Black Sheep

I checked my daily e-mail from Strickland headquarters and saw the following press release:

Columbus, Ohio – Roger Strickland, brother of Ohio gubernatorial candidate Congressman Ted Strickland, will visit the Allen County Fair in Lima Friday.

Has history taught democrats anything about letting their brothers blaze the campaign trail with them? Hopefully Roger Strickland will do a better job promoting his brother than Billy Carter and Roger Clinton (pictured).

East Versus West: Priorities

I may refuse to live east of the city, but for now on I will always go that direction for medical care in Cleveland. Normally I would go to Hillcrest Hospital in Mayfield for my emergency room care, but on Monday morning I decided to just walk the one block to Lutheran Hospital in Ohio City to get a small sliver of glass out of my heel. Four days later, I am regretting that decision.

One would think getting a small piece of glass out of my heel would be something that could be done in the emergency room. I watch enough cable programming to see almost anything can be done in the emergency room. What I found out is that the only thing that can be done in the emergency room at Lutheran is a lot of waiting and a lot of watching cable television. Ironic isn’t it? I spent five hours sitting there waiting to see a doctor. During that time, they took inconclusive x-rays and gave me a tetanus shot. The tetanus shot they gave me has now infected my right arm. My arm feels like it is on fire, though I am glad to say the swelling has finally started to go down after two nights of icing it. Nonetheless, the final verdict on the foot was that I would have to have surgery the next morning.

Tuesday morning I got ready for surgery by having a nurse try to find a place to put an IV into my hands. Three tries later both of my hands are bruised, but the anesthesia was definitely worth that small amount of pain. She kept telling me she always finds it on the first try and I was the exception. I guess that was reassuring for the next patient but it didn’t do a whole lot for my psyche as I headed into surgery. On my way in, my nurse asked me if I was related to the “Bainbridge Lieberths.” This was a good sign as I assumed she would never let anything happen to a “Bainbridge Lieberth” so I answered yes as quickly as possible. As I lay there, they showed me the piece of glass they took out, which I didn’t see but they swore they took it out, so I had no other choice but to believe them. It was like when they said the Tetanus shot would hurt for only a day or so, and they refrained from telling me my arm would swell up and make my bicep look like a tomato.

Two stitches later, my foot probably hurts the least of all my wounds. The bruising in my hands has turned a different color which I think is a good thing, and my arm doesn’t burn nearly as much as it has. My doctor who didn’t seem overly concerned said to come back to the emergency room next week if it was still swelled and burning. I have a feeling I will choose Hillcrest Hospital if that is the case. Not to mention the east side also has better Asian cuisine, so it is a good excuse to get some Thai food. Hmmm…better healthcare and better Thai food, perhaps I should consider a re-location. Nah, the bars are still better on the west side and in the end isn’t that all that really matters?

Meanwhile...One Tetanus Shot Later

I spent the day at Lutheran Hospital and apparently I will be spending tomorrow at Lutheran Hospital as well. It's funny how the smallest thing can turn into a big production. Long story short: broke a glass Saturday night, stepped on random piece of glass Sunday night, went to emergency room Monday morning and having surgery on my heel to remove remaining glass Tuesday morning. For those of you who read my blog on a daily basis, this incident did not involve a spider or a Swiffer Wet Jet through my living room window. I just wanted to make that clear.

Is This ESPN or Comedy Central?

Without ESPN.com, I wouldn't have had the following good laughs this morning:

1. Take a look at this picture of Maurice Clarett's car after his arrest yesterday morning. In his passenger seat you see two loaded guns, an empty bottle of top shelf vodka AND a lint brush. Apparently when you are driving around drinking straight from the bottle with two loaded guns and a bullet proof vest on you don't want cat hair and lint all over the place. I know where he is coming from on this one. I hate leaving the house with stuff on my clothes. You never know the impression this might make on a client or someone you are trying to gun down.

2.Then you have the sexual harrassment lawsuit against Isiah Thomas. The suit was filed by the former Vice President of Marketing for the New York Knicks, the team Thomas presides over. In the 12-page court document filed Wednesday, Thomas acknowledged he once touched Anucha Browne Sanders' shoulder, and may have even tried to kiss her on the cheek. But he insisted he did nothing wrong, reiterating his stance since the allegations were made public in January. He tried to kiss her on the cheek but he thinks that is okay. Since when is the workplace kiss on the cheek a normal practice?

