Beer Muscles

You know when you are drinking and you think you can do anything? If you don't, let me tell you a little secret about myself: there have been times when beer has impaired my judgment and I thought I could do whatever I wanted. I know this is hard to believe, but follow me on this one. There is a term called "Beer Goggles" which means that after drinking enough beer, someone actually looks more attractive to you. I want to take this time to introduce you to my new term: "Beer Muscles". From here on out the definition of Beer Muscles is going to be: After having several drinks, you think you can lift anyting in front of you. Let me give you an example:

Two nights ago our new tenants (who will be blogged about very soon) began moving into our rental property, which is in the back half of our house. We knew there was a moving truck coming and we knew they owned a lot of heavy stuff, yet we still decided to have happy hour after work. When they arrived at about 8 p.m. that night, I will admit to not being completely sober. I will also admit that at this time I thought I could lift whatever I wanted out of this truck with very little help. The contents of the truck included full dressers, bed frames, bins of books, mattresses and exercise equipment, and I moved as much of it as I could. I couldn't believe how much weight I was able to lift. All the sudden that gym membership was paying off, or maybe it was the beer. I kept lifting and attributed my strength to the gym membership and not the beer. I was wrong.

Flash forward 48 hours later. My arm muscles are sore. Very sore. My arms are barely able to type out this blog. I had trouble putting my shirt on this morning. Even worse...I will have trouble lifting my beer tonight.

Die Republikaner Zählen Einen Punkt

I usually feel like a pretty smart person. I know I can be a little ignorant on some issues, but it wasn't until I traveled abroad when I realized how very little I actually knew about the world. When we were in Ireland we met people from all over the world who were concerned with what was going on in the United States. They asked us about political and financial issues because they knew they would also be affected by these problems. I never had anything to ask back. I knew so little about the world when I thought I knew so much. The people we met never looked down on us for not knowing about their politics. One Australian woman even said without trying to be patronizing: "We don't expect Americans to know what is going on outside of the United States." That was sad. Real sad.

So what's my point here?

Yesterday, Barack Obama was speaking in Berlin Germany. He seems to understand the importance of meeting with world leaders and speaking to people from other countries. I am glad he understands this election is not just about America. These people can't vote for him, but they can listen to his message. While Obama was in Germany speaking yesterday, John McCain also had a speaking engagement. According to CNN, McCain was giving a press conference from Schmidt's Sausage Haus in German Village, a small German section of Columbus. He really showed Obama who loves Germans more, didn't he? Is the Republican National Committee not raising enough money to get McCain overseas? One reason they may be low on funds would be this passage from the same article: "At the same time (Obama was in Germany), the Republican National Committee was running anti-Obama ads in Berlin, Pa., and other namesake villages in Wisconsin and New Hampshire." I can't believe I wondered why people thought Americans were ignorant toward world politics and issues. There is no difference between Berlin Germany and Berlin New Hampshire, is there? Score one for the Republicans (see German translation above).

Confessions Of A Lazy Cleveland Blogger

I will be the first to admit I have not been a good blogger this summer. For the one or two of you who have not given up on my blog, I am sorry, but there is justification for this. First I was distracted by that whole Ireland thing, then I started applying for other jobs and finally I realized it was summer in Cleveland. If you don't understand that last part, then you obviously live outside of northeast Ohio. Those of us in Cleveland realize we must try and fit twelve months worth of activities into four months of sunlight. It's not easy, but I have been trying to do this, which is why the blog has been suffering.

In the past ten days alone, I have traveled through most of Ohio going to bonfire parties in Wooster, pool parties in Rocky River and then spending three days last week at my alma mater, Ohio University for Ohio Brew Week. I finished last week off by attending the National Hamburger Festival in Akron Ohio. This weekend, I am looking forward to attending the Cool Cleveland Ingenuity Party, which is taking place downtown Cleveland during The Ingenuity Festival. Also coming up for those of you who like free outdoor theatre is a show called "Becomes You" which will be performed in Rockefeller Park this weekend and Edgewater Park next weekend.

