Fantasy Football Trumps Wings

Last week I went out for wings and beer to celebrate losing thirty pounds. I love irony like that. Last night, however I decided to make a healthier "wing" to calm my wing craving. I grilled turkey breasts and threw them in a homemade wing sauce I created, which was extra spicy and extra garlicy-better than any sauce I have had eating out and less fattening as well. I still had a beer with them because you can't completely cut yourself off from the whole wing experience. While the "wings" were healthy and the sauce was mouth-watering, they didn't have the full wing crunch that you get with fried things-go figure. I would have to give myself three and a quarter wings out of four for last night's healthy wing dinner.

As many of you may know, I have a certain penchant for fantasy football, and with my draft being tomorrow night, I am getting excited. While eating "wings" last night, Julie asked me how fantasy football works. You can imagine how my eyes lit up when someone actually wanted me to describe one of my favorite passions. As I started talking about the draft process and how everyone chooses their players, I actually pushed my wings aside so I could use my hands to talk. At this point, she said: "Whoa! Fantasy football must be pretty serious if you are pushing your wings aside." For those of you scoring at home: I do love wings (of any variety), but I love fantasy football more.

Public Service Announcement

I got an e-mail with the following DUI checkpoints in Cleveland for the rest of the summer. I have decided to post them because you can never be too careful. The one on Friday, August 31st on West 25th is only a block from my house. I was thinking of bringing a lawn chair and heckling people. Perhaps I will even go to each one and make t-shirts like a concert tour. Nonetheless, drive safely Clevelanders!

Friday, August 24:
1. Mayfield / I-271 - The briefing will begin at 10 p.m. at the South Euclid sobriety checkpoint at 4130 Mayfield Road; five police departments will be working the detail.--
2. Euclid Ave. - The briefing will begin at 11 p.m. on E. 185th at Neff; three police departments will be working the detail.Saturday, August 25--
3. Columbia Road - The briefing will begin at 11 p.m. at the Olmsted Falls sobriety checkpoint on Columbia Road one mile south of I-480; eight police departments will be working the detail.--
4. Lorain / I-90 - The briefing will begin at 10 p.m. on Lorain at W. 150th; five police departments will be working the detail.Friday,

Friday, August 31:
1. Royalton Road - The briefing will begin at 10 p.m. at the North Royalton sobriety checkpoint on Royalton Road at Abbey; five police departments will be working the detail.--
2. US 42 / SR 3 - The briefing will begin at 11 p.m. at W. 25th at Franklin; five police departments will be working the detail.

Saturday, September 1:
1. Mayfield Road / I-271 - The briefing will begin at 10 p.m. at the Lyndhurst sobriety checkpoint on Mayfield Road.; five police departments will be working the detail.--
2. E. 185th / SR 2 / Euclid Ave. - The briefing will begin at 11 p.m. at the Euclid sobriety checkpoint (location TBD); two police departments will be working the detail.

Lions And Biking And Wings...Oh My!

I did enough on Saturday for three blog entries, but I will try to fit it all in this one entry. I woke up to a beautiful Saturday morning knowing I wanted a new bike. I debated and debated buying a new bike, but it made sense to me to invest in my new hobby. I ended up buying a gorgeous bike at Spin in Lakewood. I even got to test drive it before I bought it. I think I spent more time with this decision than I did when I bought my last car. I took my new bike to the North Coast Inland Trail, which is an old railway that has been paved over for biking. We started the trail in Oberlin and went about 12 miles. The trail is fascinating because some of the railway markers are still standing (see picture with marker and my NEW bike).

After biking, I decided to treat myself to wings for the first time in a month. That's right...I haven't eaten wings in a month. This along with the biking would explain my weight loss this summer. I thought about going to Winking Lizard because I know what I like there, but I have already rated their wings, so I branched out to the Parma Tavern. I was unsure of what to expect from this establishment because I have never been there. The tavern had over ten televisions showing the Browns game with a full house watching the game. I thought it would take awhile to get our wings, but they came out quickly. We ordered the following flavors: Teriyaki, Hot Buffalo, Cajun and Garlic. I was impressed by how fresh the wings tasted, but the sauce was lacking as well as the spice. They did serve the best teriyaki wings I have ever tasted though. Overall the wings had great taste but not enough spice; the blue cheese was watery, but the beer was cheap. Considering all of these things, I would give the Parma Tavern three wings out of four.

Finally I would be remiss if I didn't mention the performance of Brady Quinn against the Detroit Lions. Yes, he played well against scrubs from Detroit in the fourth quarter, but Detroit's starting defense isn't all that good to begin with, so I am taking it all with a grain of salt. It was exciting and this town needs some excitement in a quarterback. I look forward to see what he can do next week against Denver. I also look forward to Bernie Kosar's commentary. He is the worst commentator in the history of sports. The man sounds like he just left a wedding reception with a great open bar. As a matter of fact, I am starting the Bernie Kosar commentating drinking game. It goes like this:

1. Bernie stops mid-sentence: take one drink
2. Bernie mentions the word "quarterback" for no reason at all: take two drinks
3. Bernie acts like he just woke up and just blurts something out: take three drinks
4. Bernie slurs every word in his sentence: All drink!

As you can see, it was a great Saturday, which might explain why I was so tired on Sunday.

Helmet Addendum

I bought a new helmet for my city biking adventures. Yesterday as I was walking through the house, I was wearing my helmet before I got ready to go biking. I went to close my bathroom window and hit my head on the wall, as I always do, but this time there was no pain. There was only the sound of my helmet against the wall. I then decided I should probably wear the helmet full-time. I would feel a lot safer not only biking around downtown Cleveland, but also walking around my apartment in Ohio City.

Bad Religion

Yesterday I participated in an Ohio City Biking Scavenger Hunt. To say I was excited about this event puts it mildly. I have been biking almost 45 miles a week this summer, and on top of that I live in Ohio City, so I thought I had a good chance to win the $100 dollar prize. I even bought a new bike helmet to wear for the event.

We got our list of things to find five minutes before we took off and then the race was on. Things started out well as we captured the Franklin Castle on our camera phones, and then we were on our way to Church Street to captue the St. Johns Episcopal Church followed by a bed and breakfast, the Glass Blowing store, a mansion and made our way to Monroe Street to get a picture of the cemetary. We biked quickly back to the finishing point and realized we were the first ones there. As I showed my pictures for proof, I quickly realized my picture of the church didn't save. I immediately jumped back on my bike and went as fast as I could for a mile and a half to get another picture of the church. I made it back completely out of breath and found out that we had finished in second place. Instead of collecting the money prize, I found myself holding a ten dollar gift certificate to a local coffee shop. I was in disbelief. I have since found the humor in the fact that the one picture that didn't save was a picture of a church on a Sunday morning. I wonder if this was a sign that I should get to church more often.

Yum! Crow Tastes Good!

I was mistaken. There is indeed a bed and breakfast in Barberton, Ohio and I was there on Sunday to make sure for myself. Sure...I had to be lured by the smell of Barberton Chicken, but I ended up at the CasaBella Bed and Breakfast that sits right next to the lake. It was a beautiful place and a wonderful getaway spot, but just keep in mind you are getting away to Barberton, and once you are done bowling and eating chicken, there isn't a whole lot left to do.

Just Like Mapquest

Many of you may be aware that Cleveland was flooded yesterday. My direct route home and the route of many other people in the area was filled with water, up to two feet of water in many places. My office let out at 4:30 because the electricity went out in my building, and I was excited to get home early. Normally if I am let out at this time, I get home by 4:45. This is one of the advantages of living downtown. One of the disadvantages of living downtown is that it floods when we get a storm like we got yesterday. Instead of getting home at 4:45, I pulled in my driveway at 6:30. As I sat in traffic, I dialed up my inner Mapquest and came up with the following route.