Good times with our sports role models!

Bad Dream

For the past two weeks I have had the same damn dream. I wake up on a Sunday morning and it is the second week of football season. In both dreams I am initially excited because, well...it's football season, and then I stop and realize the season already started and I forgot to go to my fantasy football draft. Usually the realization I have missed my football draft is enough to wake me up, so the panic doesn't last that long. Nonetheless this can't be a good sign. Good thing my dad called last night to remind me the draft is September 5. Can't Wait! The OC Herons are back and ready to defend. Pictured: My dad and I opening the champagne after we won our fantasy football championship last year.

The New Strickland Shirt

Yesterday my new Ted Strickland shirt arrived. I am very excited about this particular item and it was made by a local who runs his own website. To get your own shirt please check out his site, Better Ted Than Red.

Best Week Ever

When I tell you my week started with Barbie in Fairytopia and ended with soccer moms, you may think that it was a quiet, family friendly week. Not quite. In honor of my favorite show ending for the season, I really did have THE BEST WEEK EVER.

If you read my last entry, you know last Monday night out with Barbie wasn’t all that family friendly but it sure was enlightening and the soccer game at the Wolstein Center turned out to be a lot more fun than we thought it was going to be. Couched in between these two events was a very long week of giving back to the community in my own very talented way: through eating and drinking. On Wednesday, my favorite watering hole, The Old Angle, hosted the Summer Restaurant Tour and gave 40% percent of the proceeds from that evening back to the Center. On Thursday, Union Station hosted Martini night and gave 60% of those proceeds back to the Center which turned me into quite the philanthropist. I don’t know if I necessarily recommend drinking and donating after this week. The reason for this recommendation is when it comes to the end of the evening and you ask yourself if you really want one more, you realize you are drinking for the cause and you have to have one more (and one more and one more after that…). Let’s just say I did my part last week.

Thankfully we took Friday night off to take out braids, my new favorite thing-that-I-do-every-three-months activity and Saturday evening did at least start out low-key. I felt like we were back in high school as we went out on a fun double-date that started at Johnny Mango and then headed to watch some soccer with free tickets won only a day earlier. I ended up enjoying the soccer much more than I thought I would because the original Cleveland Force legends played at halftime. I used to love the Force, so to see some of those players now was hilarious. After the game we decided to go somewhere we normally don't frequent and ironically enough we ended up in Ohio City. Touch Supper Club turned out to be the coolest place I hung out at all week with the DJ spinning for our table and the bartender impressing us with his talents. We finished that night off with a trip to Diana's, where a certain Cleveland blogger would agree their coffee actually puts you to sleep.

I do believe I will be taking this week off to recuperate and volunteer at the Center at night to get ready for the Summer Party. As if I didn’t already give enough last week…

By the way, the fun will be starting again on August 15 as Maria and I will be hosting the Summer Restaurant Tour at Momocho and don’t forget the Wing Thing on August 16 at the zoo to benefit Community Shares.

Apparently Barbie Can Sing As Well

It’s obvious I had a weird evening when the first thing I do upon arriving at work is Google the nationally touring play called Barbie Live! in Fairytopia. What was going to be a quick stop at Bounce last night for an appetizer or two, turned into a three-hour karaoke show put on by the performers of the nationally-touring play, Barbie Live! in Fairytopia.

Monday is karaoke night at Bounce. Usually this crowd consists of 10 people including the same two old men singing Better Midler songs, the two young guys who like to sing Kelly Clarkson and the woman who sings Johnny Cash. Every once in a while you might get a karaoke ringer or two, but what we witnessed last night was more like the Haley’s Comet of Kareoke at Bounce and we may never see anything like it again. After the first song, Proud Mary, included back up dancers, we realized we might not be sitting with the usual crowd. Sure enough as the evening went on, there were times we actually thought we were listening to the actual singer or even someone who sounded better than the actual singer. There wasn’t a bad singer in the bunch, though you could tell the pitch difference as they got drunker throughout the night. Or maybe you could just tell they were getting drunker because they started taking their shirts off.

