I May Be The Only Person You Will Ever Meet That...

spent their Fantasy Football winnings on a maid of honor dress.

The Best

This past Christmas was hands down the best Christmas I have ever had. Christmas morning was so much fun with my family and my gifts were more than I could have ever imagined. I can’t thank my parents enough for the time and effort they put into making it such an incredible day. Thanks!

Not only did I get more than I expected on Christmas morning, somehow my dad and I pulled out the Fantasy Football Championship on Christmas Night. In a game we didn’t think we had a shot at going into this weekend, we won by eight points thanks to Thomas Jones who will now always be my favorite football player. Down by 13 points with one player left, Jones had to run for 100 yards and score a touchdown for us. He finished the game with 105 yards and a touchdown. Jubilation ensued throughout the house as my father and I popped the bubbly to celebrate.

I must admit this hasn’t been my luckiest year personally, but when it comes to sports I am on a roll. I won both my NCAA bracket and my fantasy football league. How many 30-year-old women can boast of that achievement?

Happy Holidays

To everyone who reads my blog, Happy Holidays! Remember the Holidays should not be a time for stress. Look at me, I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping yet and I have less than 48 hours. The vicodin I got for my foot last week has really been a nice help both with the pain and with the stress.

The Big Ticket

As many of you know, my fantasy football team is in the playoffs. This makes for a very exciting weekend of action especially with so many great games on this past weekend. My father, brother and I were all excited to see what game CBS would be airing on Sunday, knowing there were some good options and we would have our 1 pm slot open for once because the Browns weren’t on until 4 pm. Upon waking on Sunday my father informed me as I informed my brother when he woke that CBS would be showing the San Francisco/Jacksonville game. The look of devastation appeared on all of our faces. For those of you not familiar with football, watching this game compared to our other options would be like ordering a burger when you can get a steak for the same price.

So we searched high and low for whatever bar or restaurant in the area might have the Sunday NFL ticket because for whatever reason Adelphia doesn’t offer it at my parent’s house. (Yet you can get the hockey package which makes absolutely no sense!) After calling around and then driving around, we ended up at the Winking Lizard on Miles Road along with 100 other people who seemed distraught by CBS’s selection. Wow!

There we were watching all the games, on 10 televisions right in front of us, right at the same time. What could be better? I will never be able to watch a regular game again. I am that spoiled.

Have A Righteous Christmas

Why do all the cool catalogs arrive at my door on December 20, just five days before Christmas? This just doesn’t seem fair. Last night I got my Righteous Babe Records catalog and there are so many cool things I want for Christmas. I understand I do not need these things, but I certainly do want them. It is ironic because I have had Ani lyrics running through my head the past couple days from Dilate:

So I’ll walk the plank
And I’ll jump with a smile
If I’m gonna go down
I’m gonna to do it in style
And you won’t see me surrender
You won’t hear me confess
Because you’ve left me with nothing
But I’ve worked with less

Such a fine holiday jingle for this time of year.

Is There A Podiatrist In The House?

Remember that fall I took three weeks ago to celebrate Thanksgiving weekend?Apparently some injuries decided to wait before materializing. Last week my right foot began to swell up and throb with pain. I had no idea what was happening. I made an appointment with a podiatrist and found out today the ramifications from that fall were a lot worse then originally suspected.

Before I let you know what happened, I have to share the irony of the doctor I chose. When I made my appointment through my insurance company earlier this week they told me the name of the doctor. She just happened to be the one who threw that crazy party two weeks ago. However because she was already passed out when I got there, she never saw me and didn’t recognize me this morning. When she was telling me about her house today, I so wanted to say: “Yeah I know I was there dancing with some crazy black men two weeks ago smoking in your kitchen and drinking your top shelf liquor.” Instead, I just sat there without saying anything.

As for my foot, I have Plantar Fascitis, Peroneal Tendonitis and Capsulitis. In essence my ligaments and tendons are all messed up. I now have to spend the next six weeks wearing a brace and going to physical therapy. I should sue the owners of that house where I fell. On second thought, Christmas is coming up and I should probably not bring any lawsuits against my parents.