1. Get on the Shoreway like you normally would to head West toward Lakewood.

2. Sit still in traffic for 40 minutes.

3. Drive on the side of the road to the lane you usually get in to exit onto 2 West.

4. See the exit for 2 West (as pictured) is flooded and head back three lanes to get onto 90 East. 5. Drive through the flooded lane until you get on higher ground.

6. Get on 90 East and call Roz and say “I’m home free!” until you realize that all the exits on 90 East are also flooded, and there is no way to turn around in either direction because of the traffic jam.

7. Jump onto 271 South and get off to go to the bathroom at the McDonalds in Willoughby because of the iced coffee you drank before you left work.

8. Sit in traffic with all the other people who live in the East suburbs.

9. Take the exit for 480 West and head to the State Road exit which puts you Southwest of the city.

10. Get off at State Road and head home.

11. Don’t forget to have a small panic attack every time you are stuck on a bridge or under a bridge because of what happened in Minneapolis yesterday.

Once I got home, I jumped on my bike and went down to Lake Erie, which was quite calm. I can only assume this is because half of it was sitting over on the Shoreway.

Biker's Guilt

I have come up with a new phrase: Biker's Guilt. This is the guilt you have once you realize you are not going to go out biking, even though you probably should because it's a nice day. When I got home from work on Wednesday it was raining. I knew I wouldn't be able to bike, so I instead decided to have a couple beers, which I believe is the healthy alternative to biking. After a couple beers, it cleared up outside. I felt guilt running through my body as I realized there were still two more hours left of daylight. On Thursday, it also rained, but this time I just decided to get ready for bed early and call it a night. Again it cleared up, but I was already in my pajamas, so I was feeling a little less guilt. This is when I got a text message from Tim letting me know he was working out at Edgewater Park. I looked at the clock, looked at his text message, looked at the clock again and then re-read his text message. Within ten minutes I was on my way to Edgewater to go biking. I just didn't think I could handle any more biker's guilt (I was raised Catholic, can you tell?).

Last night as I was biking around I was able to bike over to Wendy Park which is part of Whiskey Island. What an incredible little untapped area in Cleveland. It's hard to find, but it is worth it when you get there. Check out this website for more information on Whiskey Island and Wendy Park. I actually found a way to bike there from my house, and I couldn't be more excited. By the way, excitement always trumps guilt.

Wings With A Healthy Twist

I have decided to start eating healthier. Unfortunately eating healthier includes cutting back on the good stuff. However a Sportygrrl can not live on lean cuisine and light beer alone, so I went to the Winking Lizard (WL) in Independence for Wings. I present to you Wing Ranking System Part 2.

Every Monday and Tuesday, which is how often I used to eat wings, the WL has wing night where the wings go for 35 cents apiece. The bad thing about wing night is that the wings are always overcooked. I ate wings on a non-wing night once and the difference was huge. On non-wing night you get fresh wings with fresh sauce. I actually asked a friend who used to work there why they tasted so much better on non-wing night. She said often times the wings are sitting under a heat lamp or they have to re-cook them. this was exactly how the wings tasted: overcooked and dry. The ironic part is that we had to wait over a half an hour to get wings that were overcooked and barely had any sauce on them, and the sauce is of course the best part of the WL experience. Everyone knows, or at least you do now, that you don't go to WL to eat chicken, you go there to eat the sauce. The wings there aren't all that jumbo and they tend to break, which always disturbs me, but I blame it on the overcooking and not the fact that the wings aren't fresh. If that were the case, I would have a hard time going there, so I must continue to tell myself it is due to overcooking. On this particular venture we ordered five of each of these sauces: spicy garlic, caribbean, cajun and thai. My personal favorite is the spicy garlic, but all of these sauces are great. If had to rank WL on sauce alone, they would get four wings out of four wings. Unfortunately you have to rate the whole meal, and on this particular wing night, I would only give the experience two wings out of four wings. I also think I am giving up on wing night. It is worth the extra quarter per wing to get fresh wings with more sauce. I can afford it now that I am allowing myself only one beer per wing sitting, which is the healthy twist part of the meal.

Quick recap: Winking Lizard wings on wing-night are not good, but the sauce is always good. If you want good chicken you don't go to Winking Lizard, you go to Barberton.

From Richmond To Barberton

This post is dedicated to my Aunt Mary who is nice enough to check my blog all the way from Richomond Virginia. My dad relayed to me that my Aunt Mary will be coming into town to stay at a bed and breakfast in Barberton Ohio, or Cleveland+ as many people now refer to Barberton. If you know anything at all about this area you were probably as surprised as I was when I heard the words bed and breakfast and Barberton in the same sentence. I decided to do a little detective work because I don't actually believe there is a bed and breakfast in Barberton. Keep in mind when you click on Barberton attractions, the only two things listed are Charger Lanes and Magic City Lanes, the two bowling alleys in town. Quite simply, it's an older quiet city, except when my aunt comes into town because at that point it picks up, and the local Sokol Club (no website available) doubles its annual revenue. Actually there are three things to do in Barberton: bowl, drink and eat chicken. If you aren't familiar with Barberton Chicken, I advise you to read this link. While I found a lot on the chicken using my internet detective work, I am still unable to find a bed and breakfast in Barberton. Unless of course you count passing out in a booth at the Sokol Club and then walking to Hopocan Gardens for some chicken as a bed and breakfast. In that case, count me in and let them know I want extra hot sauce.

Have Bike Rack. Will Travel.

Last Thursday we put the bike rack on the back of my car and decided to try some new routes. Our first trip out was to the Erie Canal Towpath that runs from Akron to Cleveland. This path was really fascinating because you follow the canal, which is mostly dried up now, on the same path the mules used to pull the barges. While we had great aspirations for the towpath, it gets really freaking hot in the Ohio sun, so we didn't go the whole way. On Sunday we hit the road again and went to Elyria to ride the North Coast Inland Trail which takes you to Oberlin. While we had great aspirations, it gets really freaking hot in the Ohio sun, and drinking most of the night before at Mindy's pool party didn't help much either, so we turned our dehydrated selves around vowing to return. Eventually I will give up beer and it will cool down, though I guess if I am giving up beer, it will probably be a cold day in hell. That would be a fun bike path too!

Good Advice

Last week, my girlfriend received an e-mail from Cleveland+ about the opportunity to explore Cleveland with the chance of even winning tickets to go there. This seemed so inviting we decided to actually see this city of Cleveland we had heard so much about. On the advice of Cleveland+ we packed our Saturday full of Cleveland activities.

On Saturday morning we decided to do the Bridge and Subway Tour on the Veterans Memorial Bridge, which is only a few blocks from my house. This free tour allows people to explore the old streetcar routes in Cleveland. You start out by going underground to see the old subway stops, watch a historical movie on streetcars in Cleveland, and then walk all the way across the bridge to the other side of Superior on the lower level-the same route the streetcars used to take. As you can imagine the views of the city were spectacular, and a little scary as you are walking over the Cuyahoga River on a thin grate with a piece of plywood. I have a "small" fear of heights, so needless to say there were a few points where I was holding on for dear life. One of the guides told me it was completely safe, and that he would know because he worked in the Cuyahoga County Engineers office, which relieved me until he told me he worked in accounting. After exiting the bridge on Superior and West 9th we realized we needed water and batteries. Being the complete tourists, we had the digital camera in full swing so we had already run through our first set of batteries. Even though I wanted to get batteries at the porn store on West 9th to get the full feel of Cleveland, we headed to Constantines Market, where we were asked if we were from Cleveland because of the camera hanging by its strap around Julie's neck. We laughed thinking we actually looked like we won a trip to Cleveland (thanks again Cleveland+).

