking on the street. I don't know if I would attempt this venture on a Friday or Saturday. Just in case it matters, the beer selection offers a nice variety for every taste. www.nautimermaid.com

Welcome Home

Today my sister will be returning home from a three-day stay at Parma Community Hospital after successful surgery on Friday. I wonder what was more painful for her: the surgery or having to spend three days in Parma. Anyway, Welcome Home Kathy!