Hope You Were Hungry Enough To Eat Those Words

Last week my father received an e-mail from our closest competition in our fantasy football league. The e-mail congratulated my father on a great season and went on to say how the two oldest guys in the league were beating all the younger guys. My dad thanked him for the e-mail and told him the following: My daughter is the brains of our team. He replied back with the following: Tell your daughter to stay in the kitchen where she belongs next week.

Next week has come and gone and we defeated this gentleman handedly this past weekend to take the overall points lead into the playoffs next week. So now I must ask him: Who belongs in the kitchen now?

All The Sudden, I Love Commercials

On Sunday, I stopped in my tracks and couldn't stop staring at my television screen. Could it really be possible? Four different versions of LeBron? Check it out for yourself if you haven't seen it by clicking on the above link.

Operation Bridesmaid Dress

When I send Mindy a text message saying: "All shaved up and ready to go!" it can only mean one thing: we are about to go dress shopping. While no dress was purchased on Saturday, there was a lot of progress made with styles and colors. Hopefully the next time out will not be quite as painful. Perhaps painful is too harsh a word. Awkward would best describe my shopping experience on Saturday. It was like whole a new world out there in the dress department.

Some quick notes from the experience:
When asked for your dress size, 36/30 is not the correct response.

The holiday help working for a very small commission is crazy. Apparently she didn’t realize it took twenty minutes for me to get in and out of these things and she kept coming back to see how things were going.

The husbands felt for me. As Mindy came back to see how things were going, I jokingly said: “I hope you realize I am missing the Texas/Duke game for this.” When they heard this, they also seemed to realize they were missing the same game. However when they looked up at me and saw me in whatever dress I was in, they seemed to be saying to themselves: We may be missing the game as well but at least we aren’t in there trying on dresses.

Another interesting note is that a 14W is going to fit you the same as a 22P. This confused me even more.

After an hour, we were ready for a drink.

I also found out, you are not only shopping for a dress because in order to complete the ensemble, you must also have new shoes and perhaps even some jewelry.

This is going to be a long five weeks.

Good Show, Great Bathroom

The Gwen Stefani concert last night was a lot of fun and even better than I thought it would be. She played all her hits and probably had ten different costume changes with a great light show and a fun dancing troupe following her around the stage. The crowd had a lot of teenagers but thankfully I didn’t have to interact with any of them as the loge I was sitting in was adult only. While I enjoyed the show immensely, the best part had to be the bathroom.

If you have spent a night drinking with me, you know I tend to go to the bathroom a lot. Some of my friends even call me “TB” short for Tiny Bladder. Because of this issue, sometimes it is a pain to go to large events and venues if I am drinking beer because of the lines. This was not the case last night. Our tickets were loge tickets so we shared a clean bathroom located right by the bar which was conveniently located right behind our seats. No lines and the bathrooms were clean. I was in and out of there in no time and I actually got to enjoy the show. This was probably the most time I have actually spent in my seat at a concert or sporting event in years because I didn’t have to wait in line.

I think my opinion of the show is a little biased because I had such a great experience in the loge. When people ask me about the performance, they look at me weird when I first talk about the bathrooms instead of the costume changes and set list.

First Time

We all remember our first time for those monumental events in our life. Our first day of school, first kiss, first job and so on. One of those monumental events in my life was the first time I heard Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani.

I will never forget that night back in March when a Drag Queen at Bounce ran onto the stage in a cheerleading outfit to the craziest song I had ever heard. Everybody went crazy and I had no choice but to start singing along myself. Before I knew it, I was sitting in my car at numerous stoplights spelling out the word bananas.

Tonight I will get to see that song performed live and I couldn’t be more excited. Two months ago I read a review of one of her shows by Dooce, my favorite blogger. The description alone has enticed me enough to want to see this for my own eyes:
“Her set was nothing short of brilliant, full of lights and costume changes and displays of superhuman energy. She had a few shaky vocal moments, but she was singing and running at the same time.”