After refilling on batteries, espresso and water, we headed down to explore the flats. I was amazed by how the flats looked like a ghost town on the east bank. Other than Larry Flynt's Hustler Club, there was one bar left and a hair salon.

At points,we were the only people on the whole east bank of the flats and it was the weirdest feeling, however it did give us a lot of room to take fun pictures of the river, the bridges and the scenery surrounding the flats, including the panoramic picture above. We explored the west bank which was much more populated before heading home. We crashed so hard after walking around in the sun in Cleveland for four hours, but we knew we had to re-group because the roller derby was just hours away.

Saturday night we made our monthly trek to the North Olmsted Indoor Soccer Complex to meet up with some friends and catch the Burning River Roller Girls in action. Good times and Pabst Blue Ribbon in a tall can were had by all (except Julie who made thundersticks out of her plastic Bud Light bottles).

By Sunday I was exhausted, but I will never forget what a great day I had in Cleveland+, and I would recommend visiting this city to all my friends.

Marketing For Dummies

Last night as I was watching the NBA draft on Tivo*, I heard Julie say: "Where the hell do they think I live?" I looked over at her as she was reading her e-mail and said: "Who?" She then went on to tell me the Cleveland Convention and Visitors Bureau (an extension of Cleveland+) had sent her an e-mail to enter a sweepstakes to win a trip to Cleveland. The Grand Prize included: Two-night accommodations at the Crowne Plaza City Centre Hotel, four tickets to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum Tickets, four Ingenuity Festival One-Day Tickets, four Dew Sports Action Tour 4-Day Tickets, dinner at the House of Blues, and two roundtrip airline tickets on Continental Airlines.

While that package is great, I really think the braintrust behind Cleveland+ should at least start outside of Cleveland proper. Maybe try the suburbs next time. Those of us who live within the city limits, really don't need a flight.

*Watching the NBA draft on Tivo was one of the best sports draft experiences I have ever had. For an event that takes over four hours, I was able to watch the whole thing in less than an hour. I caught every pick and was able to stop for some key analysis and draft fashion, but other than that, I got to avoid all the useless information they dig up to fill up four hours of television.

One Night In The City+One Night In The Country=Day Of Relaxation

This weekend had a little bit of everything. I spent Friday night in Cleveland enjoying the company of old friends while I spent Saturday night in the backwoods of Wooster enjoying the company of new friends. Sunday was spent recuperating from both these events.

On Friday we met friends at The Garage Bar. My friend Alison won a free happy hour, which entitled her to free drinks from 5 pm-9 pm, while her friends were allowed a free drink, though many of us had more than one drink. The Happy Hour lasted much longer than expected as Mindy came up and met us for more drinks after Happy Hour ended. We finished the evening off with dinner and drinks at the Old Angle. We got the wings, and because I was so hungry and a little intoxicated, I would have to rate the wings with five wings out of four, though they most likely should have a three-wing rating.

On Saturday we got up and went canoeing down in Canal Fulton and became one with nature, or at least ran into a lot of nature with our poor rowing. After canoeing we headed to a country home located on 27 acres out in Wooster. We spent the night cooking out, drinking beer out of a can and sitting around a bonfire. It was a true country night.

On Sunday I walked into my house and vegged out on my couch for most of the day. In the apartment below me, my brother was doing the same thing. Now that we are all rested up, I am taking Mark to his first Taco Tuesday tonight at Lincoln Park Pub. It is a rite of passage if you live on the west side of town. After tonight his life will no longer be the same, or at least he will now know where to get cheap tacos and drink cheap mexican beer. Same difference.

The Wing Ranking System

Unless you are new to my blog, you know I love wings. I cant help it. They call out to me, and I consider myself a connisseur of different types of wings and sauces. I have decided to have a little fun with one of my favorite indulgences and create the wing ranking system. Whenever I go out for wings, I will rank them on a four-wing scale with four wings being the highest rating.

Last night we went to the Sports Inn on State Road. Yeah...I had never heard of it before either, but everytime I pass this bar, they are marketing their "Jumbo Wings" on the sign outside. Before even going there, I prepped myself for what might be in store by calling and asking about the sauces (I didn't want to waste my time going there if they had a bad selection of sauces). The woman who answered the phone rattled off sauce after sauce, so I was intrigued. The bar itself was filled with mostly regulars, and even though it is called the Sports Inn, there is only one TV in the corner to watch sports on. I wasn't there to watch sports, so this didn't matter to me. I was there to eat wings. The menu boasted that the wings were "Voted Cleveland's Best Wings" though it didn't say who did the voting, so I wasn't sure I could trust it. We decided to get a sample of the sauces, so we ordered 4 different kinds of wings: cajun, hot, hot ranch and parmesean garlic.

While I will not be ranking service in this blog, it is good to point out that it took us 40 minutes to get our food, and there was only one server for the tables and bar patrons. Also we never got plates or a pop that was ordered. Nonetheless, when the wings arrived, some of them were piping hot and some were room temperature which seemed odd. You could tell the wings had been overcooked because they were quite dry. I also didn't like the way they put the sauce on the wings. Some of the wings had no sauce and other wings were swimming in sauce. It looked like the cook just threw the sauce on randomly as they were being shipped out of the kitchen. Of the different selections, I liked the hot ranch followed by the cajun which had both a dry rub and wet sauce on it. The hot wings were bland and the parmesean garlic wings were too much. These wings were sitting in garlic butter and then topped with a mound of parmesean and then a mound of minced garlic. It was hard to even find the wings at first in the bowl. On top of all this, they came only with blue cheese but no celery and to me celery is one of my favorite parts. By the looks of the place, there weren't a lot of signs of fresh vegetables, so perhaps they didn't even have celery to serve.

Given the total package of the wings and our expectations, I am giving the wings at the Sports Inn 1.5 wings out of a total of 4 wings. They were much too dry for my taste, the meat didn't seem that fresh and the sauce didn't cover some of the wings. On the bright side, the beer was cold.

Writers Block

Every year about this time, I get writers block. It isn't that I don't have things to write about-this past week alone I have kept myself busy with biking, going to Pride, Father's Day activities, dogwalks through the Metroparks and a fun night downtown, including dinner at Fat Fish Blue. There is something about this time of year, where I just don't get motivated to write. I think it is because it is my "off-season." As a sports fan, June through August is my off-season because there is very little going on in the world of sports to write about. I am not a big baseball fan, so I will watch what the CAVS do in the off-season to improve, but other than that I am sports-free for the next couple months, or so I thought... I checked my e-mail this morning and got this message: "Your Fantasy Football League is ready for 2007." So much for the off-season.

Dear Sports Fans Outside Of Cleveland,

Greetings from Cleveland! I wanted to take this time to let everyone outside of Cleveland know that normally Cleveland sports team are much better losers than what the CAVS showed last night in San Antonio. I feel the CAVS misrepresented so many years of heartache by getting blown out in Game 2 of the NBA Finals. It is not normal for us to go down by so much so quickly. Normally we keep the big game close and then blow it in the end. Please see: the fumble, the drive, the shot and the blown save.

How I Spent My Time In Between CAVS Games

From Kenny Chesney going home with me to biking through the metroparks, the three days in between CAVS games were jam-packed.


After the game on Thursday we bar hopped around Lakewood where we ended the night carrying home a life-size cut-out of Kenny Chesney. When my friend saw the cut-out by the DJ booth she told me she wanted it, so I decided to slide it out the window into the bushes to get on our way out. Operation Kenny Chesney was successful, and it began quite an eventful weekend.

