This morning the biggest wasp/bee/roach with wings was inside my house trying to get out of my living room window. If you know anything about me at all, you know I went running and screaming out of the room to find Maria to kill it. The following conversations then took place:
Maria: Can you get me a broom
Me: Well my broom is pretty thin. I will be right back.
(I leave and enter room with both my broom and my swiffer)
Maria: What am I going to do with your swiffer?
Me: You can use it as a spear (as I hold it out straight and demonstrate how a swiffer can be used as a spear)
Maria: I don’t have the dexterity for that-give me the broom.
Me: Well how would you use the broom then if you don’t have the dexterity?
Maria: I use the waving and batting method.
Me: Oh ok.
(At this point I leave the room and let her do her thing. I hear her swatting at the wall, my fireplace, the wall again and then finally I hear a big crash….)
Maria: I think we are going to have to buy you a new window.
Me: Did you kill it?
Maria: No but the window broke.
Me: I knew you should have used the swiffer.
Maria: Yes the swiffer as spear approach probably would have only put a hole through your wall.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Weekend Warriors
How many miles can you put on your car without leaving northeast Ohio? I felt like Neil Zurcher doing a one-tank trip this weekend as I ventured to the east side on Friday night and the very very east side on Saturday. On Friday after work I traveled to and got lost on the east side of Cleveland over by Monticello and Noble. As you can tell by the neon green line, which indicates my traveling patterns Friday night, I did not use the same route on the way home. Nonetheless the end result got us to the most amazing hair and beauty supply store I have ever seen. I am sure you never thought you would hear those words come out of my mouth, but the look of awe on my face said it all (which makes the fact that someone asked me if I worked there even more amazing).When it was all said and done, I am glad I got lost and took a different route back because I was introduced to my traveling companion's stomping grounds as a child and teenager. It was a lot of fun to share those memories with her.
On Saturday our travels, as indicated by the blue line, took us Southeast. We first headed to Tallmadge for the spring rummage sale at the Summit County Fairgrounds. After sifting through what I actually can wear, I ended up getting two nice shirts, two pairs of boots and a cool salmon-colored blazer for $2. After our Tallmadge adventure we headed north to Shalersville and on to Mantua to get an up-close look at my roots. It is definitely something you have to see to believe and a far cry from Camp Lieberth where we made a pit stop on the way home. All in all we got new hair, new clothes and a new appreciation for where we came from in just two days. No wonder we were so exhausted this weekend. I would like to see Neil Zurcher top that!
Friday, May 19, 2006
World Politics For Dummies
I am trying to break down a current political situation (you know the one where Venezuela offended America so America decided not to sell Venzuela arms anymore even though America would still export oil from Venezuela and then Venezuela and America both decided to become even tighter with Libya, even though it made very little sense for America to do so while Venezuela decided to start giving Iran the F16s America had sold to them even though America is rumored to be going into battle with Iran) into layman’s terms so we can see how childish world leaders can be. I decided to use a high school analogy to make it easier to understand.
One day after lunch, the most popular girl in school, Mary decided she was no longer going to be friends with Veronica because she heard Veronica was talking about her behind her back. Apparently Veronica had been calling Mary evil and telling people she won’t always be popular because people will see her true colors after graduation. Instead of being friends with Veronica, Mary decided to befriend Libby. None of the popular kids really understood why Mary would want to be friends with Libby. Libby was always kind of an outcast and had caused a lot of trouble for Mary back in elementary school.
Meanwhile Veronica also decided to become even better friends with Libby which began to confuse Libby even more. Libby went along with it but discussed with her friend Ira how weird it is that she had these friends all the sudden. Ira agreed and confided in Libby that Veronica was giving Ira all of Mary’s old clothes and letters. Both girls got even more nervous as they remembered how Mary had stabbed other people in the back but then come back to be friends with them after feeling guilty about what she had done. Mary was a little weird in the fact that she would break couples up but then help them get back together. Nobody really trusted Mary. She had gotten herself in some weird situations and nobody can really believe what happened between her and her best friend from the cheerleading squad, Francis. Francis didn’t agree with Mary about how to perform a cheer and Mary refused to talk to her ever again.
Join us next week to see how Mary handles her new friends, if Veronica’s comments about Mary will come true after graduation and to see if Ira fits into the clothes Veronica has passed on to her.
In this particular piece the characters are played by the following countries:
Mary=America
Veronica=Venezuela
Libby=Libya
Ira=Iran
Francis=France
One day after lunch, the most popular girl in school, Mary decided she was no longer going to be friends with Veronica because she heard Veronica was talking about her behind her back. Apparently Veronica had been calling Mary evil and telling people she won’t always be popular because people will see her true colors after graduation. Instead of being friends with Veronica, Mary decided to befriend Libby. None of the popular kids really understood why Mary would want to be friends with Libby. Libby was always kind of an outcast and had caused a lot of trouble for Mary back in elementary school.