The past two months I have been begging people at radio stations for tickets and telling my friends if they get tickets, that I would love to go. Yesterday my boss walks in and hands me free tickets in a loge. I can't wait! Look for my own review in tomorrow's blog.

They Don’t Call It Maid Of Honor For Nothing

Many of you know my best friend is getting married next month. What you may not know is that I am the maid of honor and all the bridesmaids rolled into one as both my friends will only have one attendant. I can pretty much guarantee this will probably be my first and only time as a maid of honor and I am both honored and a little scared.

The honor part is obvious. Mindy is my best friend and we have been through everything together over the past ten years. When she asked me to do this (actually I think she told me I was doing it but that is neither here nor there), I looked at her like a deer in headlights. Maid of honor is definitely not one of those roles I ever imagined myself in one day. I have now realized what an incredible experience this will be. It is one of those things I would like to someday put on my resume. I imagine future conversations would go something like this: “I look familiar? Perhaps you have seen some of my work as Mindy’s Maid of Honor back in ’06?”

The maid part has also become obvious. The engagement party is the least of my worries as there are apparently many duties the day of the event. I have been informed I will be holding flowers, both mine and hers and I will also be pulling up a bustle to the train of a dress. Before last night I didn’t even know what a bustle was and now I will be attaching one. This position has become very educational for me as you can see. I will also be wearing a dress of my own for the event. For those of you who don’t know me very well, I haven’t worn a dress since my high school prom so this should be quite a sight. She did promise me I wouldn’t look like a complete moron. However, I think I should break the news to her that I will look like a moron in any dress she chooses.

Mindy thanks for choosing me to be your maid of honor. I know in some cultures (like Cleveland’s east suburbs) women fight to their death for this position. I also want you to know I would not put a dress on for just anyone.

Say It Aint So

Just wanted to share my thoughts on the season the Indianapolis Colts are having. I have real issues with the fact Tony Dungy is willing to sit his star players and save them for the playoffs instead of letting the team go 16-0. He believes the Super Bowl is more important than an undefeated season. I beg to differ with him.

I was born in 1975 but you better believe the ’72 Dolphins is part of my vernacular. Everybody remembers the teams that go undefeated. However I would have to think for a moment about who won the Super Bowl ten years ago, or even five years ago for that matter. On the other hand, I can name all the star players and the coach from the ’72 Dolphins team. Dungy needs to realize if he wants to go down in history, he needs to win out in the regular season. The ’85 Bears are remembered not for winning the Super Bowl but for the one loss they suffered during their season. I don’t want this to be the fate of the Colts as well.

I will admit this is a little self-serving. My team has a solid shot at winning my fantasy football league this year. However, without the top players from the Colts defense and Edgerrin James, I don’t have a chance in hell. Please consider the little people out there when make your decision Coach Dungy.

Tis The Season

What an interesting weekend of holiday parties in the greater Lakewood area. Saturday night I set out with three other friends to toast the season with many other friends and some interesting new people we encountered.

The two parties we went to could not have been more different which is what I think made the evening so intriguing. As a short synopsis here is the difference between the two parties. At the first party, there was college football on, I learned some new anatomical words such as perineum (which I later referred to as Pangea) and watched a fish eat a live mouse and then spit it back out two hours later.

The second party was unlike anything I have ever seen before. I told my friends this party was going to be spectacular, but I think they still were hesitant until we entered. As you entered the house you could look in three directions. If you looked left, you saw a professional DJ choreographing a dance floor, which even Karen was initially a little intimidated by at first glance. To the right was a card room with professional dealers and poker and black jack tables set up. This party was a hilarious combination of MODA and the Nickel. If you looked straight ahead there was a bar set up with forty bottles of top shelf liquor. We arrived at 1 am and the party was still going quite strong for a couple hours. The best part though is that the host had passed out long before we got there. This always cracks me up.

So between the mouse-eating fish, the continent of Pangea and a hip hop dance party with some crazy queer people thrown in for kicks, the evening was quite adventurous.