We thought they might be from a local theatre but couldn’t place it. Finally I went up and asked the bartender who they were with and he said: “That Barbie show at Palace Theatre” In fact they weren’t local at all, they are currently on a national tour doing Barbie Live! in Fairytopia, a one-hour musical for kids. I for one am glad I got to see the evening show—I have a feeling it wasn’t anything like what they performed for the children. Look out Louisville, they are coming your way next.

Some Thoughts For The Week

I haven’t been the best at updating my blog lately, but it partially has been for good reason. On top of my usual laziness, I also took a little vacation out to Camp Lieberth for four days. Now that all of the grilled meat and vodka from my vacation has exited through my pores, I am finally able to update the ol’ blog. Here are my thoughts for the week:

Sunday will be the beginning of the 100-day mark for the Ohio gubernatorial election. I can’t not stress the importance of this election enough! Please go out and read up on the issues to see why this election will have such a huge impact, not only in the near future, but on Ohioans for years to come. I am going to do my part by mixing my fashion sense and my politics. If you know me at all, you know I like to wear t-shirts. Starting Sunday I am going to wear a Ted Strickland t-shirt in some form of another for the last 100 days leading up to the election. I am not going to wear the t-shirt to work but I will be putting it on in the evening or wearing it under things. Please do your part to help. Even if you aren’t going to help register voters or volunteer, at least get yourself registered to vote. Every little bit helps, especially when our President is helping to fund Ken Blackwell’s campaign against Strickland.

The Browns big signing on the offensive line went down with a knee injury today in practice. Most likely he will be out for the year. Is anyone surprised? Poor LeCharles Bentley. Someone should have told him about the Cleveland Curse.

Please check out the Summer Party being thrown by the Center on August 19 at the Ritz Carlton. It will be an incredible time, as always.

Is there anything better than fun childhood memories coming out of the blue? I had to drive my dad’s car last week and I couldn’t figure out how to turn the cd player off, so I found myself listening to Waylon Jennings. Next thing I know I am getting a little teary-eyed thinking about all the car trips we took when I was a kid and how much fun we had listening to those songs, even though I had no idea what half the lyrics meant. Funny that I haven’t heard those songs in years, but I still know every single word. The music made me want to keep on driving to Sunset Beach, NC where we used to vacation when I was younger.

My parent’s have a flyer hanging on their fridge that says: “The White Family Reunion” from my dad’s side of the family. Maria found it very funny. Enough said.

What Costs More?

It's time for a new game called: What costs more?

Let's start out with a simple one: one pound of turkey vs. two pounds of turkey at the deli. If you answered two pounds of turkey, you are correct.

How about this one: An oil change at Lube Stop or an oil change at Firestone. If you answered Firestone, you are correct.

Now the one I am currently working on: treating a spider bite or replacing the driver's side door on my car because as I was pulling out, I saw a spider, freaked out, opened my car door to get out, then realized I had to move my car out of the street (still freaking out thinking the spider is on me) and then slamming into the side of my house with my car door bending all the way back and cracking my door hinge off (you know that scene in Tommy Boy when the car door hits the gas tank...yeah it was like that) .

I will let you know the answer when I get my estimate, but I have a feeling it would have been more economical to just let the spider go.

Membership Doesn't Have Its Privileges

It’s about time I started putting my entertainment card to use. Last night I used it for the third time as we went to Pickwick and Frolic. This review is probably three years too late for most people, but I highly recommend the chipotle chicken and shrimp pasta and Maria’s plate was overflowing with the chicken chop dinner. The food was excellent for the price and the décor was fun to look at along with the nice ambiance, considering it was 10 pm on a Wednesday night in Cleveland we practically had the whole place to ourselves.

There is a whole world of people out there who discriminate against people like me. I remember when we went to Klucks and the waitress said to the table behind us: “I didn’t tell you those specials because I knew you would be using your entertainment card.” Also the server tends to look down on you when you say you have the card. They seem to think you barely scraped enough money to pay for the one entrée and you will never be able to afford to tip them as well. Most times I tend to overcompensate for this with appetizer, drinks and desert. In the end, I actually end up spending more money then I would have had I not used the card. If only people would understand how much their discriminatory looks and remarks affect people. Just because I have an entertainment card doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear all the specials or that the wait staff should look down on me. Am I not a human? If I am cut, do I not bleed and feel like everyone else?