A couple months ago, I took a personality quiz that told me I didn't appreciate art. After this weekend I scoff at that quiz. On Friday we met some friends for dinner at Momocho, where we got the margarita and guacamole samplers before heading off to Just Art. Just Art was a show curated by one of my best friends during the Tremont Art Walk. Just Art benefited Greater Cleveland Community Shares, which is an organization close to my heart because of all the work they do for non-profit organizations in Cleveland. On Saturday we headed south to attend the Columbus Art Festival. After the festival, I ate authentic ethiopian for the first time in my life. I am not one to shy away from most foods, so it was a fun experience. After dinner, we took advantage of being in a different city and went to the Columbus roller derby. On the drive home we decided we were craving wings, but it was too late to do anything about our craving.

On Sunday morning our craving was taken care of when we decided to have Sunday brunch at the Winking Lizard. Thankfully we beat the church crowds there. After some wings and beer (pictured), I went home to clean and then headed out for a 10-mile bike ride at the Metroparks. Apparently the best time to bike is right before a CAVS game because there were very few people on the bike path. Even though I tried to keep myself busy in anticipation of Game 2, the result for the CAVS was still the same. I am looking forward to game 3, but I don't think I will be nearly as busy in between games.

Maybe Next Year, Eh?

I hardly ever pay attention to the Stanley Cup Finals in hockey. This is true for many Americans. Canadians on the other hand are a different breed. They live and breathe hockey there as I found out on my recent trip to Toronto when I overheard a conversation at breakfast. What I heard was a conversation regarding hockey between an elderly woman and a gay man (see: everyone there loves hockey!). She was saying things like (sorry I cant do the accent on the blog): "We HAVE to do it this year. We HAVE to bring the trophy back here where it belongs." I was amazed by how she kept going on and on, while I, an avid sports fan, didn't have any idea who was even playing in the finals. Unfortunately for that woman and almost every other Canadian, the Anaheim Ducks beat the Ottawa Senators last night to keep the cup here in America where it has been since 1993. I almost feel bad for all the Canadians who don't think Americans deserve to win hockey championships because we probably don't. With this being said, I think Canada should change its national anthem from O Canada to Aw Canada.

Leave Us Alone

I graduated with an undergraduate degree in public relations, which is going to make this next sentiment seem really strange, but the Cavaliers are getting too much press. I love the CAVS. This is no secret. Everyone in Cleveland it seems loves the CAVS, and now everyone in the country seems to love the CAVS, so what is my problem? The problem is if Cleveland is going to be a viable underdog, they can't do it with so much press. Everytime I turn around a so-called expert is picking the CAVS, interviewing LeBron James, asking the Spurs how they can possibly match up with the CAVS. We have moved from underdog, to trendy underdog to the trendy pick to win it all since our clinching victory over Detroit.

Give us a chance to be the underdog in this series. Nobody thought we could beat Detroit this year, which made that series victory so sweet. If people start picking us to win this thing, they curse us and they take away the glamour of Cleveland being the underdog. Let us be the Detroit Pistons of 2004. If you recall nobody picked them to beat the Lakers that year, and when they did they became everyone's favorite underdog. I even cheered for them and I have always hated the Pistons. At this point I would like the national media to just leave us alone, to not like us, to not pick us to win it all. Don't curse Cinderella before midnight even arrives. We already have enough curses to overcome just by playing in Cleveland.

*As a sidenote, I do not care what we do against the Spurs. Beating the Pistons in 6 games was sweet enough for me.

Cleveland+ Is Smiling This Morning

Sportygrrl Went To Toronto And All You Get Is This Lousy Blog Entry

I am back in the states (I have always wanted to say that) after being tourist extraordinaire in Canada and Western New York the past couple days. There were many attractions visited and much beer drank in a short amount of time, but I am sure I remember enough of it to pass on.

On Thursday we arrived at our crazy bed and breakfast. We were greeted by a large deer head, a crazy umbrella and hat collection and the most eccentric collection of stuff that followed us all over the house. Our room actually ended up being the whole third floor of an old victorian house with our own private bathroom that had a hot tub and a private rooftop deck that allowed you to see the city skyline. One amenity that was not mentioned on the website was that we were right across the street from The Beer Store-that was quite a bonus.

We actually didn't spend much time at the bed and breakfast because every morning after breakfast-a huge spread of eggs, potatoes, sausage, bacon and fresh fruit-we headed out on our urban adventure. Our first night there we ate at the oldest restaurant in the city called the Senator Diner, where I got the Macaroni and Cheese that came with homemade ketchup-everything in Canada is served with ketchup, which is why I loved this trip so much! After dinner, we went to see Evil Dead The Musical, on our walk home we spotted the CAVS game from outside a bar called The Beer Cellar, and went in for a couple of beers and finished watching the game. On Friday we went out on our much-anticipated double-decker bus tour around the city, made a quick stop at the CN Tower, ate lunch at the best thai restaurant in the city, Green Mango, adventured around the West side of the city in search of hats and books and caught a French fim that night at the local film festival. On Saturday there was an event called Doors Open Toronto, where most of the buildings in the city opened their doors for tours. We chose to tour the old Distillery section of town, which was followed by a self-guided tour through the south side of town straight to the Steam Whistle Brewery. At the brewery we were allowed unlimited beer and access to the old-fashioned photo booth where I seized the opportunity to take my picture while drinking beer. After the Steam Whistle we headed back to enjoy some beverages from The Beer Store, took advantage of a sunny day on the rooftop deck and then headed out for the night. We had a magnificent dinner at a restaurant called Hair of the Dog, where we enjoyed calamari, peppercorn ribeye steak and lamb stew. From there we were let into a concert free of charge just because we got there late. We were able to catch a group we were interested in seeing all weekend called Kids on TV, a crazy queer punk, electric band that was incredibly engaging. We had just enough money for the cab to make it back to our bed and breakfast that evening, which showed that we used all of our Canadian resources to the fullest. We headed out of the city on Sunday to do some last minute things, like pick up some funny t-shirts and our favorite alcoholic beverages to take back with us.

We weren't quite done being tourists as a we made a pit-stop in Niagara Falls. This is where my nerdy side came out, because I was determined to catch a movie on the history of Niagara Falls at the visitor center. After the typical pictures that everyone takes at the falls and the movie, we headed south to Buffalo to eat at The Anchor, the birthplace of wings. As you may know from my many previous entries on this blog, I am a huge lover of chicken wings, so visiting this place was better than many of the attractions we caught in Toronto. After filling ourselves with wings and spilling sauce on myself, we headed back to Cleveland where the skyline looked so small in comparison to Toronto. However, it was good to be home for Memorial Day to cook out, while still enjoying the fruits of our trip by drinking the Canadian beer we bought on our way out of the country. Shhh...don't tell border patrol!

Cleveland's Great, But It's Time For A Vacation!

This past weekend I tried two new experiences that made me realize how much I love living in Cleveland. On Saturday we went to the roller derby. If you get the chance I highly recommend catching a bout next month in North Olmsted. (Technically if its taking place in North Olmsted, I guess its really Cleveland+) This experience is the most fun you can have at an indoor soccer complex drinking beer out of a can watching women skate around in circles trying to knock each other down. On Sunday we decided to take a more sophisticated approach to the city as we walked around my neighborhood and did the Ohio City Home Tour.

While I love the summertime in Cleveland, it is time for a small break, so I will be spending this Memorial Day Weekend in Toronto. Tomorrow at this time I will be laying out on the sandy beaches of Toronto breathing in the fresh air coming off of Lake Ontario. Wait...thats not right. Tomorrow at this time I will be at the duty free buying cheap bottles of my favorite vodka. Either way, I am looking forward to getting away for a couple days. A full update should be expected upon my return. Have a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day Weekend!