Meanwhile Veronica also decided to become even better friends with Libby which began to confuse Libby even more. Libby went along with it but discussed with her friend Ira how weird it is that she had these friends all the sudden. Ira agreed and confided in Libby that Veronica was giving Ira all of Mary’s old clothes and letters. Both girls got even more nervous as they remembered how Mary had stabbed other people in the back but then come back to be friends with them after feeling guilty about what she had done. Mary was a little weird in the fact that she would break couples up but then help them get back together. Nobody really trusted Mary. She had gotten herself in some weird situations and nobody can really believe what happened between her and her best friend from the cheerleading squad, Francis. Francis didn’t agree with Mary about how to perform a cheer and Mary refused to talk to her ever again.
Join us next week to see how Mary handles her new friends, if Veronica’s comments about Mary will come true after graduation and to see if Ira fits into the clothes Veronica has passed on to her.
In this particular piece the characters are played by the following countries:
Mary=America
Veronica=Venezuela
Libby=Libya
Ira=Iran
Francis=France
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Can I Get A Witness?
I had such high hopes for my blog today. I wanted to write about how the United States was working against Venuzuela, or how Thomas Paine would be rolling over in his grave if he saw how this country was being run today, or even touch upon the thought that if we took the resources we are using to build a wall to keep immigrants out and used it to build a wall to keep New Orleans alive, we would be living in a much better place. This was all before last night’s game.
The CAVS’ victory last night was the biggest win in Cleveland sports since the Indians won the pennant in 1997. It is quite sad when the biggest sports victory in the past ten years doesn’t even win the series, just evens it up. However we have been dealing with sports futility for so long we will take just about anything, especially a win that denies Rasheed Wallace his victory guarantee. Yesterday Scoop Jackson of ESPN wrote an article about how losing this series to Detroit will be one of the best things that could happen to LeBron and the CAVS, and how Michael Jordan had to lose to the Pistons before he could go onto greatness. He mentioned that in the end, this will all be worth the wait. Maybe, just maybe we won’t have to wait until after this year to see how far he can take this team.
The CAVS’ victory last night was the biggest win in Cleveland sports since the Indians won the pennant in 1997. It is quite sad when the biggest sports victory in the past ten years doesn’t even win the series, just evens it up. However we have been dealing with sports futility for so long we will take just about anything, especially a win that denies Rasheed Wallace his victory guarantee. Yesterday Scoop Jackson of ESPN wrote an article about how losing this series to Detroit will be one of the best things that could happen to LeBron and the CAVS, and how Michael Jordan had to lose to the Pistons before he could go onto greatness. He mentioned that in the end, this will all be worth the wait. Maybe, just maybe we won’t have to wait until after this year to see how far he can take this team.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Hold 'Em Karma
Texas Hold Em is both a game of chance and a game of skill. I have now found out there is another variable determining the outcome of this poker game: karma. Yesterday right before one of my family members sat down to play Hold 'Em, they said the following two statements:
"I don't think we should rebuild New Orleans" and the scary but true...
"I am voting for Blackwell in November"
Less than five minutes into the game, they went all in and lost to my three queens. How appropriate.
"I don't think we should rebuild New Orleans" and the scary but true...
"I am voting for Blackwell in November"
Less than five minutes into the game, they went all in and lost to my three queens. How appropriate.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Lost In Translation
Funny how last Wednesday I posted three different times and now I haven’t posted once in eight days. Alas, the life of a lazy, ADHD procrastinating blogger. Bare with me on this entry, I have eight days of thoughts.
I have to start with last Wednesday night. Mark got tickets to the CAVS playoff game against Washington and I couldn’t turn that playoff offer down. We called a cab from the Old Angle and waited and waited for what was supposed to be a six-minute guaranteed pick-up. Fifteen minutes later, a limo pulls up and the bartender tells us our cab is ready. We found out the company uses their limos when they run out of cabs. Whatever the reason, we looked pretty foolish getting out of a limo in front of the “The Q” in cargo pants, t-shirts and flip flops while handing the guy seven dollars. The game was a lot of fun, but in my case fun translates into spending most of my time in the smoking area outside the arena or in line for a beer, so I guess I should say it seemed like the people I saw in those two places thought the game was fun. We watched the end of the game at Nick's Sports Bar where we actually met the rest of our party before the game started. Nick's is a place I recommend to anyone going to the Jake or Q before the game. It has a huge collection of characters, none of which can be topped by one of my brother’s best friends, Foley. Foley sells his t-shirts there and even gets the men in business suits to pound on the bar and do CAVS cheers. It is amazing to watch. You can find him outside of most major sports venues selling his witty shirts-look for his latest Indians design: Sizemore Does Matter.