The Oh in Obnoxious

We went to see The Oh in Ohio at Cedar Lee on Sunday and it was unsatisfying. If you aren’t familiar with the movie, it is about a husband (Paul Rudd) and wife (Parker Posey) who have sexual issues. They are joined in the cast by Mischa Barton, Liza Minelli, Danny Devito and Heather Graham. The movie had potential and the makings of a fun indie-comedy, but it was just obnoxious in some places, especially when it came to the location.

The movie was filmed in Cleveland, though Cleveland has nothing do with the plot and it could have been substituted for any city in America. The shots of the city are fun, but some of it is just too far-fetched to be believable. Some examples for your palate:

1. Posey drives over the Carnegie Bridge constantly only to end up at a house that would be in Strongsville
2. Every house on the street has a pool. Where exactly does that take place in Cleveland?
3. Barton plays a high school student. There are no high school students in Cleveland that look like that.
4. Barton asks Rudd to “give me a ride to Case Western Reserve University” Who says that? Nobody who lives here would ever call CASE by its full name. It was almost as if the university was paying her to accentuate every syllable so that researchers would get it right in their grants.
5. Barton worked in the biology lab at CASE which was housed in the Peter B. Lewis Building. Not sure when they moved the biology lab into the business school but again it was nice product placement for the school.
6. Posey sees her office and says: “Look the Terminal Tower! I work there.” Nobody in Cleveland would say that to someone else who lives in Cleveland. Unless it is 2:45 am, you have just left the bars and your best friend is holding you up.
7. Her office in the Terminal Tower is shown to be right in front of Browns Stadium in the movie. Must have been a weird camera angle because I don’t see how that is possible.
8. Rudd is a teacher in the Cleveland Public School System, yet the school he works for doesn’t resemble any schools in the Cleveland Public School System.
9. The bar scene took place in MODA. I find that to be obnoxious in itself.
10. Heather Graham played a lesbian who lives in Cleveland. I wonder if people are going to think all lesbians who live in Cleveland look like that. Now that would be cool.

It was nice to see Cleveland represented. Perhaps next time it will be represented accurately.

You May Want To Sit Down For This One...

I think I have lost that loving feeling for LeBron. While I realize it isn't all his fault, I find that I roll my eyes the more I hear his name lately and yesterday my eyes were opened to the bigger problem.

Last week my proud city was glued to the headlines to see if LeBron was going to sign an extension for the next five years. He was the only big-name star from the 2003 draft who didn't declare his intentions right away. Cleveland got nervous. And more nervous. Finally the news came through on Saturday he was going to re-sign. I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be. I didn't start jumping up and down. I just sat there and thought about the ramifications of our one-week-wait. The initial ramifications came to light yesterday when he said he was going to change the parameters of the offer, a first for a player in his position. Instead of five years, with an option out after four years, he is going to reduce both those by one year. This is his prerogative. The city of Cleveland and the Cavaliers would never say no to his requests. Even if he was reducing the offer by two years, they would agree. We have no other choice. We know this and so does he. In that sense I do partially blame him for my current state of frustration, but at the same time, I also blame the fans of Cleveland and the media.

If you need further proof of his magnitude, check out the headline from Sunday's Plain Dealer: "Cleveland Can Breathe Again...LeBron Agrees to Sign" In essence this headline insinuates this one player has a choke hold on the city. I don't disagree with that. I used to be one of those people, and let's not get too crazy here, I still love the guy but he is not the second coming (or even the first, third or fourth depending on your religious views).