If You Or Someone You Know Myspaces...You Should Read This

Yes I have a myspace page. Yes I am 31 years old. No I am not a sexual predator.

With that said, I know I am a little old to have a myspace page, but I promise I don't use it for creepy reasons (well I guess that depends on how you define creepy). I know a lot of other people my age with a myspace page who use it as flippantly as I use mine. I never thought twice about it until I read this article on the dangers of myspace. I always thought that if I wasnt a naive teenager I would be safe on myspace, and I could ignore all those warnings about how dangerous this website could be. Apparently I was wrong. It really does get you thinking about how you should limit the number of drunk pictures you post of yourself on-line...

Only At Wal-Mart

I am proud to say I don't go to Wal-Mart very often, but I am ashamed to say when I do go, I get sucked in for hours. Once inside, all my political views go right out the door when I see their prices and the intriguing deals only Wal-Mart can offer. I have never seen things packaged together like they are at Wal-Mart. The shampoo comes with hair gel for $4.89, and the body soap comes with lotion for only $3.94. My favorite combo had to be the box of tampons I saw with a free tube of Banana Boat Glow Face. Along with your tampons you get something described as this: "Banana Boat® EveryDay Glow Face Daily Moisturizer SPF 20 uses self-activating tanners to enhance your skin’s natural tone." Can someone please explain to me how these two things go together? Somehow when you are inside the confines of Wal-Mart this makes sense.

Why You Should Not Drink At A Silent Auction

I got a voicemail yesterday that went like this:
"This is Cleveland Public Theatre and we wanted you to know, you had the winning bid from Saturday's silent auction (There was a long pause here that really scared me because I could not imagine what I had won or even what I had bid on.) You won the season pass to the Wexner Center for the Arts for the 2007-2008 season."

Apparently I bid on this item which I vaguely remember. What I find so funny is that the Wexner Center is located in Columbus. Somewhere in between all those free martinis Saturday night I must have thought I should be spending more time in our state capital watching more artistic movies and plays. The weird thing is that I don't really even do this in Cleveland and I live here.

Holy Gas Prices Batman!

One of the benefits of getting a new car was the gas mileage. However it doesn't matter when I still have to pay $50 to fill up my car. I am lucky I only drive 5 miles a day to get back and forth from work, but it's still crazy. Isn't there someone we can go to war with to fix this problem? Oh wait...apparently that's what we have not been trying to do for the past 17 years.

My Stylist Knows I Tip Better After Two Glasses Of Wine

Last night as I got my hair done, I enjoyed a couple glasses of wine during the process. I love that my stylist Troy offers up free wine while applying highlights, as we gossip about everything under the sun. This is one of the reasons I will probably never leave him as my stylist--that and the fact his price has not gone up once in five years for highlights and a cut. It is amazing I have been going to the same person for five years, yet unfortunate that the longest relationship I have had in my life has been with my stylist. It helps that it is a low-maintenance relationship (just like my hair).

I Am Not Afraid Of The Cleveland+ Mafia

I got the following voicemail yesterday:
“Looks like someone is too afraid of the Cleveland+ Mafia to voice their opinion.”

It's true I do believe there is a Cleveland+ Mafia watchdog group keeping an eye on blogs and feedback, but I am not afraid of these people. For those of you unfamiliar with this issue, Cleveland+ is the new marketing campaign focusing not only on Cleveland but all of Northeast Ohio which will cost millions in marketing. In essence the plan wants to incorporate Akron, Canton and Youngstown to lure tourists, businesses and to give residents of the area a big helping of regionalism. I wanted to take some time to research the issue more before I went on the record, or at least put it on my blog where 3-4 people could read my opinion.

Let me just say as a Believe in Clevelander: I am not thrilled with the whole “Cleveland+” marketing campaign. I would also like to say I believe in regionalism. The fact that Parma, Parma Heights and North Olmsted are considering combining fire departments makes perfect sense to me. Akron adverstising the Cleveland Museum of Art, located on their tourist site does not. Maybe Believe in Cleveland made me this way, maybe I am a Cleveland elitest now. Thanks a lot Hanford Dixon! I just don't get how this particular catch phrase makes sense. The campaign involves Cleveland and all cities within an hours drive (including my hometown of Shalersville, OH, which is a huge tourist stop now thanks to Cleveland+).

The campaign is saying to me, if you liked Cleveland, you are going to love Cleveland+, but what exactly does the plus stand for? What happens to the identity of all the other cities? Now Canton is home to not only the Pro Football Hall of Fame, but also the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? I do agree with the original concept of trying to bring Northeast Ohio together, but why make it so that everyone else rides the coattails of Cleveland? I think it puts unfair pressure on Cleveland, which is struggling to support itself, to support everyone else too. To me this whole issue makes Cleveland that kid in gym class who gets stuck picking kids for his team that he isn't sure about. "Ok, uhhhh....I will take Akron. Uh....Hmmm....Youngstown, and...let's see...I guess Canton is the only one left, so I will take Canton too." Now Cleveland is in charge of making this team win because the soap box derby only runs one day a year in Akron, The Pro Football Hall of Fame doesn't change very often and the Canfield County Fair only runs for a week. The focus on Cleveland is too much. To exemplify this, here is a quote from Kristie Van Auken, one of the branding gurus of Cleveland+ and The Akron-Canton Airport Director of Marketing and Communications, regarding the unveiling of Cleveland+. In her press release, she sold this great new idea by saying: "Did you know that the Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Cavaliers, and the Cleveland Browns are all within a 45 minute drive of the Akron Canton Airport?" This makes it seem that the point of the campaign is to let people know how far away they are from enjoying Cleveland. Perhaps we should just call it Mapquest+ (just don't let the Cleveland+ Mafia know I said that because I might just be a little afraid).

My Mom Always Hoped I Would Fall For A Good Catholic Boy

I will be the first to admit I was relieved when the Browns took Joe Thomas with the third pick in last week's draft instead of Brady Quinn. I didn't want Brady Quinn, but at that time I didn't know that I just didn't want him with the third pick in the draft. After watching Quinn get passed up by team after team after team, I began to feel for him, and then something even weirder happened: I wanted him to play for the Browns. As the seconds ticked down on the Dallas pick, I kept hoping Phil Savage would make the trade to get Quinn. When he finally completed the trade, I literally pumped my fist in the air. I couldn't believe it! I pumped my fist in the air for a quarterback from Notre Dame. What was going on here? I couldn't help it. He won my heart over as he sat there for four hours, so patient and calm as millions and millions of guaranteed dollars went through his grasp. I think during this time I even developed a little crush on the guy. Yesterday at work I had the following Instant Messenger conversation with my sports-talking co-worker (The names remain the same as there are no innocent people here to protect):

[17:44] Michele: i think i want a brady quinn jersey. do you think its too early?
[17:44] Bill: follow your heart...
[17:45] Michele: i might have a man crush on him
[17:45] Bill: really?
[17:45] Bill: You're already a Brady Bunch convert?
[17:45] Michele: i might be
[17:45] Michele: can't tell yet, but i like looking at his picture
[17:46] Bill: wow!
[17:46] Bill: I don't know what to say.
[17:46] Bill: have you blogged about these feelings, yet?

So now under my list of things to do, I can put a check next to: Blogging about my "unnatural" feelings for Brady Quinn.

My Dad Would Be Proud

Even with a tornado watch, I was still resilient. I debated grilling out tonight, but I still decided to move forward. I am glad I did.