My weekend was highlighted by two first communion parties: one on Saturday and one on Sunday. If you are keeping score at home, this means I have attended three different first communion celebrations and one Easter Vigil over the past couple weeks (which totally makes up for me using the Lord’s name in vain 17 times last month). In my family First Communion party actually translates into Texas Hold Em tournaments and sporting events on the television. This actually describes most holidays in my family whether you are showing up with a Christmas gift or a first communion card, the outcome is usually going to be the same: you are going to watch a game, drink a little beer and lose $20 to your family playing Hold Em. That’s what I call family values.
The big event this week was the celebration of Mindy’s 31st birthday. Apparently let’s just stay in and keep it low-key translates into pissing contests outside some random house in Tremont and playing cards with my brother until 2 am. It was one of those nights when we realized how classless we can be at times and high-fived to the fact that there are actually people in our lives who still want to love us anyway. At least we, no wait, at least Mindy cleans up well.
I am looking forward to taking it easy this weekend with a Mother’s Day celebration at Camp Lieberth. Translation: Beer and Texas Hold Em.
I have to start with last Wednesday night. Mark got tickets to the CAVS playoff game against Washington and I couldn’t turn that playoff offer down. We called a cab from the Old Angle and waited and waited for what was supposed to be a six-minute guaranteed pick-up. Fifteen minutes later, a limo pulls up and the bartender tells us our cab is ready. We found out the company uses their limos when they run out of cabs. Whatever the reason, we looked pretty foolish getting out of a limo in front of the “The Q” in cargo pants, t-shirts and flip flops while handing the guy seven dollars. The game was a lot of fun, but in my case fun translates into spending most of my time in the smoking area outside the arena or in line for a beer, so I guess I should say it seemed like the people I saw in those two places thought the game was fun. We watched the end of the game at Nick's Sports Bar where we actually met the rest of our party before the game started. Nick's is a place I recommend to anyone going to the Jake or Q before the game. It has a huge collection of characters, none of which can be topped by one of my brother’s best friends, Foley. Foley sells his t-shirts there and even gets the men in business suits to pound on the bar and do CAVS cheers. It is amazing to watch. You can find him outside of most major sports venues selling his witty shirts-look for his latest Indians design: Sizemore Does Matter.
My weekend was highlighted by two first communion parties: one on Saturday and one on Sunday. If you are keeping score at home, this means I have attended three different first communion celebrations and one Easter Vigil over the past couple weeks (which totally makes up for me using the Lord’s name in vain 17 times last month). In my family First Communion party actually translates into Texas Hold Em tournaments and sporting events on the television. This actually describes most holidays in my family whether you are showing up with a Christmas gift or a first communion card, the outcome is usually going to be the same: you are going to watch a game, drink a little beer and lose $20 to your family playing Hold Em. That’s what I call family values.
The big event this week was the celebration of Mindy’s 31st birthday. Apparently let’s just stay in and keep it low-key translates into pissing contests outside some random house in Tremont and playing cards with my brother until 2 am. It was one of those nights when we realized how classless we can be at times and high-fived to the fact that there are actually people in our lives who still want to love us anyway. At least we, no wait, at least Mindy cleans up well.
I am looking forward to taking it easy this weekend with a Mother’s Day celebration at Camp Lieberth. Translation: Beer and Texas Hold Em.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Giving Back
The Ohio University Alumni Association is setting the trend. Why contact and bother your alumni donors when you can just pretend their information has been stolen? I for one will be happier without all the calls and unneccesary mail.
Mommy's Little Helpers
This picture on the cleveland.com website today shows the new voting machines in Westlake. I think it also shows what might be wrong with voting in Ohio: Parents are now letting their kids vote for them. Wonder if she is thinking: "Issues? Why would I care about any of the issues? C'mon kids...hurry up. My SUV is outside running and it costs me $95 to fill the tank up!"
Isn't This Supposed To Be A Football Town?
Last Friday while at a bar on the East Side (don’t ask), I saw people cheering and high fiving. The place was going crazy when LeBron drove down the lane and scored the winning basket. I wanted to share this experience with people I talked to this weekend because I thought it was an anomaly. The weird thing is when I shared my experience, three different people told me the same thing back. I heard a story about a bar going crazy in Rocky River, The Flats and Lakewood. What the hell is going on in this town? People are coming together over a team that plays a sport inside? It makes me think back to when LeBron got drafted and said he wanted to stay here and make it fun to be a sports fan again because he lived through all the heartbreaks we did (i.e. the fumble, the drive, the shot, Charles Nagy as a closer…). In a time when players and fans are becoming more and more disconnected, it is nice to have somebody who grew up in the area now winning games in Cleveland. While none of us will ever be able to relate to a 21-year old man worth hundreds of millions of dollars, it is good to know that at one point in his life he knew how hard it was to be a Cleveland sports fan too.
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