A Preview Of Bills To Come

I woke up this morning to my whole apartment rattling. I knew my windows were old but I guess I had no idea just how old and worn they actually were. I should not be able to feel a breeze ten feet away when my windows are closed. It isn’t just my windows though where I can feel the breeze. The wind was actually coming through the walls and my bathroom ceiling. I am going to have to take the window plastic people use to cover their windows and cover not only my windows but the whole apartment this winter or my heating bills are going to be astronomical. That will surely add a nice modern look to my seventies apartment.

Information You Can Only Get From A Student Newspaper

I can’t help it. This made me laugh out loud.

“Proceeds from both the university Pagan change drive and the Muslim Student Association bake sale are being funneled directly to Katrina survivors.”

Race Against Time

On Sunday my television went down. I could only see a blue screen. The one thing I look forward to all weekend is watching football all day on Sunday and time was not on my side as it was already 12:30 and kickoff was in thirty minutes. I started to panic. My first instinct was to call the cable company to make sure they got my check. They did. Now I am really in trouble. The woman at the cable company tried to walk me through all the possible problems. As she started to hear the panic in my voice, she began to sound more like a 911 operator. Finally she figured out it was the television. When my electricity went out on Friday, my television reverted back to channel 2 and it has to be on channel 4. This change can only be made with a remote control, which I do not have. She told me to go to Wal-Mart but I didn’t have the time. Finally I remembered the little television I have in my back room. I ran and grabbed that television and unplugged my digital cable box and plugged in my regular cable wires. I missed the first two drives of the Browns game, but in the end, I was just fine watching football on my 13-inch monitor. TV + Football=Happy.

It's Official

It’s officially Fall and to commemorate the new season, I fell twice this week. My first trip was at Edgewater Park in front of this large family trying to pass me on the sidewalk. I went down and I went down hard. They seemed concerned but they kept moving. The person I was with tried to look concerned but she couldn’t stop laughing. Last night I went down again. Right off my barstool when my companion jokingly gave me a push. Again I went down and even harder this time. This time people actually rushed to make sure I was okay and not foaming at the mouth after hitting my head twice on the way down. I am fine, but I do have a nice knot on my head this morning. This is a rough season.

23 3 15 14 17 18 24 5 14 2 3 15 18 17 20 1 8 4 18 13 23 8

Outfit Spotted on Abbey Avenue

You just can't beat the fashion of the Near West Side. Two days ago around lunchtime I saw what can only be described as a "smart outfit." A woman pushing her cart across the street was wearing long johns with floral boxers over them, a sweater, a sweater vest and goggles. She reminded me a little of the red baron.

18 3 9 18 17 23 7 26 8

My Favorite New Toy

Is there anything more fun for a grown woman to play with than a secret decoder ring that only your best friends have access to? This thing really has me distracted. Funny thing is, my dad just called me at work to discuss business (fantasy football) and he asked if I was busy. I said, “nope, just playing with my new decoder ring.” I don’t think he knew quite how to react.

No Respect

What started out as a respectable Friday evening with a nice dinner in Tremont and an art opening somehow ended up with me crawling out of a minivan with only a mattress in the back at 4 a.m. Don’t worry the minivan belonged to a friend and the mattress, well I am still not sure what that was doing in the back. It was one of those nights when you say, “Oh okay but just one drink. I don’t want it to be a late night.” This is the curse of death. Soon all your friends are showing up at the Garage Bar as you close the place down and head to breakfast. This brings me to the point of this blog entry, though not in a very succinct manner I might add.

On Friday night at 3 a.m., I witnessed the worst job in the world. A job I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy: working the third shift at a 24-hour diner. How horrible would this be? Your work consists of waiting on drunk people after the bars close as they order the weirdest combinations of food, ordering in slurs and passing out by the time the food comes. Of course everyone at my table was sober and none of these things happened to anyone I was with (ahem), but it was quite a sight to see around the restaurant. You would have to be the biggest masochist in the world to take this job. On Saturday morning Mindy described this job as, “Hell on Earth.” I would have to agree with her.

What an interesting ten hours Friday night turned out to be. I went from ordering a respectable dinner at South Side in Tremont to ordering saurkraut balls at a 24-hour diner, only to have my friend drop us off out of the back of her minivan at the crack of dawn. Seriously, next time, just one drink.

Back On The Circuit

After taking 24 small pills in a matter of four days (they don’t call it the “power pack” for nothing), my health is almost back to normal. In return this means my life is almost back to normal. I am now back to work and, most importantly, back out on the streets of Ohio City. Minus a brief stop in the flats last night for dinner at Rock Bottom (huge mistake!), I was able to meet up with some people I haven’t seen in weeks to catch up and enjoy some much-needed laughter. Nothing like making up for lost time.