It was yesterday when it hit me most people may actually consider him the deity that is going to change this city around. I received e-mail after e-mail from people who were ecstatic about the signing. People who believe a championship will change Cleveland’s misfortunes around. People who think LeBron is going to change Cleveland by stepping on a hardwood floor. I had a woman in my office yesterday who relayed her current hardships and her monologue to me went like this: “It has been so difficult this year. I lost my job of 15 years, I had to move in with my son and help raise his kids because he can’t find work either. The school system here is failing my grandchildren and things keep getting more and more depressing. Last week I lost two family members and things have just been really hard and I don’t know where to turn. I was starting to lose faith in Cleveland until yesterday.” I then asked, “what happened yesterday?” She replied by simply saying “LeBron decided to re-sign”. I know this is a hopeful point for her but I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. It made me want to scream out to all these witnesses: Is he going to watch your kids while you look for a job or even while you are working your job, is he going to put more money into the schools, stock your fridge or pay your bills? More triple doubles does not mean more jobs unless you happen to be one of his best friends from high school. Even if he does bring us a championship, what exactly will that mean for the city? Please correct me if I am wrong, but I don’t think Detroit’s economy had a boom after the Pistons won the championship in 2004. Our fans, like so many fans in working class cities, are blind to sports success. We are starved but it isn’t for a sports championship, it is for a thriving community. What I hope is that the people of this city actually know the power for change rests in their hands and not in the hands of a 21-year old who calls Cleveland his “hood”. Believe in Cleveland but don’t believe that LeBron is going to change Cleveland simply by staying here.

Sportygrrl=Sportygrill

The harder you work for something, the better it tastes. If that is the case then our meal last night tasted like the best meal I have ever eaten.

Maria and I had all our shopping done by 4, the likes of which consisted of hot dogs, bratwurst, burgers, steak, shrimp, salads and the ingredients for the now infamous beer margaritas. Tim said he would be over and add to our meat buffet with his boneless pork spare ribs topped off with Hoisan sauce for an asian flair. We were about to have the best barbeque three people could ever throw, however the barbeque gods were not on the same page with us.

With all our meat prepped and marinated, I went downstairs to light the grill. Except the grill didn’t want to light. There was a tiny little light but it went out. Earlier in the day I actually thought about how much propane gas I had. What are the chances I would run out on July 4th for our big barbeque? Sure enough I was out of propane. Time and the holiday were not on our side. We had to move and we had to move fast, except we didn’t know where to move to. I have never filled my propane tank in Cleveland before and the chances anything was still open were slim and none, yet we all jumped in my car and started driving west. 7:50, 7:55, 8:00, 8:05…time was running out. I pull into Home Depot where all the lights were out and the employees were walking to their cars. They told us if we drove down to the other door and begged we might get lucky. So we sped down there and saw a woman manning the propane tanks. As we were getting closer we rolled down all the windows and started yelling, “propane, propane, propane, we need propane.” She said if we hurried we could get a tank and she asked us where our empty tank was. Everyone turned to me and I said: “I didn’t know I was supposed to bring the old tank.” The woman looked at me like I was crazy and explained the price difference to be about $40 between turning in your old tank or just getting a new tank. We had a decision to make and we had to make it fast. Maria stepped up to the plate and literally took charge. When we went in to pay for it, they didn’t even know how to ring up a new tank because who would be stupid enough to spend that much money on a propane tank? My fellow readers please understand that when you have over seven pounds of meat marinating in your fridge on the fourth of July, you have to make rash decisions.

As we drove back to my house, with a full tank of propane gas in the trunk, it was almost like being in a video game. We could hear illegal fireworks going off on the streets around us and we all joked about the dangers of toting around all this gas on the fourth of July. Yet we were relentless. I got out of the car, switched tanks and went to turn the grill on. Click, click, nothing. Hmmm…click, click, nothing. Not only had we run out of gas, my ignition had gone out as well. Normally I would just throw a match into the grill, but my grill can’t be that simple. There is no bottom and we couldn’t find the “match hole.” Not to mention Tim and I aren’t the bravest people in the world when it comes to throwing a match into propane fumes. I got on the phone with my father and over the next 20 minutes I talked to all three of my brothers as well for some advice. Conversations that went like this: “Ok David this used to be your grill…think where the match hole is. Can you imagine how you use to manually light this grill?” No luck. Tim and I tried everything. We waved fired around the whole grill, made small torches out of paper to stick in every possible hole, checked all the burners, checked the gas and did the same thing over and over again. Finally, sweaty and gross from frustration and humidity, we took a couple minutes to let the grill rest and decided to give it one more try and this time it worked. FIRE! You know that scene in Castaway when Tom Hanks is so frustrated from not being able to make fire and then when he does it he is so excited? Yeah, it was like that.