It Was Bound To Happen

From the Cleveland State University Home Page:

Important Safety Message from President Michael Schwartz

I wish to share with you our response to a disturbing event. Some hand-written graffiti was found in a restroom stall in Main Classroom yesterday afternoon which threatens a repeat of the Virginia Tech event for May 12 – our commencement day.

I view this with grave concern and am taking every precaution to insure that our campus and commencement exercises are safe and secure and that commencement is the joyous occasion that all of us expect. To that end, the University Police have been in touch with the City of Cleveland’s Police Department and I have asked Governor Strickland for assistance from the Ohio Highway Patrol. The Governor has assured me of that help and I already have spoken to the Director of Public Safety and officials at the Highway Patrol. In addition, I have ordered that there be metal detectors at all entrances to the Wolstein Center on commencement day. You can be of special help to the University by keeping us informed of any suspicious activity and suspect behavior that you note or that may be related to this issue. You can call the University Police at 687.2020. We are determined to make our campus as safe and secure as it can be.

I appreciate your concern and, needless to say, I share it. As events warrant, I will keep you informed.

Not to make light of the situation, but after seeing this, my co-worker said: "Can you imagine if they acted like this with everything written on a bathroom stall?"

Generation Why?

(Please, please forgive me for doing this, but I am about to bring up that stupid Don Imus issue with the Rutgers Women's Basketball team...)
As I was standing in line at my local grocery store this weekend, I glanced up at the Newsweek with Don Imus and the Rutgers basketball team on the cover. The headline called this particular women's basketball team the next generation. I still can't figure out why they were termed the next generation of anything. Of all the people that were affected during this ordeal, I honestly think the women on this team were affected the least, or at least they were mature enough to act that way. With this in mind they aren't the next generation of protesters and I don't think they are the next generation of women to get harassed, because I don't see where one generation would end and begin with that distinction. So then what was Newsweek calling them the next generation for? They were innocent bystanders in a stupid situation. PERHAPS they are the next generation of innocent bystanders to be harassed in a stupid situation. That could be the case because they definitely aren't pioneers in that field-history has made sure of that.

My First Sunburn Of The Year

Yesterday was such a beautiful day in Cleveland that I decided I wanted to get out of the house and play in the sunshine. My playground for the day turned out to be the Lake Erie shoreline, which I always seem to rediscover every time I see it.

We started out at Edgewater Park to take pictures, made a pit-stop at a friends house, grabbed a bite at Max's deli in Rocky River and then headed to Columbia Park in Bay Village, all the while taking in all the magnificent houses along Lake Avenue from Rocky River to Bay Village.

We got some great pictures from Edgewater with the skyline in the background and of the waterfall at Columbia Park, which I kept saying existed but I just couldn't remember where.

This would explain why we went all the way to Bay Village because I was not about to stop until we found it. I was just like an exloper yesterday, though I probably should have put on more sunscreen. I wonder what SPF Christopher Columbus used to wear.

"I Think I Got A Speeding Ticket Last Night"

This is exactly what I said to my friends last Tuesday and everyone I told said: "You think?? Didn't the officer give you a ticket?" No my friends I wasn't stopped by a police officer last Monday night, but my premonition was proven true today as I opened my mail addressed from Operation Safe Streets. I thought I got the ticket because as I drove past the nice cameras on 106th and Clifton Boulevard, my car got her picture taken with three quick flashes and my stomach sank knowing full well what had just happened. In case I wanted copies of the pictures they were sent to me today with a nice letter telling me I owed the city of Cleveland $100. As I stood there wondering how I could fight it, knowing full well of my guilt, I just kept staring at the pictures they had of me coming, passing and finally from the back of my car going 15 miles over the speed limit. I just said to myself: "guilty as charged." There is a positive spin however because you don't get any points on your license when you don't get pulled over by a cop. So I guess the moral of the story is: if you are going to speed, avoid the cops and aim for the cameras. You might as well get some nice shots of your new car in the process.

Apparently I Blog Too Much

I walked down to The Old Angle tonight to get some wings, but the bar was full, so I just kept walking. I think I have been talking The Old Angle up too much and now people are starting to infiltrate my favorite bar. Perhaps I should say this: I hate The Old Angle and Major Hooples and The Winking Lizard (only the downtown and Lakewood spots), and The Parkview and Twist and Touch Supper Club and McNamaras and Lincoln Park Pub and Lava Lounge and Prosperity and Bounce. If you are considering going to any of these spots, you probably shouldn't (unless you are with me).

TGIF-Free Jukebox Style

I should have gotten a picture! I don't know why I didn't get a picture of the view from Major Hooples during the snowstorm Friday night. The view itself is gorgeous (see picture).However the snow made it even more spectacular. It would have been the perfect way to reveal what a great evening it was to live in Cleveland. Friday night started out in a local dive bar with what turned out to be a private game of darts, as my opponent and I were the only inhabitants in the place. Lucky for us that meant we also ruled over the free jukebox and the attention of the bartender. From there we got a fake distress call to go to Major Hooples, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite places . (Apparently my friends don't think I will show up quick enough unless they send fake messages of help.)

From our private game of darts on one side of Cleveland, we headed to Major Hooples located on the west bank of Cleveland to catch up with some old friends. While there we played bar bowling and got free drinks from the owner who also let us play free music on the jukebox. At this point in the evening we also got a message that the Detroit Cobras were playing at the Beachland Ballroom. As much as I would have loved to have seen the Detroit Cobras play, there was something about Major Hooples that made it hard to leave. It may have been my singing and dancing friends, or the free drinks, or the opening day crowd that had stumbled over from Jacobs Field, or the free music we got to put into the jukebox, but I think the main reason was the view of the snow falling on my favorite city. For those of you that were curious, the free drinks were a close second. Kidding...the free drinks were tied with my friends.

A Potpourri Of Clubbing Clothes, Peacepipes, Lunch Diets And Binge Drinking

I had so many things I wanted to write about today. Let me just touch upon a few of the highlights before I move on to the truly blog-worthy idea I found online.

First off, I had an interesting weekend working events for the women's basketball tournament. On Saturday, I found myself blocking the view of Geno Auriemma at the high school All-Star game as I was sitting in press row, and he of course was sitting wherever the hell he wanted to be sitting. I also scored tickets to the WNBA/WBCA after-party, but decided I may stick out too much to go. The person who gave me the tickets told me to try and blend in by wearing the clothes I would wear to go clubbing. I skipped that event. My clubbing clothes were at the cleaners.

Another blog idea was that I should mention I have started the Subway Challenge. Goodbye mayonnaise and cheese and hello honey mustard. I have decided to follow in Jared's footsteps and see if this six grams of fat marketing campaign actually works for lunch. That's right, I am only going to do it for lunch. It will take off the guilt from the wings and beer I will be consuming at dinner.

My original blog idea got bumped, so I thought I would just shorten it by giving a quick summary. Did anybody see that the Cleveland Indians played the St. Louis Cardinals in the Inaugural Civil Rights Game commemorating the civil rights movement in baseball? To stay true to the game, the Cleveland Indians removed Chief Wahoo off of their uniforms...for JUST this exhibition game. Doesn't it seem like more of a slap in the face to do that for just this game, and then put it back on for the regular season--ya know...the games that actually count. I think someone in marketing was smoking the peacepipe on this idea.

And finally the idea that trumps all others occurred just a little while ago as I was surfing the internet trying to find out the fat and calories in alcohol, to keep an accurate measurement of my Subway Challenge. I found someone else was doing a similar search, and had posted their questions for all the world to answer. I love this open letter almost as much as I want to find the person who wrote it so that I can hang out with them sometime. Enjoy...