If you live in Cleveland, you have to make up for the dreary winters and springs by spending as much time as possible outside during the summer. Otherwise I would be boring you with blogs everyday while sitting in the Winking Lizard finishing off my beer tour and eating wings all the time. Not that there is anything wrong with that: It's good to have hobbies.

The Perfect Bathing Suit

Buying a woman's bathing suit is an impossible task, especially when you just want something plain and functional without paying an arm and a leg. This brings us to Saturday afternoon. I was two hours from a pool party and I had no bathing suit. Nothing like waiting for the last minute. We found ourselves out in Mentor on Saturday running errands when I decided we should go to Great Lakes Mall to continue my search for a bathing suit. Let me first admit I have never bought my own bathing suit before. Somehow my mom was born with the talent to pick out a perfect bathing suit for other people, and she has always bought my bathing suits. With no past experience in this department, I had no idea where to even start. I scanned the mall directory looking for a woman's apparel store assuming that is where you bought bathing suits. Apparently you can't just pick up a bathing suit at any store as I first started looking at Sears, which had very little to offer. Time continued to tick away as the search heated up. My next stop was Dillards. JACKPOT! They had bathing suits galore and just the style I was looking for. I will admit they were a little pricey, but there was no longer time to think about price. As I picked up the bathing suit to try on, the electricity went out in the entire store due to a storm. There weren't even emergency lights that came on. It was completely dark. People were pulling out cigarette lighters to find their way through the store. The odd part is that they weren't kicking people out, so I went ahead and tried the suit on thinking the lights would come back on soon. There was some sun shining through the dressing room and I could tell this was the suit for me. Even if it didn't look good in the light, I could tell it looked good in the dark, and I could at least save it for late-night pool parties. I decided to wait for the lights to come back on, and make my way to the front of the store where I thought there might still be working registers. On the way up I made the following call to my host, Mindy:

Me: Is it raining at your house?
Mindy: It just stopped. Why?
Me: I am stuck in the dark at Dillards in Mentor with the perfect bathing suit. I am willing to wait it out for the electricity to come back on if it is nice at your place, but if not I probably won't buy the suit.
Mindy: Uncontrollable laughter ensued followed by: Get the suit, it's nice here!

Once we were at the front of the store where light was shining in from the mall, the woman in the shoe department said her register was still working, and I was so excited. As she started to ring me up, she found out her register was no longer working as well. I began to wonder if they would just take cash with the tags of the suit, but the ATM was also down, so that wouldn't work either. We had a decision to make as we stood in the dark with the managers finally telling people they needed to leave: steal this suit knowing the security system was also down or go to TJ Maxx. I hate to admit that this decision was a tough one. My scruples were diminshed by the fact I had found the perfect suit and time was ticking away. We did the right thing though and I bought a much cheaper, poorly fitting suit at TJ Maxx, which of course began to fall apart at the party.

Moral of the story: Always take a flashlight and cash with you when purchasing a bathing suit during a storm. (This is something most people would never tell you, which is why you are lucky I am here to help you with these future predicaments.)

Please Don't Pick Us! Signed, Cleveland Sports Fans

I came across an article in USA Today today titled: "Revived Browns to feel the pressure of high expectations." Not only do the Browns feel the pressure, I speak for all fans of Cleveland sports when I say: Please don't pick us to win anything. We aren't good in those situations. We never win when people think we should. This years Cleveland Indians team was supposed to go to the World Series and they currently sit in last place in the Central Division. Do you want more proof? Remember when Sports Illustrated picked the Indians to win the World Series in 1987 and the team went on to lose a league-worst 101 games that season? I still have the cover, which jinxed us, etched in my memory. As a 12-year old I completely believed the experts when they picked Cleveland. I no longer feel that way. I am warning the young children of Cleveland now about the Browns season because I am sure I am not the only Cleveland child who has been scarred by the experts.