We started grilling at 9:30. There I was standing in the dark with my neighbors smoky fireworks surrounding me but I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I could hardly see my meat or that I could hardly breathe. I turned on my grilling sixth sense and went to work (see picture above of the darkness/smoke surrounding the steak and pork). Tim and I spent the next hour outside grilling bratwurst, burgers, steak, asian pork and hotdogs and we savored every minute of it along with a lot of cold beer and beer margaritas which we have decided will be our new signature drink. If you want the recipe, let me know because it was awesome and didn’t take nearly as long to make as the meat if you factor in the trip to Home Depot and the hour spent praying to my grill before we actually got it to light. I hope everyone had as much fun on Independence Day as we did!

A Prayer

Please stop the fighting in the Gaza Strip; Please end the war in Iraq; Please restore New Orleans to it’s once beautiful and glorious form; Please end South Dakota’s ban on abortion; Please don’t let the Federal Marriage Amendment pass; Please don’t let Ken Blackwell get elected as the next Ohio governor, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, please, please let Jordan Farmar (point guard, UCLA) be available for the CAVS tonight with the 25th pick in the 2006 NBA draft.

It’s hard to believe my girlfriend finds my politics flippant.

Want To Get Rid Of Me? Here's How:

Help send the Wild Plum troupe to New York July 13-July 16 to perfrom Marla's Devotion, written by Linda Eisenstein and starring Denise Astorino and Maria Miranda. Props and some back stage management done by yours truly. So what can you do? That’s a great question! Attend the show for our benefit this weekend and do your part to help get us there to participate in the Fresh Fruit Festival. You have four different days to attend, so I don’t want to hear any excuses!

How To Prove You Aren't Homophobic

Chicago White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen called an ESPN columnist a fag yesterday. When other reporters went to the Major League Baseball office asking for a suspension of the manager, Guillen tried to justify his comments. He said that in his native Venezuela, that word is not a reference to a person's sexuality, but to his courage. He also said he has gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago.

I think he may have developed a prototype checksheet for homophobia with his remarkable list of accomplishments. I challenge anyone to see if they can beat out Ozzie Guillen to prove who is less homophobic.
Please check if any of these apply to you:

Do you have gay friends? Add two points if you are on a first name basis.
Have you attended a WNBA game in the past three years? Add two points if you went with a lesbian.
Have you gone to a Madonna Concert? Add two points if you think this shouldn't be on the list
Do you plan on attending the Gay Games in Chicago? Add 25 points if you plan on participating.

Good Luck!

The M stands for MORON

They say you should never meet your heroes. What this normally means is your perception of them can become diminished if they aren’t who you thought they would be. This rule also applies to me, but in the sense that I become a big moron and say stupid things, and something else about restraining orders but we don’t have to go into that part…ahem.

You always imagine how the encounter will go by envisioning what you will say or how you will act and then when the time comes, you totally flake out and become a bumbling neurotic moron. That is what happened to me on Saturday.

First a little background: Alix Olson is an incredible spoken-word artist. The first time I heard her perform, I could hardly move as I was mesmerized by her energy and her presence. I have driven far and wide to see her perform live, and three years ago I got the chance to actually meet her. Let’s call this encounter Moron moment number one (MMNO). MMNO occurred at a festival after she finished one of her performances. I went up to her like everyone else at that performance and told her the same thing everyone else before me had probably told her: “You are incredible thanks for inspiring me to write and express myself.” She thanked me and I probably should have walked away, but instead I froze up and just stood there with this blank look on my face. When I realized what had happened, I just ran away. Unfortunately the festival lasted two more days and I would walk by her and feel so stupid, hoping she would just forget about that very awkward and spastic conversation. Maybe she did, but I think I reminded her Saturday of that weird encounter.