"My favourite tipple is a double vodka with diet coke (the coke filled to the top) in a average glass served by pubs in the UK.
1. Can anyone tell me the average kcal calories content of a glass? 2. If I drank an average of 8-10 glasses of these on a weekend nightout, how many calories would I be consuming? 3. Would adding ice help reduce calorie content or increase sobriety? Or no different? 4. What is the lowest calories double spirits and mixer? (But withequal strength of alcohol)? 5. Does an increase in alcohol strength mean an increase in calories? 6. Is eating food (e.g. kebab, chips) after a drinking binge harmfulor not? e.g. helps reduce hangovers, or increases nausea in morningetc. What is recommended? Should I drink water before eating food, orafter eating food? Or both or does it make no different? Tips will be given for thorough answers."

I think I may have found my British counterpart!

This Is Better Than The Republican National Convention Anyday

Remember when Cleveland had a chance to host the Republican National Convention and there was publicity everywhere because of all the money it would bring to the city? How is it that the NCAA Women's Final Four is going to be in Cleveland this weekend and you aren't really hearing that much about it? This event is even bigger to me, but on a different level, and not just because it doesn't involve a lot of republicans running around my city. On top of the lack of Republicans, it will bring a lot of big names to this city for speaking events, games and coaching conventions, it will increase awareness of Title IX, as that legislation will celebrate its 35-year anniversary with a three-day convention in Cleveland, it will also empower young women in Cleveland with events held everyday to increase knowledge of the sport and of women in sports, and most importantly major sports publications are writing articles such as this one to shed positive light on our fine city. If you love sports and you call Cleveland home, hopefully you will realize what a wonderful opportunity this is for our fine city. I am lucky to fall into both of those categories, and I am also lucky becaue I got a volunteer gig at the event for the weekend, so I may be a little biased.

Everything I Need To Know In Life, I Learned From The Cleveland International Film Festival

Just a quick synopsis of what I learned over the past week at the Cleveland International Film Festival:
1. Director Jamie Babbit raids the cd collections of my friends
2. Sigourney Weaver makes movies better
3. When a movie is about beastiality, skipping it due to extreme exhaustion can be justified easier.
4. Norwegian movies make very little sense to me
5. British horror films are more funny (in a good way) than scary
6. Romanians make incest seem somewhat normal
7. My alma mater, Ohio University looks good on the big screen even if it is surrouned by unnecessary irony.

And All This Time I Thought It Was The Beer Making Me Fat

From www.msnbc.com and The Associated Press:

WASHINGTON - The typical Chinese restaurant menu is a sea of nutritional no-nos, a consumer group has found. A plate of General Tso’s chicken, for example, is loaded with about 40 percent more sodium and more than half the calories an average adult needs for an entire day. The battered, fried chicken dish with vegetables has 1,300 calories, 3,200 milligrams of sodium and 11 grams of saturated fat. That’s before the rice (200 calories a cup). And after the egg rolls (200 calories and 400 milligrams of sodium).

So much for my diet of wings and Chinese food. I Guess I will just have to stick to the wings-at least those are good for you, right?

“I don’t want to put all the blame on Chinese food,” said Bonnie Liebman, nutrition director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, which did a report released Tuesday.
“Across the board, American restaurants need to cut back on calories and salt, and in the meantime, people should think of each meal as not one, but two, and bring home half for tomorrow,” Liebman said.

The average adult needs around 2,000 calories a day and 2,300 milligrams of salt, which is about one teaspoon of salt, according to government guidelines.

In some ways, Liebman said, Italian and Mexican restaurants are worse for your health, because their food is higher in saturated fat, which can increase the risk of heart disease.
While Chinese restaurant food is bad for your waistline and blood pressure — sodium contributes to hypertension — it does offer vegetable-rich dishes and the kind of fat that’s not bad for the heart.

So the trick is to order vegetables with your fried meats...that explains a lot.

However — and this is a big however — the veggies aren’t off the hook. A plate of stir-fried greens has 900 calories and 2,200 milligrams of sodium. And eggplant in garlic sauce has 1,000 calories and 2,000 milligrams of sodium. “We were shocked. We assumed the vegetables were all low in calories,” Liebman said.

Just like I assumed everything they served was low in calories. Now who is the dummy? Stupid researchers!

Also surprising were some appetizers: An order of six steamed pork dumplings has 500 calories, and there’s not much difference, about 10 calories per dumpling, if they’re pan-fried.
The group found that not much has changed since it examined Chinese food 15 years ago. That’s not all bad, Liebman said. “We were glad not to find anything different,” she said. “Some restaurant food has gotten a lot worse. Companies seem to pile on. Instead of just cheesecake, you get coconut chocolate chip cheesecake with a layer of chocolate cake, and lasagna with meatballs.”

What she is trying to say is stay away from the General Tso's Coconut Chocolate Chip Cheesecake.

The group says there is no safe harbor from sodium on the Chinese restaurant menu, but it offers several tips for making a meal healthier:
Look for dishes that feature vegetables instead of meat or noodles. Ask for extra broccoli, snow peas or other veggies.
Steer clear of deep-fried meat, seafood or tofu. Order it stir-fried or braised.
Hold the sauce, and eat with a fork or chopsticks to leave more sauce behind.
Avoid salt, which means steering clear of the duck sauce, hot mustard, hoisin sauce and soy sauce.
Share your meal or take half home for later.
Ask for brown rice instead of white rice.

What would even be the point of ordering Chinese if you have to follow these tips?

St. Patricks Day 2007...

...Or as I like to call it: Amateur Drinking Day at my favorite bar. This year we started out at The Old Angle, and as we found out later, we should have just stayed there. While at The Old Angle we got to watch the Ohio State game, even though they had to keep switching televisions for us, as the bar started to fill up, and we could no longer see above everyone. However the highlight of our stay there was a conversation I was privy to down in the bathroom:
Girl 1: I am so drunk on beer!
Girl 2: Oh My God, I am so drunk on beer too! This is so crazy.
Girl 3 (who stumbled in a couple minutes later): Oh My God, I am so drunk on beer! This is so crazy!
Girl 2: I can't believe how drunk I am on beer!
Girl 1: Me neither. I am so glad I ate first.
Girl 3 (from inside one of the stalls): How did you know to eat first???
Girl 1: I don't know. I guess I thought ahead.
Girl 2 and 3: Oh My God! You are so smart.

That is a conversation I never thought I would hear inside the confines of my bar. Other than that, let me recap the good and bad ideas of the day:
Starting at The Old Angle: Good Idea
Going to McCarthy's in The Flats: Bad Idea
However while we were in line for the bathroom at this bar, this stupid frat boy in a cableknit sweater yelled at the women's bathroom line to make out or tickle each other. At this point, my friend Allison said: "Does that guy know he is wearing a cableknit sweater, and that men in cableknit sweaters should never yell those things out loud because we will know he is gay?"
Going to The Harbor Inn in The Flats: Bad Idea
Going to West 6th Street on the advice that it wouldn't be so annoying because it was St. Patrick's Day: Bad Idea
Going to Cinergy on West 6ht Street: Bad Idea
Going to Panini's on West 6th Street: Bad Idea
Going to The Old Stand in Lakewood: Bad Idea
Calling someone to come pick me up in Lakewood so I could head home: Good Idea
Going to Bed at 8:00 p.m.: Good Idea
Waking up early to go to the film festival: Good Idea

All in all, it was a great four days off filled with a lot of basketball and a lot of fun. Thanks to everyone I spent it with, but next year I am staying put at The Old Angle for the duration of St. Patrick's Day.