Stronger Than Anthrax

Remember the Anthrax craze four years ago when everyone was trying to get their hands on Cipro because it was the only thing that could fight Anthrax? I know where people can get some now. I was just taken off Cipro because it isn't strong enough to fight whatever is going on in my body. A drug they refer to as the "power pack" is my new drug of choice. They still aren't sure what is wrong with me yet, but whatever it is, it must be stronger than anthrax. If you get any mail from me in the next couple weeks, you may want to have it examined first.

I Love Vicodin and Other Random Sunday Morning Thoughts

Let me just start this entry out by saying, I am sick. I don’t think I have ever felt this sick for so long in my life. Yesterday I got to spend the afternoon and part of the evening in the Emergency Room. I now have prescriptions for Vicodin and Cipro, which don’t really seem to be helping me as I can no longer swallow or talk and drool has become the new problem of the day. Let me tell you, good times all around. There is nothing like grinding up vicodin with a spoon to make you feel like a total junkie first thing Sunday morning. It isn’t all bleak though, there are some good things happening:

-Football starts for real today. I am so excited as this may very well be my favorite day of the year. As soon as I hear Chris Berman and Tom Jackson’s voice on ESPN’s Sunday Morning Countdown, I know I will get goose bumps and I don’t think they will be related to my fever and the mass amount of pills I am taking. The best part is I am supposed to lie down on the couch all day and watch football. I really have no other choice. Ahem.

-Speaking of pills. I have found there is an inverse relationship between the amount of drugs you take and your accountability. It is so nice now when I put my foot in mouth to just say: “Whoops, that’s the Vicodin talking—you know I don’t really feel that way.”

-Not being able to swallow food has really been a nice and easy way to diet these past couple days.

-Trying to have a conversation with anyone is like playing a game show, so there is the built-in entertainment factor at work as well.

Feel free to call or write. I am looking for anything to cheer me up today. I do have to warn you if you call, you won’t be able to understand a thing I am saying and I will blame most things on the Vicodin.

Rx

A conversation Friday night with my friend Alison went something like this:

A: Well if you can't come out, what are you going to do?
M: Drink some whiskey
A: That can't be good for you
M: No! I heard it helps with throat and ear infections.
A: Conveniently enought that is what you have.
M: I know. Didn't that work out well for me?

I Would Hardly Call This UrgentCare

Why do they call it UrgentCare when you have to wait for over 90 minutes with only three people in the waiting room? On Tuesday I was lucky enough to get the chance to visit my local UrgentCare due to a throat and ear problem which kept me in all weekend (see previous entry). There I was sandwiched in between the 85-year old woman in town from Florida who fell at Avon Commons and the gentleman who fell down and hurt his ribs who won the award for stupidest question asked at an UrgentCare: While filling out his paperwork, he asked his wife if he had a maiden name. She was nice enough to answer him with a straight face.

For over an hour we all sat there staring at each other wondering if there were actually doctors behind those magical doors. The doors we all kept staring at, hoping somebody, anybody would walk out and call our names. It really is the most amazing feeling in the world when you finally hear your name. (I would compare it to winning the lottery but I have never won the lottery so I guess I will compare it to winning the spelling bee in third grade.) However, once you head toward the back and think you have made it to the promise land, your wait is not over. Oh they will patronize you and ask you questions and tell you the doctor will be right in, but this is never the case. Once in the back, I waited another thirty minutes to see a doctor, who spent two minutes examining me.

Initial Signs of the Apocalypse

Labor Day Weekend. I was in bed by 11 pm on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Not to mention I am wearing my "Aren't You Glad It's Friday" underwear on Monday. Get your canned goods and small children and take shelter.

Sometimes I Forget About This Blog

It's true. Sometimes I forget I have a blog and share my daily comings and goings. Then out of the blue I will be sitting at a family barbeque talking about how well I have been eating lately when my family reminds me I just had chili dogs and chili cheese fries at lunch with my co-worker last week. I look surprised until they quote my blog. Foiled again.

Happy Holidays

I am looking forward to this three day weekend. Not just because I love three day weekends, but because it is my first Labor Day where I actually deserve a Labor Day Holiday. After this past week of crazy anecdotal stories provided from my job, I am ready for a little rest, relaxation and barbeque.

Power Lunch

I just had the best work lunch ever as I introduced a co-worker to Ohio City’s finest hot dog diner. We took our four dogs with everything and chili cheese fries to Lincoln Park and had a work picnic. It is so hard to go back to work after a picnic with the weather like this, especially after two dogs with everything and chili cheese fries sitting in your stomach.