On Saturday, I received a phone call from Maria. When I picked up, she told me somebody wanted to talk to me. Alix Olson got on the phone (I know...isn't that so cool!!) and the conversation went like this:
Alix: Michele?
Me: Yes? Who is this?
Alix: It’s Alix Olson.
Me: Really? Oh my god, I thought you were touring somewhere else this weekend.
Alix: No I am in Cleveland with Pam.
Me: Oh really because I could have sworn you were in California or something (Do you see how dumb I am? Why would I question her on her whereabouts when she is clearly in Cleveland, Ohio using Maria’s phone-let’s refer to this as Moron moment number two: MMNT)
Alix: No I am here and you should bring beer too.
Me: I am sorry… what did you just say?
Alix: Here. You should be here too. (Ok this is where I thought she said I should bring some beer, so I had to ask again because that didn’t make sense to me either. Good thing I got that clarified.)
Me: Oh ok
Alix: Well it was nice talking to you
Me: Actually we met before. I don't know if you remember. (Why in the world did I say that to her? Did I actually want her to remember that awkward conversation we had?)
Alix: Oh? Well I can’t really see you because we are on the phone.
Me: Oh yeah. (Did I think she would remember my voice or something? We can just label that MMNThree)
Alix: Well it was nice talking to you
Me: Ok well it was really cool to talk to you too. Thanks for getting on the phone and for being so cool with your fans. Maybe I will come up and see you. Are you going to perform…Hello? (She had hung up at the end of her last sentence, but I didn’t realize it).

Not only should I never meet my heroes, apparently I shouldn’t even talk to them on the phone.

Weekly Sports Fun

Its time to play everyone’s favorite game: Sports Idiot of the Week. This week’s contestants are Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers and JJ Redick, NBA hopeful and former guard for the Duke Blue Devils. It looked like Roethlisberger was a shoe-in for the award on Monday morning, but Redick made a valiant effort to trump him late Monday night. Let’s take a look at each case.

Monday morning Roethlisberger was hit by an oncoming car while riding his motorcycle. This is not what puts him in contention for the award. What made him look like the sure winner was the fact that last summer he went on record to say he would not wear a motorcycle helmet unless the state of Pennsylvania made him do so. Today he sits in the hospital with a fractured jaw, broken nose, a cut on the back of his head and several missing teeth. Ironically he only hurt the parts of his body which would have been covered by a helmet. (For the record, season-ending injuries from a motorcycle accident only happen if you play for a Cleveland football team. See: Kellen Winslow)

While it looked like Big Ben would have walked away with the award after having his remarks come back to haunt him, JJ Redick took it from his grasp. Redick, everyone’s All-American, found a way to out-do him. On Monday night he was charged with a DWI. This does not make him an idiot. What makes him an idiot is how he got caught (and if you know me at all, you know I have very little room to judge as far as stupid arrests go). Redick saw a police sobriety check-point and decided to do an illegal u-turn to avoid going through it. I have to wonder if the illegal u-turn to avoid a sobriety check-point has actually ever worked for anyone. He deserves credit for giving it the old college try by doing something else illegal to avoid the checkpoint. Surely this wouldn’t draw any more attention on him, would it? For this reason and for the simple fact he has taken publicity from the Duke lacrosse scandal, he takes home the award this week.

Tune in next week as we prepare for the NBA draft by chronicling all the failed drafts of your favorite Cleveland teams. Your hosts for the program will be Tim Couch and Trajon Langdon.

Genetics

People tell me all the time I look like my mother. I inherited her nose and her eyes. I also inherited her wit and smartass personality. There is one thing, however I got from my father which may top all of those traits. I grill like my dad.

When I say I grill like my dad, I don’t just mean the way the meat tastes, I am including all of my mannerisms as well. From the way I marinade the meat, to the way I keep walking into the house yelling “ten more minutes” (when I actually have no idea how long it will really be because I time the meat on whether or not I need another beer), to they way I clean my plate after I throw the meat on the grill, to the way I talk to myself while I am grilling, to the way I believe you can grill out no matter the weather (snowing, raining, sunny, hail storms, etc…), to the way I think beer and cigarettes are as crucial as the tongs, I am truly my father’s daughter.

I think this all hit me last night when I walked into my apartment and yelled “ten more minutes”. The weird part was that I was the only one home.