Strong Enough For A Man But Made For A Locked Up Glass Case At My Local Ghetto Store

On the way to get wings last Thursday in Tremont I had to stop for cigarettes. While in the little ghetto store across the street from Lincoln Park Pub, I realized I also needed deoderant. As I walked up and down every eclectic aisle in this little store, I could not find any deoderant. When I walked up to the counter to inquire where it might be, the gentleman behind the counter pointed to a locked glass case underneath him. Inside that locked glass case I saw toothpaste, deoderant and body soap. I had to point at the one I wanted like I was at a deli. He then had to unlock the case to get my deoderant, and as he did this I wondered if I was getting some secret magic deoderant. Alas, it was regular Secret deoderant worth only $2.49. I laughed thinking how I passed much more expensive things while looking for the deoderant, but apparently there must be high crime on items used for hygiene. The only thing I could think of is there has to be some special ingredient in my deoderant used for drugs. If anyone knows a drug recipe using my Secret Spring Breeze deoderant, could you please pass it along?

Pro (Social) Life

As I was driving home down West 25th street past Metro Health Hospital, I may have seen one of the strangest events of my life. I saw the first man with a "Stop Abortion" sign and got the creeps, but kept driving. About fifty yards ahead at the stoplight there was another group of about ten protesters, and I was stuck at a red light looking at their gross signs. Keep in mind this had to have been the homeliest group of people I have ever seen. I always find it to be so ironic how ugly pro-life protesters look, but I guess in a way it makes sense. Nonetheless, I see the protesters walking out into the street where I thought the car behind me may have been yelling slurs at them like I wish I would have done. But NO, this is not the case at all. The protesters start hugging and high-fiving the people in the car behind me in a show of comraderie. I was stunned. I couldn't even move when the light turned green. I just sat there wondering if somehow I got stuck in the middle of some pro-life parade, but with much less candy and really ugly people.

Two Weeks Is Too Long

The past two weeks have flown by full of events and failed thoughts of blogging. To catch everyone up I got a new car, though it will never take the place of Ruby. I have to give a lot of thanks to my parents for their incredible bargaining ways as I am now driving a 2007 Hyundai Sonata. I also had to go to North Carolina for family business this past week. If only I had enough words and space to blog about the family events and craziness. Unfortunately you will have to wait to read Julie's book entitled: Does Crazy Sleep? which is sure to be made into a major motion picture or at least a Lifetime movie of the week sometime soon. I hear Meredith Baxter Birney is already auditioning for the part of crazy.

As for the next two weeks-I can't be more excited! This is my favorite time of year because of the NCAA basketball tournament (Selection Sunday is only two days away or 56 hours from now) and the Cleveland International Film Festival , which will also be going on over the next two weeks. This year I am actually lucky enough to have someone in my life to pull me away from basketball to see some movies and get me out of the house, or bar as the case may be. Do not fear, I have already taken March 15th and 16th off of work for the first two days of the tournament like I do every year. I am just glad those games don't fall on St. Patricks Day like they did the past two years. My boss always thought I was taking the days off to drink beer and go to the parade. When any normal person would know I was taking the days off to drink beer and watch basketball. I am obviously working with amateurs here.

RIP Ruby

I got news yesterday that Ruby's motor had gone out on her. It doesn't make sense to put $1,300 into my car due to the fact that she is ten years old, so I decided to let her move on to car heaven. She is not a person or even an animal, so my sadness seems unjustified, but she was my first car and I had her for eight wonderful years. Eight years that included her driving me downtown to Cleveland for work, living in Florida, driving back and forth to Kent on many many many occassions, getting towed away a few times for several mishaps and taking me anywhere I wanted to go, whenever I wanted to go. I am sure I will love my next car, but it just won't be the same without her.

Taco Twosday

Last night I met Liz for tacos at Lincolon Park Pub. When I walked in, I saw she was sitting at a table with two friends of ours that we don't usually hang out with on a regular basis. This translates to: two people who don't drink a lot. After I got my drink, I joined Liz outside for a cigarette. While we were outside, she proceeds to tell me she got a double of Stoli and tonic. This didn't surprise me because she normally does this when we get tacos. However her reasoning this night was that she didn't want it to look like she drinks a lot. She thought if she got a double she wouldn't have to get up as quickly to get another drink in front of these people who might think she has a problem. I found her rationale funny and we proceeded back in where our friends had gotten the bill and had a confused look on their face. They looked up and said: "why do we have two shots of Stoli on our bill?" They couldn't figure it out and I busted out laughing. Apparently the waitress put Liz's drink on their bill. The one girl looked at her margarita and wondered out loud if they put Stoli in there (this was a good indication of how little they drink), and I began to laugh even more. Liz came clean about her double and they looked astonished. As a matter of fact, they said: "who drinks a double on a weekday?" I decided to take the onus off of Liz and tell them I did a shot at the bar while getting my beer. They looked at us like we were from outer space, and left soon after. We stayed and got more drinks. It was Fat Tuesday afterall.

CARma

I had to take my car, Ruby, to the mechanic yesterday. Now that she has turned ten, she seems to be having more and more problems. While my car is being looked at, my father is letting me borrow his car that seems to also have some problems, which can best be described from our phone conversation yesterday:

Dad: Ok the keys will be in the car
Me: Great. Thanks! Anything I should know?
Dad: Well don't worry about all the weird alarms as you drive.
Me: Ok
Dad: There is actually nothing wrong with the airbags or brakes, so don't worry when the car tries to tell you there is something wrong with those.
Me: Ok
Dad: Oh and also, there is no cruise control.
Me: Ok
Dad: Also if you want to move the mirrors, you have to do it manually.
Me (At this point laughing): Dad, after we get my car back, you may want to take yours in to get looked at as well.

I Feel Like A Little Kid

We got word today that school has been cancelled due to the snow, therefore I have the day off. Yeah for snow days. Hmmm...maybe I will have lunch with Liz again tomorrow.

Lunch With Liz

I took the day off today and went out to lunch with Liz to a little hole in the wall. I had the veal-Roz will appreciate that-and she had a BLT. Just a normal lunch, nothing too crazy to mention...

For Scorned Women Only

I found this advertisement online and I laughed out loud. There is a group of scorned women out there who have had enough of felons and married men!

Happy Birthday Blog

Two years ago, the day after the Super Bowl, I started this blog when I did THIS ENTRY. Today I feel the same way, I felt on that day: So Now What? Now I have to wait five weeks until Selection Sunday when the NCAA tournament starts, and I have no idea what I am going to do without football. Last night when Peyton Manning held up that championship trophy, I shed a tear. Sure I was glad he finally won the big game, but my sadness was more for the end of the football season and losing my only justifiable reason to drink beer on Sunday afternoons. I do have to say the season went out with a bang thanks to my sister, Julie and Rozzy. I may want to stay away from Sunday drinking for a little while anyway after this weekend.

There Is A God And He Eats Wings

I am happy to announce there is now officially a wing night in Ohio City. The gods have smiled down upon my brother and I, and now the Old Angle will be serving their wings for only 25 cents apiece on Monday nights, along with $2 domestic beers. These are the same wings that cost almost a dollar apiece any other night of the week there, so it really is a deal. Last night as we left with a bill of only $24, we started laughing because that is usually the tip we have to leave when we normally go there.

Why We REALLY Got The Internet

I walked into the annex today and saw my computer was on a page with a history of NBA basketball MVPS. If you were to flash back three hours earlier at The Old Angle, my brother and I got into a small argument about how many MVP awards Larry Bird won in a row. I swore he didn't win three in a row and my brother swore otherwise. He did win three in a row. This is why the page was still up for me to see as I walked in the door, and this is the real reason we got internet access at the annex. Is there anything more satisfying than settling sports debates? I think not.